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Old 01-05-2018, 12:38 PM   #1
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Default Should I come out to my gf?

I just came across this site yesterday and tbh I'm kinda nervous about asking this question because I don't really know what the community is like here, but I've been wondering basically since the day my girlfriend and I got together whether or not I should come out as being an FA to her.

She is by no means small, but not morbidly obese either, which is kinda the perfect size in my mind. She's never had crippling body-image issues, nor is she the kind of person that complains about her weight all the time, in fact in the several years I've known her she's only made a comment about her weight twice. She doesn't go out of her way to hide her size with her clothing. But at the same time I've always gotten the vibe that she feels like her size makes her "subpar". And even though it would be super awkward to come out to her, I've always wondered if that might make her happier and more content with who she is. That's all I really want to accomplish by this: making her happy. I have a good relationship with her, we are very transparent about nearly everything, but I'm not sure if I should be transparent about this. I also kinda worry it might cheapen my attraction to her in her mind, because while her weight is just the cherry on top when it comes to why I love her (I'm not totally obsessed with fatness like some people, my one ex was actually quite thin, I care about a lot of things beyond weight), she might see it otherwise.

So I have a couple of questions:

1. If you came out to your significant other as an FA, how did they take it? If you are the one being admired for your weight, did your significant other come out to you? If so, how did you feel about that?

2. How should I go about coming out to her, if I do at all? Is it more of a "bring it up if it comes up" thing or should I be actively trying to tell her?

3. What's the best way to phrase the whole thing? (obviously just saying "I like fat chicks" probably wouldn't go over too well lol)
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Old 01-05-2018, 01:25 PM   #2
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Only time for a very short post now, maybe more later: IMO you only come out about how much you adore every part of her body as it is, and don't bring women in general into it at all unless she asks.
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Old 01-05-2018, 01:27 PM   #3
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Only time for a very short post now, maybe more later: IMO you only come out about how much you adore every part of her body as it is, and don't bring women in general into it at all unless she asks.
Okay, thank you for the advice. What you said kinda makes sense actually.

This is new territory for me, I don't really know what's accepted or not, so I appreciate you taking the time to help.
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Old 01-05-2018, 02:27 PM   #4
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I would agree with Tad, as his is the wisest of us all!

If she explicitly asks you, then don't lie about it. Other than that, I think just focusing on how much you find her attractive rather than any single feature is the best bet. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job on that, by the way.

For what it's worth, I've always been completely open with liking fat people so it's never really something that's had to 'come out'.
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Old 01-05-2018, 02:42 PM   #5
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I would agree with Tad, as his is the wisest of us all!

If she explicitly asks you, then don't lie about it. Other than that, I think just focusing on how much you find her attractive rather than any single feature is the best bet. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job on that, by the way.

For what it's worth, I've always been completely open with liking fat people so it's never really something that's had to 'come out'.
Thanks
I hope I'm doing a wonderful job anyway, she deserves it for sure

And yeah, I know for some people it's a lot easier to be open about, but having been raised in a fat-shaming household I kinda feel more awkward about it than the average person. Plus having anorexic tendencies kinda complicates my feelings a bit. It's just kinda something I gotta work on, more of a psychological barrier than anything.
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Old 01-05-2018, 03:41 PM   #6
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A few suggestions that have worked for me (some require having some disposable income, less useful if you are on a student budget, working part time,etc)

- kiss your way from her lips, down her neck, between breast, and down her tummy, taking time to give both gentle soft kisses and nuzzling in deeper, before going down even farther. Shows you think her tummy is worth spending time on.
- buy her some ridiculously trashy lingerie for valentine's day and insist she model it for you -- but buy her something more classy too. Tell her that the fur lined mesh bodysuit (or whatever it is you find) is a present you are giving yourself because once in a while it is fun to see her in something like that.
- run your hands all up and down her sides and make appreciative comments about her amazing curves. Oggle the size of her breasts compared to your hand and comment how damned lucky you are. At the right time hug her and reach around to rub her butt and growl about what a freaking hot ass she has and how much it turns you on.
- (assuming this is the case) when out for a meal comment on how glad you are that she is not a "I'll just have a small salad" women"
- pull her onto your lap, get her on top in bed, generally show you like having her weight on you.
- when she needs to buy clothes, go with her, find extra= things for her to try on, and ask her to come out and show them to you, and tell her how much you loved the fashion show. Possibly buy something for her that you liked on her that wasn't something she needed on that trip.
- engage in public displays of affection, especially around anyone you think may make her feel bad about her size.
- make sure to keep telling her how sexy and beautiful she is.

And this last one, we'll obviously it is a one off: ask her to marry you. If you like her so much, have been together years already, is there anything standing in your way?
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:14 AM   #7
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Most of my girlfriends have liked that I found them attractive and helped them in turn with their confidence. You have to be completely open and honest for it to work. Start by telling her she is beautiful and you love her body. If she asks why or says she is not, explain to her some guys like big girls. She may be creeped out by it at first, but give her time to get used to the idea. It will be worth it trust me! For me and my current girlfriend, I guess it was already known I was an FA and she knew what that was before we hooked up. Made it easy. But she loves the way I worship her body and in turn she rewards me for it.
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Old 01-06-2018, 09:34 AM   #8
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Along with some others here, I've always been very open about my adoration for fatties. If you're seriously dating someone who is not skinny, then it's probably fairly obvious to most that you prefer it as well.

Honesty is the best policy. Obviously you don't want to compare her with other women or anything of that nature, and I'm sure you tell her that she's beautiful on a regular basis - I hope you do anyhow, because you really do feel that way. Also "coming out" seems like an odd thing for any of us I would think - again it's just a preference on your part that is shown by your affection for her.

In the past whenever I made it known to a partner it has always been along the lines of, "I love how those jeans hug your belly" or making mention of how clothes particularly look on - or off - of her. There was a shirt that my GF wore that was blatantly too tight and when she would move sometimes her belly poked out and when I told her I loved how that looked she seemed stunned and asked me if I was serious.

Here's the thing - after the cat is out of the bag, so to say - that's it. I don't think that you really need to explain yourself more than that, unless she asks specifically. The biggest point to remember is that it's more about YOU coming to terms with your feelings than making her realize you like her to be fat. She is how she is - you can reassure her that you love her and that you think she's beautiful As-is and that you prefer her bigger rather than smaller - and that is only if she mentions that she wants to lose weight, etc. Her figure is her just as much as her personality is and you need to remember that. What you don't want to do is make her feel that she is fat, and that nobody else would find her attractive, but you do because you're a chubby chaser. That is a hard line to tow for some people.

I guess the point I'm getting at is that it's more you than her at the end of the day. Just make sure she knows you genuinely find her stunning just like she is and that you would not want to change her (unless she's into expansion along with you and then that's a different story - but I digress). Make sure she knows you're into her and for God's sake don't be ashamed of her in public. I know a staggering number of FA's only like fat girls behind closed doors and would never be seen in public with a fatty. Don't be that guy. Love her, cherish her and take care of her. And in the meantime, if you are realizing you actually prefer fat girls - welcome to a community that pretty much spring boarded the online Fat Acceptance movement. I've been here since 1994 and a lot of things have changed, except fat people are fat and that's OK.

Best of luck to the 2 of you.
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Old 01-06-2018, 11:03 AM   #9
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Thank you to you all for all of your advice/wisdom, I cannot even begin to explain how much I appreciate it. I will definitely take all of this into account.

It's funny, I feel like just in asking the question and seeing people attempt to answer, I've kind of figured the whole thing out for myself, does that make sense?
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Old 01-06-2018, 03:00 PM   #10
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Yep, happens with me all the time. Sometimes you just need to get a thought outside of your brain where you can really consider it with a. Bit more perspective. Or something like that.
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Old 01-09-2018, 01:48 PM   #11
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Well, I personally don't see the trouble to say to your girlfriend you have a fling for fat women.

Just talk to her, anyway there come to every couple relationship a point where both of you should talk about everything regarding yourselves: if you hide this, you will regret to have keep this secret for you so long. And if she get out of her mind simply because your attraction for the fairer sex spread out someplace beyond to the corn-fed lane of weight spectrum, that's her problem.
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:50 PM   #12
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well, welcome. looks like you are in the right place and with the right woman, not overly concerned about her figure or being thinner. to me you should just emphasize that you like her, probably make a pause while having sex of seeing her, grab a fold and tell her you like every inch of it, and let her make her own conclusions something like that may be subtle enough without causing controversy
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:28 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by UserNameName View Post
Thank you to you all for all of your advice/wisdom, I cannot even begin to explain how much I appreciate it. I will definitely take all of this into account.

It's funny, I feel like just in asking the question and seeing people attempt to answer, I've kind of figured the whole thing out for myself, does that make sense?
I do hope you'll share what you do and how it goes -- so the next person along has that much more experiences to reference.
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Old 01-10-2018, 06:43 PM   #14
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Will do, Tad!
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Old 01-22-2018, 05:25 PM   #15
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Okay, so I think I've decided to not directly tell her. However, I'm going to stop worrying about hiding my FA-ness, too. I'm going to kind of explain my reasons and hopefully this helps somebody in the future.

The one thing that I really kept catching on was this: rarely do people explain their deep-rooted preferences to their SO. Sure they might say, "I love your ___", but general preferences aren't really something that's typically shared. So why should a fat preference (because for me anyway it's more of just a preference than a fetish), be any different?

She knows I think she's beautiful. She knows I love her as a person too. And I constantly remind her of these facts. That's really what's important. I don't need to explain why she's beautiful, because she is. That sentence made a lot more sense in my head but idk how to explain it.

However, I've always been a little careful to be a little more subtle in my appreciation of her weight when engaging in activities. I'm going to stop that and just do what feels right to me, and stop worrying about sending a wrong impression. If she picks up on my preference because of this, that's fine. Because it doesn't change any of the stuff from the previous paragraph. And if she's uncomfortable, I know she'd talk to me about it, because again we are very open with each other.

So yeah, I think I really needed to just stop worrying about this stuff. Talking it out on here really helped actually. Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.
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Old 01-29-2018, 08:22 PM   #16
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So... how’d it go
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Old 01-29-2018, 08:24 PM   #17
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So... how’d it go
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