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Old 11-22-2007, 11:00 PM   #1
AppreSheAte
 
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Default Why does...?

I'm not sure my post belongs here, but it is a weight gain issue and I have to admit I find it erotic. So, here's the question for the group.

A few months ago my wife left me. It had to do with a lot of circumstances that were beyond my control - or at least I believe it to be. Business and work life crashed and I'm still trying to sort out the mess.

My mood has been depressed ranging from anger to feeling suicidal. Anyway for whatever reason, the one thing that sort of relieves my sense of stress has been overeating and gaining. Over the past two and half months - and counting today's feast fest 44.5 lbs! (see, it makes me almost giggle)

Right now I am typing this as I eat a whole pumpkin pie! There goes another lb or two!

Anyway, has anyone else gained a lot of weight when their depressed and felt the same sense of excitement or perhaps euphoria as they gain? Is it really weird? A subconscious reaction? I can think of other psychological reasons - something I can control, a primal urge, etc. However, I wonder what the group thinks, whether there is any other advice out there for me too.

I've been a FA, for years, but I find myself wishing there was a FFA for me somewhere.

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Old 11-22-2007, 11:15 PM   #2
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You need to seek some help - from a health professional - pronto!

Food can cause a hormonal reaction in the body - endorphins are released which contribute to the feeling of euphoria, a chemical occurence that some people achieve with narcotics. That is a natural phenomenon and completely normal.

However, your weight gain is not - or rather, the reasons you are gaining. People participate in eating/gaining for the sole purpose of gaining weight and ejoying their bodies and the sensations the gaining provides. While some would argue it is abnormal (and, keep in mind I'm not a proponent of gaining, but I'm accepting and understanding of it), others will argue that it is natural - it's a hedonistic approach really.

What really concerns me is your statements that you are depressed and angry, and the fact that this has come after a life-altering and dramatic event. You seem to be using food as a surrogate, and overeating as a coping mechanism. At this point it is not much different from an alcoholic reaching for the bottle in similar circumstances. You need to deal with the underlying issues here, and go through a grieving process for your relationship. A qualified therapist or counsellor can help you with that.

If, after you've dealt with the emotional turmoil and stabalized yourself, you discover that gaining is what you want to do then do it. This situation may have just helped you discover something you really desire. Until you're past the emotional upheaval, you won't know for sure if this is the path you want to take and you may be left with regrets. If it's meant to be your new life path, then walk it when you're ready to. In the meantime, talk to someone to help you through this rather than turning to addiction as a coping mechanism.

And best of luck!
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Old 11-24-2007, 02:21 PM   #3
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Default Hmmmmm?

Wow, no one else weighed in after you posted. Is this what everyone thinks?
Or, is it just one more case that no one really cares? And, if no one really cares anyway, what's the difference if I blimp out, get drunk, or whatever?

I'm finding a little comfort in something I can afford and find - lots of drive thru hamburger and shake places, and all night grocers! Where do you find treatment to work thru issues in America? I suppose this board and chat were a means of finding some compassion or sense of belonging, but sometimes I wonder if everyone here is against me. I don't mean to be paranoid, I just mean, I thought several people here were my friends, or people I could confide in, but they've all cut and run.

Between yesterday and today I've continued to stuff like crazy after a huge pig out on TG day - I went to two different buffets! Glad I went early, it had lots of breakfast foods. The later one had more desserts! I collapsed after each visit into bed barely able to keep from bursting. Fully dressed today with shoes I weighed over 274, so the weight is still a-comin and in a month or two I expect I'll be a real heavyweight! I really don't want to stop at 300. I just want to see how it feels to be really big.
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Old 11-24-2007, 04:58 PM   #4
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Cool

It's not weird. Heck, under the right circumstances, the only ones I can think of at the moment being a story or a fantasy, it might even be cool, but at the moment it just sounds dangerous. I don't know your circumstances, but, from what I've read I think that irish_red's got a right to be concerned.
I'm happy you've found your nephne, but it would really make most of us feel a lot better if you'd say you got some professional help.
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Old 11-24-2007, 08:07 PM   #5
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The American Psychological Association has listings for each state - call your state office and ask about finding a provider. If you have a physician, they can refer you as well, or call a clinic to ask about referrals. Psychiatrists are typically covered by Medicare/Medicaid and employer/private health plans, and Psychologists sometimes are. Ask about funding when you receive the referral if it is a concern. (I'm more familiar with Canada than the U.S.)

Like I said initially, if this makes you happy then that's wonderful. But if you're using it as a coping mechanism, a crutch, then you need to deal with the underlying issues. It doesn't concern me that you've made the choice to gain and find it satisfying, just that there seems to be some underlying issues you are going through. Situational stress can be very difficult to deal with for anyone.
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Old 11-24-2007, 08:42 PM   #6
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I'm a compulsive overeater/food addict with compulsive dieting and bulimic tendencies. I am a living food issue......I'm not going to tell you that you have an eating disorder because 1. I'm not you 2. I'm not a mental health worker.
However, I will say that when you talked about how the food helped you to forget....it rang true to what I do with the food. Food is like my alcohol.....I use it for many things, sometimes, other than nourishment.
When I go on a binge, I find myself not thinking of what I'm eating....but would/will think of what I will eat next, worrying if what I have will be enough...to satisfy hunger? The hunger I felt/feel sometimes was never physical....it was emotional emptiness...and avoidance of my feelings. I still struggle with it after years of self help and therapy.
Thinking of the food helps me not to think about my feelings in inferiority, ineptitude, helplessness or whatever emotions are floating across the gamut on any given day.

I came to hate food almost as much as I hated myself at one time.....perhaps you feel in control but let me tell you that it's one shitty feeling to have to make the admission that the food/addiction/compulsion controls you instead.

Once again, I'm not telling you that you have a problem or what you should do...just sharing my own food experiences and letting you know that *I* do have a problem with it.

Also...I'm not "against" you- I actually "feel" you- better than you might realize
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Old 11-26-2007, 11:24 AM   #7
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I agree with the ladies, to answer your question about lack of posts, She.
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Old 12-02-2007, 11:34 AM   #8
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Default It's a control issue

I agree with the others. You should look for professional help to deal with the anger, depression and especially the suicidal thoughts.

Lots of us here are simply into weight gain. You could be too and never realized it until now. More likely though is that for you it's a control issue. With the rest of your life out of control, eating and your weight is one area that you can control. Seeing the numbers continue to climb on the scale or the new rolls of flab you're accumulating is a visable reminder that you are in control of that area of your life. The thrill could be the joy you get from realizing that.

One way to find out whether it's a control issue or not is to find some other aspect of your life that you can control. For example, you could begin waking up at exactly 7:00 AM. Not 7:05 or 6:55 but 7:00. If you find a similar sense of satisfaction than you know it's the control you enjoy, not the weight gain. If not, then congratulations. You're one of us. Get really fat.
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:51 PM   #9
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I gotta agree on the psychological thing too. I gain for pleasure myself, but for no reason other than I enjoy it. There's probably a good chance you'll still enjoy gaining even after your relationship pain is dealt with, and once those issues are gone you would probably enjoy it more.

Or you might realize that it really was a crutch and a way to make that relationship pain go away. Either way I wish you luck.
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