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Old 05-08-2008, 05:31 PM   #1
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Default why do the guys i date SUCK???

No offense to the good guys out there, but im really feeling shitty right now. Lets just say this is why the guys i date suck. hahaha

SO I go out with this guy who is an FA. We talked for a few weeks on the phone and texted each other alot. hecalls me at practically midnight one night and wants to meet me somewhere.
we have an amazing time. lots of making out..sitting on the beach and talking. he tells me i'm beautiful.. everything a big girl wants right? we fool around and eventually panties are down and we have sex on the beach....not that it lasts long mind you, but whatever i'm okay with that as long as it gets better in the future right?? lol

the next day he tells me hes had a great time and really enjoyed himself and so on and so forth. flirting continues. cut to 2 days later and barely a word. then the next day and nothing. no hi babe how are you today. no im busy today ttyl.. nothing

If i hadnt liked this guy so much it wouldnt be a big deal. but this is the first guy that i have let myself just jump in feet first with in the 6 years since my divorce. i am so not a sex on the first date kind of girl. hell i usually date guys at least 4 or 6 months before anything like that happens. but this one time cause i liked him SO much i let it happen.

my heart hurts.

I just cant help but think, Whats so Wrong with me that someone cant just love me? i just want to cry. im not ready for it to be done with. i just need someone to love me for a while. Let me give it a good run and hear someone tell me that they love me again. is that so fucking hard to do?
sorry kids. i really needed to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it.

so my question is,
Do you think less of a girl who "gives it up" on the first date, or whats your opinion?

Thanks for letting me vent....
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Old 05-08-2008, 05:37 PM   #2
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I put this in the wrong place. could someone move it for me please?
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Old 05-08-2008, 05:37 PM   #3
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Well, *I* don't think less of a girl who, "gives it up" on a first date if the date's really that good. You live in florida, though.
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Old 05-08-2008, 05:42 PM   #4
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hahahaha. Funny

i didnt mean me..just in general.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:21 PM   #5
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*hugs* I am sorry to hear what you are going through, Holly. That guy is a total jack ass. He played on your emotions. He would have been a jerk, no matter what you did. Thank GOD you found out he was an asshole early on in the game. What if you waited a few months, got really attached and then he pulled this?

Keep searching. The right one is out there for you. It just might take a while to find him. Good luck.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:32 PM   #6
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That sucks. =(

I don't any less of a girl who "gives up" on the first date than a guy who "gives up" on the first date. o.0 Really, the whole system of determining whether somebody is "easy" or "cheap" seems to rely on the assumption that sex is a thing only men desire and only women can provide. It just seems bizarre.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:36 PM   #7
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thanks. It sucks sitting here in tears. i wanted it to work so bad. if i had a checklist of everything i wanted in a guy, right down to his favorite sport and the underware he wore, he couldve checked off everything on the list and handed it back with a big smiley face. i think thats what killing me, he was pretty much my idea guy and now i feel like such a moron for going ass over elbow about him. ny friends were all like : We are so excited to hear you actually happy again" and now this. down in the dumps and in tears...again.

i just wish i didnt want this so bad. at least If i had known, Hey, i only want in your pants tonight then i wouldve at least been prepared. but now i feel like a fucking tool for being "that girl"

this sucks.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:39 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyGirl View Post
No offense to the good guys out there, but im really feeling shitty right now. Lets just say this is why the guys i date suck. hahaha

SO I go out with this guy who is an FA. We talked for a few weeks on the phone and texted each other alot. hecalls me at practically midnight one night and wants to meet me somewhere.
we have an amazing time. lots of making out..sitting on the beach and talking. he tells me i'm beautiful.. everything a big girl wants right? we fool around and eventually panties are down and we have sex on the beach....not that it lasts long mind you, but whatever i'm okay with that as long as it gets better in the future right?? lol

the next day he tells me hes had a great time and really enjoyed himself and so on and so forth. flirting continues. cut to 2 days later and barely a word. then the next day and nothing. no hi babe how are you today. no im busy today ttyl.. nothing

If i hadnt liked this guy so much it wouldnt be a big deal. but this is the first guy that i have let myself just jump in feet first with in the 6 years since my divorce. i am so not a sex on the first date kind of girl. hell i usually date guys at least 4 or 6 months before anything like that happens. but this one time cause i liked him SO much i let it happen.

my heart hurts.

I just cant help but think, Whats so Wrong with me that someone cant just love me? i just want to cry. im not ready for it to be done with. i just need someone to love me for a while. Let me give it a good run and hear someone tell me that they love me again. is that so fucking hard to do?
sorry kids. i really needed to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it.

so my question is,
Do you think less of a girl who "gives it up" on the first date, or whats your opinion?

Thanks for letting me vent....


This has happened to me more times than I can count. Well, I can count, but, its happened more than enough. Its not a fat-girl problem, its a girl-problem in general. This is why our moms tell us not to give the milk away for free...and while I'm all for doing whatever the moment says is right, this has happened enough that I just don't put out right off the bat anymore.

Make em' work for it. If they like you, they will.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:40 PM   #9
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aawww i'm sorry your heart hurts we've all been there hon and i feel for ya truly.

There are a lotta men out there like this sadly, FA's and Non...Now, this is just MY opinion but this system has always worked for me (not to say i've not made mistakes cuz i have, and publicly within this community in the past even hahahha), but i think overall it works....

I think men love the chase...they want to "earn" it....BUT ...this works out to the benefit of females. It's push/pull....I never took a man very seriously when speaking to them, not at first, hell not for a while...but flirting and then pulling away, flirting and then pulling away...it's a game..a dance...an artform. I know nobody wants to play games, but at first you kind of gotta to weed out the good guys from the bad ones ya know? This isn't necessary all the time of course...so i'm not saying this for EVERYONE by any means. But..when trying to weed through the men online, you gotta be careful and this method has always helped me decipher who is genuinely interested and who isn't...otherwise you get your heart hurt

You know how interested a guy is, by the amount of time and effort he invests. Which is why it's usually best to make a guy wait for it. I'm sorry you got hurt honey *passes holly a pint of ben and jerry's mint chocolate cookie and a spoon* i hope you feel better soon *big fat girl hugs*


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my heart hurts.

so my question is, Do you think less of a girl who "gives it up" on the first date, or whats your opinion?
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:44 PM   #10
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i'll pass on the ben and jerrys, but i am working my way through a bottle of california sauvignon blanc.....thanks!



its a bitch honestly, when im happy and in love i dont eat and i lose weight, when im sad and unhappy, i loose weight. theonly time i stay my normal weight is when im in a rut! lol so for now i'll drink my sorrows away and concentrate on STILL going out this weekend in my FABULOUS outfit ( that i had to buy a special bra and boob tape to stay in) and go out and have a fucking blast with my friends and party like its.. well, like i'm uhm.. well honestly, i'll probably be pretty drunk! lol
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:50 PM   #11
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You're not a tool at all. Finding love means taking risks and putting yourself out there, and sometimes being hurt. And yes, it sucks. I know I've become very self-protective. It sounds like you liked this guy, but maybe you're more upset at the difficulty of finding love and the disappointment of yet another flake than him in particular? There will be others. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but there will. Even if the ones you get excited about are few and far between. There will be more!

As for giving it up on the first date, I wouldn't advise it. Sometimes people don't really want what they say/think they do, and sometimes sexual intimacy can be mistaken/substituted for actual emotional intimacy when you don't know each other.
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Old 05-08-2008, 06:52 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I know nobody wants to play games, but at first you kind of gotta to weed out the good guys from the bad ones ya know? This isn't necessary all the time of course...so i'm not saying this for EVERYONE by any means. But..when trying to weed through the men online, you gotta be careful and this method has always helped me decipher who is genuinely interested and who isn't...otherwise you get your heart hurt
I can't rep you right now, but this is wise advice.
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Old 05-09-2008, 10:18 AM   #13
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(((HOLLY)))) as a sister having felt all the same feelings for far more decades then I wish to 'fess to..I GET IT..LOUD AND way TOOOOO CLEAR.

There is already all the right thoughts posted here, we are worth it. they hit us when we are vulnerable and down sometimes..and are EVIL SPAWN

I love sex, and had an expression for a long time, cause it so applied to me
I USED SEX TO GET LOVE, THEY USED LOVE TO GET SEX.......

I am dating a pretty unique man right now...and guess what? He never pushed for sex at all, in any way, not an iota. He made it quite loud and clear he found me totally hot and very attractive, but didn't so much as try to kiss me for fear of scaring / chasing me away. I heard all the stuff everyone is posting here, and I was like ya ya ya...blah blah blah, heard it all before, UNTIL I MET SOMEONE WORTHY Of my love. Believe me (((HOLLY)) I am not a youngster...so keep coming back, YOU ARE WORTHY and WORTH IT.

my 2 cents
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Old 05-09-2008, 10:27 AM   #14
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Holly, I'm so sorry you had such a sad experience.

I'm trying to find a way to frame this so it won't sound as though I'm making it seem like your fault. First off, there's nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. If you want to, do it. And if that was the reason he stopped calling, then he's a douchelord and not worthy of another thought.

On to the semi-harsh part. Though you talked to this guy for a while, you met him once. It was only one date. But you're taking it as a commentary on your worth, and hurting as though it were an actual relationship.

Now please don't think I'm taking you to task. I'm not, because I DO THIS TOO. But whenever I find myself crying about someone I barely know, I know that I'm not ready. One date, no matter how disappointing, shouldn't bring you to this point.

It's hard when we're lonely to know when we're just not okay with ourselves enough to be dating at all. Part of dating is having a sort of thick skin (I'm telling myself this, too, since that's something I don't have), and being able to say "well that guy didn't work out, the next may."

It was one guy, and one date. He was a jerk, and there are lots of jerks. To some extent you have to shake it off and move on. And if you really can't shake it off, I don't think that you're emotionally ready to be dating. I've made the mistake a million times, so this is coming from a place of understanding. Please know that.
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Old 05-09-2008, 11:37 AM   #15
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your all right. i got wrapped up in something that i didnt need to. I dont get much attention and i really liked him and i got all head over heels. It sure wont happen again and if he does come around it'll be a whole different ballgame. I think that bottle of wine i was working my way through effected my better judgement! lol imagine that!!! Thanks for the advice all!
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Old 05-09-2008, 12:35 PM   #16
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your all right. i got wrapped up in something that i didnt need to. I dont get much attention and i really liked him and i got all head over heels. It sure wont happen again and if he does come around it'll be a whole different ballgame. I think that bottle of wine i was working my way through effected my better judgement! lol imagine that!!! Thanks for the advice all!
You sound like me.

Shake it off, and find someone who deserves you!

*hug*
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Old 05-09-2008, 12:37 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by HollyGirl View Post
No offense to the good guys out there, but im really feeling shitty right now. Lets just say this is why the guys i date suck. hahaha

SO I go out with this guy who is an FA. We talked for a few weeks on the phone and texted each other alot. hecalls me at practically midnight one night and wants to meet me somewhere.
we have an amazing time. lots of making out..sitting on the beach and talking. he tells me i'm beautiful.. everything a big girl wants right? we fool around and eventually panties are down and we have sex on the beach....not that it lasts long mind you, but whatever i'm okay with that as long as it gets better in the future right?? lol

the next day he tells me hes had a great time and really enjoyed himself and so on and so forth. flirting continues. cut to 2 days later and barely a word. then the next day and nothing. no hi babe how are you today. no im busy today ttyl.. nothing

If i hadnt liked this guy so much it wouldnt be a big deal. but this is the first guy that i have let myself just jump in feet first with in the 6 years since my divorce. i am so not a sex on the first date kind of girl. hell i usually date guys at least 4 or 6 months before anything like that happens. but this one time cause i liked him SO much i let it happen.

my heart hurts.

I just cant help but think, Whats so Wrong with me that someone cant just love me? i just want to cry. im not ready for it to be done with. i just need someone to love me for a while. Let me give it a good run and hear someone tell me that they love me again. is that so fucking hard to do?
sorry kids. i really needed to vent and this seemed like a good place to do it.

so my question is,
Do you think less of a girl who "gives it up" on the first date, or whats your opinion?

Thanks for letting me vent....
Did you IM or text this guy in the days following your date, or did you wait for him to make the next move?

If you tried to get in touch with him then this is all the signs of a booty call, in which I feel sorry for you.

But if you have been waiting for him to initiate conversation, then I suggest IMing or texting him to see what's going on, he could just be shy.
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Old 05-09-2008, 12:47 PM   #18
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I think once you've had sex with someone you're past the point of being shy lol. I mean, yeah i agree that maybe she should attempt it once or twice, but anything beyond that i wouldn't do it. Perhaps i'm too caught up in my own pride.

I personally wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it affected me so deeply. I had this happen to me once as a young adult and i was devestated. I called him a couple times and then thought "ya know, he's got my number, he knows where i am"...i never got that phone call. Sometimes ya just live and learn...and protect yourself in the future.

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Did you IM or text this guy in the days following your date, or did you wait for him to make the next move?

If you tried to get in touch with him then this is all the signs of a booty call, in which I feel sorry for you.

But if you have been waiting for him to initiate conversation, then I suggest IMing or texting him to see what's going on, he could just be shy.
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Old 05-09-2008, 12:51 PM   #19
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I think once you've had sex with someone you're past the point of being shy lol. I mean, yeah i agree that maybe she should attempt it once or twice, but anything beyond that i wouldn't do it.

I personally wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it affected me so deeply. I had this happen to me once as a young adult and i was devestated. I called him a couple times and then thought "ya know, he's got my number, he knows where i am"...i never got that phone call. Sometimes ya just live and learn...and protect yourself in the future.
Good point about the sex part, but still would like to know if she tried to contact him or if she sat around and waited for him to call. It could be a simple miscomunication (I hope) or what I said earlier (I hope not).
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Old 05-09-2008, 07:52 PM   #20
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Personally, I don't think less of a girl who gives it up necessarily, but it would make me think twice about being with her. But that's because my mentality is different from other guys. When I started my last relationship, the first thing I told my girlfriend was that unless we married, there would be absolutely no sex.

Most guys won't think that way, so it's up to the girl to say if she's ready or not. That sucks that guys don't think like that, but it's true. The important thing is that you recover from this and become stronger.
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Old 05-09-2008, 08:20 PM   #21
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Personally, I think less of a guy that is so smooth and makes me swoon me into giving it up so quickly...and he is done so quickly. What a disappointment


Jaysus, he could have, at least, left her with a GOOD memory. Sounds like you're not missing much Holly. You don't need him to affirm you in any way.
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"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
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Old 05-09-2008, 08:29 PM   #22
TraciJo67
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Personally, I think less of a guy that is so smooth and makes me swoon me into giving it up so quickly...and he is done so quickly. What a disappointment


Jaysus, he could have, at least, left her with a GOOD memory. Sounds like you're not missing much Holly. You don't need him to affirm you in any way.

I was thinking the exact same thing, GEF. The sex wasn't even good. Holly, sounds like he did you a favor, really.
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Old 05-09-2008, 08:52 PM   #23
Kortana
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I'm sorry that things didn't work out- especially when you had your hopes set on this guy. I am a firm beleiver though that these are the guys that really make you realize your worth and what you want and don't want.

Sure- it feels really shitty right now (and nothing anyone says is really going to make feel better 100%) but time and alot of drinks (hehe) will help you get past it!!!

Best of luck
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Old 05-09-2008, 08:56 PM   #24
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AMEN! as my friend said, Hey if he redeems himself and gives you fucking awesome sex, then its fine. But if not, and thats the memory he leaves you with... were creating a comic book about "the incredible 2 second wonder" and publishing it all over the fucking tri state area. guys im so glad you let me vent. i am totally over this bull shit game and frankly, he'd have to litterally kiss my ass for a loooong time to make up for driving me fucking crazy with wonder. In any other situation, i wouldve given him his walking papers after the first day he didnt call me. So hes got one chance. I'll give him the chance to be dead or seriosuly hurt and if hes just being a fucking asshole, I'm done.

Totally over this shit and i'm on to round 2..
NEXT!
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Old 05-10-2008, 10:15 AM   #25
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Okay.

Memo to: The rest of Male-kind

Put less effort into shmarmy sap and charm, and more effort into not falling asleep 2 minutes in.

Kthx.

Fuzzy Necromancer, one who has to deal with the consequences of your/our collective bad rap
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all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.
Where there's smoke, there's a smoke-making machine.
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