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Old 07-24-2007, 09:32 AM   #1
LargeLost&leftout
 
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Default Advice needed please!

First of all, please forgive my ignorance,this is my first time posting and I don't know very much about your community. I actually joined today to ask for your advice.

I have been a with a guy for about 8 months- he is into the whole feedee/feeder and weight gain fetish whereas I am not. I am 300lbs and very comfortable with my weight as it is. Although I can tell he would love it if I gained.

Our sex life is good although we never discuss fantasies because his and mine differ so much that its almost as if we avoid the conversation completely. I am not opposed to discussing/acting out certain fantasies but apparently that is not an option. ?!?!?!?!!?

Also- he spends quite a bit of time reading, looking at pictures/videos (all fetish related of course)- which again- I am not opposed- I just feel a little left out and feel like there is a huge GAP in our relationship. Everything else feels great and it worries me that I may have to let the relationship go simply because I can't connect with him at that level.

Is there anyone out there in the same position? How do you handle it? Any advice you could give me would be awesome.

Thanks All
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Old 07-24-2007, 12:13 PM   #2
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I would just tell him everything you wrote here, and if he's unresponsive to that then I'd consider how much sharing things like that mean to you when you're in a relationship.

If he wants his fantasy life to be his own, that's ok, but he should make it clear that it's not a reflection on you, just something that is all his.

Sounds like you're not getting your needs met in that area either, so I think conversation is big ol' Step One.

Good luck!
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Old 07-24-2007, 02:13 PM   #3
Midori
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I think perhaps you have answered some of your own questions or at least are on the road to that. True intimacy INVOLVES fantasies and sharing and exploration ... not everything BUT that. It doesn't sound like you are content with this missing or solitary element of the relationship and it's perhaps more significant than you have wanted to admit in the past.

IF you have tried to talk to him and he absolutely won't open up about it and won't discuss it with you, he leaves you no choice but to make those decisions on your own. What are you willing to settle for in order to keep the relationship?

Fantasy does not always and many times SHOULD not include actual acting out. Inability to share or disclose fantasies with someone you have been with for 8 months would be a huge flag to me. There ARE ways in which to satisfy both of your needs but again ... communication and willingness to be open has to be there.

Part of the sucess of any long term intimate relationship is the sharing and respect of each person's fantasies or interests. This doesn't mean that you have to fulfill each one but there are elements that you can both share and incorporate. And not just his either ... yours are important too!

I agree ... tell him what you have posted here ... talk to him or try to. If he is unwilling to open up about it ... then you are getting some answers ... and you have decide what you can live with and can't live with ... within those limits.

IF His fantasies interest you ... not as fulltime living but simply a erotic elements ... MAYBE you can set up a -scene- that would involve something from what you know about his fantasy world ... see how he responds. If he still won't engage you ... then there really isn't much you can do.

Good luck ... and remember ... you deserve intimacy that shares ... not hides and no one else is going to stand up for you but you and help you get what you need and want in a relationship. You can't get blood from a turnip. I'm hopeful though that he will open up if you approach him in a non-judgemental, open way and explain that you only want to enhance your relationship.

♪midori
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