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Old 04-27-2010, 03:44 AM   #1
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Default Long Distance Relationships?

Women, I am completely new at this after coming out of the a messy "Big D", back several months ago I have a question now that I am starting new......
How do you feel about long distance realtionships and can you make them work?
Reason I am asking, is as a newbie on this board I am beginning the dating process all over, and I am as far from computer savy as you can get, so things on the board, etc do not come easy. The availability of women where I am now is like NONE, and those that are here are skinny. I do not have the ability to move, as I am a Major in the Army, and am pretty much stuck where I am, and at 36 it is hard to meet my type of women. So any realtionship with the woman of my dreams will begin long distance. Then factor in my deployments, etc. So I was wondering about all you women on here since you all are, "the women of my dreams" can you provide any help, etc. Thank-you!

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Last edited by olwen; 04-27-2010 at 11:33 AM. Reason: removed innappropriate word
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:40 AM   #2
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At any rate, sure long distance relationships can work. They are a challenge but not at all impossible.

One thing i would say is use technology like email, texts, and cams to keep communication alive, but don't use them to replace spending time together. Also, when meeting somebody online, most conventional wisdom says it's good to meet fairly soon after you start communicating otherwise you risk having unrealistic expectations or you can build up the other person too much. Absent the real day to day 'stuff' like personality quirks, cleanliness habits, cursing, whether a person smokes or drinks, you wont' get a real picture of who they are.

Be upfront about how much time and effort you will devote to getting to know somebody. If your work is very time consuming, it's not realistic to say you're going to visit every weekend or call three times a week.

Lastly, be very honest about yourself. Women and men of all sizes have been burned by online dating; people can lie about anything from marital status to age, so don't be 'that guy' who said he was single but really separated or who posted a picture taken 5 years earlier or who said 'social drinker' but really has 4 DUIs.

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Old 04-27-2010, 08:27 AM   #3
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Sometimes I can't figure out which forum I'm in...trippy...



Anyway, OP, to answer your question - I am pretty much 100% opposed to long distance relationships (for myself! don't everybody pounce on me, now). I would never willingly enter into a LDR. The only way I might consider it is if that guy was really SUCH a tremendous match for me that it would be stupid not to try. This means way more than strong physical chemistry and just getting along on a general level - because I could pretty easily find that in my area. It would have to be a really unique sort of connection to want to put myself through the longing that comes with an LDR. When I'm in a relationship, I need me some physical affection on a regular basis!!!!

Last edited by olwen; 04-27-2010 at 11:35 AM. Reason: removed response to inappropriate word
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:07 AM   #4
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Why is this on the bbw forum?
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:26 AM   #5
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Because I wanted an answer from a female, so I thought it fit.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:29 AM   #6
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Nevermind.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:52 AM   #7
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Did my reply get removed because I called a character in a movie a whore? Really?
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:16 PM   #8
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I agree, chat, emails and phone definitely while apart. Surfer
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:00 PM   #9
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I am not a female, but I hope that my 2 cents won't be discounted; as a person who has been in a long distance relationship, I can tell you that I wouldn't recommend it. At least not if you are looking for something serious and/or long term. If you are just looking for women to chat with and exchange pictures and whatnot, that's fine. But if you're looking for something meaningful and long-lasting, don't get involved in something long distance unless you go into it with the willingness and ability to move and make it NOT long-distance as soon as possible. The longer the distance drags on, the harder it is to maintain intimacy and keep the connection alive. The feelings are real, but the logistics of it make it difficult and practically impossible.

You say that because of your career you are unable to move for someone, so that right there is a strike against you. So if you met someone far away, it would be assumed that they would have to move for you if you wanted to be together. Maybe they will and maybe they won't, it's a gamble in any case. Besides which, your location says you're in the Nashville area, I find it hard to believe there are no available plus size ladies available in that area. But I guess I wouldn't know.

For the record, yes LDRs can sometimes work out. But it is difficult, and you should be prepared to deal with all of the difficulties and emotional turmoil that can arise from entering into one. That is my advice, you can take it or leave it.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:35 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by LisaInNC View Post
Did my reply get removed because I called a character in a movie a whore? Really?
If he can't say trollop or whatever it was he said then I guess you can't say whore.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:35 PM   #11
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Quote:
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Did my reply get removed because I called a character in a movie a whore? Really?
No, it was removed because it was a response to a response to a response that was originally removed.

Carry on.

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Old 04-27-2010, 03:42 PM   #12
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LJ, thank-you for your input. The problem I have is that since my job is the Army I can't just move where/when I want. So, yes if I meet a woman someplace else, which will probably be the case, I have no choice but long distance.
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:54 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfer View Post
Women, I am completely new at this after coming out of the a messy "Big D", back several months ago I have a question now that I am starting new......
How do you feel about long distance realtionships and can you make them work?
Reason I am asking, is as a newbie on this board I am beginning the dating process all over, and I am as far from computer savy as you can get, so things on the board, etc do not come easy. The availability of women where I am now is like NONE, and those that are here are skinny. I do not have the ability to move, as I am a Major in the Army, and am pretty much stuck where I am, and at 36 it is hard to meet my type of women. So any realtionship with the woman of my dreams will begin long distance. Then factor in my deployments, etc. So I was wondering about all you women on here since you all are, "the women of my dreams" can you provide any help, etc. Thank-you!

Surfer
There are tons of fat women around Nashville and Ft. Campbell/Clarksville.
I lived there most of my childhood years. Long distance can work but it can also fail and when you have invested so much it can hurt more. I would look around locally, Even if you meet the ladies online you will have any easier go of things actually dating.


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Old 04-27-2010, 04:07 PM   #14
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True, yes you pegged it, Fort Campbell. Well I must be looking in all the wrong places, or they moved, or went on serious diets! Then again, to be honest I have met a few but they were golddiggers, and I am not into that. Want someone who wants me for me, not my pay and a ticket out.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:18 PM   #15
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True, yes you pegged it, Fort Campbell. Well I must be looking in all the wrong places, or they moved, or went on serious diets! Then again, to be honest I have met a few but they were golddiggers, and I am not into that. Want someone who wants me for me, not my pay and a ticket out.
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I've never been to Nashvilles so what do I know? Anybody looking to latch on to a military guy is probably going to be hanging around the gate so I would recommend venturing beyond that point to meet nice people. Like I said, I've never been but I watch a lot of hair shows. Yes yes, I know hair shows and salons aren't exactly Valhallah but Nashville is actually pretty up and coming when it comes to hair and they get featured a lot in these shows. Anytime the showcase is there I'm really impressed with the variance of people and just the overall vibe of the folks who pass through there. I know there are good people of all types in Nashville and Nashville's a big place. Don't give up hope so early.
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Old 04-27-2010, 04:29 PM   #16
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Lilly, that made me laugh, never thought of that. But you are right on, I do not hang even close to post for women. Just not my type.

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Old 04-27-2010, 05:00 PM   #17
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I've never been to Nashvilles so what do I know? Anybody looking to latch on to a military guy is probably going to be hanging around the gate so I would recommend venturing beyond that point to meet nice people. Like I said, I've never been but I watch a lot of hair shows. Yes yes, I know hair shows and salons aren't exactly Valhallah but Nashville is actually pretty up and coming when it comes to hair and they get featured a lot in these shows. Anytime the showcase is there I'm really impressed with the variance of people and just the overall vibe of the folks who pass through there. I know there are good people of all types in Nashville and Nashville's a big place. Don't give up hope so early.
OMG Lilly--you're right!! Didn't anyone see An Officer and a Gentleman?? Hmmmm...now I'm wondering if deleted posts had something to do with the characters in this movie.

Nevermind. LOL
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:02 PM   #18
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Yes, it is very true, those type of girls are waiting, especailly when you are an officer like I am. You really have to watch.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:13 PM   #19
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You can always post a thread in the South thread in the Events Forum and see what fellow Dimmers are in your area, just to meet people and get some ideas for where to meet others.

Did you aready check that forum? I saw this one where a few people from your area posted, but there might be more.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:18 PM   #20
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No, I had not, will check it out. Thank-you.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:23 PM   #21
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OMG Lilly--you're right!! Didn't anyone see An Officer and a Gentleman?? Hmmmm...now I'm wondering if deleted posts had something to do with the characters in this movie.

Nevermind. LOL
I didn't see Officer and a Gentleman so I don't get the reference. I just know that all the people in Nashville aren't trashy or whatever it was that he said. I do think it's possible to get mixed up with the wrong crowd in a local area and fall into a rut. The short of the story is to stop hanging around with people you don't relate to and get out more. I don't live where he lives so if he says they're frisking him for money what do I know? Grab the car keys and get the hell out if it's that bad.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:31 PM   #22
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Lilly, no you misunderstood. It is not people from Nashville that are trashy! There is just a certain "element" of girl that hangs around military bases to marry GIs as their way out, and good pay, etc. They will do ANYTHING to get hitched. In the movie Officer...., that is the plot but it is set in Washington State at the Navy OCS school in Bremerton (sp?), one of the girls evn fakes getting preggo, the guy quits OCS to marry her and take her back to OK, but of course she doessn't want that, she breaks his heart and he kills himself. It is actually a good movie for a chick flick!

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Old 04-27-2010, 06:23 PM   #23
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Lilly, no you misunderstood. It is not people from Nashville that are trashy! There is just a certain "element" of girl that hangs around military bases to marry GIs as their way out, and good pay, etc. They will do ANYTHING to get hitched. In the movie Officer...., that is the plot but it is set in Washington State at the Navy OCS school in Bremerton (sp?), one of the girls evn fakes getting preggo, the guy quits OCS to marry her and take her back to OK, but of course she doessn't want that, she breaks his heart and he kills himself. It is actually a good movie for a chick flick!

Surfer
If it doesn't have vampires in it it probably isn't my kind of flick Surfer so I'll have to take your word for it.
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:51 PM   #24
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Lilly, got ya! See I don't like those horror movies. I see so many horrible things in my line of work, I want to laugh when I go see a flick!
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:00 PM   #25
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I think it depends on the people involved, I know that if the right person came along I would happily re locate, but that can take time and money, so there would have to be a patience factor in there as well,

But it would have to be something really amazing and special, for me to want to do that.

I am a romantic at heart, I believe that love should not be restricted by distance ect because love when it is true love will always find a way, but on saying that there are some places even love will not get me to relocate to.....

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