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Old 01-17-2006, 03:03 PM   #1
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Default Alas...Wife Started Diet

Hey there. I don't know if any of you might remember me, but my username is Admirer. I wrote a bunch of stuff that is still up in the Weight Room and I wrote stuff that was "published" in Bulge (of the Kelligrl fame) like "The Bakery Girls" and "Rebecca's Grandmother" among others.

ANYWAY...my wife, who is gorgeous (yes, really) and 5'1'' and about 240 SWEET pounds has started her annual diet. Being an FA, this is a hard time for me--and I know that is TOTALLY selfish, but it's a reality. I want her to be happy with herself, of course, but...I don't know. The weight has always come back (which is a great period of time for an FA like myself). But I feel so wrong to be less attracted to her while she melts away. I think she knows it, too. But lately I have been more and more open about my preference (desires?) and so has she. Her gaining always reaches a crescendo, a fever pitch, and then DIES. [This summer we discovered a new mexican place and she discovered Chimichangas!!] Anyway, when she's not dieting, the "lovin" is REALLY sensual and hot (for BOTH of us), but when she is, it cools off a bit.

Any thoughts???

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Old 01-17-2006, 03:59 PM   #2
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I say just love her. Maybe she just needs a self esteem boost. Tell her how sexy she is as many times a day as you can. It can't hurt!

Quote:
Originally Posted by admirer
Hey there. I don't know if any of you might remember me, but my username is Admirer. I wrote a bunch of stuff that is still up in the Weight Room and I wrote stuff that was "published" in Bulge (of the Kelligrl fame) like "The Bakery Girls" and "Rebecca's Grandmother" among others.

ANYWAY...my wife, who is gorgeous (yes, really) and 5'1'' and about 240 SWEET pounds has started her annual diet. Being an FA, this is a hard time for me--and I know that is TOTALLY selfish, but it's a reality. I want her to be happy with herself, of course, but...I don't know. The weight has always come back (which is a great period of time for an FA like myself). But I feel so wrong to be less attracted to her while she melts away. I think she knows it, too. But lately I have been more and more open about my preference (desires?) and so has she. Her gaining always reaches a crescendo, a fever pitch, and then DIES. [This summer we discovered a new mexican place and she discovered Chimichangas!!] Anyway, when she's not dieting, the "lovin" is REALLY sensual and hot (for BOTH of us), but when she is, it cools off a bit.

Any thoughts???

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Old 01-17-2006, 06:19 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by admirer
Hey there. I don't know if any of you might remember me, but my username is Admirer. I wrote a bunch of stuff that is still up in the Weight Room and I wrote stuff that was "published" in Bulge (of the Kelligrl fame) like "The Bakery Girls" and "Rebecca's Grandmother" among others.

ANYWAY...my wife, who is gorgeous (yes, really) and 5'1'' and about 240 SWEET pounds has started her annual diet. Being an FA, this is a hard time for me--and I know that is TOTALLY selfish, but it's a reality. I want her to be happy with herself, of course, but...I don't know. The weight has always come back (which is a great period of time for an FA like myself). But I feel so wrong to be less attracted to her while she melts away. I think she knows it, too. But lately I have been more and more open about my preference (desires?) and so has she. Her gaining always reaches a crescendo, a fever pitch, and then DIES. [This summer we discovered a new mexican place and she discovered Chimichangas!!] Anyway, when she's not dieting, the "lovin" is REALLY sensual and hot (for BOTH of us), but when she is, it cools off a bit.

Any thoughts???

Admirer

I feel your pain I have a similar situation with my husband. He keeps saying, "I need to lose some weight" (he's only about 250, 5 ft 11 in), and I feel guilty for wanting him to stay relatively big because he is a T2 diabetic. For him, losing weight would help his health, so it makes me feel guilty when I realize I want him to stay big (esp. his belly). Sometimes he mentions a dessert he really loves, and I make it for him, knowing he will gain some weight but also feeling guilt because I know he's not supposed to have it.

For me, its hard to feel good about someone who always puts themselves down in wanting to lose weight. But with my husband at least I know its because of his health he wants to do it, not looks. If I thought he wanted to do it for looks, I'd wonder why he disliked his body so much, and if so, why should *I* like it? Confidence is an AMAZING turn on for both men and women. Hell, I gave a whole pile of brand new laser discs to a guy on Freecycle all because he calls himself "Big Les"! I figured a guy with self esteem like that deserves to get them before anyone else!
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Old 01-17-2006, 08:15 PM   #4
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Default When she...

When she's in her fat phase she always calls her self a FAT GIRL and a BIG GIRL and massages her big belly. It rules. She has no particular health cares betond just weight. She gets in a tizzy, talking about all the restaurants she wants to try on the Phantom Gourmet. I make her sweets and take her out to spoil her and she says and KNOWS that I am trying to fatten her up, spoil her--then the turn. Inevitable. But I always LOVE the gaining phase. It RULES!!
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Old 01-17-2006, 09:04 PM   #5
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i would just make sure to compliment her all the time and next time she goes through gaining phase tell her she looks great.
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Old 01-19-2006, 12:24 AM   #6
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Default very difficult when your partner desides to be skinny or loose weight?

I understand how you feel. The sensible approach is to support her in what she needs. That is for her and not for you. Then on the contrary, her loss effects your love life which is bad for the both of you. It effects how she feels because ( I assume) it is hard to validate her because you don't have the passion you have/had when she just eats and lets herself be.

The sen sual passionate side wants and admires her larger and eating as it brings passion to the bedroom. What if she lost all her fat and became lean and mean? How would the bedroom be then? For an admirer of bbws it is like a gay being with a straight person, sure it may work for a while but it will take it's toll.

If that happens do you wish her the best in her new life and body? When passion dies cause she is loosing what you are attracted to are your supposed to continue and live a life without intimacy?

I know our partners if they decide to loose massive amounts of weight we loose the passion. But we must remain supportive, yet the end will come to the intimate part of the relationship, I assume, if the we cannot maintain passion.

My gf lost lots of weight and it has not been the same for years. I support her and encourage her to do what is best for her, but it does not change how I feel or how the passion is affected.
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Old 01-19-2006, 08:30 AM   #7
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As admirer of BBWs you we all have to come to a point in a relationship. A point, hopefully before the relationship get serious, where we look at our partner, imagine them thin and ask ourselves "Would I still love this person?"

Sorry to sound like a after-school special, but we have to love the person first and foremost. If you just love a person mostly for their body, that is lust, not love.
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Old 01-19-2006, 01:28 PM   #8
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Default Believe me...

She was thin (130) when we met, and her weight has gone up and down (I love the UP parts) since then. We are perfect for each other. I am more attracted to the expanding her more.....
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Old 01-20-2006, 07:17 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by EtobicokeFA
As admirer of BBWs you we all have to come to a point in a relationship. A point, hopefully before the relationship get serious, where we look at our partner, imagine them thin and ask ourselves "Would I still love this person?"

Sorry to sound like a after-school special, but we have to love the person first and foremost. If you just love a person mostly for their body, that is lust, not love.
The problem is, most men are very visual (and the higher their testosterone, the more visual they are). Some of us women are also very visual (I'm somewhat more visual than most women, but less visual than most men).

Most men (and some women) need to like what they SEE in front of them before they can rise to the occasion (in the case of visual men).

If my husband were to lose weight and be thin (like he was in the Navy), I'd still LOVE him, but I admit I would be disappointed with what I'd SEE.
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Old 01-21-2006, 12:19 PM   #10
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Same thing is happening with me and my girlfriend now. When we met a few years ago, she was barely 100 lbs, and she gained (seemingly happily) up to 150ls, and I loved every minute of it, and I thought she loved it to. Now she tells me she wants to diet down back to 100lbs. I will always love her and find her attractive, I just will miss her body now. But today is her last day before she embarks on her diet, and I intend to spend every minute of it enjoying every pound of my angel.

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Old 01-25-2006, 09:09 PM   #11
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Default Sweet 240

Try not to count.
Counting is way too neurotic.
Just live and love, baby!
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Old 01-29-2006, 09:22 AM   #12
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Talking

Ok. My boyfriend and I were discussing this the other day. Becuase I do go through the swings of being a hot fat chika with all the confidence in the world to a fat chick on a mission to lose all of my weight, usually thorugh WW and I usually become hell bent on it.

here's what FA's need to realise. 97% of all diets fail. With those failed diest most people gain back the lost weight AND THEN SOME without any effort. FA's need to learn patience. My bf hs this down to an art. When Im in weight loss mode, he supports me and encourages me. And when Im ready to give in to my supressed appitite he is also there ready to encourage me, lol.

I would even bet money that if you had two ssbbws or hell even bbws....who weighed the same. Let one remain constant in her eating and put the other noe on a diet for 2 months. At the end of 4 months weight them both. I would bet the one who was put on a diet would be significantly heavier than the one who ws constant. Keep that in mind as your wife/gf diets. It will all work itself out in the end.

In the mean time comliment her. Don't focus on her size too much, pick things out that will remain true fatter or smaller. My bf always tells me Im gorgeous, he loves my eyes and my smile. Those things will be the same at 200 or 700 pounds.

So yeah, that's my advice. Love her for her and let her know that. The diet thing will eventually work out to your advantage.
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Old 01-30-2006, 08:47 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW
Ok. My boyfriend and I were discussing this the other day. Becuase I do go through the swings of being a hot fat chika with all the confidence in the world to a fat chick on a mission to lose all of my weight, usually thorugh WW and I usually become hell bent on it.

here's what FA's need to realise. 97% of all diets fail. With those failed diest most people gain back the lost weight AND THEN SOME without any effort. FA's need to learn patience. My bf hs this down to an art. When Im in weight loss mode, he supports me and encourages me. And when Im ready to give in to my supressed appitite he is also there ready to encourage me, lol.

I would even bet money that if you had two ssbbws or hell even bbws....who weighed the same. Let one remain constant in her eating and put the other noe on a diet for 2 months. At the end of 4 months weight them both. I would bet the one who was put on a diet would be significantly heavier than the one who ws constant. Keep that in mind as your wife/gf diets. It will all work itself out in the end.

In the mean time comliment her. Don't focus on her size too much, pick things out that will remain true fatter or smaller. My bf always tells me Im gorgeous, he loves my eyes and my smile. Those things will be the same at 200 or 700 pounds.

So yeah, that's my advice. Love her for her and let her know that. The diet thing will eventually work out to your advantage.
I can relate. My wife is on that Jenny Craig crap. And, I make the point to tell each and every day, that I think she is beautiful and that I love her. Even we she gets mad at me for says she is beautiful, because she thinks that is counter productive to her diet. But, I say it anyway!
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Old 01-30-2006, 09:43 AM   #14
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I too can relate, not only as an fa, but as a feeder. I have dated skinny women thinking I could be satisfied, and satisfy them. Their habits were not eating, loosing, (constant diets) I would tell them they are beautiful and I liked their extra fat as ir was very curvy, but they thought I was not right in the head. I just got to a point in my life when if the person wants to loose fine, go ahead, it is your choice, I support your choice. The only problem comes in later after they have done it how are we supposed to feel as fa's. To me the parallel is for a non fa to be matched with a SSBBW, and how much intamacy would there be? If a gal looses weight, after a period of the bbw you married is now thin how are you supposed to respond? With love of course, but will the intamacy be effected? TO me it certainly would be, then I guess it becomes a good friendship

As a feeder in a reltionship with a foodee there were still problems due to my gf disliking her body, or the feeding fantasies. As fa's it is so important we are properly matched with the same type person, and, most importantly be in love with that person.
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Old 01-30-2006, 11:48 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EtobicokeFA
I can relate. My wife is on that Jenny Craig crap. And, I make the point to tell each and every day, that I think she is beautiful and that I love her. Even we she gets mad at me for says she is beautiful, because she thinks that is counter productive to her diet. But, I say it anyway!
And then there are those like my girlfriend. She got through all the diet stuff and body hating before meeting me. She gained about 50 lbs. after meeting me through just general habits and fun. Lately she has decided to "become healthier". I totally support her in this because I think it needs to happen too. She needs to lose 50-100 lbs. (she's 5' 3" and was 353 lbs.) She'd like to be able to handle stairs well and possibly fit restaurant booths a bit better. She also would like to be smaller at a younger age to account for gain as she gets older. The hardest thing for me to do, however, is be supportive 100% of the way she is doing things. I always occasionally slip up and get a bit depressed when I fear she'll become an exercise-a-holic or make too much of a hobby out of her activities... she went from 0 to turbo in a very short time. That said, however, I have very few problems with what she is actually doing because she has more energy and she's not really dieting. She's exercising and trying to keep around 2000 calories a day so she logs a bunch of stuff. She's also eating salads a lot more often (But not as the only thing she eats).

I think as an FA and a casual weight gain enthusiast I love super-sized women but I don't think it's at all practical to encourage that unless it's the goal of the other person involved. I think also on average as I get older I think I prefer mid-range bbw more. (I call it noticeably fat..."can't hide with clothing")
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Old 01-30-2006, 12:11 PM   #16
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cactopus, I understand how u feel and it may eventually effect your relationship if she decides to become smaller and smaller. She may decide to become really really thin. But you will have to support her, but that may mean you will have to make changes.
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Old 01-30-2006, 12:50 PM   #17
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cactopus, I understand how u feel and it may eventually effect your relationship if she decides to become smaller and smaller. She may decide to become really really thin. But you will have to support her, but that may mean you will have to make changes.
That is very unlikely for several reasons:

1. She's probably not able to be thin

2. We had an understanding when we first started dating about what we were both looking for and our personalities. If she did those things she'd have to change who she is/represented herself as when we met. She knows that if that was the case I'd still love her and respect her but we would not have a relationship any longer. (I did that kind of song and dance with my ex-wife and it was way more than a size issue. It spilled into all facets of life regarding who I thought she was and what I thought she wanted versus reality. If you couple that with a semi malicious person [my ex] it can lead to a very depressing passive form of spousal abuse; been there done that bought the t-shirt; I won't do it again)

3. Her changes are 0 percent cosmetic. (In addition to her affirmation to that effect, I trust her completely). She loves herself and even enjoys being the way she is when she isn't troubled by difficulties resulting from that.
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