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Old 05-22-2009, 08:17 PM   #26
Haunted
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Dear you,
Get the house ready, you have to get things ready so get off your.ass and get on it already there's a lot to do and probably not a lot of time! So get to work, there's nothing else you can do from here. Except to get things ready FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS and quit your whining already

Sincerely
ME
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Old 05-24-2009, 08:46 AM   #27
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Dear people I live with,

We've had this agreement for quite some time now...you stay out of the food I buy, and I stay out of yours. I've upheld my end of the bargain, which I'll be honest, hasn't been easy for me, especially when you buy all this delicious-looking junk and I'm stuck with Ramen noodles. But... it was our agreement, so I've stuck to it.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. Very, very fat. This should clue you in to the fact that, yes, I can put some food away. So if you want me to stay out of your stuff, STAY OUT OF MINE. This is the fifth time you've taken some of mine without asking first, and I am about to start in on yours without asking and show you just how it feels.

Except that's passive-aggressive...and I'm adult...so I'll actually probably talk to you about this later today. *Sigh.* But STAY OUT OF MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.
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Old 05-24-2009, 09:54 AM   #28
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Dear Internet,

Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect.

Sincerely,

Sarah
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Old 05-24-2009, 10:01 AM   #29
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Dear Internet,

Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect.

Sincerely,

Sarah
omg! Where have you been? I thought he hacked you up and made a woman suit!!
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Old 05-24-2009, 10:06 AM   #30
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omg! Where have you been? I thought he hacked you up and made a woman suit!!
LOL no! I'm intact, very happy and semi healthy.

I needed a week or two of "Serenity Now" from chat and this week hes here (until Wednesday).

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Old 05-24-2009, 10:06 AM   #31
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Dear Internet,

Thanks for him...he's pretty perfect.

Sincerely,

Sarah
Awww, yay!!! I'm so glad you're still alive. LOL. And that you had such a great time. I look forward to details...but not TOO MANY details.
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Old 05-24-2009, 10:11 AM   #32
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Awww, yay!!! I'm so glad you're still alive. LOL. And that you had such a great time. I look forward to details...but not TOO MANY details.
Do I ever spill the beans? Geez
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Old 05-24-2009, 01:05 PM   #33
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Dear Wonka Candies:

I would like to take a moment to inform you of the gross lack of warning labels on your boxes of Nerds(R) brand candies. There is absolutely no indication on the box that tells you not to laugh or inhale while eating.

Last week while perusing a rather whimsical installment of Mary Worth, I perchanced to eat your delicious candies while reading the inevitable denouement where Mary (in her inimitable journalistic style) tells her male co-worker that she wouldn't suck his cock if she were poisoned and the antidote was in his semen.

As I was laughing intensely, I inhaled about 15 pieces of said candies directly into my sinus cavity. The pain is largely indescribable, but I would imagine is similar to going down a slide covered in rubbing alcohol and landing directly onto a bed of razor blades. You are then doused with lemon juice and pepper spray directly into the eyes, mouth and rectum. I wanted to decapitate myself just to keep the pain in my head from affecting the rest of my (now dead) body.

Ironically, the flashes of color I experienced behind my eyes as the candies set off the equivalent of optical nerve diarrhea were not all that different from the colors of your delicious morsels. Purple and pink are no longer soothing colors to me, thankyouverymuch. The 26 kleenexes I used in the next ten minutes trying to extricate these little particles of brain acid looked like someone was trying to clean up a pile of fairy barf.

To wit, I would please request that you immediately add the warning not to eat the candies while inhaling deeply or reading humorous material on your candy containers. This will undoubtedly save lives in the long run.

Tag you berry mudd,

De Adbirald's Node
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Old 05-24-2009, 09:18 PM   #34
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Dear older sister,

I am tired of you complaining about our family dogs. You do not like dogs, I get it.

You say they are dirty and too boisterous, well your children are not always a barrel of laughs either.
Stop making me feel like a leper when I pat one of the dogs, and insist that I wash my hands the minute I stop patting them.

I trust you will not carry on like this when Hope comes to live at my house.

Grrr.

Shoshie
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Old 05-25-2009, 11:06 AM   #35
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You know Shoshie, I'm so weird that way. Whenever I pet someone else's animal when I'm done I wash my hands, but I'm in no rush whenever I pet my own, I guess cuz I know I'm going to pet them again soon. Don't let your sister boss you around though. You're a big girl.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:38 PM   #36
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Dear people of the world,

Please do not allow others to discount your experiences. If something, or someone, has made you uncomfortable, you have the right to not live with the initial onslaught, nor the aftermath that can feel like you did something wrong by standing up for yourself.

Too often, we don't want to ' make a fuss '...we wonder if we did the right thing by saying no, or are unsure if we have the right to go about our day and not put up with the ' fenderbenders, dings and loud honking horns '.

When we are not allowed to present our experiences, we then tunnel back into ourselves in a very unhealthy manner, so the next time, we keep quiet, as to not be labeled. That is dangerous to our very cores. We all have the right to be heard. This, I think, is important, whether your experiences have you being denied monumental things like basic human and civil rights...or ' even ' when you say no...and it is not respected.

It all matters. You all matter. We all matter.

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Old 05-27-2009, 06:57 PM   #37
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Dear Mark-

Stop being a diabetic douche nozzle. You're a 30 yr old man. Be responsible and fuckin take care of yourself. Don't complain to me that you feel high (and I know it's not the 420 kind) if you're not gonna do anything about it.

- Samantha
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Old 05-28-2009, 03:51 AM   #38
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To the tools that are bullying my older sister at work,

Knock it off! I have zero tolerance for such behaviour.

Stop ordering her around. What did your last slaves die of?

Stop putting her down and making her feel less of a person.

Yes she can be a bit earnest, and a bit peppy, but she is my annoying and earnest and peppy, dog hating, obsessive hand washing older sister, and I love her.

You all deserve a knuckle sandwich, and I am just the person to serve it up to you.

Grrr.
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Old 05-28-2009, 04:26 AM   #39
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Dear Me,

That awful-tasting stuff in the fridge that you used to call "miraculous milk" because it never seemed to go bad... Yeah, well... I hate to break it to you... it probably was pretty bad. Thanks for changing it.

Have a normal-looking coffee on me.

Me.
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Old 05-28-2009, 04:40 AM   #40
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Dear Me,

That awful-tasting stuff in the fridge that you used to call "miraculous milk" because it never seemed to go bad... Yeah, well... I hate to break it to you... it probably was pretty bad. Thanks for changing it.

Have a normal-looking coffee on me.

Me.
Haha! Oy Va Voy is right.
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:46 PM   #41
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Dear Alex,

Just because you feel the need to be in control of everything doesn't mean I always have to agree with you. NO, I WON'T agree with you just to make you think you're right, because I don't think the same way you do. I'm not going to jump down someone's throat just because they asked you a question. The answer was no, that's it. No need to cause all the drama, who cares if she asked? She wanted to bring someone...we didn't plan for that, so no, she can't. Will I jump on your bandwagon and say she offended all of us by even asking the freaking question? NO....she asked, we denied, end of story. If she wants to come (alone) so be it. Fini! Get over yourself! Ugh!

Sarah
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Old 05-31-2009, 03:18 AM   #42
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Dear You,

Thank you for being your amazing self

Sincerely Me.

--------------------------------------

Dear girl I work with,

Thank you for finally being easier to work with. I now don't hate going to work on Thursdays. Please keep it up

From Chelle
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Old 05-31-2009, 08:02 AM   #43
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Dear people I live with,

We've had this agreement for quite some time now...you stay out of the food I buy, and I stay out of yours. I've upheld my end of the bargain, which I'll be honest, hasn't been easy for me, especially when you buy all this delicious-looking junk and I'm stuck with Ramen noodles. But... it was our agreement, so I've stuck to it.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. Very, very fat. This should clue you in to the fact that, yes, I can put some food away. So if you want me to stay out of your stuff, STAY OUT OF MINE. This is the fifth time you've taken some of mine without asking first, and I am about to start in on yours without asking and show you just how it feels.

Except that's passive-aggressive...and I'm adult...so I'll actually probably talk to you about this later today. *Sigh.* But STAY OUT OF MY ICE CREAM GODDAMMIT.

Dear Ginny,

That sucks. I have been through that myself. I used this little trick to make myself feel better, so maybe it will help you, too.

This works especially well with ice cream. When you notice things have been consumed and it was not by you, once the container is empty DO NOT DISCARD of it. Instead, leave a little note inside such as "oh..gee...I was looking forward having ice cream, too..but it's gone" or just "haha fooled ya"..or "there might be some left it you hadn't taken some without asking". Another favorite is "If you buy some more I promise I'll just take a little bit".

Yes, it might cause more problems depending on the personality if the person you live with...but so worth it!!

Oh, if that doesn't work, stick all the ice cream containers into empty frozen veggie bags, or cookies into rice boxes - you get the idea.

Your friend-
Goofy
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Old 05-31-2009, 08:18 AM   #44
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Dear Loan Lady
I can't make statements from June fly out of my ass considering its still the end of May. And yaaay jeeper creeper you see the money is there, you know its more then i need to bring to the escrow joint. So lets all it a cinch, ink the deal and gimme they keys

Furniture company (Larry Et al) Yeah the couch & sofa set I wanted you sold out from under me thats ok, but in retrospecto the couch I really wanted that you want to sell me now doesn't look so good. Kinda has that 60's half couch look. But hey there's a 4th of July sale so hah you might have some better crap for sale.

Ex. Someone Nice isn't gonna be as good as me. Just hope that someday someplace sometime your heart will/would love me as much as mine did you.
As for your kids. I don't know how to be likeable to 2 teens especially one bipolar one. if you got a hint on how i can pull that hat trick off please by all means drop a hint.

Destiny i.e. Fate not the paysite Model. I got the house I wanted and financed it so big Hah on you
*does Seinfeld's obnoxious Helloooooo*
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Old 05-31-2009, 05:14 PM   #45
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Dear Next Door Neighbour's Car,

I usually don't wish death on anyone or thing, but please don't wake up the next time your owner inserts his keys in your ignition. And please make sure it's a problem that would cost thousands to repair. I really am getting tired of my windows shaking from your big ass stereo.

Sincerely,

Please Go To Car Heaven
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Old 05-31-2009, 05:16 PM   #46
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Dear Next Door Neighbour's Car,

I usually don't wish death on anyone or thing, but please don't wake up the next time your owner inserts his keys in your ignition. And please make sure it's a problem that would cost thousands to repair. I really am getting tired of my windows shaking from your big ass stereo.

Sincerely,

Please Go To Car Heaven
Why not just wish death on the stereo?

Even better, steal it, or the bass system.
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Old 05-31-2009, 06:25 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
Why not just wish death on the stereo?

Even better, steal it, or the bass system.
Dear Beej,

If I wished death on the stereo, there is a very good chance he would just ... buy a new stereo.

If I wish death upon the car, hopefully he will not be able to sink money into another car quite as easily as one would with a stereo.

Luv,

Already Thought Of That
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Old 05-31-2009, 06:37 PM   #48
BigBeautifulMe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsy View Post
Dear Beej,

If I wished death on the stereo, there is a very good chance he would just ... buy a new stereo.

If I wish death upon the car, hopefully he will not be able to sink money into another car quite as easily as one would with a stereo.

Luv,

Already Thought Of That
Unfortunately, he will most likely remove his current stereo and install it in his new car. lol
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Old 05-31-2009, 07:00 PM   #49
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Dear Life,

Yes, it is me again- big surprise!!!!

If you have any regard for the happiness of truly good people, you will make it possible for the greatest meeting since the Transatlantic Railroad and the "Golden Spike"! Even if I have to get down on my hands and knees in a bog and plead for intervention, I will do it! What do I need to do?!! Give me a sign!!!!!!

Sincerely with the utmost respect for you,

Me.
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Old 05-31-2009, 07:05 PM   #50
Lovelyone
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Dear 20 dollar bill that I thought I lost in the grocery store.

Thank you for being at home, safe and sound--tucked away for use some other day, However, please don't scare me like that again. Do not wait until I am IN the line to pay before disappearing. In fact please don't disappear at all. Naughty naughty.

Dear Sister Shae
Thanks for covering my overage at the grocery store. I am happy that I could pay you back cos the money was at home and not in some strangers pocket. You are fantastic.

Tay
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