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Old 10-11-2005, 05:42 AM   #1
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Default Are you a gentleman or looking out for number one only?

This question came up somewhere else, and so I thought to myself, are you a gentleman or are you looking out for number 1 (you and you only)? Any thoughts?
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Old 10-11-2005, 08:10 AM   #2
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Smile Gotta' Look to Alfred Adler....

The great German Psychologist, who believed that in being active in the community and contributing to the happiness of others by volunteering our time and energy, that we are increasing our own happiness and potential at the same time. It is a circle of growth. The sense of community here on our board has been "thin" at times, mostly because there haven't been a lot of posters in the past, sometimes for significant lengths of time and there have been long stretches when the only posts were from those solely here for self-interest. However, there have always been a few old-timers who looked out for the community and tried to see that everyone new was welcomed and made to feel part of things. That was an excellent question and I really hope that by "giving back" to everyone who has contributed to the board, we can help our community to grow and flourish! (Slight pun there and a nod to the gainer-branch! LOL)
Timmy....who often thinks about old cyber-friends who haven't posted for awhile.
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Old 10-11-2005, 05:18 PM   #3
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I'm hopeful for #6 if I can't land in the top five.
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Old 10-15-2005, 12:48 PM   #4
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Default Verrrrry Interesting!

I find it a tad odd that this thread has been sitting here for four days with so few responses....it tends to indicate something about our board that has troubled me since day 1...(which would have been Summer, 1999)...the board is really more of a dating clearinghouse that doesn't work than anything else. So rarely do we see posts asking deeper questions or looking for more of a sense of community or support. I know the Internet in general is not really the most appropriate place to get that, but it can work in some circumstances..this just isn't one of them. Unlike the BBW/FA situation, we don't have NAAFA events and there is no focus on fat men....so the first obsession becomes trying to find a relationship...and that has not been a highly successful purpose for this board...it is also not a winning proposition on the Dimensions Matching System, which is heavily loaded in the direction of the BBW/FFA thing again...perchance we should be talking about the whole direction of the community...I am not so sure now, though, that we really have anything more than a quasi-dating service that has historically failed miserably...
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Old 10-15-2005, 01:48 PM   #5
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This topic didn't really apply to me so I didn't reply
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Old 10-15-2005, 03:03 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Obesus
I find it a tad odd that this thread has been sitting here for four days with so few responses....it tends to indicate something about our board that has troubled me since day 1...(which would have been Summer, 1999)...the board is really more of a dating clearinghouse that doesn't work than anything else. So rarely do we see posts asking deeper questions or looking for more of a sense of community or support. I know the Internet in general is not really the most appropriate place to get that, but it can work in some circumstances..this just isn't one of them. Unlike the BBW/FA situation, we don't have NAAFA events and there is no focus on fat men....so the first obsession becomes trying to find a relationship...and that has not been a highly successful purpose for this board...it is also not a winning proposition on the Dimensions Matching System, which is heavily loaded in the direction of the BBW/FFA thing again...perchance we should be talking about the whole direction of the community...I am not so sure now, though, that we really have anything more than a quasi-dating service that has historically failed miserably...
I dunno, Obesus. I don't think it's all that bad.
I didn't respond to this thread 'cos 1. the question is pretty vague and 2. It's not one I think most people can or would answer that honestly. Truth is most people aren't that honest to themselves or others about how selfish they truly are.
As far as dating, I've never even LOOKED for a date in my life and in fact used to totally avoid them (probably very dumb, seeing as how I could use one, or 500.) I see this site as lust-driven tho, with a holistic approach and I believe Conrad's work has made inroads into all the community-type stuff you're talking about as well as made a dent in the popular consciousness.
Coherent? Maybe no. But I'm rested today and having my morning coffee.

But to answer Australian's question, I think the vast majority of us TRY to be "gentlewo/men" while looking out for #1. A difficult thing. I look to Bush and Schwarzenegger for inspiration hahaha. Personally I've tried to be more sensitive towards others as I've gotten older, having learned from earlier mistakes.

*edit: Oops! Hadn't noticed this thread was on the BHM/FFA Board. Does that mean I shouldn't have posted? Um, K, I'll leave it.*
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Last edited by Santaclear; 10-15-2005 at 03:24 PM.
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Old 10-15-2005, 03:24 PM   #7
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Default Santaclear....

You make some good points...and I was definitely in "rant"-driven mode in my post....but then, one of my articles in "Apocalypse Culture" was noted as an outstanding example of modern "screed" by the San Jose Mercury! Yay! Oops...back to topic....I just think the question is really uncomfortable for everyone and very hard to really tackle, as you point out, and I do agree that things are probably not as bleak as I paint them....but I do wish there could be a little exploration on this board about the real experience of being fat, both for the admirers and the fat men. I suppose the "male eye-candy" phase is fairly new and will simmer down...and gulp...I suppose I had some part in starting it, lo these many years ago...so I am far from blameless, but I do hope the board can grow in depth, as well as in width! LOL
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Old 10-15-2005, 07:53 PM   #8
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Default

Well...

There can never be too much fat eye candy

As for me, I'm not a BHM, but a BBW that's looking out for her kid and her loved ones and herself last. I try to be the servant of everyone around me and I receive my due when I get a smile and a thank you

Get me in a dark room under the covers with a handsome man and I'm all about the fun tho
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Old 10-15-2005, 08:51 PM   #9
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Default Missaf....thanks....

...for bringing me back to the land of the living! Those who know me out here in the flesh tend to be more aware that I can easily go off on not only tangents but three-hour lectures illustrated with slides and Powerpoint...I tend to get abstracted easily and it takes a gentle hand to lead me back to the world of three dimensions...hmmm...Dimensions....there's a simile! Oops...there I go again!
Someday, some delightful FFA will tame the wild intellectualist beast that I am, but for now, I range the skies at night! LOL
I know the feeling of working to keep everyone else happy and it is something that I fall into too easily...I am too much the "people pleaser", but I am getting better taking care of myself, bunnies, mom and all of my flock of slightly (or massively) disturbed ex-girlfriends. It is a challenge!

Quote:
Originally Posted by missaf
Well...

There can never be too much fat eye candy

As for me, I'm not a BHM, but a BBW that's looking out for her kid and her loved ones and herself last. I try to be the servant of everyone around me and I receive my due when I get a smile and a thank you

Get me in a dark room under the covers with a handsome man and I'm all about the fun tho
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Old 10-15-2005, 10:42 PM   #10
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It is a challenge to keep up with all the people in my life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything more calm, my ADD-head enjoys it too much
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Old 10-15-2005, 11:02 PM   #11
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Quote:
...for bringing me back to the land of the living! Those who know me out here in the flesh tend to be more aware that I can easily go off on not only tangents but three-hour lectures illustrated with slides and Powerpoint...I tend to get abstracted easily and it takes a gentle hand to lead me back to the world of three dimensions...hmmm...Dimensions....there's a simile! Oops...there I go again!
Someday, some delightful FFA will tame the wild intellectualist beast that I am, but for now, I range the skies at night! LOL
I know the feeling of working to keep everyone else happy and it is something that I fall into too easily...I am too much the "people pleaser", but I am getting better taking care of myself, bunnies, mom and all of my flock of slightly (or massively) disturbed ex-girlfriends. It is a challenge!
Well if it's any consolation at all, I totally get where you're coming from papa bear. I've kept my mouth shut because I think one rant on the board from me in a week is more than enough. Sorry to say, if I said what I really thought about this subject, it wouldn't be pretty. Thank goodness for missaf for her imput!
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Old 10-15-2005, 11:07 PM   #12
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I avoided this thread for several reasons:
  1. It's on the BHM/FFA board
  2. I didn't want to read a bunch of "doesn't apply to me" posts
  3. I didn't want to read about "dark confessions"
  4. I didn't want to read flames either, which almost always follow confessions
That said, I am one of those who believes that only the insane are truly altruistic. You may (and probably do) care for others, but why do you do this? Because you want to. Why do you want to? Because it makes you feel good. So everything you do for someone else, you really do for yourself. This was pointed out to me by scary ol' Anton LaVey and it's one of the few things he's said that I really agree with.
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Old 10-15-2005, 11:29 PM   #13
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Altruism really doesn't have a goal in my life though. I do it because it feels like the right thing to do. The happiness that comes from the dilligence and using the gifts I've been given to help people are all a side effect of doing what feels right. I guess in a way it's selfish because I'm doing what "I" feel I need to do, but in the end, I'm always there to help the people in my life, regardless of what I might be feeling.
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Old 10-16-2005, 08:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missaf
Altruism really doesn't have a goal in my life though. I do it because it feels like the right thing to do. The happiness that comes from the dilligence and using the gifts I've been given to help people are all a side effect of doing what feels right. I guess in a way it's selfish because I'm doing what "I" feel I need to do, but in the end, I'm always there to help the people in my life, regardless of what I might be feeling.
Sure. All that really means is that you can count on yourself to feel good when you help others, and also to gratify this feeling. Unlike LaVey, who found some ground for comtempt in this realization, I just take it at face value. People do what they do, but it's good to understand why, as it will make you more content and possibly more successful.
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Old 10-16-2005, 11:21 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Australian Lord
This question came up somewhere else, and so I thought to myself, are you a gentleman or are you looking out for number 1 (you and you only)? Any thoughts?
I look out for #1, but in my case #1 is Sandie.

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