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Old 09-02-2017, 07:36 AM   #51
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Not a lot that can be done. Show affection so she doesn't think you're settling, and move along. I always wonder what they get out of the extra staring. Like maybe she lost weight since last time I looked, or there is something wrong with him I didn't notice.
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Old 09-02-2017, 08:46 AM   #52
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Not a lot that can be done. Show affection so she doesn't think you're settling, and move along. I always wonder what they get out of the extra staring. Like maybe she lost weight since last time I looked, or there is something wrong with him I didn't notice.
That's the narrative that I think prevails among those who struggle to accept this combination. I've heard so many stereotypes about guys who pursue fat women, or worse, end up with a fat wife. Usually they begin with the guy himself must be unattractive but when a guy defies that stereotype they move on to a myriad of others. I guess, "Some guys just like big girls" isn't something that resonates.
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Old 09-02-2017, 10:01 AM   #53
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"Some guys just like big girls" isn't something that resonates.
I think most people (except FA's, who have learned better) assume right off the bat that everyone else likes whatever they like. For example, my next-door neighbor has just opened his front door to share his musical taste with the neighborhood. He's a good fellow, though, so I don't mind. Besides, I have ear plugs.
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Old 09-02-2017, 01:22 PM   #54
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I think most people (except FA's, who have learned better) assume right off the bat that everyone else likes whatever they like. For example, my next-door neighbor has just opened his front door to share his musical taste with the neighborhood. He's a good fellow, though, so I don't mind. Besides, I have ear plugs.
I am cringing when reading this at post 53. Is there a typo or am I misreading this?
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Old 09-02-2017, 09:46 PM   #55
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@fuelingfire. The dog snaology is spot on for me. When my guy and I were out together I would notice women looking at him. We were an older couple both on our second relationship. I would see mature women notice him when he was animated and laughing, he could also charm any waitress or sales associate. I really avoided looking at other people as much as I could. My public game was to be as outwardly confident as possible. I am truly super sized. I can't buy clothes in brick and mortar stores and I usually have them custom made....that kind of Supersize. We would interact and I would focus on him to avoid the stares, disgusted looks, pointing and my favorite thing the camera phones taking pictures and videos. When I see a big BBW or SSBBW I always check out who they are with, what they are wearing and how they are navigating the world. Husbands and male companions get looked over. I personally am looking for that FA-ness that can be seen, hand holding, physical cues that shows he cares, and how they interact. As a single SSBBW I did the same. It feels good to see people that look like you do... that brief glimpse of Brigadoon.
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Old 09-02-2017, 11:39 PM   #56
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.......... "You know how when you meet other peoples dogs, and their dogs really like you because they can smell your dogs on you so they know you are a good person and end up being really friendly. Yeah it's like that but for you it's fat women."
That is actually REALLY PROFOUND! However, I think that not all women will react this way. I think some fat women have the impression that any guy interested in being with them has some kind of ulterior motives, and they are very wary (sadly this is often the case that the man is not a 'standup' guy).

My wife (blue eyed blonde, apple shaped beauty) seems to get a fair bit of attention from black and hispanic men. A store manager at the local Wal-mart (black guy) has schmoozed her a few times, including earlier today (she was there with our two sons while I was at home doing some work in the yard). As she went to check out, she was looking at a candy display in the main aisle next to the check outs and he approached her asking if she needed help looking for something. She said there was a certain type of chocolate treats she was wanting but hadn't found quite what she was looking for. Next thing she knew, apparently he is sending someone back to the candy aisle and picked out several types of the brand she mentioned. He comped her one package of chocolates and she bought another. Hmm, fat white chick, black guy , and chocolates - what a likely combination

On a more serious note, I recall back when the missus and I were first dating: we went to dinner at a nice steakhouse and were waiting outside the entrance for a table on a busy weekend evening. She was wearing a knit sweater, which was a little small on her and starting riding up her belly exposing some bare flesh. I remember (seared into my mind) a young guy from another party also waiting for a table looking at her and snickering - and she saw and was obviously disturbed by it. I realized the situation and was quick to hug her and hold hands after. It seemed like a key turning point in our budding relationship, and I can say a moment I will always look back on with fondness and pride.
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Old 09-03-2017, 01:19 AM   #57
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When I see a big BBW or SSBBW I always check out who they are with, what they are wearing and how they are navigating the world. Husbands and male companions get looked over. I personally am looking for that FA-ness that can be seen, hand holding, physical cues that shows he cares, and how they interact.
I do the same.
Whenever I see a (SS)BBW with male companion I check if there are any signs of FA-ness. I always wonder how this couples met. And I always have a smile on my face.

Besides I'm a big fan of fat love success stories:

How did you meet your significant other?
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...917#post750917

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Old 09-03-2017, 07:11 AM   #58
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@fuelingfire. The dog snaology is spot on for me. When my guy and I were out together I would notice women looking at him. We were an older couple both on our second relationship. I would see mature women notice him when he was animated and laughing, he could also charm any waitress or sales associate. I really avoided looking at other people as much as I could. My public game was to be as outwardly confident as possible. I am truly super sized. I can't buy clothes in brick and mortar stores and I usually have them custom made....that kind of Supersize. We would interact and I would focus on him to avoid the stares, disgusted looks, pointing and my favorite thing the camera phones taking pictures and videos. When I see a big BBW or SSBBW I always check out who they are with, what they are wearing and how they are navigating the world. Husbands and male companions get looked over. I personally am looking for that FA-ness that can be seen, hand holding, physical cues that shows he cares, and how they interact. As a single SSBBW I did the same. It feels good to see people that look like you do... that brief glimpse of Brigadoon.
I must have recently rep’d something else you said. I have a few times thought about using the Brigadoon reference on here, but wasn’t sure how many would get it.

I decided on my Dims signature because I love the quote. There is so much truth to it. Just like playing an instrument, exercising, and studying/learning. The more you do it, the more it becomes you or feels natural. The more I have overtly expressed PDA with a fat partner, the more natural it feels.

You actually filled in a piece of the puzzle I had not considered. I know I only catch fat women checking me out, when I am with a fat woman. That it might just be in general fat women, even more so for SSBBWs, might not look at other people as much in public. It’s kind of blowing my mind that I didn’t consider this. It fully fits with my observations.

I always check out who a fat woman is with in public. My gf and I get really excited when we spot a BBW hot guy couple, even just texting about the sighting if we are not by each other. I find it disheartening to see hot fat woman who is dressed very fashionably with a guy who is wearing sweats and a stained t-shirt, who looks like a 4 out of 10 on an attractiveness scale. Yes, he might have a great personality… I have seen it many times, and it sends a poor message. It sends a poor message to her and to the world.

My gf and I don’t refer to ourselves as a “mixmatched” couple, we are a contrasting couple. Mix matched implies someone is reaching and someone is settling. Neither of us are settling regardless of societal standards. Our bodies look very different, but we are both 10s in our book.

Despite how much I talk about fat women on Dims, 99% of the time when I think about my gf (or any of the fat women I have dated) I don’t think of my “fat girlfriend,” I just think of my girlfriend. It’s a subtle distinction, but I think it often goes unsaid in Dims.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:19 AM   #59
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That is actually REALLY PROFOUND! However, I think that not all women will react this way. I think some fat women have the impression that any guy interested in being with them has some kind of ulterior motives, and they are very wary (sadly this is often the case that the man is not a 'standup' guy).

My wife (blue eyed blonde, apple shaped beauty) seems to get a fair bit of attention from black and hispanic men. A store manager at the local Wal-mart (black guy) has schmoozed her a few times, including earlier today (she was there with our two sons while I was at home doing some work in the yard). As she went to check out, she was looking at a candy display in the main aisle next to the check outs and he approached her asking if she needed help looking for something. She said there was a certain type of chocolate treats she was wanting but hadn't found quite what she was looking for. Next thing she knew, apparently he is sending someone back to the candy aisle and picked out several types of the brand she mentioned. He comped her one package of chocolates and she bought another. Hmm, fat white chick, black guy , and chocolates - what a likely combination

On a more serious note, I recall back when the missus and I were first dating: we went to dinner at a nice steakhouse and were waiting outside the entrance for a table on a busy weekend evening. She was wearing a knit sweater, which was a little small on her and starting riding up her belly exposing some bare flesh. I remember (seared into my mind) a young guy from another party also waiting for a table looking at her and snickering - and she saw and was obviously disturbed by it. I realized the situation and was quick to hug her and hold hands after. It seemed like a key turning point in our budding relationship, and I can say a moment I will always look back on with fondness and pride.
Yes, not all women act this way. If I was running a scientific experiment, the results would be statistically significant. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but have discussed this a lot.

Good man, on the reaction to the jerk snickering! I think this reaction is better than going and confronting the offender. I think if they see you and your fat partner being happy, it can cause them to question their narrative. As well as distract her from noticing.
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:21 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by Blockierer View Post
I do the same.
Whenever I see a (SS)BBW with male companion I check if there are any signs of FA-ness. I always wonder how this couples met. And I always have a smile on my face.

Besides I'm a big fan of fat love success stories:

How did you meet your significant other?
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...917#post750917

I know exactly what you mean!
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Old 11-27-2017, 02:49 PM   #61
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I'm curious if this issue shows up with family occasions like Thanksgiving? That is, do you feel that family makes similar judgements in this regard?
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Old 01-22-2018, 02:34 PM   #62
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On Friday night, my girlfriend and I went to her favorite brewery. The place is pretty full. We were both dressed up. I was wearing a blazer, t-shirt, and jeans. She had faux leather leggings, and a exposed back sweater. We were at the bar, eating food and each had a pint of beer in front of us. Most of the time we are there, I have my hand on my girlfriends lower back. Some guy comes and sits next to me, and orders about $50 of take out food. I really didn’t take much notice because I was talking with my girlfriend. After awhile the guy is given his food and leaves.

Then the two guys who were sitting on the other side of him, nudge me. and say “Did you know that guy won the lottery?”

And I said, “No, why?”

One of the guys, “Well did you see all the food he ordered? He had to have.”

I said something like, “sure.” I assumed they were just drunk, and turned back to my girlfriend to resume our conversation.

After about 10 seconds, one of the guys nudges me. My rock-n-roll hearing isn’t the best in loud rooms. I though he said, “Are you my Uber driver?”

I am sure I gave them a funny look and then said, “No.” And again turned away to talk to my girlfriend.

It wasn’t until we left, my girlfriend was talking to our friends we met up with that she said what he actually said. “Are you her Uber driver?” Had I realized that is what he said, I would have told him off right there.
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:50 PM   #63
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Did I miss something - not sure what the lottery winner and Uber driving is supposed to imply. I wouldn't have been insulted - just really confused?
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Old 01-23-2018, 11:49 AM   #64
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Did I miss something - not sure what the lottery winner and Uber driving is supposed to imply. I wouldn't have been insulted - just really confused?
This is inline with the topic of the thread.

Lottery winner was to give to context of the conversation. There was nothing going on implying I was an Uber drive, and I am not saying being an Uber driver is an insult. Given the context of everything, the only reason to guess I was her Uber driver, is that a 350 lbs woman couldn’t possibly be on a date with a conventionally attractive male, so I must be getting paid to interact with her. It was a passive aggressive comment. It was meant to be offensive to my girlfriend, which made it offensive to me.

Every person my girlfriend told this story to also thought it was offensive.
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Old 01-23-2018, 01:44 PM   #65
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Ah, I see. It sounds like those guys are real idiots. I would hope my Uber driver doesn't drink beer before giving me a ride, let alone touch the small of my back the whole time!
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Old 01-23-2018, 03:26 PM   #66
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This is inline with the topic of the thread.

Lottery winner was to give to context of the conversation. There was nothing going on implying I was an Uber drive, and I am not saying being an Uber driver is an insult. Given the context of everything, the only reason to guess I was her Uber driver, is that a 350 lbs woman couldn’t possibly be on a date with a conventionally attractive male, so I must be getting paid to interact with her. It was a passive aggressive comment. It was meant to be offensive to my girlfriend, which made it offensive to me.

Every person my girlfriend told this story to also thought it was offensive.
Let's see... Replies, replies...

Perhaps humble; "Hard to believe she's into me, isn't it?"

Or enterprising, "Why? Do you have someplace to be?"

Maybe apologetic, "Sorry, man. You're too late."

Or curious, (in most innocent tone of voice,) "Where's your date?"

Or something simple, like, "Jealous?"

There are others, of course, but these are the simplest ones.
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Old 01-24-2018, 05:54 PM   #67
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Let's see... Replies, replies...

Perhaps humble; "Hard to believe she's into me, isn't it?"

Or enterprising, "Why? Do you have someplace to be?"

Maybe apologetic, "Sorry, man. You're too late."

Or curious, (in most innocent tone of voice,) "Where's your date?"

Or something simple, like, "Jealous?"

There are others, of course, but these are the simplest ones.
As much as I like most of these I am of the mindset that it’s better not to indulge stupid people. Of course that can change if my wife notices the insults the way FF’s girlfriend did. Even then I’d follow her lead and if she deems it beneath her I will too. Just the other day she was in the ladies room and a girl told her mom (who was in one of the stalls) that “this lady is really fat.” She just ignored her and surmised it is a parenting failure on some level that this child of about 8 or 9 years old would not see that kind of statement as unacceptable.

There have been times we’ve both reacted but it’s not like we changed any minds by doing so. People can be nasty and vulgar and when they’re comfortable doing so in public it’s often to provoke reaction and I see little to no value in indulging.
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Old 01-24-2018, 07:26 PM   #68
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As much as I like most of these I am of the mindset that it’s better not to indulge stupid people. Of course that can change if my wife notices the insults the way FF’s girlfriend did. Even then I’d follow her lead and if she deems it beneath her I will too. Just the other day she was in the ladies room and a girl told her mom (who was in one of the stalls) that “this lady is really fat.” She just ignored her and surmised it is a parenting failure on some level that this child of about 8 or 9 years old would not see that kind of statement as unacceptable.
Oh! Well, in the case of a young child, I wouldn't even take offense at all. They tend to mean things more innocuously than adults do, on average. Who knows? That kid might be like I was at that age, and trying to let people know I'd noticed some of their positive qualities (in, of course, the clumsy way we have when we're kids.)

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There have been times we’ve both reacted but it’s not like we changed any minds by doing so. People can be nasty and vulgar and when they’re comfortable doing so in public it’s often to provoke reaction and I see little to no value in indulging.
Well, that's why I wrote all of those replies specifically to avoid sounding angry or mean-spirited. Usually, if a person is willing to stand up in public (and I mean in real life, now. Not just on the internet) and denigrate a real fat person who's right in front of them, their mind won't be changed, no matter what you say or do. The most you can do by way of reply is to remind them that their words haven't hurt you in any way, and that they can't expect to dominate the discussion with their evil rhetoric, but I'm not out there trying to convince my opponents, precisely. Some things just aren't realistic.
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Old 01-24-2018, 08:37 PM   #69
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As much as I like most of these I am of the mindset that it’s better not to indulge stupid people. Of course that can change if my wife notices the insults the way FF’s girlfriend did. Even then I’d follow her lead and if she deems it beneath her I will too. Just the other day she was in the ladies room and a girl told her mom (who was in one of the stalls) that “this lady is really fat.” She just ignored her and surmised it is a parenting failure on some level that this child of about 8 or 9 years old would not see that kind of statement as unacceptable.

There have been times we’ve both reacted but it’s not like we changed any minds by doing so. People can be nasty and vulgar and when they’re comfortable doing so in public it’s often to provoke reaction and I see little to no value in indulging.
Had I heard it correctly, my response would probably have been "F--- off!" in a fairly menacing tone. However simply giving them a puzzled look and saying "No," also shut them up.

My gf did say she was surprised, I didn't treat it like an insult, until I said what I thought I heard to her. What really sucked was she talked about how that damaged her self image. She said she had been feeling exceptionally good about how she looks lately, more than her normal body positive self. And one guys "joke" tore that down.
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Old 01-25-2018, 02:20 AM   #70
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Had I heard it correctly, my response would probably have been "F--- off!" in a fairly menacing tone. However simply giving them a puzzled look and saying "No," also shut them up.

My gf did say she was surprised, I didn't treat it like an insult, until I said what I thought I heard to her. What really sucked was she talked about how that damaged her self image. She said she had been feeling exceptionally good about how she looks lately, more than her normal body positive self. And one guys "joke" tore that down.
God that makes me so angry to hear. I don't know what is wrong with some people, that their lives are so miserable they feel the need to hurt others to get some pleasure. I'm sure your girlfriend is gorgeous.
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Old 01-26-2018, 02:21 PM   #71
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God that makes me so angry to hear. I don't know what is wrong with some people, that their lives are so miserable they feel the need to hurt others to get some pleasure. I'm sure your girlfriend is gorgeous.
She is stunning, and in my eyes has nothing to feel self conscious about.
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Old 01-26-2018, 02:26 PM   #72
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I'm curious if this issue shows up with family occasions like Thanksgiving? That is, do you feel that family makes similar judgements in this regard?
I just realized no one responded to you Tad. At least for me, this was only during the "coming out" FA phase. After family noticed they were only meeting fat women, they (fat girls) were treated like a normal person, as they should be.

I know every family is different though.
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Old 01-27-2018, 07:06 AM   #73
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Oh! Well, in the case of a young child, I wouldn't even take offense at all. They tend to mean things more innocuously than adults do, on average. Who knows? That kid might be like I was at that age, and trying to let people know I'd noticed some of their positive qualities (in, of course, the clumsy way we have when we're kids.)



Well, that's why I wrote all of those replies specifically to avoid sounding angry or mean-spirited. Usually, if a person is willing to stand up in public (and I mean in real life, now. Not just on the internet) and denigrate a real fat person who's right in front of them, their mind won't be changed, no matter what you say or do. The most you can do by way of reply is to remind them that their words haven't hurt you in any way, and that they can't expect to dominate the discussion with their evil rhetoric, but I'm not out there trying to convince my opponents, precisely. Some things just aren't realistic.
I don’t disagree and frankly the only thing that distinguishes the way I respond, one way from another, is the mood I’m in when confronted with something like this. Thankfully it’s been a decent length of time since I’ve noticed anything more than a disapproving look in my wife’s direction. In those scenarios if I make eye contact with the person I always smile at her (it’s almost exclusively women who do this*) big and polite and happy. She’ll draw these looks sometimes at the beach or at restaurants. At a beach more of her body is on display than usual and at a restaurant she’s doing the very activity that contributed to her glorious body: eating. Especially when she is eating dessert.

Of course not everything merits a verbal response. Disapproving looks fall in that category in my opinion. I’m not going to get up and cross the dining area just to tell person to mind her own business and let the fat woman eat her chocolate mousse in peace! Insults like what FF experienced are a little different but I have to admit in his specific case I’d have probably not even picked up on the insult. I’d have thought the guy was just a little drunk, weird or socially awkward.

*i know there are plenty of guys who are judgy and nasty too, but in my experience they are not as passive aggressive as the women who shoot dirty looks from across the room. With guys who don’t like fat women I am convinced there is still a part of them that sees a fat woman and says, “I wouldn’t want to be her boyfriend and definitely not her husband, but I’d definitely hit it for a ‘one-n-done’ just to see what it’s like.”
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Old 01-27-2018, 02:26 PM   #74
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With guys who don’t like fat women I am convinced there is still a part of them that sees a fat woman and says, “I wouldn’t want to be her boyfriend and definitely not her husband, but I’d definitely hit it for a ‘one-n-done’ just to see what it’s like.”
There really is no right response. Every interaction is different. I also always wonder about guys who seem to want to tease fat women and FAs. Are they closet FAs? Otherwise why do they care?
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Old 01-28-2018, 03:07 AM   #75
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Of course not everything merits a verbal response. Disapproving looks fall in that category in my opinion.
Well, I certainly agree with that. Particularly in my case, where I don't feel I should assume I know what the person is thinking behind that look.

It might be "ugh, she's so fat," or it might be, "for goodness sake, how did she manage that, and I can't get past 120! Lucky blank!"

You never know. Being a different kind of person sort of broadens my understanding of how little I can deduce from the nonverbal behavior of others.

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*i know there are plenty of guys who are judgy and nasty too, but in my experience they are not as passive aggressive as the women who shoot dirty looks from across the room. With guys who don’t like fat women I am convinced there is still a part of them that sees a fat woman and says, “I wouldn’t want to be her boyfriend and definitely not her husband, but I’d definitely hit it for a ‘one-n-done’ just to see what it’s like.”
I'm not 100% convinced of that. Just because I don't see how a person could dislike the appearance of a fat person or find them unattractive, doesn't mean I don't think they do. After all, I don't feel in any way attracted to very thin people, and I certainly never think about sex while I'm looking at them, so who knows? The same could be true of them on that opposite side of the scale, so to speak.
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