Discussion: Feeders/Feedees and emotions/mentality - Page 3

crazygrad · 04-13-2007, 05:28 PM

Lilly, could you clarify what you mean by someone having suspicious moles removed being akin to gaining? I'm not sure I see the connection here. I've had skin cancer and have suspicious moles removed every year as a precaution. I've never tanned and always wear sunscreen. So for me, mole removal is a prophylaxis.

AnnMarie · 04-13-2007, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazygrad

Lilly, could you clarify what you mean by someone having suspicious moles removed being akin to gaining? I'm not sure I see the connection here. I've had skin cancer and have suspicious moles removed every year as a precaution. I've never tanned and always wear sunscreen. So for me, mole removal is a prophylaxis.

I took that she was referring back to her "death by tanning" example, and not that mole removal is akin to gaining. If they have all that removal but keep actively tanning, they're make a measured risk/reward choice of their own.

I could be wrong... easily.

crazygrad · 04-13-2007, 05:39 PM

Not trying to speak for Lilly either, but after I hit post I went back and looked at her earlier post and thought the same thing. I especially loved the pic from Something about Mary.

I approach preaching against tanning because I've had skin cancer. I've quit gym memberships in protest, so yeah- I think its a pretty ah silly thing to do.

BBWTexan · 04-13-2007, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSadeianLinguist

Only the "rational animal" can form sexual attachments to non-sexual objects, and no, puppies humping a pillow does not count.

Is it wrong that I'm so into logic that a simple Aristotilian reference makes me a little hot under the collar?

YIPES!

LillyBBBW · 04-13-2007, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

I took that she was referring back to her "death by tanning" example, and not that mole removal is akin to gaining. If they have all that removal but keep actively tanning, they're make a measured risk/reward choice of their own.

I could be wrong... easily.

No, you're right. That's exactly what I meant. Sorry for the confusion crazygrad.

crazygrad · 04-13-2007, 05:53 PM

No prob, like I said, I went back and figured it out. thanks for the pic!

And you, Lilly, are right about many African nations where feeding is an important cultural activity. As it was in earlier European societies. While I don't think it had the same sexual component as it has on this board (it may have though, I don't know) it was all about social position, class, prestige and status and respect.

Brenda · 04-13-2007, 05:54 PM

It is my opinion that many of IRL feeders are puttiing there desires ahead of the health and well being of there partner. They downplay the risks and ignore the negative consequences for the most part. They manipulate there partners to continuing even when it clear it is no longer fun and games for the feedee.

When I see a woman announce she is a feedee and wants to gain to some high weight, my mind automatically goes to others like her that ended poorly. Of course it is not going to go well for these woman. The endings I have seen are premature death, homebound, oxygen aided breathing, abandonment by feeder and unable to care for themselves and if they are lucky they survive and get gastric bypass.

Fortunately once these things occur the feeder can go onto the next woman.

Some things are best left in the fantasy realm, this is definitely one of them.

Brenda

LillyBBBW · 04-13-2007, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazygrad

No prob, like I said, I went back and figured it out. thanks for the pic!

And you, Lilly, are right about many African nations where feeding is an important cultural activity. As it was in earlier European societies. While I don't think it had the same sexual component as it has on this board (it may have though, I don't know) it was all about social position, class, prestige and status and respect.

I agree. I suppose I was just exploring the theory that feeding is mainly a western culture thing with the excessive comsumption that is all around, as MissToodles alluded to. We get so accustomed to our daily world here of looking at fat and talking about feederism that we forget that the western world actually considers us all freaks.

Yet in native places where food is scarce the cultural norm is vastly different. Being a bit on the heavy side is what is coveted and people who desire something else are considered weak or weird. Odd how that is. The subject could probably take up a whole thread of its own.

waldo · 04-13-2007, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chimpi

First of all, excellent post, bigplaidpants.

Yet another shining example of what a wonderful person you are.

I would completely agree with this statement, or as bigplaidpants put it, this concept. I believe that it is a matter of fact that the differences between fantasy and reality, and the surrounding barriers in which subject them to "beyond" the point of no return, move around from person to person.

I also believe that, as many people have said throughout Dimensions, Feeders/Feedees are not necessarily 'Fat Admirers', nor are 'Fat Admirers' necessarily Feeders (or Feedees, for that matter). However, I would speculate that a great deal of Feeders and Feedees would be into some form of 'Fat Admiration'. Also, I am not sure who would see it in my perspective and who would not, but I do not see Feederism strictly having anything, in concrete, about being into weight gain. I believe that many Feeders, and Feeders mind you, have no desire to experience or "help" another person gain weight. I believe a person that has a desire for food, and/or a desire to see someone eat food, in a purely sexual standpoint, may want nothing to do with gaining weight.

I'm not sure how large in numbers (no pun intended) those people are in this world, but I'm not going to really delve into that either.

I feel that if a woman is a feedee, that does not necessarily mean that she wants to gain weight and might find gaining weight erotic. That's my simple explanation. Rather, I would call them gainers, as has been said before. I also feel that if a man is a feeder, that does not necessarily mean that he is a person that likes very fat women, or has any desire at all to witness his feedee to gain any weight at all..

So what should we call someone like myself who isn't into the feeding thing but very much enjoys the results of a gainer's (whether she is doing so intentially or not) eating show up on her blossoming body?

I agree that extreme weight-gain to a point where the gainer is becoming seriously compromised in his/her daily life is better left to the world of fantasy. On the other hand, I often think that if I were extremely wealthy and could hire a personal assistant for my gaining partner I might want it to go further. But then maybe that would make me a bad guy for shifting the work of dealing with my partner's limitations to someone else.

MisticalMisty · 04-13-2007, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brenda

It is my opinion that many of IRL feeders are puttiing there desires ahead of the health and well being of there partner. They downplay the risks and ignore the negative consequences for the most part. They manipulate there partners to continuing even when it clear it is no longer fun and games for the feedee.

When I see a woman announce she is a feedee and wants to gain to some high weight, my mind automatically goes to others like her that ended poorly. Of course it is not going to go well for these woman. The endings I have seen are premature death, homebound, oxygen aided breathing, abandonment by feeder and unable to care for themselves and if they are lucky they survive and get gastric bypass.

Fortunately once these things occur the feeder can go onto the next woman.

Some things are best left in the fantasy realm, this is definitely one of them.

Brenda

This isn't entirely directed just at you Brenda, but all people who seem to cry out that feeders are manipulative.

A lot of feedees are educated people who KNOW the risk of their actions. I think it's unfair to state that feeders are manipulative assholes that endanger a woman's life. Bullshit.

Feeding is just like any other sexual act. Unless someone has you tied down and is stuffing cheesecake down your throat, every time you put the fork to your mouth it's a consensual act.

Have those of you who believe that feeders are manipulative and evil ever talked to one before? Most of the ones I've came in contact with get off on the idea of it..and want you to occasionally stuff yourself for their enjoyment. It's not an all day, everyday activity to them.

Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes. I just hate when the majority is made out to be evil. Being with a man is a choice. Wanting to gain weight is a choice. Putting food into your body is a choice.

My thought is..if it ain't happening in my bedroom..it's none of my damn business.

**HeatherBBW** · 04-13-2007, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tina

Feeding that is fun and not destructive is just that -- fun. Feeding that is harmful in that it is so extreme -- and not just the interest in going that far, but actual activity with the goal of immobility in mind -- that it threatens health and ends mobility. I think that kind of behavior is the sign of someone who has some problems.

Tina,

I completely understand your thoughts and perceptions, but I can honestly say as a person who is into extremes.. I find myself pretty balanced and weight gain activities I have participated in, have been fun. I do know that there have been many unstable feedees who may or may not have had mental issues, but please don't group us all together. I think there are many different views from my side of the fence and we are all very different.

Fat Hugs,
Heather

**HeatherBBW** · 04-13-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

I think that a person should be able to do whatever it is they want to do as long as it harms no one else.

YAY! I completely agree with you. After reading the last topic that brought about this thread (Thanks AM!) I have to say I felt cold and misunderstood. I am not the best typer or expresser at much needed times and hopefully some of my posts here will shed some light as to the inner workings of someone who is into extremes that scare others off. But all in all... my body is my own and what decisions I make in my life in regards to it, as long as it doesn't affect other negatively, shouldn't be judged.

Brenda · 04-13-2007, 07:12 PM

I am not disputing that it is consenual. Of course the feedee did choose to go along with it but the consequences are all hers. He always walks away with his life and health, she does not.

Feeding is unlike other sexual acts in that it changes your body in many times permanant ways.

I said IRL feeders to separate from those with fantasies because there is a huge difference.

To be honest Misty I feel like you base a lot of your opinions on this based on internet interactions and not seeing how it plays out in the real world.

In my nearly 15 years around the SA movement I have seen exactly what I described occur multiple times. Yes, the woman choice to do it, she was not forced but she always paid a very high price. The fact is once she does it and the consequences become more than she bargained for it is just too fucking late to change things.

You are always so concerned with protecting feeders and fa's, yet I don't see that sense of protection for your fellow fat woman. That I find very sad.

This isn't entirely directed just at you Brenda, but all people who seem to cry out that feeders are manipulative.

A lot of feedees are educated people who KNOW the risk of their actions. I think it's unfair to state that feeders are manipulative assholes that endanger a woman's life. Bullshit.

Feeding is just like any other sexual act. Unless someone has you tied down and is stuffing cheesecake down your throat, every time you put the fork to your mouth it's a consensual act.

Have those of you who believe that feeders are manipulative and evil ever talked to one before? Most of the ones I've came in contact with get off on the idea of it..and want you to occasionally stuff yourself for their enjoyment. It's not an all day, everyday activity to them.

Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes. I just hate when the majority is made out to be evil. Being with a man is a choice. Wanting to gain weight is a choice. Putting food into your body is a choice.

My thought is..if it ain't happening in my bedroom..it's none of my damn business.
__________________

AnnMarie · 04-13-2007, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brenda

You are always so concerned with protecting feeders and fa's, yet I don't see that sense of protection for your fellow fat woman. That I find very sad.

Because more often than not it's always painted with the man who is the evil controller and the woman is a helpless victim, even if she went fully willing into the relationship/gaining, and continued to gain past pains in knees, reach issues, mobility issues, etc.

I believe in personal responsibility. I've done some extremely stupid things in relationships (long ago) and while I'd love to blame the "abuser" (and in every true sense he was)... I was there, I did those things, I made those horrible choices. I am to blame for getting myself there, and I had to get myself out.

Again, disclaimer as required, I'm talking about women who enter consensual relationships - not any type of forced/deliberately manipulated situations.

So, while I feel bad for their pains or struggles, they walked that path on their own. There is plenty of anecdotal information about the struggles and risks of obesity, and true... while one may not understand them until they're under them, they KNOW the possibilities.

It would be like me getting hooked on heroin and blaming the fact that I couldn't know what it felt like to be addicted until it was too late. I know the risks, I know the downfalls, I don't tread that path because it's too dangerous to me. People who choose to follow "dangerous" paths have to live with the consequences - that is fully their choice.

waldo · 04-13-2007, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brenda

I am not disputing that it is consenual. Of course the feedee did choose to go along with it but the consequences are all hers. He always walks away with his life and health, she does not.

Feeding is unlike other sexual acts in that it changes your body in many times permanant ways.

I said IRL feeders to separate from those with fantasies because there is a huge difference.

To be honest Misty I feel like you base a lot of your opinions on this based on internet interactions and not seeing how it plays out in the real world.

In my nearly 15 years around the SA movement I have seen exactly what I described occur multiple times. Yes, the woman choice to do it, she was not forced but she always paid a very high price. The fact is once she does it and the consequences become more than she bargained for it is just too fucking late to change things.

You are always so concerned with protecting feeders and fa's, yet I don't see that sense of protection for your fellow fat woman. That I find very sad.

You are wrong. I have seen Misty show a very vigorous 'sense of protection for fellow fat woman'. In recent times I have seen a more balanced approach from her and that is something that helps the discourse here immensely.

**HeatherBBW** · 04-13-2007, 07:33 PM

There were so many responses to the original topic that it was hard for me to jump in on each response I wanted to make to different people. So I've decided just to make a post of my own touching on some things I've read and my own personal choices and opinions. I'm not saying I am right or that I'm wrong, I'm just going to try to be honest so maybe there will be some understanding. I think there isn't enough representation from my perspective.

Bah.. now my mind just went haywire and thoughts are floating all over the place. I'll try not to make this post a huge run-on sentence.

I guess I'll start out with one of the things that really make me angry. I am angered when I see feeders condemned for their preferences. It seems there is the urban legend of the evil man carrying donuts who feeds his unwillingly but wanting to be loved partner to immobility and then leaves her for the next gal to fatten. Honestly, I've been in this "fat scene" for a long time and I've only seem one incident of such behavior and quite frankly, the guy was just an asshole the girl, well she just wanted his asshole attention at any cost.

Not every feeder/feedee situation is destructive... not every situation is forced... not every situation is of a domination/submission type relationship... not every situation involves two people... I myself... have gotten fat on my own...

So those who make such judgements that feeders are this evil non-caring group of (it always seems to be) men..... who have you to blame for the hundreds of pounds that I've put on?

What the hell is she talking about... Noone fattened her up? Isn't her partner a feeder? The answer is no and no I wish.

So maybe I'm mental, but as stated above, I sure feel fine. I feel like I am balanced and can look at things objectively. That doesn't stop my extreme fantasies and my desire to live them out.

I've wanted to be fat since I can remember. My most vivid memories are from around age 8 when I'd put on clothes of bigger adults and stuff them and stand in the mirror wondering what it would feel like to be fatter. Some say this behavior must have been triggered by something in my childhood. From all of my digging into my past, I can't say that I can recall anything that clicked on my "wanna be fat" button. I used to see fat ladies and wonder what it felt like to be in their bodies. Maybe like a young girl wonders what it would it feel like to have breasts when she first sees her mom topless. All I know, is I've definitely always felt that fat is feminine and I wanted to be fatter. VERY much fatter.

Growing up I was made fun of like every other fat kid. For me, it was hell and heaven at once. I can't explain it, but being teased was horrible on an embarassment level but it was also stimulating because it reminded me that I was indeed fat. I did feel like I had some power over those bullies though, because in my own mind, I felt like they just "didn't get it". I felt like I had some secret they didn't know and they were just in the dark. Is this unstable? I am really not a shrink, but I know it got me through those rough years and situations.

So I am 33 years old and 470ish pounds. In my life I've dated LOTS of FAs. I've been lucky enough to be in the fat media and have made lots of friends which led to many dates. I probably dated more feeders then I realized, but the only ones I shared anything weight gain related with and sometimes on very small levels (a secret or two here and there) were 3. I'd say that is a minimal number and they certainly couldn't be "blamed" for my fatness.

Honestly, getting fatter was a lonely journey for me. I often yearned to share my deep thoughts with someone and have them agree with me or understand me. Even after finding Dimensions and finding weight gain stories and the like, I still felt like it was too private and I couldn't share. Sure, I've taken food pictures and posted the results of my weight gain. But it's all very easily hidden in my modeling work. There are many girls who take such images that aren't "into it" but are catering to an audience of enthusiasts, it's their job.

It hasn't been until very recently that I've finally been able to type/share on these forums a few of my inner thoughts and I think that is because for the first time (very recently) in my adult sexual life, I've actually been able to tell a lover my thoughts/desires on the subject and have them be on the very same page. This is very enlightening and it made me feel less alone... and more importantly it made me feel open enough about it all to finally share. So here I am.

Extremes. For some it may be fantasy and some it may be reality. Those who choose whatever path for whatever reason... should be exactly that.. their choice. I myself personally thought that when I reached 300 lbs that I'd finally feel huge and fat. Well, I got there... and I didn't. Am I obsessed with being fat? Maybe. I don't know. I just know what is stimulating to me and I can't take it away. I do know, that it's my body and my choice. I've purposely gained since grade school and I've no intentions or an upper limit. I figure I will take things as they come. Do I fantasize about being as big as a king size bed? Absolutely! Is it actually possible? I don't know. Will I try to get that fat? We'll see. It's all very unknown. But I do know that I can't wait to be 500 lbs. I do know that I've given up things in my life in regards to mobility and places I can fit or enjoy... I've made those decisions with a level head. I think everyone has a Pro/Con list in their brains when making decisions, consider my decision making along this line. There are some things that I am limited in that are completely frustrating but very exciting at the same time. Like walking up stairs, bah, what a pain in my fat ass... but.. woah.. I'm so fat that they are hard... make any sense? I sit in a too small chair in a restaurant.. I'm pissed that they don't have better accomodations for bigger people and I'm not comfy... but I'm reminded of my size... hot... very hot. Make any sense? Probably not... but that's the thing... if you aren't into it... it shouldn't make sense and it should be hard for you to judge these reactions if you don't know what it's like to be and the choices I've made.

Blah, there are so many other things to be said here. I just feel... like of all places... there has to be other people like me out there... who think like me... or at least understand me... instead... in the past thread I seen there is lots of confusion, miscommunication, misunderstanding... and I don't want to feel that "am I the only one?" feeling anymore...

I feel like I totally F-ed up this post, there is just too much to say and if we were all sitting in a room, I could easily express myself. But in a post.. it's too hard to do.

In closing, I do remember one thing that kept on being mentioned about the tube feeding picture and how only unstable women posted in such a situation.... well I've participated in tube feeding and guess what.... I wasn't being degraded by anyone... because there was no one else there. I wasn't submissive to anyone, I wasn't being forced and as far as pictures are concerned, I've thought about doing a set for my site in such a pose... but it's pretty personal... and very hardcore and I normally don't cross such lines on my site. Maybe one day, but I do want to say, that I've done it and I enjoyed it.

Oh... I remembered another thing. For some (like myself) it really isn't mostly about the food or consumption, for me, it's about being fatter. I'd take a magic pill if there were one and bypass the food and caloric intake. But food is yummy and I do enjoy it like the next person.

Bah, I really screwed this entire post up, but I am just hitting enter. Maybe I'll look insane after all. LOL

MisticalMisty · 04-13-2007, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

Because more often than not it's always painted with the man who is the evil controller and the woman is a helpless victim, even if she went fully willing into the relationship/gaining, and continued to gain past pains in knees, reach issues, mobility issues, etc.

I believe in personal responsibility. I've done some extremely stupid things in relationships (long ago) and while I'd love to blame the "abuser" (and in every true sense he was)... I was there, I did those things, I made those horrible choices. I am to blame for getting myself there, and I had to get myself out.

Again, disclaimer as required, I'm talking about women who enter consensual relationships - not any type of forced/deliberately manipulated situations.

So, while I feel bad for their pains or struggles, they walked that path on their own. There is plenty of anecdotal information about the struggles and risks of obesity, and true... while one may not understand them until they're under them, they KNOW the possibilities.

It would be like me getting hooked on heroin and blaming the fact that I couldn't know what it felt like to be addicted until it was too late. I know the risks, I know the downfalls, I don't tread that path because it's too dangerous to me. People who choose to follow "dangerous" paths have to live with the consequences - that is fully their choice.

Exactly. Brenda, I find it offensive that you think that I'm always only on the side of FAs/Feeders.

I've been a fat girl all my life and I've struggled with it and have seen others struggle with it. I know what's it like.

Like AnnMarie, I believe in personal responsibility. I believe that if a woman makes the choice to either become fat, or become fatter that is her business and her choice. I teach my students that actions have consequences, good or bad. Your words were:but the consequences are all hers. He always walks away with his life and health, she does not.That is the nature of a feeder/feedee relationship. One of them is going to get fat and sometimes it's a mutual gaining relationship and both of them gain. My point is she made the choice and the consequences of her actions belong to her alone.

MisticalMisty · 04-13-2007, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waldo

You are wrong. I have seen Misty show a very vigorous 'sense of protection for fellow fat woman'. In recent times I have seen a more balanced approach from her and that is something that helps the discourse here immensely.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. Why the hell would I be against girls like me? If you are wronged thru no fault of your own, I'm on it. HOWEVER these women choose the lifestyle.

crazygrad · 04-13-2007, 07:46 PM

Brenda, I don't think your post directed at Misty was very fair. From what I've seen, she has been a very supportive, friendly, open and accepting member of this community.

To basically call her a cheerleader for feederism or feeders is off the mark here.

I appreciate some of your ideas. Its very easy to see the inequity of these relationships when you see a fat person who has trouble walking, attending to their intimate hygeine, or has any number of medical conditions linked to (causally or exacerbated by) their weight, while their partner has none. And even when someone is aware intellectually of what may happen, that is different than actually really getting what that reality may in fact be like. So I see where you're at, I just think youcharacterized someone unfairly in this case.

AnnMarie · 04-13-2007, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherBBW

There were so many responses

*snipped*

Bah, I really screwed this entire post up, but I am just hitting enter. Maybe I'll look insane after all. LOL

Well that's just GREAT. That leaves me almost nothing to black mail you with... and I'm beginning to think all my "complimentary" meals are part of a bigger, far more sinister, plan.

Green Eyed Fairy · 04-13-2007, 07:52 PM

I have to concur that it really looks like a no-win situation for whomever is the feedee- I don't care how much intimacy, love, etc is in the relationship. I have been in love relationships where I felt I was the luckiest woman in the world (not a feeder/feedee relationship but when you get down to it, all types of relationships can correllate somehow, imo) and now I feel lucky as hell not to be in the relationship anymore. I'm just glad I didn't come out of those relationships disabled- not able to function anymore- all in the name of "love".

***Yes, I'm a bitter old woman

I also have to add that I'm still "easy" about it all when it's the decision that other people make- it's when I see myself in that scenario that I really get bothered.

MisticalMisty · 04-13-2007, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherBBW

There were so many responses to the original topic that it was hard for me to jump in on each response I wanted to make to different people. So I've decided just to make a post of my own touching on some things I've read and my own personal choices and opinions. I'm not saying I am right or that I'm wrong, I'm just going to try to be honest so maybe there will be some understanding. I think there isn't enough representation from my perspective.

Bah, I really screwed this entire post up, but I am just hitting enter. Maybe I'll look insane after all. LOL

Heather, I don't think you screwed up at all. You put yourself out there to show another perspective to the lifestyle that so many people demonize.

You're right, there isn't enough representation from your perspective and it's because a lot of feeders/feedee avoid posting because they are tired of the constant flaming. I've had at least 4 or 5 people ask me if the feeders still get a bad rap on dimensions.

What it ultimately boils down to is this: In most cases, it's a consensual act between 2 adults. Either gainer *since there are male feedees and women feeders* is willingly entering into a relationship with another person knowing the consequences of their actions. If they don't know the consequences of their actions, they live under a rock.

LillyBBBW · 04-13-2007, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherBBW

Oh... I remembered another thing. For some (like myself) it really isn't mostly about the food or consumption, for me, it's about being fatter. I'd take a magic pill if there were one and bypass the food and caloric intake. But food is yummy and I do enjoy it like the next person.

How do you deal with the concept of the medical ramifications of gaining? Do you fear anything happening to you? Is there a conceptual point in your mind at which you may eventually say, "Okay, this is where it has to end,"?

crazygrad · 04-13-2007, 07:54 PM

Heather, I just wanted to thank you for your post, despite (grammar teacher here

)the run one sentences. It is really helping me to think about these issues. From what I've seen with a friend, her approach as she expresses it, is very different, but perhaps its just that she doesn't express herself as well as you did in that post.

MisticalMisty · 04-13-2007, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

I have to concur that it really looks like a no-win situation for whomever is the feedee-

To you, it's a no win situation. But to a willing feedee it's their IDEAL situation.

04-13-2007, 07:33 PM	#66
HeatherBBW Nerd-like. Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Walnut, California Posts: 1,998	Yeah, I want to be huge and maybe I'm crazy, but I sure feel fine. There were so many responses to the original topic that it was hard for me to jump in on each response I wanted to make to different people. So I've decided just to make a post of my own touching on some things I've read and my own personal choices and opinions. I'm not saying I am right or that I'm wrong, I'm just going to try to be honest so maybe there will be some understanding. I think there isn't enough representation from my perspective. Bah.. now my mind just went haywire and thoughts are floating all over the place. I'll try not to make this post a huge run-on sentence. I guess I'll start out with one of the things that really make me angry. I am angered when I see feeders condemned for their preferences. It seems there is the urban legend of the evil man carrying donuts who feeds his unwillingly but wanting to be loved partner to immobility and then leaves her for the next gal to fatten. Honestly, I've been in this "fat scene" for a long time and I've only seem one incident of such behavior and quite frankly, the guy was just an asshole the girl, well she just wanted his asshole attention at any cost. Not every feeder/feedee situation is destructive... not every situation is forced... not every situation is of a domination/submission type relationship... not every situation involves two people... I myself... have gotten fat on my own... So those who make such judgements that feeders are this evil non-caring group of (it always seems to be) men..... who have you to blame for the hundreds of pounds that I've put on? What the hell is she talking about... Noone fattened her up? Isn't her partner a feeder? The answer is no and no I wish. So maybe I'm mental, but as stated above, I sure feel fine. I feel like I am balanced and can look at things objectively. That doesn't stop my extreme fantasies and my desire to live them out. I've wanted to be fat since I can remember. My most vivid memories are from around age 8 when I'd put on clothes of bigger adults and stuff them and stand in the mirror wondering what it would feel like to be fatter. Some say this behavior must have been triggered by something in my childhood. From all of my digging into my past, I can't say that I can recall anything that clicked on my "wanna be fat" button. I used to see fat ladies and wonder what it felt like to be in their bodies. Maybe like a young girl wonders what it would it feel like to have breasts when she first sees her mom topless. All I know, is I've definitely always felt that fat is feminine and I wanted to be fatter. VERY much fatter. Growing up I was made fun of like every other fat kid. For me, it was hell and heaven at once. I can't explain it, but being teased was horrible on an embarassment level but it was also stimulating because it reminded me that I was indeed fat. I did feel like I had some power over those bullies though, because in my own mind, I felt like they just "didn't get it". I felt like I had some secret they didn't know and they were just in the dark. Is this unstable? I am really not a shrink, but I know it got me through those rough years and situations. So I am 33 years old and 470ish pounds. In my life I've dated LOTS of FAs. I've been lucky enough to be in the fat media and have made lots of friends which led to many dates. I probably dated more feeders then I realized, but the only ones I shared anything weight gain related with and sometimes on very small levels (a secret or two here and there) were 3. I'd say that is a minimal number and they certainly couldn't be "blamed" for my fatness. Honestly, getting fatter was a lonely journey for me. I often yearned to share my deep thoughts with someone and have them agree with me or understand me. Even after finding Dimensions and finding weight gain stories and the like, I still felt like it was too private and I couldn't share. Sure, I've taken food pictures and posted the results of my weight gain. But it's all very easily hidden in my modeling work. There are many girls who take such images that aren't "into it" but are catering to an audience of enthusiasts, it's their job. It hasn't been until very recently that I've finally been able to type/share on these forums a few of my inner thoughts and I think that is because for the first time (very recently) in my adult sexual life, I've actually been able to tell a lover my thoughts/desires on the subject and have them be on the very same page. This is very enlightening and it made me feel less alone... and more importantly it made me feel open enough about it all to finally share. So here I am. Extremes. For some it may be fantasy and some it may be reality. Those who choose whatever path for whatever reason... should be exactly that.. their choice. I myself personally thought that when I reached 300 lbs that I'd finally feel huge and fat. Well, I got there... and I didn't. Am I obsessed with being fat? Maybe. I don't know. I just know what is stimulating to me and I can't take it away. I do know, that it's my body and my choice. I've purposely gained since grade school and I've no intentions or an upper limit. I figure I will take things as they come. Do I fantasize about being as big as a king size bed? Absolutely! Is it actually possible? I don't know. Will I try to get that fat? We'll see. It's all very unknown. But I do know that I can't wait to be 500 lbs. I do know that I've given up things in my life in regards to mobility and places I can fit or enjoy... I've made those decisions with a level head. I think everyone has a Pro/Con list in their brains when making decisions, consider my decision making along this line. There are some things that I am limited in that are completely frustrating but very exciting at the same time. Like walking up stairs, bah, what a pain in my fat ass... but.. woah.. I'm so fat that they are hard... make any sense? I sit in a too small chair in a restaurant.. I'm pissed that they don't have better accomodations for bigger people and I'm not comfy... but I'm reminded of my size... hot... very hot. Make any sense? Probably not... but that's the thing... if you aren't into it... it shouldn't make sense and it should be hard for you to judge these reactions if you don't know what it's like to be and the choices I've made. Blah, there are so many other things to be said here. I just feel... like of all places... there has to be other people like me out there... who think like me... or at least understand me... instead... in the past thread I seen there is lots of confusion, miscommunication, misunderstanding... and I don't want to feel that "am I the only one?" feeling anymore... I feel like I totally F-ed up this post, there is just too much to say and if we were all sitting in a room, I could easily express myself. But in a post.. it's too hard to do. In closing, I do remember one thing that kept on being mentioned about the tube feeding picture and how only unstable women posted in such a situation.... well I've participated in tube feeding and guess what.... I wasn't being degraded by anyone... because there was no one else there. I wasn't submissive to anyone, I wasn't being forced and as far as pictures are concerned, I've thought about doing a set for my site in such a pose... but it's pretty personal... and very hardcore and I normally don't cross such lines on my site. Maybe one day, but I do want to say, that I've done it and I enjoyed it. Oh... I remembered another thing. For some (like myself) it really isn't mostly about the food or consumption, for me, it's about being fatter. I'd take a magic pill if there were one and bypass the food and caloric intake. But food is yummy and I do enjoy it like the next person. Bah, I really screwed this entire post up, but I am just hitting enter. Maybe I'll look insane after all. LOL

04-13-2007, 07:52 PM	#71
Green Eyed Fairy Flash Dancing Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In Your Head Posts: 18,134	I have to concur that it really looks like a no-win situation for whomever is the feedee- I don't care how much intimacy, love, etc is in the relationship. I have been in love relationships where I felt I was the luckiest woman in the world (not a feeder/feedee relationship but when you get down to it, all types of relationships can correllate somehow, imo) and now I feel lucky as hell not to be in the relationship anymore. I'm just glad I didn't come out of those relationships disabled- not able to function anymore- all in the name of "love". ***Yes, I'm a bitter old woman I also have to add that I'm still "easy" about it all when it's the decision that other people make- it's when I see myself in that scenario that I really get bothered. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] "The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms." "See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"

04-13-2007, 05:28 PM	#51
crazygrad Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: a well-carpeted insane asylum Posts: 529	Lilly, could you clarify what you mean by someone having suspicious moles removed being akin to gaining? I'm not sure I see the connection here. I've had skin cancer and have suspicious moles removed every year as a precaution. I've never tanned and always wear sunscreen. So for me, mole removal is a prophylaxis.

04-13-2007, 05:39 PM	#53
crazygrad Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: a well-carpeted insane asylum Posts: 529	Not trying to speak for Lilly either, but after I hit post I went back and looked at her earlier post and thought the same thing. I especially loved the pic from Something about Mary. I approach preaching against tanning because I've had skin cancer. I've quit gym memberships in protest, so yeah- I think its a pretty ah silly thing to do.

04-13-2007, 05:53 PM	#56
crazygrad Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: a well-carpeted insane asylum Posts: 529	No prob, like I said, I went back and figured it out. thanks for the pic! And you, Lilly, are right about many African nations where feeding is an important cultural activity. As it was in earlier European societies. While I don't think it had the same sexual component as it has on this board (it may have though, I don't know) it was all about social position, class, prestige and status and respect.

04-13-2007, 05:54 PM	#57
Brenda Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Milwaukee Posts: 586	It is my opinion that many of IRL feeders are puttiing there desires ahead of the health and well being of there partner. They downplay the risks and ignore the negative consequences for the most part. They manipulate there partners to continuing even when it clear it is no longer fun and games for the feedee. When I see a woman announce she is a feedee and wants to gain to some high weight, my mind automatically goes to others like her that ended poorly. Of course it is not going to go well for these woman. The endings I have seen are premature death, homebound, oxygen aided breathing, abandonment by feeder and unable to care for themselves and if they are lucky they survive and get gastric bypass. Fortunately once these things occur the feeder can go onto the next woman. Some things are best left in the fantasy realm, this is definitely one of them. Brenda

04-13-2007, 07:12 PM	#63
Brenda Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Milwaukee Posts: 586	I am not disputing that it is consenual. Of course the feedee did choose to go along with it but the consequences are all hers. He always walks away with his life and health, she does not. Feeding is unlike other sexual acts in that it changes your body in many times permanant ways. I said IRL feeders to separate from those with fantasies because there is a huge difference. To be honest Misty I feel like you base a lot of your opinions on this based on internet interactions and not seeing how it plays out in the real world. In my nearly 15 years around the SA movement I have seen exactly what I described occur multiple times. Yes, the woman choice to do it, she was not forced but she always paid a very high price. The fact is once she does it and the consequences become more than she bargained for it is just too fucking late to change things. You are always so concerned with protecting feeders and fa's, yet I don't see that sense of protection for your fellow fat woman. That I find very sad. This isn't entirely directed just at you Brenda, but all people who seem to cry out that feeders are manipulative. A lot of feedees are educated people who KNOW the risk of their actions. I think it's unfair to state that feeders are manipulative assholes that endanger a woman's life. Bullshit. Feeding is just like any other sexual act. Unless someone has you tied down and is stuffing cheesecake down your throat, every time you put the fork to your mouth it's a consensual act. Have those of you who believe that feeders are manipulative and evil ever talked to one before? Most of the ones I've came in contact with get off on the idea of it..and want you to occasionally stuff yourself for their enjoyment. It's not an all day, everyday activity to them. Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes. I just hate when the majority is made out to be evil. Being with a man is a choice. Wanting to gain weight is a choice. Putting food into your body is a choice. My thought is..if it ain't happening in my bedroom..it's none of my damn business. __________________

04-13-2007, 07:46 PM	#69
crazygrad Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: a well-carpeted insane asylum Posts: 529	Brenda, I don't think your post directed at Misty was very fair. From what I've seen, she has been a very supportive, friendly, open and accepting member of this community. To basically call her a cheerleader for feederism or feeders is off the mark here. I appreciate some of your ideas. Its very easy to see the inequity of these relationships when you see a fat person who has trouble walking, attending to their intimate hygeine, or has any number of medical conditions linked to (causally or exacerbated by) their weight, while their partner has none. And even when someone is aware intellectually of what may happen, that is different than actually really getting what that reality may in fact be like. So I see where you're at, I just think youcharacterized someone unfairly in this case.

04-13-2007, 07:54 PM	#74
crazygrad Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: a well-carpeted insane asylum Posts: 529	Heather, I just wanted to thank you for your post, despite (grammar teacher here )the run one sentences. It is really helping me to think about these issues. From what I've seen with a friend, her approach as she expresses it, is very different, but perhaps its just that she doesn't express herself as well as you did in that post.