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Old 09-03-2008, 03:00 PM   #326
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I dont think that sex on a first date is a good idea. That being said, I have done it...not sure I would do it again. I much prefer getting to know someone before giving them the keys to the golden kingdom.

I'd just like to say (and perhaps this makes me old fashioned) that if a man asks me on a date I EXPECT him to pay for the date. If we have discussed it beforehand I dont mind going dutch.

I did recently date someone who paid entirely for dates that we had (with the exception of our last date, which I paid for), including paying my way by train to and home from Chicago, parking fees (which--in Chicago--ended up being more than was paid for our meal at the Cheesecake factory) and some site seeing that we did while we were there. He didn't complain one bit--at least not to me--because I made it very clear to him that I did not have the money for dating. He treated me like a queen while we were together and made the whole experience rather enjoyable. Although we dont date any longer this person made me realize that there ARE men out there who know how to treat a lady while on a date. (unfortunately he didnt know how to treat me when we werent together). That's not to say he is a bad person...it only says that we came to a crossroads and each took a different path.

I would like to add one thing for those guys that DO like dating..and treating women decently...please please please make sure that if you decide to continue dating after the first initial date...that you try in some way to make clear what you are looking for from the lady. I spent a lot of time with someone who I THOUGHT wanted the same thing that I did. He said all the right things and did all the right things, but in the long run ended up only wanting someone to keep company with. I am NOT saying he is a bad man by any means, I am just stating that this is a waste of someone's (my) precious time...and not really fair to a person whom has stated that they are looking for a relationship or something more.
Peace and love to everyone.

Last edited by Lovelyone; 09-03-2008 at 03:01 PM. Reason: grammatical errors
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Old 09-03-2008, 05:37 PM   #327
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Unfortunately I guess I am one of the really extremes.
I have been with two men in my life...the first a guy I lived with for almost 4 years and the second I married. I probably would have married the first guy but my being fat embarassed him. The only time I was "his" girl was when no one was watching or even in the general vacinity...I got dumped for a very skinny girl that was socially acceptable. Very tough time in my life that I really thought I would never survive. The second guy, my hubby, we dated for about 6 weeks before undressing each other.
For me? I couldn't see doing the sex on a first date thing.
I was sort of out of the "dating" scene mostly because when I was a teen, I was "with" some one, then I sat out for a while to mend my heart, then I found someone and that was it. However, looking back, if I was going to date I think, as a women, I would be more turned on by the persuit of a man for my affections. Sometimes a touch, a kiss, a look, can be FAR more intense then the actual act...at least for me any how. I still enjoy the "seduction" game being married. Makes the end result all the more fun.
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Old 09-03-2008, 05:41 PM   #328
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The closet FA that just wants to get his rocks off and nothing else seems to be a recurring theme that won't go away recently. I've said just about all I can on this, but it still sucks to see someone who has been hurt in this manner.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:07 PM   #329
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Originally Posted by Adrienne View Post
However, looking back, if I was going to date I think, as a women, I would be more turned on by the pursuit of a man for my affections. Sometimes a touch, a kiss, a look, can be FAR more intense then the actual act...at least for me any how. I still enjoy the "seduction" game being married. Makes the end result all the more fun.
Bingo.....that "pursuit game" makes me feel wanted....and is one incredible aphrodisiac.

Perfect....you hit the nail on the head
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:43 PM   #330
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Only about 98% of the men are like that here in the southeast USA

I agree with this statement. I also have found here in SC that there are a WHOLE lot of women that are just like the men. Seems women are out to sleep with as many men as they can find.

But I also hate the double standards that are placed on this,. Some seem to think if a guy "Bangs" as any women as he pleases then it is "Experience" , but the other-side of the card is If a women does the same thing she is a HO!.......

As for me I guess Im from the OLD school. I want to get to know someone first... IF sex is all he is after than he will find it elsewhere. I value my morals better than to be considered as a dog.

Just my thoughts!
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:54 PM   #331
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im sure this is going to be looked on poorly... but here goes...

have i had sex on the first date, well technically no because we weren't even dating until AFTER we had sex. was this the right thing to do... maybe, maybe not. but the truth is that it felt right at the time. do i regret my choice.. NO. Because it was right for me at that point.

Would i do it today... i'm not so sure. if it was the right guy (or the right guy at that moment), maybe... maybe not. Never say never. But the truth is that i'm at a different point in my life. Part of me misses the more free spirited me that I once was. But i'm different now than i was then. I bring those different experinces to my life and that makes me look at this differently.

the truth is.. if its consentual and it feels right to both people, then do what you feel is best. there is no right or wrong on this question. it's about what's right to you.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:57 PM   #332
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Originally Posted by Lovelyone View Post
....I would like to add one thing for those guys that DO like dating..and treating women decently...please please please make sure that if you decide to continue dating after the first initial date...that you try in some way to make clear what you are looking for from the lady. I spent a lot of time with someone who I THOUGHT wanted the same thing that I did. He said all the right things and did all the right things, but in the long run ended up only wanting someone to keep company with. I am NOT saying he is a bad man by any means, I am just stating that this is a waste of someone's (my) precious time...and not really fair to a person whom has stated that they are looking for a relationship or something more.
I love this part. That part is hella important. I've been in that place too. I say one thing and he agrees but then proceeds to act like he vehemently disagrees. To me that is just complete and utter selfishness.
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Old 09-03-2008, 10:22 PM   #333
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Originally Posted by Adrienne View Post
Sometimes a touch, a kiss, a look, can be FAR more intense then the actual act...at least for me any how. I still enjoy the "seduction" game being married. Makes the end result all the more fun.
Absolutely!!
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Old 09-03-2008, 11:22 PM   #334
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I'll be honest, most of the girls ive been with ive met at a club or a bar when we were both drunk and slept together that night. But if we intend on hooking up again its usually a cinema trip or out for a quiet meal on the 1st date, then a kiss goodnight. I lake a good time as much as the next man but im not pushy
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Old 09-03-2008, 11:45 PM   #335
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I think I need to have one of these first dates...just so I can see how I behave....purely so I can report back here.....of course..
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Old 09-04-2008, 12:04 AM   #336
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I think I need to have one of these first dates...just so I can see how I behave....purely so I can report back here.....of course..
Just for research purposes, of course!
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Old 09-04-2008, 10:38 AM   #337
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Might as well throw in my 2 cents.

My younger self has had sex on the first date, and the occasional one night stand. However, the closer to 40 that I get the more I find the other aspects of dating enjoyable. My current self, there is no way I could have sex with someone who I wasn't familiar and comfortable with, I just wouldn't want to have anything to do with it.

So yeah, sex on the first date is totally out of the question these days.
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Old 09-08-2008, 05:08 PM   #338
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Personally I think it depends on the kind of relationship that you are expecting to have with the person. I have had one night stands, short-term relationships with sexual relations, and long-term commited relationships. I think that as long as both people are completely honest about what they want, it would be better. I don't go looking for one nighters though. just happens sometimes.
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Old 09-09-2008, 03:39 PM   #339
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Personally I donít think thereís anything wrong with sex on first date but I donít go expecting it and I much prefer ending it with a kiss unless we really hit it off. Having spent 3 years at uni tho, my more recent experiences with girls have usually involved bein drunk first. Despite this Iím really not a fan of one night stands, largely because if the girl expects more and I donít, I struggle with letting em down whereas a lot of my mates are perfectly alright with just telling em to get lost (putting it bluntly).
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Old 09-09-2008, 06:57 PM   #340
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Ive posted on this thread before.. and recently (since my last postings) have had what can be only called the most intense whirlwind relationship Ive ever had. Yes we had sex on the first day.. and no thats not something I do.. So I would have to change anything I said on here previously tooo.. It REALLY depends on circumstances.. I dont regret moving that fast.. It was incredible.. can only hope it keeps getting better..
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