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Old 05-31-2009, 09:46 PM   #51
Haunted
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Dear wonderful old lady i met last year,

I met you at a particularly low point in my life, for some reason you asked the right questions at the right time and i opened up like a book. you called my faith into question, but also validated the decisions i was making even when i was questioning my own motives.

your comments that day affected me deeper than you will ever know, and not a day goes by that i don't think about what you told me. iv wanted to write or call but i have no way of contacting you, i could try to find your house again and get your address that way. id hate to look like a stalker though!

thank you for being a random stranger and showing me support where i never thought id find it. thank you for not judging me. and thank you for the kind words when i needed them most.

God Bless You Ma'am
Your security tech,

p.s. don't be surprised if i do find your address and send a card i'm sorry i didn't try to contact you sooner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
this place..its like an onion wrapped in an inigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mumu!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Oh the life of an Fa.. its like a rollercoaster on a bouncy castle in a haunted mansion sometimes!
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Old 05-31-2009, 10:52 PM   #52
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Dear Beast Master,
im not sure if anyone has informed you of how awesome you are.No one can quite wear a loin cloth the way that you do.You give Manowar a run for their money in the loin cloth department.And anyone who has farrets has to be cool.Ever since i saw you with them i wanted to get 2 also and, name them he who smashes teeth and he who mashes teeth.No one kicks ass as much as you do with your animal friends raging war against marauding forces! Maax never stood a chance against you your sorcery/supernatural powers and legion of animal friends.

Sincerely,
Cat
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Old 06-02-2009, 03:46 PM   #53
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Dear boy,

You are awesome and I am falling hook, line & sinker. Seriously, you're like the best person ever. Not sure how things will end up (what's a few thousand miles eh?! *sigh*) but right now I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you for that.

<3 the girly x
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Old 06-03-2009, 02:18 AM   #54
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Dearest Val's,
I understand that your diner is small.And business must be a bit slow.BUT WTF closed on monday.I had plans! we were going to get burgers and i wanted a friggen chocolate shake,so did mat.But i was told that you guys were not open mondays.It mad my heart heavy with sorrow.Please re consider your decision to be closed on monday.Cus that is no good.Srs business.Omnomnom.
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Old 06-03-2009, 08:16 AM   #55
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Dear Neighborhood Committee:

You need to have a serious talk with the [offensive slang term] up the street and their largely non-motile vehicles that only give the indication that they will soon be on cinder blocks. We pay $100 a year for neighborhood dues and over 5 grand in property taxes--this shall not stand. Yes, they were able to purchase said home through a mine subsidence sale, but as a largely agnostic person I don't wish to start praying for a complete collapse of the domicile. Merely implosion Poltergeist-style into a pinpoint singularity, then winking out of this dimension forever.

The warnings don't help. Threats of police, either. These [offensive slang term] scare easily but they will be back, and in greater numbers. Hence we must carve them out like a festering sore deep inside the colon. I recommend 24/7 bombardment with Sharper Image catalogs and Celine Dion music.

Sincerely,

The homeowner who really fucking hates the smell of Deliverance in the morning
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Last edited by Risible; 06-03-2009 at 03:05 PM. Reason: removed offensive slang term
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Old 06-03-2009, 09:04 PM   #56
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Dear Universe,

Next Fri, June 12th We could really use your cooperation, everything i have put out to you comes down to this single day.

believing it really is possible.
Haunted
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
this place..its like an onion wrapped in an inigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mumu!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Oh the life of an Fa.. its like a rollercoaster on a bouncy castle in a haunted mansion sometimes!
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:28 AM   #57
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Dear Jeff Foxworthy:

Please inquire with the Division of Standards and the FCC as to the offensive nature of a term you use ubiquitously in your standup. Granted much like the n-word, within context it may seem acceptable but for some reason if you do not actually identify with the demographic, it is considered patently offensive.

Thanks,

A Confused Admiral

Dr. Hibbert: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like ... [dramatic chord] Siamese twins!
Lisa Simpson: I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins".
Dr. Hibbert: And Hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil". But it ain't gonna happen.
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:07 AM   #58
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dear co-worker,

I am one of the most knowledgable people about this job and when I correct what you're telling your trainee, it is because I want her to have accurate information when working with a customer. So how dare you snap at me the way you did. Admit you were wrong, dont just act like a bitch.

sincerely,
fed up with stupid coworkers
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Old 06-07-2009, 03:37 PM   #59
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Dear RL..'s

If someone had told me a couple years ago that you actually existed, I would have laughed my ass off and followed that up with words you have undoubtably heard before that included things like "bullshit", "one or two suicidal psychos","No 'effin way...", etc. I might have been more ready to believe that people have been beamed up by aliens, or wizards, vampires, and werewolves were real as well. Some of you prefer that people discover your existence on their own, and others are quite public about it. I found you at a time in my life when I was ready to acknowledge you existed. There seems to be well over 300 of you, probably many more that haven't made themselves known yet. IMHO there needs to be about 300,000 of you. YES, I do think that some of you are a few Froot Loops short of a well-balanced breakfast, but in a good way. I never liked the green ones anyway. What the heck are those supposed to be? They sure aren't lime.

Many of you possess impressive investigative skills, and are undoubtably reading this after I discovered you. In your line of work, a little paranoia will keep you around longer. Like I've told you, I can never become one of you, but I have decided to help you in any way I can, within reason (I'm still not sure what I can do for you). I have a wife who shares much of my view on life and wasn't TOO surprised to find out you were real. She has stated that any decision I make is going to affect her, and of course she is 100% correct, so I won't be joining your ranks, at least on the front lines. Since you're here reading this, there are some of you that may not have known we exist either! Welcome. OK, nowhere NEAR as strange, but this is part of who I am. I'm not screaming things from the rooftops, but I don't really keep a lot of secrets like you people need to. You seem to be quite an accepting and very non judgemental bunch, so I think the whole fat acceptance thing will register as a no big deal. There might even be an FA or two among you, and dare I even assume perhaps a BHM or BBW (fat man or fat woman). If this is not the case, PLEASE don’t blow off someone from working with you just because they happen to be fat. I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could do what you can, but as some of you have said, each of you works in your own way. Wait and see what we are capable of and I think you'll discover we are people just like you with our own unique capabilities.

As to Dimensions people trying to figure out whose Koolaid I've been drinking, I'm not going to come right out and say it, I'll leave that up to you to find out. It isn't too hard to figure out really, but you have to be in a certain frame of mind to discover and accept it, like I was. I'm not going to directly invite ridicule on these people (we ALL know how that feels, now don't we?) so just Google around a bit, or you can say "WTF?" and ignore me. If you have the ah-ha! moment, keep it to yourself or PM me, some of these people don't like publicity, but some do.

There really are more things in Heaven and Earth than can possibly be imagined.

I'll part with a wish that I really hope nobody gets killed, including yourselves. Be safe. You are doing a good thing, no matter what the world may think of you.

Yours truly, drinking the Koolaid, and not eating all of his Froot Loops.
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:18 AM   #60
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Dear Freeloading Fannie,

How dare you contact me the way you did asking for a loan. If you don't have the means to leave from somewhere, you have no business going to there. It's not as if you were already at the location and were suddenly stranded. You haven't even left for the destination, yet you're asking for a loan to help you get back home? WTF? Who the hell do you think you're playing?

We are barely acquaintances. You were visiting; I was in a very good mood, had a little extra money and happily being frivolous by treating you (but mostly me) to a fantastic meal at one of my favorite restaurants. That was by no means an invitation for you to think you can freeload off me.

Signed,
You Must Think I'm Effin' Stupid
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:02 PM   #61
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Dear OWA:

I went gambling on Saturday and lost my entire paycheck. Do you think you could float me a loan until I get paid again? I have bills to pay, after all.

Love,
Freeloading Effie

Quote:
Originally Posted by OneWickedAngel View Post
Dear Freeloading Fannie,

How dare you contact me the way you did asking for a loan. If you don't have the means to leave from somewhere, you have no business going to there. It's not as if you were already at the location and were suddenly stranded. You haven't even left for the destination, yet you're asking for a loan to help you get back home? WTF? Who the hell do you think you're playing?

We are barely acquaintances. You were visiting; I was in a very good mood, had a little extra money and happily being frivolous by treating you (but mostly me) to a fantastic meal at one of my favorite restaurants. That was by no means an invitation for you to think you can freeload off me.

Signed,
You Must Think I'm Effin' Stupid
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:19 PM   #62
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SOMEbody needs to change her hoity and toity avatar.
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Old 06-08-2009, 03:46 PM   #63
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Dear FreeLoading Fannie,

Stop wasting your time.....just go straight to TraciJo to get a loan. We all know she has money....duh

Signed,
Captain Obvious
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Old 06-08-2009, 03:54 PM   #64
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Dear Constantly Aching Head,

I was worried that you are a sign of something bad. I hoped much that you were simply aggravated from sinus allergies....but alas, my old friend high BP is having it's way with me again. The nice guy who works at the firehouse got a reading of 140/92 this evening. That extra six pounds I quickly put on since a few days ago was another sure sign....of me retaining fluid that needs to get out of my bloodstream.

All the walking hasn't been enough.....I NEED my medication bumped back up after the short lived happiness of seeing it lowered. This is very disappointing. I would like to live a life free of dependency on medication....but if I need it to avoid having a stroke, then I will take it religiously.
Age and weight gain has not been friendly.....and it seems that the WW point system is looming up ahead in the near future.
I want to live long enough to see my children grow up.....so here's to hoping you feel much better soon.

Moi
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"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
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Old 06-08-2009, 05:18 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Dear FreeLoading Fannie,

Stop wasting your time.....just go straight to TraciJo to get a loan. We all know she has money....duh

Signed,
Captain Obvious
Dear Geffie,

It is true that I have money.

About 97 cents, to be precise.

Unless you count the untapped limit on my credit cards, in which case it would be 97 cents plus four dollars.

I also have a half-eaten cinammon bagelful, but back the eff off. It's mine.
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Old 06-08-2009, 05:30 PM   #66
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dear r
thanks so much for being your normal awesome self. i'm tempted to switch out my bestfriend with you.

your very pleased customer
- I
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Old 06-08-2009, 05:35 PM   #67
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Dear leftover Chinese food,

While I am starving, you were horrible the fist time...like, gross horrible. Please tell me to dump you and find some good vittles. Oh, and, would the new vittles mind making themselves?


Famished in North Seattle,

MossyM


*eta...I just ate a few peanuts...bulk peanuts...bulk peanuts that were obviously not rotated....* barf smiley *...roomie done bad

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Old 06-09-2009, 01:53 AM   #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Victim View Post
Dear RL..'s

If someone had told me a couple years ago that you actually existed, I would have laughed my ass off and followed that up with words you have undoubtably heard before that included things like "bullshit", "one or two suicidal psychos","No 'effin way...", etc. I might have been more ready to believe that people have been beamed up by aliens, or wizards, vampires, and werewolves were real as well. Some of you prefer that people discover your existence on their own, and others are quite public about it. I found you at a time in my life when I was ready to acknowledge you existed. There seems to be well over 300 of you, probably many more that haven't made themselves known yet. IMHO there needs to be about 300,000 of you. YES, I do think that some of you are a few Froot Loops short of a well-balanced breakfast, but in a good way. I never liked the green ones anyway. What the heck are those supposed to be? They sure aren't lime.

Many of you possess impressive investigative skills, and are undoubtably reading this after I discovered you. In your line of work, a little paranoia will keep you around longer. Like I've told you, I can never become one of you, but I have decided to help you in any way I can, within reason (I'm still not sure what I can do for you). I have a wife who shares much of my view on life and wasn't TOO surprised to find out you were real. She has stated that any decision I make is going to affect her, and of course she is 100% correct, so I won't be joining your ranks, at least on the front lines. Since you're here reading this, there are some of you that may not have known we exist either! Welcome. OK, nowhere NEAR as strange, but this is part of who I am. I'm not screaming things from the rooftops, but I don't really keep a lot of secrets like you people need to. You seem to be quite an accepting and very non judgemental bunch, so I think the whole fat acceptance thing will register as a no big deal. There might even be an FA or two among you, and dare I even assume perhaps a BHM or BBW (fat man or fat woman). If this is not the case, PLEASE don’t blow off someone from working with you just because they happen to be fat. I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could do what you can, but as some of you have said, each of you works in your own way. Wait and see what we are capable of and I think you'll discover we are people just like you with our own unique capabilities.

As to Dimensions people trying to figure out whose Koolaid I've been drinking, I'm not going to come right out and say it, I'll leave that up to you to find out. It isn't too hard to figure out really, but you have to be in a certain frame of mind to discover and accept it, like I was. I'm not going to directly invite ridicule on these people (we ALL know how that feels, now don't we?) so just Google around a bit, or you can say "WTF?" and ignore me. If you have the ah-ha! moment, keep it to yourself or PM me, some of these people don't like publicity, but some do.

There really are more things in Heaven and Earth than can possibly be imagined.

I'll part with a wish that I really hope nobody gets killed, including yourselves. Be safe. You are doing a good thing, no matter what the world may think of you.

Yours truly, drinking the Koolaid, and not eating all of his Froot Loops.

Okay...I'll take the first guess: Republican Lesbians?

Well, I don't think there is such an entity!

.
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Old 06-09-2009, 06:44 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by Genarose54 View Post
Okay...I'll take the first guess: Republican Lesbians?

Well, I don't think there is such an entity!

.
Dear Genarose54,

Honey, we are legion. Just ask my partner, or my dad, Darth Vader.

Sincerely,
Mary Cheney
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:58 AM   #70
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Dear person,

Stop. Just...stop...or....you get the hose. No, not THAT kind. This is the problem. Really.


Uncoiling and making sure the water is plenty cold,
M
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:04 AM   #71
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
Dear person,

Stop. Just...stop...or....you get the hose. No, not THAT kind. This is the problem. Really.


Uncoiling and making sure the water is plenty cold,
M
Dear Mossy,

I owe you rep. Inches and inches and inches... of rep.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:35 AM   #72
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Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!Tooz keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Dear Scumbucket:

Take your meds and gtfo. Your uncontrolled Borderline Personality Disorder is just annoying now. No one wants your opinion, no one has ever wanted your opinion, and I don't know a single female who isn't creeped out 100% by you.


GO AWAY.

-Tooz
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:51 PM   #73
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Dear Random Driver -

Just in case you weren't aware, the giant Confederate flag sticker on your back window that you think makes you such a badass?

It's extraordinarily ineffective in your quest because:

a) you are a skinny 19-year-old boy in Utah
b) you are wearing a striped Polo shirt, have flat-ironed hair and are listening to Fall Out Boy

but most of alll.....

c) you put the sticker on the back of a white Geo Metro.

Nice try, but you fail.

Signed,
The Fat Girl Laughing Behind You
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:10 PM   #74
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Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Chimpi has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Dear Person,

You carry yourself in a manner that is desirable at worst. You're immune to the rest because you are exactly who you wish to be. Even the people that criticize you tend to flock in your direction. I find it highly admirable to be such a person. You're entertaining and interesting. Moreover, you're delightful and pleasurable. You really tend to take my breath away.
Thanks for being the good example,

Jeffrey.

P.S. The whole "Jeffrey" thing makes me all warm and fuzzy.
P.S.S. Delete some years off your age, please.
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:57 AM   #75
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Dear Mossy,

I owe you rep. Inches and inches and inches... of rep.
Dammit, I was gonna cover for you, but, alas, my bestowing was all too soon.

I've been trying to figure out for DAYS how to express that singular sentiment, and Mossy did a bang-up job.

Yes. I said 'bang.' Ready the hose! (But I got you for 'inches.')

But
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