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Old 01-01-2007, 04:46 PM   #1
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Default Tell GF about gain?

I met my girl at the beginning of the year (first week of college freshman year actually), and we've been doing pretty well for the last couple months. When we met I was 175, but now I'm about 195 and planning to go another 40-50 lbs. She always been fine about my weight (she's slightly chubby herself), but I don't know how she'll react over time when I get that big. Should I tell her about my "interest" so she'll understand? Problem is I don't really want to tell her per se, and we haven't been going out all that long...help?
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Old 01-01-2007, 05:02 PM   #2
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Well, you could always start by dropping subtle, emotionally-neutral hints to indicate you're gaining weight.
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Old 01-01-2007, 06:44 PM   #3
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what about the reverse? like i met a girl who is already somewhat large how would i ask her if she would gain?
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Old 01-01-2007, 07:06 PM   #4
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Personal opinion: let what happens, happen - don't discuss it unless and until she brings it up.

By the same token, by including her in your culinary exploits she might prove a willing ally since your gain would in essence give her icentive to follow suit without fear.
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Old 01-02-2007, 02:18 AM   #5
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As fun as that would be for her to join in, she's kinda been down about her weight most of the time, so I doubt she'd be persuaded that easily. Thanks tho!
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Old 01-02-2007, 09:20 AM   #6
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Lead by example - show no remorse or concern over the fact that you've gained, and she may do the same.

Or she might project her weight issues on to you and you'll have to dump her faster than...well, something you dump really fast.
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Old 01-02-2007, 03:15 PM   #7
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The main part of your OP that hit me is the part about "we haven't been going out that long". Seems to me you might need to see where the relationship is going first (if anywhere) before you worry too much over your "admission". Wagimawr's idea about just being positive about the whole thing when/if she notices might be for the best.
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Old 01-02-2007, 03:26 PM   #8
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Hmmm...I see this totally differently. I can't imagine wanting to stay with someone that hid a life change like that (the intentions--obviously results are noticeable). Just a basic question of openness and vulnerability, even for new relationships.
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Old 01-02-2007, 04:28 PM   #9
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^^^ Interesting way to view it, AFG. I would tend to agree with you wholeheartedly, usually except I don't see weight gain on the same tier as some other "issues". I mean, what if he just gained it without trying? That certainly wouldn't be some breach of trust, would it? So he wants to change the way his body looks for his own pleasure. On some level, I can see why he should tell her - but if she holds certain prejudices about heavier men, then isn't that issue "hers"? (If you want to argue that in a relationship everything is "ours" then I won't argue against it)
Well, if he was hiding some fact like, say, he was contemplating dating other people, started recreational drug use behind her back, had the hots for her sister, (insert some disturbing example here), etc., then I could see the necessity for telling her. But is gaining some weight that much of an issue? Hmmmmm...... to answer my own question, if it's NOT that big of an issue, then why can't he just tell her?
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:19 PM   #10
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To clarify, I wasn't advocating concealment or discussion. I was advocating leading by example.

She has been OK with your gain - so just keep at it, since its your desire. But rather than doing it in private invite her to the events as you go. Its her option to decline, but few girls will decline a tempting treat with their b/f.

DON'T tell her its for the secondary purpose of gaining, let it be for companionship. Let her make her choices and let nature take its course. You can't believe (or maybe you can) the multiple instances I've seen of people saying they need to diet or shouldn't have this or thst, only to succumb to temptation a short while after.

Since she's already chubby it should only be a matter of time until she realizes its her lot in life and she's been fortunate to find a guy like you that appreciates her abundanzia.
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:36 PM   #11
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Let the record show I put my stamp of approval on this.

Every person on earth wants to feel good enough as is. How would you feel if your girlfriend said she's always just preferred really skinny guys and wants you to lose weight?

People are pretty crafty. I can tell you my boyfriend's preferences, and that I don't exactly meet them. However, it's unrealistic for him to think I should change to meet his standards, and he knows it.

It is wonderful you appreciate your girlfriend's body. The good news: If you enjoy eating with her and she has the metabolism of a normal woman, and an interest in food, she'll gain. It sounds like you want to do the right thing by her. Just be patient.

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Originally Posted by Observer View Post
To clarify, I wasn't advocating concealment or discussion. I was advocating leading by example.

She has been OK with your gain - so just keep at it, since its your desire. But rather than doing it in private invite her to the events as you go. Its her option to decline, but few girls will decline a tempting treat with their b/f.

DON'T tell her its for the secondary purpose of gaining, let it be for companionship. Let her make her choices and let nature take its course. You can't believe (or maybe you can) the multiple instances I've seen of people saying they need to diet or shouldn't have this or thst, only to succumb to temptation a short while after.

Since she's already chubby it should only be a matter of time until she realizes its her lot in life and she's been fortunate to find a guy like you that appreciates her abundanzia.
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:59 PM   #12
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Hmmm...I see this totally differently. I can't imagine wanting to stay with someone that hid a life change like that (the intentions--obviously results are noticeable). Just a basic question of openness and vulnerability, even for new relationships.
I see this exactly the same way. I would have no interest at all in someone who was doing something intentionally to change himself and had no thought to tell me he was doing so. It's about communication, and if you're doing that, she has a right to know and to decide if it's something she wants in the relationship.

She very well may not care, but it's up to her to make that call and not be made to feel like it was "accidental" so she should be overly nice about it if it bugs her for some reason. Acting as though it just happened is just a bit shady/tricky.
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:02 PM   #13
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I agree with AFG and Anne Marie.

This is a simple matter of honesty and compatibility. How do you know if the two of you are actually compatible if you don't share with her your true feelings? Would you tolerate it if she was going to deceptively change herself with no consideration for your desires?

I know I wouldn't.
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Old 01-03-2007, 09:22 PM   #14
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I guess I forgot to note that this is the first relationship for either of us, if that affects anything. And thanks for all the input!

From a practical and respectful point of view, of course I want to tell her; I'd rather he know about it than keep it a secret. However, I definately don't think she'd be ready for it at this point, and in case my gaining falls through, I'd rather not have that info about me "out there" if nothing comes of it. At my age and with our social circles, it'd just be too much if I didn't have the physique to back it up with.

I totally think it's good not to keep secrets, but the argument for not telling her yet (that I'd be able to ease into my new weight like anyone else who put on pounds, without the fetish being involved...am i explaining this right?) I think maybe has merit. 'Course, I'm hardly a resource for any kind of decision-making, so I still dunno.
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Old 01-05-2007, 04:30 AM   #15
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I'm going with the 'emotionally neutral comments first'. And also watch where her hands go if she hugs you. If she pets your belly, then tell her.
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