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Old 10-21-2017, 09:11 AM   #26
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FBD, I think I said a version of this in a different thread that you started. Or I just thought about typing it. I am making this short due to being pressed for time, but wanted to comment. And sorry if anything sounds blunt, it's not intended. In the movie, "The 40 Year Old Virgin," there is the whole speech about putting the "pussy on the pedestal." At this point you are probably building him up to be much better than he really is.

In the future it might be better to just jump at the chance to talk to him, rather than waiting day and thinking about it. You are more likely to over think him, and build up anxiety around approaching him. Cross the bridge right away. Remember rejection is normal and healthy, being turned down doesn't mean anything and there are other guys out there.
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Old 10-21-2017, 09:37 AM   #27
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Here's a bold move for you... if you've got the guts.
Take a piece of white paper. Paint your lips red. Blot it on the paper and write your phone number on it.
Next time you see him, slip him the paper. Wait for the call.
If no call, then it's a no, and whatever the reason is, isn't important.
No translation needed, and you'll get your answer.

Sometimes, we build our secret crushes up so much in our minds, that we aren't really open to meeting new men who clearly are interested. Secret crushes are safe, and could go on for years and years.
Good luck.
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Old 12-03-2017, 12:36 AM   #28
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Unhappy Are frequent glances indicative of interest or...

Are frequent glances or is frequent eye contact indicative of interest or does he just think I am a creep (perhaps I am unintentionally acting like one)?

I posted about the gorgeous Mexican cook in whom I was — and am — interested.

He went from smiling and waving every time he saw me to barely, if ever, looking at me. Now, the last couple of visits, particularly the first of the two, had us making lots of eye contact. He looked me dead in the eyes on 3-4 separate occasions sans smiles — maybe he does not like me/is repulsed by me but cannnot say anything because his job depends on him being nice to customers.

My last visit had him giving me two ultra quick glances before looking away. That is it.

I very much want him to be interested but, when checking out his profile, I noticed he “liked” a page or activity detailing table dancing, which featured very thin, young and conventionally attractive women. He also “liked” pages of glamourous, pretty, thin celebrities. I see this and my heart kinda sinks because I am clearly not thin.

I then wonder if he keeps looking at me under the assumption that I am looking at him and thinks I am being a desperate weirdo, like I go there for him.

I do not make it a point to stare at him but will glance up from my phone to see if we lock eyes. If we do, I quickly look away to avoid embarrassment.

He went from smiling and waving, which could be out of friendliness towards a familiar face and loyal customer, to barely looking at me, to making a good amount of eye contact to now only quickly glancing at me twice this last time.

He also was once talking a co-worker, stopped, turned his head to look at me, then continued the conversation — all in Spanish, of course.

The more frequent glances and the incident above only happened after I, being the coward that I am, left him some hints on my FB page that he may have seen (I cannot be sure).

He knows I speak at least some Spanish, so he could talk to me if he wanted to do so, which tells me he isn’t interested.

I don’t think it’s shyness on his end, considering the fact that he has over 1,000 FB friends and is relatively chatty at work (I might have mentioned these things in my prior post).


Sorry for the annoying, long post. I just really like him and am not quite ready to give up, though maybe I should.

I certainly won’t talk to him because, should he reject me, I cannot go back there due to the humiliation I’d cause. I kinda am hesitant to go there now because a female co-worker has looked at me and laughed while talking to him or another co-worker in Spanish. What was said, IDK, but the laughter tells me it was mean.

There is not a shred of evidence that he is attracted to fat girls and I find it too good to be true that he is a closeted FA.

Thanks for the responses.

Last edited by FatBarbieDoll; 12-03-2017 at 12:40 AM. Reason: Needed to add details...
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Old 12-04-2017, 02:54 PM   #29
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I would advise you to let this one go. It’s been 7 weeks since your first post on this. Even if it’s more innocent than what you have written. Frequent glances can be a sign of interest, if it’s the first few glances and probably only the first visit you saw each other (possibly the first 2 visits)… but you sound like you have passed when that still applies. Even if he was interested originally, him not smiling or waving is a bad progression.

Wouldn’t you notice if someone kept staring at you? I would be weirded out if someone kept staring at me at work but never said anything. Putting together that you are not getting a positive reaction from him anymore, he still notices when you are looking. The female coworker laughing is a very bad sign. Most likely he is aware you like him, told her, and possibly other staff. Personally, I would not want to go back there if I were in your shoes. I don’t know how many times he has seen you there, but he might be worried that you are a stalker.

Let me tell you a related story from my past. I didn’t come out as a FA until about a year after high school. In high school, dated a hand full of jock girls, because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I was never attracted to thin women. I had no flirting skills whatsoever. So, I am guessing it was looks that they liked. Well wanting to date someone, I decided on which jock I was interested in. I was in sports year round, so I was always around jock girls. I would talk to her daily, at school and the gym. She was always polite with conversation, but I could never get her to joke around or seem interested. She wasn’t interested, and I didn’t have any flirting skills to bridge the gap. I had a close friend, who is a girl who was also friends with her, even try to help me. Over time, my nerves kept building up until in my mind she seemed like the perfect woman, and everything I said to her was dumb, in my mind. This lasted for about a year. I even dated other girls, while still being infatuated with this girl.

I have seen her out joking a few times in the last few years. She is still very in shape. There is no part of me that finds her sexually attractive. I would be terrified to hold a conversation right now. There is no reason why I should be. I have no interest in her. The shear idea of having to talk to her makes me panic. I completely made her out to be something she wasn’t. As soon as I started dating fat women, my crush on her completely disappeared.

Since then I have adopted the idea of just jumping when you see an opportunity. The more you think about the interacting the more likely you are to over think it and make it into something it’s not. By doing this, I have never been that intimidated about talking to any woman that I find attractive.
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Old 12-04-2017, 07:11 PM   #30
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Default I don’t stare at him, though, and noticed him looking at me when I wasn’t looking.

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
I would advise you to let this one go. It’s been 7 weeks since your first post on this. Even if it’s more innocent than what you have written. Frequent glances can be a sign of interest, if it’s the first few glances and probably only the first visit you saw each other (possibly the first 2 visits)… but you sound like you have passed when that still applies. Even if he was interested originally, him not smiling or waving is a bad progression.

Wouldn’t you notice if someone kept staring at you? I would be weirded out if someone kept staring at me at work but never said anything. Putting together that you are not getting a positive reaction from him anymore, he still notices when you are looking. The female coworker laughing is a very bad sign. Most likely he is aware you like him, told her, and possibly other staff. Personally, I would not want to go back there if I were in your shoes. I don’t know how many times he has seen you there, but he might be worried that you are a stalker.

Let me tell you a related story from my past. I didn’t come out as a FA until about a year after high school. In high school, dated a hand full of jock girls, because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I was never attracted to thin women. I had no flirting skills whatsoever. So, I am guessing it was looks that they liked. Well wanting to date someone, I decided on which jock I was interested in. I was in sports year round, so I was always around jock girls. I would talk to her daily, at school and the gym. She was always polite with conversation, but I could never get her to joke around or seem interested. She wasn’t interested, and I didn’t have any flirting skills to bridge the gap. I had a close friend, who is a girl who was also friends with her, even try to help me. Over time, my nerves kept building up until in my mind she seemed like the perfect woman, and everything I said to her was dumb, in my mind. This lasted for about a year. I even dated other girls, while still being infatuated with this girl.

I have seen her out joking a few times in the last few years. She is still very in shape. There is no part of me that finds her sexually attractive. I would be terrified to hold a conversation right now. There is no reason why I should be. I have no interest in her. The shear idea of having to talk to her makes me panic. I completely made her out to be something she wasn’t. As soon as I started dating fat women, my crush on her completely disappeared.

Since then I have adopted the idea of just jumping when you see an opportunity. The more you think about the interacting the more likely you are to over think it and make it into something it’s not. By doing this, I have never been that intimidated about talking to any woman that I find attractive.
I don’t consider what I have done to be staring, though — we will lock eyes and then I immediately look away.

He did once come up to me and say, “How are you?” long ago. Maybe he didn’t get the reaction he wanted, so he gave up, but is still interested.
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Old 12-05-2017, 12:15 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post
I don’t consider what I have done to be staring, though — we will lock eyes and then I immediately look away.

He did once come up to me and say, “How are you?” long ago. Maybe he didn’t get the reaction he wanted, so he gave up, but is still interested.
I think you should try talking to him. You don't have to ask him on a date or anything like that, just try to make more contact with him than eye contact. You definitely still seem interested and seem to think that he may be too. I know you're afraid of rejection, but you may never know if you don't try. Maybe he is as shy as you are and afraid to make a move as well.
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Old 12-09-2017, 06:43 PM   #32
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Default Sadness...

His co-worker/friend told me yesterday that he is moving back to Mexico in 2 weeks. I’d like to believe they are all fucking with me, but that is too good to be true, even though the timing is right around Christmas. ��
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:52 AM   #33
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His co-worker/friend told me yesterday that he is moving back to Mexico in 2 weeks. I’d like to believe they are all fucking with me, but that is too good to be true, even though the timing is right around Christmas. ��
So ask yourself this: do you want an answer to your original question or not? He’s leaving so all the reasons you say you cannot ask him are no longer applicable. But you have to be ready to accept an answer you may not have wanted to hear. Or you let him go without raising the question and you’ll never know one way or the other. Pretty tough to decide but you have to choose one at or the other. As the old Rush song says, “if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” Regardless of the outcome you will likely feel better if you make it an active choice than a passive one. By that I mean deliberately decide to ask him or deliberately decide not to and be at peace with your choice. Whatever you do, make it a deliberate choice: don’t just let him slip out of town before you make up your mind.
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:07 PM   #34
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I always look for your responses, for they are rational and kind. I didn’t do anything because there was a decent chance they were just making fun of me anyway. I let him go. I am visiting family now and he will be gone by the time I return.

I think they, being immature, may have wanted to watch him cringe and become embarrassed, as friends sometimes do, which is why I was encouraged to give him a so-called “surprise kiss” before I left. He kept glancing at me, but never made a move, so I will assume he wasn’t interested. Further evidence is in a page he “liked” that features thin women table dancing.

Mexican culture highly values masculinity, which means men pursue women. He didn’t pursue.

Though I did get a glance and brief half smile recently, I cannot assume that was interest, as much as I wish it were.

I wasn’t about to embarrass myself (further?) by trying to kiss him. I became brave for a moment and said, in Spanish, that I wanted to kiss him and complimented his body, but no way in Hell was I going to just kiss the man — I didn’t want to make either of us uncomfortable.

I’m confident you know what I meant when I claimed that his buddies may have gotten joy out of seeing him cringe.
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:23 PM   #35
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I'd appreciate responses from men more but anyone is welcome to comment.

Figuring out how males operate has got to be one of the most difficult things on the planet -- for me, anyway. At first I thought he was flirting but then realized he may have just been being friendly towards me because he saw me often and recognized me (he's a line or fry cook and I go to his place of employment 2 times per week).

He used to always smile and often wave at me, baring his teeth, but suddenly stopped. Note that he did not usually do this with other women, save for 2 rare occasssions thus far. Many other customers, who were arguably more attractive than me according to society's standards, would come into his line of sight, but he did not bat an eye, save for those 2 occasions.

He also did this gesture in which he smiled at me, lips closed, and slowly nodded his head. I copied him. The only time he ever talked to me was when he said, "How are you?" months ago.

I mirrored his gestures, which I believe made me look open to a chat. I have tried to subtly flirt by, for example, putting my hair to the side and exposing my neck in front of him.

I've also given him quick glances, played with my hair, put on lipstick in front of him, et cetera. I cannot bring myself to talk to him.

I am not sure I buy the "can't flirt or engage with customers" explanation because he was already doing that a bit. I'd be delighted to have sex with him, so I hope all is not lost.

I was told by a co-worker that he does not speak English, but may have been lied to because I swear I heard him speak some recently, though almost his entire FB page is in Spanish.

I think that, were I thin, I'd be much more likely to approach him myself. His listed interests on Facebook are of thin, glamourous women. Physical exercise is also an interest and we all know how most people view fat people and working out, right?

Darn it if I am not tempted to just send him a nude photo but I don't know if he'd receive that well. He is young, most likely in his 20s.


I know that Mexicans in general are quite fatphobic, though perhaps to not the same degree as Americans.

I just don't want to be delusional and think THAT was flirting. Now he barely looks at me, if at all. I don't believe it's shyness because he has over 1,000 FB friends and seems to be relatively chatty at work.

Sigh. Arturo, you are so fine, so gorgeous. I wish you'd talk to me.

Sorry about the rant -- I have tried to post a variation of this on other sites but have gotten nowhere.
1 - You're make false ideas about why he is so kind and lovely with you and what does he want from you;

2 - You've right, he really flirts with you but just won't burn the steps. Men are so easily catalogued as either too much thirsty or too much unmanly, nowadays. In the latter case, you overdramatize for nothing and get insecure because you're image-troubled about your size.


In any case, just being patient: if he got filtratious with you, he'll might notice that you willingly send back his signals unless to be a really , r-eaaaaaaaaally pitiful creature in matter of seduction) .
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:29 AM   #36
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For future reference, just talk to the guy. Amyjo is right in this regard. The more you interact and communicate, the more it shows you are interested at some level. It's hard for us as guys to do this since we may come off creepy. For women, it's a free pass. Chat away.

And you're correct with the eyes. At least on a subconscious level IMO.

Lastly, he may just be as shy as you when it gets down to the nitty gritty. It's the whole shit where you eat argument. You gotta be subtle in the escalation of conversation.
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Old 12-20-2017, 04:19 AM   #37
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For future reference, just talk to the guy. Amyjo is right in this regard. The more you interact and communicate, the more it shows you are interested at some level. It's hard for us as guys to do this since we may come off creepy. For women, it's a free pass. Chat away.
I know, right?! It's totally unfair!
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Old 12-20-2017, 08:47 AM   #38
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I always look for your responses, for they are rational and kind. I didn’t do anything because there was a decent chance they were just making fun of me anyway. I let him go. I am visiting family now and he will be gone by the time I return.

I think they, being immature, may have wanted to watch him cringe and become embarrassed, as friends sometimes do, which is why I was encouraged to give him a so-called “surprise kiss” before I left. He kept glancing at me, but never made a move, so I will assume he wasn’t interested. Further evidence is in a page he “liked” that features thin women table dancing.

Mexican culture highly values masculinity, which means men pursue women. He didn’t pursue.

Though I did get a glance and brief half smile recently, I cannot assume that was interest, as much as I wish it were.

I wasn’t about to embarrass myself (further?) by trying to kiss him. I became brave for a moment and said, in Spanish, that I wanted to kiss him and complimented his body, but no way in Hell was I going to just kiss the man — I didn’t want to make either of us uncomfortable.

I’m confident you know what I meant when I claimed that his buddies may have gotten joy out of seeing him cringe.
I am flattered you value my responses. I hope you have peace with your decision. There may always be a little bit of “what if” but honestly maybe this door closing will free you up for when a better one opens!
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Old 12-20-2017, 12:41 PM   #39
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I know, right?! It's totally unfair!
Unless you're hot. Forgot to mention the exception to the rule.
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Old 12-22-2017, 01:42 AM   #40
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Default I doubt it’s shyness.

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Originally Posted by Mark02 View Post
For future reference, just talk to the guy. Amyjo is right in this regard. The more you interact and communicate, the more it shows you are interested at some level. It's hard for us as guys to do this since we may come off creepy. For women, it's a free pass. Chat away.

And you're correct with the eyes. At least on a subconscious level IMO.

Lastly, he may just be as shy as you when it gets down to the nitty gritty. It's the whole shit where you eat argument. You gotta be subtle in the escalation of conversation.
Like I have mentioned previously, I don’t think he’s shy, since he is relatively chatty at work and has over 1,000 FB pals. I have also read some of his exchanges after he’s updated a profile picture and he is very chatty with friends and family. His posts also get lots of “likes”, which means he is popular.
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