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Old 12-15-2005, 08:51 AM   #1
Buffetbelly
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Post You may be a fat boy if...

- You use the term "double parking" to describe your need two seats side by side.
- You ask for super size but complain that it looks like a medium size meal.
- You have to literally roll out of bed every morning.
- Your favorite exercise used to be speed walking, but now it's speed waddling.
- Your mouth waters uncontrollably whenever you see or smell food.
- Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all done buffet style!
- You have desserts as part of the appetizers.
- A crowd gathers to watch them change the total amount of burgers sold on the golden arches at McD's after you place
your order.
- You use a hoola hoop as a belt for your pants.
- Your webcam/camera needs a wide lens to get all of you in.
- Buffet managers fake being closed when they see you coming.
- One motion can set your gut jiggling for hours.
- You have to lift your belly up and set it on the table.
- Sometimes, when you go left your fat goes right.
- When you think of food every 5 seconds.
- When the waitress automatically seats you at a table because you don't have a prayer of fitting in a booth.
- You're really a fat boy when no one else can get into the elevator with you because it will excede the maximum
weight limit.
- You're really really a fat boy when the elevator doors close on your belly.
- You have to actually count with your fingers to find out how many chins you have.
- You no longer eat between meal snacks because there is no break between meals.
- The love seat in your living room is only big enough for you.
- When you set a beer on your gut and it sinks right in and disappears from sight.
- When sumo wrestlers look at you and say "DAMN!".
- When taking a picture of your gut requires more than one sitting.
- The only way you can find the buttons on your shirt is to have them marked by latitude and longitude!
- You can no longer reach the faucet handles to wash your hands and you have to stand sideways to do it.
- You can no longer use a urinal because your belly won't let you get close enough to pee!
- You start tripping over objects on the floor or missing steps and curbs because your belly protrudes so much that
you don't see these things.
- You can't kneel down in church because you can't push your gut into the pew in front of you far enough to get your
knees on the kneeler.
- The only way you can dry your feet off after a shower is to use a hair dryer.
- When airplane tray tables go down about one inch before hitting your belly, rendering them utterly useless.
- You can't see your member.
- Your stomach enters the room several seconds before you do.
- You get turned down to play Santa Claus because the kids couldn't fit on your lap.
- Your girth exceeds your height.
- The new jeans that you bought last month are your thin jeans now.
- You need a mirror to see where your belt buckles.
- When the big and tall store doesnt have your size.
- When it doesnt matter whether or not you're wearing clothes: your privates are always fully covered from view.
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Old 12-15-2005, 08:53 AM   #2
Buffetbelly
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Talking Don't shoot the Editor!

Now I don't want to take credit (or blame) for this list --I just compiled it from another BHM board and rewrote a few of them. There are about 20 authors, most prominently Williebear from West Virginia.

Anyone here care to add their own?
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Old 12-15-2005, 08:59 AM   #3
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Talking Il Fabuloso!

Fantastico! Hi-larious! I loved it! (Then again, we all know about my sense of humor! ) Congrats to Williebear for compiling a fun list...and inspiring too! I can relate to the speed waddling one...my ex-wife is the designated Speedy Gonzales of SF...she zooms! I always have to sing that song "Slow down, you move too fast...gotta' make the morning last.."!!!! Even though I have a creditable voice, she hates the song, so she cringes and goes into fits, but it slows her down a tad! ROFL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffetbelly
Now I don't want to take credit (or blame) for this list --I just compiled it from another BHM board and rewrote a few of them. There are about 20 authors, most prominently Williebear from West Virginia.

Anyone here care to add their own?
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Old 12-17-2005, 03:29 PM   #4
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when you have to buy a cell phone, because you can't fit in to a phone booth
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Old 12-17-2005, 03:34 PM   #5
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You might be a fat boy if your car seat is pushed all the way back and your steering wheel is pushed all the up just for you to get in the car.
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Old 12-17-2005, 05:27 PM   #6
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.... by the time you stand up you need to sit back down.
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Last edited by LillyBBBW; 12-19-2005 at 01:08 PM.
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Old 12-20-2005, 07:44 PM   #7
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Default Darling!!!

Buffetbelly....As always, you are so marvelous at supplying "les mots justes"...I have missed you (and everyone here) dearly....It is nice to be back and to see all of the usual banter and beautiful bellies!
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Old 12-23-2005, 07:42 AM   #8
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....if you can't see your knees--when you are sitting
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Old 12-26-2005, 03:01 PM   #9
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That was a really good posting!
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Old 05-03-2007, 12:24 PM   #10
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You may be a fat boy if...

your belly bounces off your thighs when you walk/waddle!
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:29 PM   #11
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...when people use YOU to sit out of the wind or into the shades.
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Old 05-04-2007, 07:30 AM   #12
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This list... kinda turned me on.
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:14 AM   #13
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Default

When the people behind you on a sunny day need eclipse viewing equipment.

When you can trigger mass panic by entering a furniture store.

When people go out of their way crossing the street because they just know it has to be contagious.

When at the counter of a car rental agency, with a full lot of cars of all sizes out front, you hear "All we have for you is a cargo van".

When if you haven't been called "big guy" at least several times that day, you've been alone all day.

When you're on an elevator, and it stops at a floor before your destination, the folks waiting to get on have a distinct deer-in-headlights look, and nervously say "we'll wait for another elevator".

When you can't go out in public without at least once hearing talk about "Homer".
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:59 AM   #14
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Default You might be really fat if....

....you are standing in line at McDonalds and your pager starts beeping and someone behind you yells "Look out! He's going to back up"
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:03 AM   #15
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Default You might be a fat boy if....

....you can't see where the dial stopped after you broke the bathroom scale.
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Old 05-04-2007, 09:45 AM   #16
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Default You might be a fat boy if...

.....it takes your girlfriend/wife 3 minutes to discover your jockey shorts are still on...
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:04 PM   #17
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HAHAHAHHA! Good one Buffetbelly


I do admit the girth being greater than height part kind of disturbing though in reference to myself
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It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:17 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeeBee View Post
.....it takes your girlfriend/wife 3 minutes to discover your jockey shorts are still on...
Good one!
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You looked so big and fine..." 'X-Offender', Blondie.
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:19 PM   #19
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Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by IMW_NL View Post
...when people use YOU to sit out of the wind or into the shades.
Hey, I regularly have friends and family huddle behind me to get out of the wind - never thought of that as a sign of size before though, but you're right!

It's apparently especially effective when I'm wearing my black leather jacket...
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Old 05-04-2007, 12:32 PM   #20
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Default I'm FAT

I KNOW I'm fat. Even with the seat all-the-way back and the wheel
all-the-way up and in, I still just barely fit in my '83 Cadillac De Ville! That wheel
really pushes hard on my belly.
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Fat is like grass, it'll never go away and there's a hell
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Life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.

Fat is only ugly to those who hate.

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Old 05-04-2007, 02:18 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondeegrldd View Post
This list... kinda turned me on.
You're such a push-over for a pretty fat boy!!
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Old 05-04-2007, 03:24 PM   #22
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Default You might be a fat boy if....

...your wife leaves you and writes her goodbye note on your favorite take-out menu, and it really upsets you, she used lipstick and ruined the menu.
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Old 05-04-2007, 03:26 PM   #23
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Default you might be a fat boy if....

...you want to get a snack and a beer during a commercial and the couch won't let you up...
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Old 05-04-2007, 03:28 PM   #24
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Default You might be a fat boy if...

... your wife/girlfriend wants you to wear a bra, and it isn't some kind of fettish..
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Old 05-05-2007, 02:05 PM   #25
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Default You might be a fat boy if...

...you can no longer use second gear on your 4-on-the-floor classic muscle car.
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