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Old 06-06-2008, 01:38 PM   #1
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Question fat loving, preference vs fetish, how does it make you feel?

I'm starting this because of some of the posts on the main board made me curious.

For the FAs, how do you consider your attraction to fat? Is it a preference? Is it a fetish? Do the two descriptions mean different things to you or make you feel differently about your attraction?

For the fat folks, how do the terms make you feel? If you were told by your lover that they fetishized your fat would that make you feel different from them saying that they preferred fat to thin?

Does fetish carry a connotation of objectification? Does it make you feel like the essential personality, identity or soul of the fat person is unimportant compared to the fat itself? Does the objectification carry with it a heat and passion that carries you above something more routine? Does the idea of a preference seem transient, like today you want a coke, but tomorrow might be sprite? Does preference feel more reasonable, an indication that you know what you like, but that you understand that things can change and that other factors such as personality and not living in Georgia (sorry tribal, I couldn't resist) count also?

Words carry different weight and meaning to everyone, how do you apply these terms to yourself, and how do they make you feel?
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Old 06-06-2008, 01:45 PM   #2
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Ok for me...since this is the definition of fetish
"an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression"

I would way it would be a preference for me. I do not psychologically need a fat man for sexual gratification. I'm not completed fixated on it. But I am attracted to it.

I find more pleasure, but it is Not absolutely necessary.

However, I do have problems with extreme objectification, it kind of creeps me out.

So not sure I answered everything but here's a preliminary post while I'm at work.
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Old 06-06-2008, 06:44 PM   #3
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Okay so the definition of fetish I'm going with is

Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

In this case yes, I would consider my attraction a fetish. I do fantasize about it when I am with thinner men and I do find that on a sexual level, while it is not something that is required, in no doubt helps. And yes, the term does unfortunately carry with it a negative connotation, but I think that is because it is linked with something taboo. I've known folks that are very strictly into other parts of a person, whether it be eyes, hair color, arms or even ethnicity and tend not to stray from what they find appealing. I guess I consider preference and fetish as similar and the what seems to differentiate the two in society tends to be its social acceptability. But I don't think that my fetish for larger men can really be considered objectification because there are a number of other factors that I require if I were to be in a relationship and I don't think that deriving pleasure for something (when it is mutual at least) as objectifying an individual because you can maintain a respect for the other person.

While fat is an object a desire, it is by no means how I define people I am attracted. It is a plus that I enjoy and seek out. Just like I also seek out intelligence and ease of conversation in my relationships.

I hope that made sense... i tend to babble.
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:35 PM   #4
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For the FAs, how do you consider your attraction to fat? Is it a preference? Is it a fetish? Do the two descriptions mean different things to you or make you feel differently about your attraction?
I consider it a preference. For me, fetish implies that it's necessary or forced, like an addiction. I may find it hot, but it by no means defines what I want in a person.

Does fetish carry a connotation of objectification? Does it make you feel like the essential personality, identity or soul of the fat person is unimportant compared to the fat itself?
Yes, but I don't hold it against people if they feel differently.

Does preference feel more reasonable, an indication that you know what you like, but that you understand that things can change and that other factors such as personality and not living in Georgia (sorry tribal, I couldn't resist) count also?
Absolutely.
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:47 PM   #5
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I hope that made sense... i tend to babble.
Quite the opposite from babble, that was very well put.
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:27 AM   #6
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Although I think fat admiration in general, for most people, is more likely to be a preference, for me it's a fetish. I don't just prefer big men, I fetishize the belly, the love handles, the double chin. I also have related fetishes which are definitely that and not preferences, like stuffing. But again, that's just me and not my opinion about all FA's. I think it's an individual thing and varies from person to person.
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:48 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Carl1h View Post
For the FAs, how do you consider your attraction to fat? Is it a preference? Is it a fetish?

Does it make you feel like the essential personality, identity or soul of the fat person is unimportant compared to the fat itself? Does the objectification carry with it a heat and passion that carries you above something more routine? Does the idea of a preference seem transient, like today you want a coke, but tomorrow might be sprite? Does preference feel more reasonable, an indication that you know what you like, but that you understand that things can change and that other factors such as personality and not living in Georgia (sorry tribal, I couldn't resist) count also?
This was my post in Olwen's thread(copycat)

This topic always makes my head spin. The more people define a fetish, the less certain I am that I understand what a fetish truly is. If a fetish has to be present all the time, then I guess for some FAs that would make it SEEM like fat is a fetish. But the problem is, this is the only "fetish" as far as I can tell that deals specifically with your partner's body and not with an activity or object. To me fat is like tall or blonde. Even if a person only dated blondes, no one automatically sees that as fetishistic. They just consider it a preference. There is something about the word fetish that to me has nothing to do with a person, it has to do with what you do with a person or even with an object(like shoe fetishists). So to say someone is a fat fetishist doesn't make sense to me. I can't get my head around it. I can't see the argument that it is a fetish because of the way that I view fetishes. But I know I might be wrong based on the actual definition. But again, no one ever debates this about other physical characteristics of a partner as far as I can tell, or certainly not as often. It doesn't even seem like it should be in the same category for consideration because it is still a physical characteristic of you partner. So while I think for some it is an orientation and for some a preference, I don't think it is a fetish.

And I am not criticizing anyone for debating this issue here, but I always feel like the only reason liking fat people as a fetish is up for debate, but liking short, tall, thin, or any other type of person as a fetish is not, is because of the general negative attitude towards fat in society. If fat were generally perceived by mainstream society as a good thing or at least an acceptable thing to find attractive, I don't think anyone would have ever thought to try to label FAs as fetishists in the first place. Or at least that's how it always makes me feel when I see this topic discussed.

As for your other questions:

For the FAs, how do you consider your attraction to fat? Is it a preference? Is it a fetish?

Preference.

Does it make you feel like the essential personality, identity or soul of the fat person is unimportant compared to the fat itself?

No, because for me it is a preference. It's not like I run around thinking "give me a fat man, any fat man."

Does the objectification carry with it a heat and passion that carries you above something more routine?

I don't see it as objectification in my case, but it certainly enhances things. But again, that's all things being equal, or speaking in the abstract.

Does the idea of a preference seem transient, like today you want a coke, but tomorrow might be sprite?

No.

Does preference feel more reasonable, an indication that you know what you like, but that you understand that things can change and that other factors such as personality count also?

I don't think it's a question of the word being reasonable. I think it really is about how the attraction feels for each fat admirer. After reading one of the posts in this thread, I can see how some fat admirers might actually have a fat fetish. But I still think for many it falls under either preference, or just outright sexual orientation. And I hope that for most, personality and other factors DO matter. (No offense to anyone who feels that personality doesn't matter. I guess. I'm sorry, I 'm not trying to be judgmental, but I have a hard time understanding people who just don't care what someone is like on the inside.)

And copying Olwen IS cool.

Last edited by Dr. P Marshall; 06-07-2008 at 02:53 PM. Reason: to reiterate that copying Olwen is cool.
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Old 06-08-2008, 03:50 AM   #8
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But the problem is, this is the only "fetish" as far as I can tell that deals specifically with your partner's body and not with an activity or object.
Well, there's tit fetishes, which seem to go to extremes of both size and fetishistic behaviour that "leg men" and "butt men" don't reach. But I don't think most FAs have a fetish either, using the same logic you do.

The definition Lady McVallen is working with above seems overly broad to me. If nonfetishistic attraction is based on genitals causing erotic response, that seems like it would make the usual assessment of attractiveness--using T&A, muscles, face, whatever--fetishistic.

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Old 06-08-2008, 12:55 PM   #9
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Well, there's tit fetishes, which seem to go to extremes of both size and fetishistic behaviour that "leg men" and "butt men" don't reach.


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That's a good point. See? This is why this topic makes my head spin.
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:25 PM   #10
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After reading thru the responses so far I'd have to say a definition of the word "objectification" is in order. So many seem to use it a bit differently both here and in the other thread.

For me objectification means that a person USES the other person or parts of the other person without consent or regard to the users feelings for their own gratification (sexual or otherwise), and for their own personal gain (monetary or otherwise). If someone wants to be ojectified then that isn't objectification.

So if a fat admirer uses a person for their fat alone without regard to the fat person's feelings then they are objectifiying them. This also counts for any person really. If a person who likes thin people does the same this is also objectification.

So perhaps now, we can couch this discussion in appropriate context. If a person objectifies a fat person, then in that context it neither matters if liking fat is considered an orientation or a preference or a fetish.


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Old 06-09-2008, 10:11 AM   #11
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I don't think one can so easily separate and contextualise the concepts of sexual fetishes and sexual objectification. You can, if you like, consider them as different entities, but in my opinion they overlap very much as concepts.

If part of a sexual fetish is a focus or attraction to a non-genital thing or action and your definition of sexual objectification in the context of an FA is using somebody for or because of their fat, then where exactly are you drawing the dividing line between the two principles?

Sexually, I like fat guys and I am in no way sexually attracted to another man unless he's fat. By the definition described in this thread already, that means I have a fetish. If I look at a fat guy's profile online or somebody in real life and am attracted to them because of how they look, I'm technically objectifying the person - as my initial attraction is based on their physical characteristics and nothing more.

I have a boyfriend who is very fat. Having lived with him for two years I can safely say that fact isn't the only thing about him that I find attractive. Not only is he fat, but he is handsome, very intelligent, thoughtful, kind-hearted and funny. I still objectify his fat though, I think that is inevitable if you have a fetish for fat people. I'm not saying for even a second that other things about that person can't attract you, but if aspects of that person's physicality are fetishistic to you, then it's surely more likely than not that a certain degree of focus is going to be furnished on those aspects?

As with anybody else here, it's merely an opinion, I just don't think that the two things, i.e a fetish and objectification are mutually exclusive. Fetishising something is, in my opinion, a form of objectification.
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Old 06-09-2008, 06:25 PM   #12
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chublover, I disagree. This is a chicken and egg kind of situation. They can be both, but the reason I I think they can be mutually exclusive is because one can objectify another in a non-sexual way and one can fetishize an object/body part/act without objectifying the person. If I want to be objectified then it isn't really objectification per say. The objectifiable pair becomes a consensual act, whatever it is. I hope that makes sense...

Yes, you are technically objectifying (by my fumbling definition) a person if you get something out of it (superficial or otherwise) from merely looking. For example, if I'm talking to a guy face to face and he turns his head to oggle some chippy in the middle of the conversation - especially if he's trying to pick me up - I'm gonna think he's objectifying the woman he looked and and in turn will think he's done the same to me. That's just an example with a negative connotation. Negative because in that case I didn't want to be the objectified object. Isn't this what we all mean when we say we want a potential partner to like us for who we are as well as what we look like?

I suppose we all do this in one way or another. Is this bad? That's up to you and probably depends on whether you are giving or receiving said objectification. I just felt that from examples in other threads the word "objectify" seemed to have shades of meaning that I wanted to clarify. So here I'm just thinking out loud so to speak.
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Old 06-10-2008, 03:16 PM   #13
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Ok, well I agree with some things that you've said there. I think it's possible that both can be separate from one another, but I'm not convinced that they are in most cases.

Just to clarify my point and to answer a question you asked. I don't think sexual objectification is necessarily a bad thing. It is a natural occurrence; something that Human beings are prone to doing as a result of baser instincts - consciously or otherwise. It's completely natural to visually survey and evaluate other people in a sexual way - everybody with any sexuality does it to one level or another.

As you mentioned, you don't consider such objectification to be so if it's desired and intended in that fashion. But really, that's just a psychological construct. It doesn't change what it is, but as far as you're concerned (and probably many others) your desire for it from one person to the next can completely alter how it is perceived. In some cases you might encourage it of somebody whereas others not.
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Old 06-10-2008, 05:35 PM   #14
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Ok, well I agree with some things that you've said there. I think it's possible that both can be separate from one another, but I'm not convinced that they are in most cases.

Just to clarify my point and to answer a question you asked. I don't think sexual objectification is necessarily a bad thing. It is a natural occurrence; something that Human beings are prone to doing as a result of baser instincts - consciously or otherwise. It's completely natural to visually survey and evaluate other people in a sexual way - everybody with any sexuality does it to one level or another.

As you mentioned, you don't consider such objectification to be so if it's desired and intended in that fashion. But really, that's just a psychological construct. It doesn't change what it is, but as far as you're concerned (and probably many others) your desire for it from one person to the next can completely alter how it is perceived. In some cases you might encourage it of somebody whereas others not.
You're right, it's true it is a psychological contstruct. I wholeheartedly agree. And I agree that we all do it in some way from time to time, which is why I also feel it isn't inherently a bad thing, but to many it is. Hence, the need for a clearer definition - at least for me anyway.
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Old 06-16-2008, 07:29 PM   #15
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I think that the word I would choose would be a predisposition...

I am inclined to be attracted to a larger man but in no way am I attracted to EVERY fat man.

My friend loves breasts but if the chick is ugly or rude he isn't going to be attracted other than the initial look.

The same goes for me with chubs!
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Old 06-16-2008, 07:43 PM   #16
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To me whether it is a fetish or a preference doesn't really make a difference as long as there is a love and respect for each other there that keeps a relationship going.....
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Old 06-23-2008, 06:54 PM   #17
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I'm with Ichida. If someone has the body type but dresses like a slob or has an off-putting personality, I don't even experience the initial attraction. I wonder if that response is more typical of women than men? I've often heard that it is, but maybe that's just a stereotype.

I would definitely call my interest a preference, but a strong one. I appreciate many other traits, but I have to admit, if that one thing isn't there, the attraction tends to be less physical than emotional. I wonder if that distinction makes sense to anyone else besides me.
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Old 06-24-2008, 07:35 PM   #18
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I think of the fetish and preference as separate but I have both. I've never been attracted to a thin guy based on physical appearance. In that respect I think of it as a preference. Not only do I like the appearance but I like the power that their size represents. I've always naturally been attracted to big guys. For me I can't picture myself with a small guy. When I was a little girl and pictured my wedding day it was a big guy. When I dreamed about prince charming he was pushing 400. When I thought about my family someday it was always a big guy holding my babies. This makes me think it is a preference. I'm not thinking of them in a sexual way but obviously that is the physical appearance I prefer. However I cannot deny I have a fetish for parts of fat men. For example there is a guy I work with. Even if he was physically attractive, his personality would make him unattractive. As much as I find him completely unattractive (don't hate the guy, just not someone I would be physically attracted to) I can't help but sneak peeks at his love handles. They're fantastic. This is the only part of him I find attractive and they are so hot. I think of that as a fetish. In summary I have a preference for fat men and a fetish for their bodies. I think I would be a little offended if someone thought of my attraction as just a fetish. Its more than sexual. Its the feeling of security I get from being with a big guy. Its the feeling of pride I get when I'm holding his hand and I see another couple and I know my guy is bigger than hers. Its the calm and content I get when I'm cuddling with a big guy, not in a sexual way, just being close to his body. In my world being big is just the way a guy should look/feel. When I've tried to be with a thin guy it just feels awkward and kind of inappropriate. I'd imagine it'd be the same as cuddling with a table. You might really like the table but trying to cuddle with it and pretend it really is a guy, isn't going to work. Obviously there is that whole having a soul thing that makes a difference between cuddling with a table and a thin guy but it still just doesn't feel right. Sorry if I'm offending any thin guys on here. I can't help the way I feel.
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Old 06-25-2008, 07:22 AM   #19
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iheartsquishiys, That is a lovely description. It made me smile.
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Old 06-25-2008, 07:27 AM   #20
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Iheart, I love how a lot of the same FA things show up in both genders, but flavored by their genders....your story could have mostly come from a male FA with only a few pronoun switches, except for the part about imagining your wedding and who would be holding your babies, which you'll seldom hear from guys.

But the combination of a general preference and a strong sexual focus does seem to be pretty common in FAs, no matter the gender.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 06-25-2008, 07:53 AM   #21
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I can be attracted to non-fat men, but I don't feel overtly sexual about them. That's why I don't have a problem with the term fetish. I think the word has become mainstream; it paints a broad brush of meaning, rather than being confined to something clinical or borderline. I'm not offended by the term in the slightest.

My preference is a sweet, smart, funny big guy. My fetish is his belly, moobs, rolls, etc. That's how I view it. I shrug my shoulders to anyone who would call that wrong or creepy.
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