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Old 06-21-2010, 03:44 PM   #1
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Default FFA asking FFAs

Obviously as FFAs we are admirerers, we don't always end up dating BHMs - no one on here is shallow and we all know our preferences don't play in so much in the dating world when someone we really get along with comes along. (maybe I'm wrong and that's some of us?) - I wanted to ask how you other FFAs have delt with your preference for a tummy on your man while dating he non BHM variety- how do you let them know without fear of them being hurt or pressured? Have any of you gone through this situation? Thoughts would be appreciated- as I am currently in that situation myself.
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:54 PM   #2
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My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...
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Old 06-21-2010, 06:26 PM   #3
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My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...
Pardon a BHM for stepping in, and feel free to disregard what I say... but you need to Show and Tell. Make it plain to him that, while a bigger, rounder him isn't a requirement, you enjoy his body even more the way it is now.
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Old 06-21-2010, 06:58 PM   #4
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My bf was scrawny and toned when we started dating and now he's put on some weight and is about average now- he's noticed and has been voicing his displeasure at the situation- I'm debating voicing how much more attractive it is...
I agree with Wanderer. Just talk to him about it, but don't make him feel like you don't appreciate him as he was or wants to be. It's his body after all, but you saying that you don't mind, and even like him now, may help him feel a bit more confident?
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Old 06-21-2010, 09:14 PM   #5
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Pardon a BHM for stepping in, and feel free to disregard what I say... but you need to Show and Tell. Make it plain to him that, while a bigger, rounder him isn't a requirement, you enjoy his body even more the way it is now.
Yeah, I gotta say it worked on me too...my FFA just kept brining me food and I didn't know how to say no (nor did I really want to), next thing I knew I gained 20 lbs in 2-3 months...its hard to say know when someone is handing you a burger and telling you how cute you are as she rubs your belly while you eat it. Its even cooler when she notices how much you loved it and asks in a very real, and cute way if you would like her to get you more.

Just my 2 cents as a BHM.
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Old 06-21-2010, 10:08 PM   #6
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Yeah, I gotta say it worked on me too...my FFA just kept brining me food and I didn't know how to say no (nor did I really want to), next thing I knew I gained 20 lbs in 2-3 months...its hard to say know when someone is handing you a burger and telling you how cute you are as she rubs your belly while you eat it. Its even cooler when she notices how much you loved it and asks in a very real, and cute way if you would like her to get you more.

Just my 2 cents as a BHM.

. . .

You know, I'm already envious of you... do you have to rub it in?

j/k

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Old 06-21-2010, 11:31 PM   #7
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I'm in a similar situation. My guy was always thick, but he put on about 30 pounds since we started dating. He knows I'm into it; the extra attention I pay to his softer parts definitely gave me away. If you use your actions to show your appreciation for his body, chances are he'll get the picture without you having to bring it up.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:16 AM   #8
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Just to say: also go browsing through the FA/FFA board, because I know that there have been similar discussions there. Granted women and men not always the same, but I get the impression that FA issues tend to be fairly similar regardless of the gender of the admirer and admiree.
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:55 AM   #9
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Eroica, I married my somewhat-too-thin guy and have had several issues throughout the relationship (it's been 3 years, now), but everything has finally been resolved.

This is a problem that has arisen for so many FFAs, some I've known IRL and some from the board - you meet a guy who is perfect in every way EXCEPT he is not fat enough. I don't know why it always happens that way, and have hypothesized about it in other threads without ever reaching a conclusion, but at the start of the relationship you must make a decision: how much do you care about that one lacking quality. If you can't live without it, then don't even start the relationship, because it is NOT fair to harass the guy to gain weight or just generally make him feel like he is subpar, physically.

If you can compromise, then things can work out well....you just have to be completely open. This doesn't mean spilling your guts right away, but slowly introduce him to your preferences, the same way you slowly let a partner know your life story. He may have terrible responses when he hears that you like fat guys. Again, I don't know why some men are so ridiculously polarized against fat men/women, but it seems to happen a lot, so be prepared for those reactions. In the past, I've dumped people just based on their ignorant responses when I shared this information.

At this point in my relationship, my husband has spazzed on me many, many times, told me I'm a freak, disgusting, etc etc...but it wasn't about me, I realize now - it was totally his own insecurities. He doesn't say any of that shit now, because he knows it hurts me, and he has sincerely apologized for what he's said previously. In contrast, I used to push him to gain every now and then, and I've mostly stopped doing that, too. We have a sort of understanding that I'm an FA, and drooling over fat guys is ...a hobby, haha. His weight fluctuates, and his waist size ranges from ~37-40", so sometimes I'm more attracted to him than others...he has no problem identifying the "attracted" times. He has also tried to psychoanalyze my preferences, which gets really odd...but it's not a problem. Weirdness I can handle.

Hopefully you gained some insight from this little story
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Old 06-22-2010, 01:10 PM   #10
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. . .

You know, I'm already envious of you... do you have to rub it in?

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Old 06-22-2010, 05:09 PM   #11
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Maybe I'm weird when it comes to this, but I am really only attracted to fat guys when they are already fat when I meet them. For example, when I married my husband, he was really athletic and was playing football. He's gained a little weight, maybe 20lbs, but it didn't make me more attracted to him. Not that I wasn't attracted to him, but it didn't turn me on that he had gained weight. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that he was a lot sexier when he was muscular and in great shape. When I'm attracted to someone, it's the initial attraction...so if they're fit when I meet them, I like them that way. If they're fat, I prefer them that way. I guess we'd call that bisizual?

Now that I'm typing this out, it doesn't make any sense. Anyone else feel this way?
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:14 PM   #12
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I feel it makes no sense too
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:15 PM   #13
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Maybe I'm weird when it comes to this, but I am really only attracted to fat guys when they are already fat when I meet them. For example, when I married my husband, he was really athletic and was playing football. He's gained a little weight, maybe 20lbs, but it didn't make me more attracted to him. Not that I wasn't attracted to him, but it didn't turn me on that he had gained weight. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that he was a lot sexier when he was muscular and in great shape. When I'm attracted to someone, it's the initial attraction...so if they're fit when I meet them, I like them that way. If they're fat, I prefer them that way. I guess we'd call that bisizual?

Now that I'm typing this out, it doesn't make any sense. Anyone else feel this way?
I'll agree. I have nothing against slimmer guys, but they just don't provide the butterflies.
On the other hand, the whole stuffing/gaining thing kind of gives me the creeps.
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:17 PM   #14
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It may not be possible to tell your man you'd like him to have a few more pounds, without him feeling a little put out. I think if a man told me he'd like me to gain weight (or heaven forbid, lose it) I would be a little disappointed. Asking me to change would be like telling me he thought there was something wrong with me, if only by inference. Then, my next thought would be, if you wanted a bigger (or smaller) woman, why don't you go get one? If there is a set point weight that people have (and I'm not sure how that theory is faring) then it may be difficult me to change my weight voluntarily.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:43 PM   #15
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To add to my nonsensical post....my friends are forever trying to dissect the whole "fat guy" obsession. They ask me, If you like fat guys, why don't you just make (your husband) fat? My answer is, because he wouldn't look good fat. It's just the way I'm wired. I don't know.
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:14 PM   #16
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It may not be possible to tell your man you'd like him to have a few more pounds, without him feeling a little put out. I think if a man told me he'd like me to gain weight (or heaven forbid, lose it) I would be a little disappointed. Asking me to change would be like telling me he thought there was something wrong with me, if only by inference. Then, my next thought would be, if you wanted a bigger (or smaller) woman, why don't you go get one? If there is a set point weight that people have (and I'm not sure how that theory is faring) then it may be difficult me to change my weight voluntarily.
The thing is that I'm * NOT * asking him to change, he's gone from heroin chique to average weight/healthy. He keeps mentioning how he should do nothing but smoke cigarettes and drink coffee to get back to what he felt was sexy.
I did end up voicing my views on the situation and got a negative response until he realized he wasn't unhealthy. I did point out that I loved him regardless of whatever weight he wanted to be... The thing is when you love someone enough, you will be honest with them about this type of thing and you will not seek out another partner based on size... its not about me wanting to change him.. its about me figuring out how to voice the view without getting the negative response that I did get.

Most guys work out to impress women and here he is flustered at the information that it does the opposite for me... its just this little dilemma I figured some people had gone through.
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Old 06-24-2010, 02:19 AM   #17
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Eroica, I married my somewhat-too-thin guy and have had several issues throughout the relationship (it's been 3 years, now), but everything has finally been resolved.

This is a problem that has arisen for so many FFAs, some I've known IRL and some from the board - you meet a guy who is perfect in every way EXCEPT he is not fat enough. I don't know why it always happens that way, and have hypothesized about it in other threads without ever reaching a conclusion, but at the start of the relationship you must make a decision: how much do you care about that one lacking quality. If you can't live without it, then don't even start the relationship, because it is NOT fair to harass the guy to gain weight or just generally make him feel like he is subpar, physically.

If you can compromise, then things can work out well....you just have to be completely open. This doesn't mean spilling your guts right away, but slowly introduce him to your preferences, the same way you slowly let a partner know your life story. He may have terrible responses when he hears that you like fat guys. Again, I don't know why some men are so ridiculously polarized against fat men/women, but it seems to happen a lot, so be prepared for those reactions. In the past, I've dumped people just based on their ignorant responses when I shared this information.

At this point in my relationship, my husband has spazzed on me many, many times, told me I'm a freak, disgusting, etc etc...but it wasn't about me, I realize now - it was totally his own insecurities. He doesn't say any of that shit now, because he knows it hurts me, and he has sincerely apologized for what he's said previously. In contrast, I used to push him to gain every now and then, and I've mostly stopped doing that, too. We have a sort of understanding that I'm an FA, and drooling over fat guys is ...a hobby, haha. His weight fluctuates, and his waist size ranges from ~37-40", so sometimes I'm more attracted to him than others...he has no problem identifying the "attracted" times. He has also tried to psychoanalyze my preferences, which gets really odd...but it's not a problem. Weirdness I can handle.

Hopefully you gained some insight from this little story
I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is
because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:29 AM   #18
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I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is
because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)
Another thing that I think fuels this BHM paranoia(?) is the confounding variables.

For example, if I observe a strong correlation between exceptional stature/height(more so, than in the general male population) and BHM prospects(and I think that I do), then I might justifiably conclude that exceptional height(which is one of the few physical traits which is not hypostatic of adiposity) predicts BHM attractiveness(or FFA receptivity) more than body-fatness.

It can then be trivially argued that it is spurious to refer to the women who prefer such men as FFAs to begin with.

This is also interesting, because I suspect it speaks to a dichotomy between what the archetypal(or ideal) BHM implies to FFAs vs. self-professed BHMs themselves.

If we were to reconcile this dichotomy definitively, it would likely be very discouraging to many residential BHMs(myself included!).
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:12 AM   #19
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Yes, that was the correct spelling (and usage) of the word "paranoia".
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:13 AM   #20
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I think one reason why 'gaining' propositions meet with such scorn, is
because a fat male physique has become so psychologically loaded in negative connotations, that it makes men skeptical of their partners motives(ie. could this merely be a passive aggressive pretext for sabotaging the relationship?)
Maybe, in some cases, but in my particular instance I don't think it's that deep. He doesn't want to buy new clothes, and he doesn't like the way he looks when he's heavier. Anyway, I cut it out.

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Another thing that I think fuels this BHM paranoia(?) is the confounding variables.

For example, if I observe a strong correlation between exceptional stature/height(more so, than in the general male population) and BHM prospects(and I think that I do), then I might justifiably conclude that exceptional height(which is one of the few physical traits which is not hypostatic of adiposity) predicts BHM attractiveness(or FFA receptivity) more than body-fatness.

It can then be trivially argued that it is spurious to refer to the women who prefer such men as FFAs to begin with.

This is also interesting, because I suspect it speaks to a dichotomy between what the archetypal(or ideal) BHM implies to FFAs vs. self-professed BHMs themselves.

If we were to reconcile this dichotomy definitively, it would likely be very discouraging to many residential BHMs(myself included!).
You could stratify FFA attraction by non-fat-related traits, and yeah, height is often a good predictor (but it's a good predictor for all women, in general), but you also need to consider that those women would prefer a fat/tall guy vs a thin/tall guy. I think it's fair to say that there is a continuum of FFA preferences, and most women tend to have an acceptable range, moreso than an exact physical requirement.

And if you want to say that women who don't like short men over the 400lb mark are not FFAs, go right ahead. I'd wager that many of the women here wouldn't care if they had to part with their "FFA" label - we'd still like the same guys.

Anyway, this was totally off topic.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:04 PM   #21
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Maybe, in some cases, but in my particular instance I don't think it's that deep. He doesn't want to buy new clothes, and he doesn't like the way he looks when he's heavier. Anyway, I cut it out.



You could stratify FFA attraction by non-fat-related traits
Given obvious confounding variables, I think such an approach would be justified.


Quote:
, and yeah, height is often a good predictor (but it's a good predictor for all women, in general)
I would disagree that exceptional height(which is what I'm talking about) is a strong predictor with respect to the general non-BHM population(for both logical and evolutionary reasons).

But, I still maintain that if BHM populations are being 'culled' in such a way that is more sensetive to extraneous variables, then what we are really observing in such a dynamic are those extraneous variables.

You may not appreciate this subjectively, but I'm sure you can appreciate it both logically and scientifically.

And as a self-interested BHM of science, I would be remiss to ignore this, lol.


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, but you also need to consider that those women would prefer a fat/tall guy vs a thin/tall guy.
Yes, where this is in fact the case.


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I think it's fair to say that there is a continuum of FFA preferences, and most women tend to have an acceptable range, moreso than an exact physical requirement.
I would say there exists a continuum of opportunities(given that they do not distribute equally), but preferences with high selective value are directional(but bounded by some mean neighbourhood indicated in koinophilia).

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And if you want to say that women who don't like short men over the 400lb mark are not FFAs, go right ahead. I'd wager that many of the women here wouldn't care if they had to part with their "FFA" label - we'd still like the same guys.

Anyway, this was totally off topic.
This has some elements of both a strawman(since that's not what I said, and far from what I meant) and an appeal to consequence.

Obviously, no one is here to solicit my approval, but then I'm not here to validate anyone's preferences either.

I am simply conveying some valid observations.
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Old 06-25-2010, 11:51 PM   #22
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I am simply conveying some valid observations.
I'm cool with you observations as long as Melian has the time to translate them..heheheh. **rubs aching head**
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:32 AM   #23
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Given obvious confounding variables, I think such an approach would be justified.




I would disagree that exceptional height(which is what I'm talking about) is a strong predictor with respect to the general non-BHM population(for both logical and evolutionary reasons).
Sorry, I meant to say that I would disagree that exceptional height is as strong a predictor in the general pop(as superior stature is obviously significant, along with things like androgenic load, billateral symmetry, etc).

Just clarifying.
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Old 06-26-2010, 05:07 AM   #24
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Is this the same troll from months ago?
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Old 06-27-2010, 02:20 PM   #25
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Why do trolls have to be so obvious? At least try to slip in unnoticed...
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