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Old 05-16-2013, 08:19 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.

Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.

Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.

To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.

Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.

And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess.

Yes, that's been my experience too. I've met quite a few ladies who like the idea of their BF/SO being bigger than they are (I've been told that it makes them feel feminine). However, these women aren't really attracted to fat guys -- just big guys -- and they would gladly date smaller guys if they lost weight. One of the primary reasons a close friend of mine had MLS was to increase the size of her dating pool (she really didn't like dating guys that weighed less than her). At 190lbs she had -- in her mind -- a lot more options than she did at 360 (she married a guy who weighs about 220).

Also, as someone who has been both fat and reasonably thin, its been my experience that fat guys get very little action. There are always exceptions of course but for the most part fat guys are at best ignored by single women. Ironically this is especially true at BBW events.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigChaz View Post
You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.

Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.
If you're one of the lucky few fat guys who is able to seduce women regardless of your looks I truly happy for you. Unfortunately a lot of us are not so fortunate. If I had to rely upon by personality to attract women I'd still be a virgin. I don't think I've ever convinced a women to consider me romantically if she hadn't found me at least moderately attractive from the get go.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:51 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
If you're one of the lucky few fat guys who is able to seduce women regardless of your looks I truly happy for you. Unfortunately a lot of us are not so fortunate. If I had to rely upon by personality to attract women I'd still be a virgin.
What got you results then? Money? A nice car? Beer goggles?

Quote:
I don't think I've ever convinced a women to consider me romantically if she hadn't found me at least moderately attractive from the get go.
See, that's the real core of the issue. If there's no physical attraction, no spark, she's not going to consider you a romantic option. You can be confident, funny and interesting; all that means is that you'll just be her funny, confident fat friend.
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:08 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by cakeboy View Post
For a community that preaches tolerance is the highest of virtues, a great many people here get their (ignorant, prejudiced, uneducated on the topic) backs up when someone mentions the various bariatric/metabolic (weight-loss) surgeries. To be clear, when I say 'get their backs up' I mean 'totally lose their everfucking minds'.
I get the part that some people feel the recent explosion of metabolic surgeries in North 'Merica to cure us fatty fat fatties is the moral equivalent to some jerkoff pushing a Bible at someone to help cure a case of The Jewish, or praying away some cool cat's desire for the dick, but sheesh.
I had gastric bypass last June, and not because I wanted to fit into a pair of skinny jeans or go horseback riding like in a tampon commercial - I had the surgery because I was fucking dying. The complete lack of cogent thought in the WLS forum (so excellently titled "The WLS Controversy - We're against WLS. If you must talk about it, do it here." as if it's the board's fucking NAMBLA corner) in the face of calm science is frightening. If we can't get support from a community who damn well knows the suffering fat people go through on a daily basis, where the fuck ARE we going to get it?
The extremely personal to choice to permanently alter our anatomy to improve our health and lessen the chances of debilitating disease and early death is just that - ours. If you don't like the idea of WLS, please tell me why after you have carefully reviewed the scientific and medical literature on the topic, not because you knew someone who knew someone that had WLS and they died four weeks later after shitting a pound of nickels. If you're an ignorant yam bag and your mind is made up, gleefully ignoring the choice, science, and difficulty before and AFTER surgery, plz to be fucking yourself
blah blah blah..skinny jeans...blah blah blah..

So you want to squeeze into some skinny jeans....hi youz doin?

Seriously, I hope you are doing well. My sis had WLS and is still recovering 2 years later.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:13 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
I certainly have a fondness for it. So here's a question. FFA's: Have you ever motorboated a BHM? Would you?

And BHMs: Would you tolerate being motorboated?

Anytime I've done it, its been met with confused acceptance. Eventually good humor.
I love doing it and making ssbhm/bhm crave it. It usually just starts out with hugging and my face getting caught in between them, to me trying to rub my face around, to nipple bitting/sucking....
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:20 AM   #30
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(indeed, Mr Tad of Tad Hall)
Of all the various meanings I thought of in choosing this user name, I admit that this was one that I had not considered. I'm tempted to change my user title
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:21 AM   #31
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For the third and final time, I only take personal offense to people who argue against WLS and - wait for it - know *nothing* about it. I simply cannot make it any clearer.
Fair enough. Your initial phrasing was very confrontational, which made it hard for most people to understand the specific aim of your complaint -- not that people are against WLS, but that so many have the mistaken idea that the only reason anyone undergoes such surgery is "because I want to look better".

For my part, I'm against WLS on any grounds other than the ones you cited; namely, immediate medical requirement to lose weight that cannot be safely lost by other means. WLS in general requires short-circuiting your digestive system, removing a portion of your ability to absorb not only Calories but also vitamins and minerals. It's nothing less than ripping up your digestive tract and trying to stop short of ruining it, while trying to prevent infection in a muscle-lined bag of acid and a long tube connected to your bowels and filled with bacteria.

My own sister has had a roux-en-y version of WLS, and wound up with multiple ulcers in the remaining portion of her stomach. (Multiple ulcers in an eight-ounce volume of stomach... yeah, not a good thing.) I wound up having to drive her to the hospital at one point because her digestive system was so badly deranged that she wasn't bringing in enough Calories to remain active through the day... and this, roux-en-y, is the intermediate version of the surgery, not the most drastic.

Do I wish she'd found another way? Well, yes. I didn't appreciate her almost dying after the surgery, nor almost starving to death because she somehow wound up with a stomach composed of almost nothing but ulcers. I didn't like the known results of WLS before she had it, and for these very reasons.

BUT: It was her choice, and her weight loss was medically necessary. As much as I wish she had found another way, this was her choice, and her body; I have only so much say in what she does.

Tankyguy: For my part, I don't blame my lack of success with women on my not finding an FFA. I blame my being broke, having no transportation, living in my sister's back room and not living near anything I actually enjoy going to. Well, that and an unfortunate tendency to freeze when a woman surprises me by actually talking to me. (I still kick myself for "going up" when a woman riding in the hospital elevator with me actually recognized the book I was carrying as a role-playing game... (sigh))

Do I think I could find love? Well, yes. Give me a receptive audience and I'll talk your ears off. Put me in a social context without loud music drowning me out and I'm almost vivacious. Let me go clothes shopping with a decent budget and I "clean up good". But right now, in this circumstance? I'd be doing well to get a one-night stand, and any sane woman knows it. (Though they usually just claim they're engaged and left their ring at home, apparently believing that such stories are kinder and/or more believable than "I'm sorry, I'm not interested".)
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:38 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.

Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.

Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.

To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.

Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.

And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess.
I have always loved men with large thighs but I didn't become a true lover of big men till my first "experience" with a guy who was a linemen. After that, it was done deal.

I only started defining myself as an FFA after I found this site and the only reason I found this site was because of my search for erotic stories that featured beefy men. So we are out there but just don't know about all the terms that may apply to us.

Its wild, but the stories are pretty accurate when it comes to the signs an reactions of most FFA. Most of us are not aggressive about it till we get behind closed doors or on forums like these. In public, we may just offer a extra helping, want extra hugs, or just be a little quieter than normal around you. So you got to keep your eyes open.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 05-16-2013, 10:21 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by chicken legs View Post
I have always loved men with large thighs but I didn't become a true lover of big men till my first "experience" with a guy who was a linemen. After that, it was done deal.

I only started defining myself as an FFA after I found this site and the only reason I found this site was because of my search for erotic stories that featured beefy men. So we are out there but just don't know about all the terms that may apply to us.

Its wild, but the stories are pretty accurate when it comes to the signs an reactions of most FFA. Most of us are not aggressive about it till we get behind closed doors or on forums like these. In public, we may just offer a extra helping, want extra hugs, or just be a little quieter than normal around you. So you got to keep your eyes open.
Even though I'm naturally rather introverted and quiet, I've figured out that when it comes to men, I'm typically going to have to do the pursuing. Or at least make a move first. I've realized that the men I actually want to talk to me just aren't going to most of the time. And I don't mind giving someone a self-esteem boost in the process. Though it makes me wish society made things a bit different. It's unfortunate that even when I express my interest, it can be doubted or not trusted.

OD: I still approve of your cheese choices And that's indeed an awesome instrument! I've never heard of it, so I'm feeling that wonderful joy and intrigue that arises when I witness something new creating musical sound. You should go resurrect the Dims Youtube thread with a topic where people play their instruments of choice.

Tankyguy: I've actually not found that to be the case, personally. Though I'm not sure how most women would handle such a situation. I've not unfrequently found myself crushing on a thin guy. While I have no sexual attraction to thin/muscular male bodies, I can still find them visually appealing in some aspect...and their personality can be enough to light the sexual spark. Unfortunately, that is something that's hard to maintain long term.
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Old 05-16-2013, 12:14 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
Spyro is an awesome choice, by the way. The blue guys are infuriating, are they not? Though, I haven't played much since I was younger so it might not be that bad to catch them.

Any other games you're considering? Crash bandicoot was another older favorite. The battle system in something like Final Fantasy or Lunar might be less daunting because it's more tactical. Man, I miss playstation. Emulator time!
The blue egg theives drive me insane but the ones in the second game are even worse! I'm too clumsy for such things! I do play a lot of Crash Bandicoot with my friend when he comes round actually, good choice! That is another childhood classic of mine though I'm only really familiar with the first game and have never managed to complete it due to not having a memory card that works! I actually don't mind games that have the sort of classic RPG battle system thing going on. Pokemon is my gaming love so I'm used to that sort of style! And there are playstation emulators? That's news to me!

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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
Loopy, I think you and I were separated at birth. How else can there be another FFA-type human being on earth that reacts to these games exactly the way I do?! I don’t know whether to squee or weep with joy. Maybe I should just do both and add some hysterical laughter for good measure.

To answer your question: There are indeed many such trivial things that feel like a big deal to me. I am the most inflexible and highly strung person you will ever know – strictly physically speaking! – and in an attempt to improve this anomaly I have started doing yoga.... for kids! One day I will bend down and touch my toes with straight legs or sit on my knees comfortably while my back rejoices. I will do this or live trying.

Laaaastly, the enthusiasm with which I reacted to Loopy’s post reminded me of how much I love dogs...
Haha, we could have been! And hysterical laughter is always a good option! I tend to laugh at inappropriate times and just have people stare at me like I'm a deranged zoo animal or something! I am incredibly inflexible as well actually, I've been going to the gym lately and though I am getting stronger and fitter I still keep looking over at the old lady on the flexibility stretching thing and realising that she can stretch her legs further than I can! And they do kids yoga? Beginners yoga was always too hard for me but I never thought of that! And as a dog breeder/shower/serial cuddler, I approve of all thing dog related! x3 ....gosh, we really are similar, aren't we? Rock on! =D

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Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
Sort of a rant, sort of thinking out loud.

Lately I've been wondering just how many FFAs there actually are.

Granted I'm a somewhat introverted guy, but I've only met one girl in person who identified herself as liking bigger guys in my 32 years.

To me, they seem very rare and almost mythical, like the Loch Ness Monster or evidence of intelligent extra terrestrial life. I thought that I had found a second FFA once, but she turned out to be just a crashed weather balloon.

Just going by these forums, there seems to be way fewer of them than male FAs. I know a number of guys in person who favor, or at least are sometimes attracted to, curvier or larger than 'average' women.

And there's definitely fewer FFAs than BHM here. All the more special and lucky when a couple hooks up, I guess.
To be honest, I think that most women don't feel the need to come out to the world and say they like BHM because liking bigger guys is generally less cause for eyebrow raising than going out with a bigger lady. That is my take on it at least! Not to mention that there are more FA here than BBW in my opinion, so perhaps there are just more guys on this forum in general?

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Originally Posted by BigChaz View Post
You are thinking about it backwards. The world is full of FFAs, also known as women. Women can be seduced with more than just a big belly. Confidence, attitude, being interesting, etc make any woman a potential "FFA" and by that I mean a girl who thinks you are sexy.

Here is my post for this thread. I wish fat dudes would stop coming to this forum to complain about the lack of women out there into fat guts.
I agree with that completely. I was never attracted to SSBHM until I met my partner and I fell for his charm and his sweet cuteness and am now a big fan of the larger gentleman. If you are an attractive person then people will be attracted to you, regardless of what you look like. And I wish they would stop moaning about it as well... hey, look, there is even a thread for moaning about it boys! ^.~
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Old 05-16-2013, 12:30 PM   #35
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I wouldn't say female FAs are necessarily rarer than male ones as much as some of us BHMs(but not all) can be overly paranoid around attractive women. Some are still mentally stuck in there teens when being considered attractive ourselves might've been seen as absurd to many including us. I know I used to get suspicious when a woman would consider "cute" a good adjective for me. It can be difficult to accept, and all it does is turn a possible FFA off.
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:20 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.
And yet you don't care for mozzarella. Weirdo...



P.S.
I think something is wrong with the quote function in this thread.
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:23 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
So would you say you have an absolute FAVORITE cheese? I can be seduced with a fancy blue. Stilton, Roquefort, Maytag, any of them.
I kind of feel like a cheese traitor, tbqh. While I love a ridiculously pungent cheese (stilton, Roquefort, etc), I have recently come across a cheese that I can't stop eating. I seriously ate a whole block of it in one sitting just a few days ago.

http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-f...article_id=625


It aint super stinky. It aint expensive. But oh my god, its crack. IT IS CRACK.

Outside of this crack cheese, I would have to say Stilton or a super high quality, stanky Camembert.
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Old 05-16-2013, 09:39 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
What got you results then? Money? A nice car? Beer goggles?

What got results? Loosing weight. If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.



Quote:
Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
See, that's the real core of the issue. If there's no physical attraction, no spark, she's not going to consider you a romantic option. You can be confident, funny and interesting; all that means is that you'll just be her funny, confident fat friend.
Yes!!! If you don't meet a woman's minimum attractiveness requirements romance is just not going to happen.

You don't have to be Brad Pitt but you have to be attractive enough. In my case I've found that I had many more romantic options when I was under 280 pounds than when I was over 310. 30 pounds can make a big difference.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:55 PM   #39
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Thumbs up Sargasm, anyone?

So, it’s no secret that sarcasm has a certain sexiness to it. Aptly followed by alliteration and assonance. You’re welcome.

As with all good things in life, though, the execution is important. I’d be lying if I said the average insulting kind doesn’t at times turn me on... but! there is a far sexier kind. Neutral wittiness goes further already, but complimentary snark – now that is a true feat of utterly irresistible sexy. This can also include furtive compliments veiled by mock-insults

In complete honesty, I feel like so much of the poor-man’s-wit kind has been floating around that I’m almost getting a bit snark weary, and wary, altogether. We can’t have that! Hence, here’s one meagre attempt....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cobra Verde View Post
Quoting people quote people.
There, I think I fixed it. Your attention to detail is pretty sexy too, Señor Verde.



So, who else would like to take a crack at it?
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:56 AM   #40
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What got results? Loosing weight. If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.

You don't have to be Brad Pitt but you have to be attractive enough. In my case I've found that I had many more romantic options when I was under 280 pounds than when I was over 310. 30 pounds can make a big difference.
I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:17 AM   #41
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I think you made the right choice. It was obviously a well researched and considered one. I hope you are surrounded by supportive and intelligent people, not stubborn fuckwits.
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Old 05-17-2013, 03:13 AM   #42
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I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
While I do tend to agree with you on a certain level, you may be missing the crux of his point. For instance, if it is one particular shallow woman you're trying to win over by re-arranging who you are, then yes that is pointless and why bother?

However, if you are doing such to increase your dating pool and meet more women, thus having more options on dating and perhaps finding the one that will then click with your overall personality and from there a few lbs. in either direction won't matter, then that isn't necessarily going after shallow women.
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:51 AM   #43
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I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight? I wouldn't want to date a single person that didn't find me attractive at my biggest, my lightest, anywhere in between, because it shows they are a shallow person. I mean, surely it is about the quality of women you are attracting rather than the quantity? ...unless you are some sort of pimp. Then I understand you on a deep and philosophical level.
I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:21 AM   #44
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First i want to say this is an excellent thread idea i'm sure this will be one of the places i lurk often

This is a little bit of a rant and a lot of just getting it off my chest.
I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:28 AM   #45
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If you're not perceived as attractive women won't bother talking to you for long enough to find out if you have money and a decent job.
That's why you're supposed to dress nice regardless of what you weigh. Nice clothes and looking spiffy is supposed to suggest how well off you are without anyone having to talk to you.


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I'm not being funny here, but why would you want to date a person so shallow that they are put off by 30lbs of weight?
Because the number of people in the world who aren't attracted to and won't date someone who isn't close to the 'ideal' weight is much larger than the number of people who will. Hence "all the fat guys coming into the forum complaining that women aren't into them". Because by and large they're not.

Consider the possibility that those guys may not all just have confidence or self esteem issues. They could be funny, smart and engaging yet conventionally unattractive (which fat is for most people). The one thing you know they have in common is that they are fat and women aren't into them.

So if you don't want to be alone you either have to hope you find one of those exceedingly rare people who don't care about weight (or are into bigger people) or you have to lose weight like bigmac says and better your odds.

Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:34 AM   #46
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I met up with someone i had been sort of seeing online about two months ago. I think the best way to describe it is that we had been chat lovers for about two years. We finally met up and all seemed good. We met up a second time and still everything seemed good. Now all of a sudden everything changed, he turned all funny and uninterested with me. After a week or so of talking he has finally said that the main reason is that he didn't have the same feelings for me face to face as he did online. He came out with all sorts of stuff about not really knowing your true feelings for someone until you are actually face to face with them. Part of me can see what he is saying and another part of me thinks it's rubbish. It seems like as a long distance relationship, well a few hundred miles apart we seemed to be great but in real life it was completely different for him. I have moved on since then and i have two amazing friends who are there for me i was just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar
We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse.
Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that.

And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:35 AM   #47
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Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.
Or if you look around the rest of the boards, you'll find any number of attractive, interesting, with-it, BBW who are inexplicably single. Once you've fallen in love with someone, their size may not matter as much to you, but when you are scanning the room, wondering who you would like to know better....of course you are going to tend to favour the ones who make the best visual first impression on you.

Which is why my advice for those who don't fit the conventional mould is to meet lots of people in ways/places where you interact with them and get to know them (classes, volunteering, clubs, etc). That way people get to see other features of you, and may decide that your size is not the most important thing about you. Won't work for everyone, but I still think it gives you better odds.
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:24 AM   #48
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:48 AM   #49
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We all have a couple stories like this one. Frankly it sounds like he was making excuses for simply being turned off by bigger women. He might've known about your weight and not realized just how turned he was or didn't know and was still turned off. Either way is a piss poor excuse.
Last year I briefly dated a women who was around 20ibs heavier than what she looked like in her pics, not that it stopped me. 1 month later she went back to her lazy, selfish in-communicating(her original words on the guy) ex and dumped him a week after that.

And while I haven't seen anyone since, like you and everyone other single on here, I was better off. The funny thing was I found out she was thinking of giving him another go from the day we met which has always seemed odd to me.
I think for as much as his excuse was rubbish I just have to accept it. I know that it wasn't a weight issue though because he was a big fan of my weight and size. I still just find it bizarre that for two years he was very much into me and after meeting something changed. I know some people can be very different in real life as opposed to being in chat but I don't honestly think I am that different. It sounds like you had a bit of a rough time in that one. I have friends who have done the same by keep on going back to the same useless jerk of a partner.

I'm very lucky at the moment because I have two good friends who have been with me throughout. One of which I have started sort of seeing and he is a BHM . I know one thing for sure I won't be going back to my ex
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:07 AM   #50
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I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
I totally agree with this. I spent quite awhile feeling really bad, simply because I saw myself as terribly shallow and inept for not being able to be attracted to those I had feelings for. But eventually I realized that it's just a preference that I can't change, no matter how much I try. If I attempt to date people who I find attractive ONLY for their personality, in the end, I'm just hurting both of us.

And I really don't see that as selfish. It's not easy not being able to date someone who I genuinely find appealing because I can't be physically attracted to them in the long-run. Though, I don't think preferences are always as strong as mine is. I think many can be swayed, even if your physical appearance doesn't match their ideal. The social stigma around it just discourages many from being as open. And fat is one of those things that's hugely impacted by the status of a society. If resources were scarce, a fat partner would be far more appealing. But we attach so many other traits with weight now, it's pretty difficult. Which is outrageously shitty. But I think it also means you can reverse those attitudes a bit. I've gushed about the benefits of a bigger partner to other friends, and lo and behold...when they found a chubbier guy they loved for their personality, they appreciated those things too.
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