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Old 03-11-2010, 08:12 AM   #26
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I do tend to gravitate toward other fat women when we first meet, simply because it's obvious we already have something in common, but overall compatibility is far more important in the long run. My close female friends range from a neighbor who is 4ft10 and maybe 90lb, to Mrs. O who is 5ft7 and 400lb. Most are average to plump in size though. Considering how big I am, my size isn't a concern with my female friends, except for purely logistical stuff like seating and walking.

I was singed by one woman who pursued a friendship with me based solely on size. She was a skinny cheerleader bitch in high school, but at our 25th class reunion she was over 350lb. I thought it was poetic justice she was supersize now too, so like a sap I let bygones be bygones. She wanted to be my pal and go shopping together. That was fun for a while. But she wasn't happy being fat, and methought being around even fatter me made her feel better about herself. When she tried to talk me into having WLS with her, I politely but firmly declined and that was that. As she lost weight, she also lost interest in being my friend, which was probably for the best. I enjoy being fat, and she clearly didn't.

Even though most of my friends aren't particularly fat, it is nice to have some close SSBBW friends who share many of the same issues as women of size, and there's much to be said about sharing clothes. One in particular didn't exactly need to twist my arm to do some early spring shopping with her in Chicago last week. Oh, that was fun! She & I were probably quite a pair (except we're both apples, pun intended).

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Old 03-11-2010, 11:27 AM   #27
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It's all about who I click with. Since I found the community I've made more bbw friends, but I really don't conciously choose bbw's as friends.
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Old 03-11-2010, 11:35 AM   #28
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I have all sorts of friends, but I think that my closest friendships are with other BBWs, because we can talk about BBW-relevant issues. I love my skinny friends, but they will never, ever understand some of the things that I deal with on a daily basis.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:33 PM   #29
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I have only one fat friend that I adore from the very bottom of my heart. We're both very strong willed, bossy kind of girls who like things our way but we click so hard. We've had our fights. We made the mistake of living together once LOL! And there was a point where I got this disapproving vibe from her about the things I was wearing - she's a lot more fat conservative than I am - but I had a rather infuriated, tearful explosion about to her and we've agreed to disagree on things like clothing but on most everything else we're cool. Its amazing to be able to share frustrations about clothing, men, various brainless acts of discrimination. Also we she's beyond awesome in a fight - totally one of those people you know will help you pound the living shit out of anybody who messes with you.

I'm extremely greatful for my skinny girlfriends though. They often don't see the potential for fat discrimination that I do and so I've ended up doing things with them and because of them that I wouldnt have done on my own just because of my own fatty girl insecurities. They've always been supportive even when they didn't get it. They add so, so much to my life that I can't imagine limiting my friendships according to body weight.

I'd still love to meet more like minded fatties. I really believe that there is incredible power in shared experiences.
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Old 03-15-2010, 02:08 AM   #30
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My female friends come in all shapes and sizes. My close female friends are people I would describe as "beautiful (as in soul wise), wise, compassionate and for the most part, happy with themselves"

I had a colleague at work, who is a very large woman, tell me I shouldn't be eating sushi last week, because white rice was "all sugar". I was happy with my lunch choice, and wasn't about to deal with this comment from someone who had just eaten a pizza in front of me, and who seemed to want me to retaliate and call her on her own food choice. I don't care what she, or anyone else eats, it's none of my business.I wouldn't choose someone like this as a close friend as I find these sorts of comments really quite screwed up.

I had a very thin friend who I distanced myself from because she was so pathologically obsessed with the 5 stretch marks she had after having a baby, that I found it negative to be around her.

I am always happy to support friends and discuss issues with friends, but people who are obsessed with being "fat", whether they are or not, aren't necessarily a good match for me.
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Old 03-20-2010, 04:38 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by aussieamazonwoman View Post

I had a colleague at work, who is a very large woman, tell me I shouldn't be eating sushi last week, because white rice was "all sugar". I was happy with my lunch choice, and wasn't about to deal with this comment from someone who had just eaten a pizza in front of me, and who seemed to want me to retaliate and call her on her own food choice. I don't care what she, or anyone else eats, it's none of my business.I wouldn't choose someone like this as a close friend as I find these sorts of comments really quite screwed up.
Sounds like someone who was guilty about what she ate and was trying to control what you ate as a way to project her own issues.

That sucks when that happens, but good thing people like that are called out when they do that crap.

I think at this point in my life, any friend whether they be an acquaintance or someone closer, needs to be someone I TRUST and someone that just has integrity...be they fat, thin or whatever. It's difficult enough to just come across those traits in people.

As I mentioned earlier, I've had more male friends than female friends over the years and part of that reason is that I admit I don't trust a lot of women although I'd love to have more female friends. I don't go in meeting people with guns blazing because that's ridiculous and I do give people a chance to get to know me and so forth, but I've come to be more disappointed than pleased over the years when attempting to get to know others. I am not saying men are all angelic as friends because they can do things too but I don't have to be concerned about things (unless the guy is gay in some instances) such as if they feel competitive with appearances, wanting to control what I eat because they feel guilty about their own eating choices (like the example in the quote), trying to flirt or get close to my romantic partner and then smile in my face otherwise like they're down...and so forth.
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Old 03-20-2010, 04:47 PM   #32
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I'm generally better friends with my bigger friends, because we have a lot more in common. I can shop with them, eat without being self conscious around them, talk about my weight without them freaking out, and be able to discuss our lives regarding self image more openly with them. I'd have to say shopping for clothes with my skinny friends is one of the most annoying things I have ever done.
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Old 03-20-2010, 05:59 PM   #33
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I'd have to say shopping for clothes with my skinny friends is one of the most annoying things I have ever done.
Yeah, this can be awkward in some cases, especially if women are going to different stores to buy clothing and the whole point is to shop together and socialize - Torrid, Ashley Stewart, Avenue, Lane Bryant and so forth.

I love stuff in stores like Charlotte Russe, Red Eye, Clothestime, Pink Ice and the like, but the average sizes in those stores between around 6-8. Someone's lucky if they can find a size 12 as a larger size...
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Old 03-20-2010, 06:34 PM   #34
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Yeah, this can be awkward in some cases, especially if women are going to different stores to buy clothing and the whole point is to shop together and socialize - Torrid, Ashley Stewart, Avenue, Lane Bryant and so forth.

I love stuff in stores like Charlotte Russe, Red Eye, Clothestime, Pink Ice and the like, but the average sizes in those stores between around 6-8. Someone's lucky if they can find a size 12 as a larger size...
they also have faith21, forever21's fat sister I didn't know about that until the other day.
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:29 PM   #35
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This is a great topic. I have friends of many sizes and many stripes. That being said, I'm most comfortable being friends with men, but that doesn't mean I don't have close female friends. In fact, a handful are with me from childhood. There's such a comfort to having a shared history.

I'm not saying this applies to all or even most women but I've noticed many have a hidden agenda that they can be pretty ruthless about. A 'what-can-I-get-out-of-this' thing.

I can relate to one of you who said some friendships are draining...sometimes I attract people who seem to suck all the happy out of me.

The women who really get me are the self-haters (fat and thin) who are obsessed with self-loathing. I can't tolerate people who complain like it's a hobby (although chronic bitching is often funny) and find women like this toxic to my well-being.

I have to say size is not an issue. The attitude, personality and expectations of the person are far more indicative of the longevity of my friendships.
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Old 04-28-2010, 10:10 AM   #36
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I agree with the general consensus. I have always been a "friend of the friendless" so I sort of attract the periphery of people because I am not really a judgemental person. I have had friends that were all sizes, but my best friend is a former skinny and now a little on the hefty side - because she has not been chunky her whole life, she doesn't get some of my "plump girl" quirks. I have also had skinny friends that attached themselves to me because it made them feel better about themselves - I later found out their true character and was shocked that they had such low self esteem and would project that on me.

I come from a long line of latina bbw's, so I guess I love having bbw friends! But I am also an equal opportunity friender as long as they don't see size as an issue in becoming friends. I think I just have a big heart, so I will always befriend someone in need of a friend!
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:09 PM   #37
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I was very close to a BBW classmate in high school who had a thin conventionally beautiful and very insecure friend. At some point I met this friend who quickly attached herself to me like a leech. I was still in my awkward stage and wondered why she was so attracted to me especially since we didn't share many of the same interests. I stopped talking to her after witnessing her have a psychotic break over an imagined flirtation she thought she saw between her boyfriend and a waitress. Years later her (now ex)boyfriend who was also the older brother of my sister's best friend told me that this girl deliberately surrounded herself with fat girls to make herself look better but it backfired when I started getting attention so she had no use for me.
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:47 PM   #38
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I have friends of all sizes. But there is something special about having bbw friends. I have given up going clothes shopping with my skinny friends. I find it too frustrating.
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Old 04-28-2010, 02:30 PM   #39
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Default OMG BBW clothes shopping!

In case you couldn't tell, I am Mexican and a lot of the women in my family are bbw's. We used to have so much fun shopping and trading clothes. I still do the same thing with my sister and mother - even though we all have different styles, sometimes its like having 3 closets!

I wish I had more BBW friends - my two best friends are like a size 16 and the other is even smaller. There is something about going shopping with people in the same shops and the same sensibilities!
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Old 04-29-2010, 08:42 PM   #40
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Size doesn't matter at all when I'm picking friends, but I have noticed that other big women tend to make me feel the most comfortable and that some small people are VERY UNCOMFY around me, which means that in general, I usually have a few more bigfriends than smallfriends
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Old 06-28-2010, 03:59 PM   #41
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I only ask that they have a good self confidence about their size and don't bitch about being 'so fat' or saying 'I can't eat that I have to watch my weight'. I don't tolerate that from any woman regardless if they are a size 2 or size 20. But other that, my friends are various sizes. One of my best friends is a size 2, but she is so cool and people say we look like sisters, lol.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:00 AM   #42
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Hey, friends are friends, that's what I always say.
I have friends of all shapes, sizes, genders & ethnicities but I don't mind how they look. As long as they're nice, down to Earth, and fun, they're friends.
As a preference towards BBW's, I would say the same exact thing.
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Old 06-29-2010, 03:55 AM   #43
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I'd just like a real friend, one that doesn't suggest losing weight.
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Old 06-30-2010, 06:24 PM   #44
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My immediate circle of friends are thin or at least thinner than myself. Although I love them there just things I'm unable to share with them and areas of my life their friendships cant fulfill. Shopping, as mentioned is one. I've never gone clothes shopping with a girlfriend. Joking about food or going out to eat and feeling comfortable eating whatever I want or how much I want is another. And I've recently discovered I greatly prefer how I look in pictures with other fat women than I do in pictures with all skinny women. I felt I looked awkward and out of place and it definately didnt make me feel pretty.

Oh and when I was younger and used to go out more it was always annoying when guys would come up to me and want to know who my thin friend was then treat you like you didnt exist.

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Old 07-01-2010, 04:30 PM   #45
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When it comes to friendship with other women, do you have a preference for friendships with other bbws?
I find the older i've gotten the fewer real friends i have...and all of them are thin and don't know and will never know what it is to be a fat girl...i learned not to even bother going shopping with them. i'm a size 32/34 but they'd pick out clothes in like size 18/20 for me to try not to mention they're experts on weight loss from watching entire seasons of biggest loser, celebrity fit club etc

i do have one bbw friend and we get along well but we're complete opposites...i'm an introvert and she's an extrovert, she's a social butterfly that has her weekends jam packed with parties, brunches, getaways etc. However when we get together, that's when she tells me how she really feels dislikes being fat and is depressed about it. i'm always so shocked because from the outside looking in you'd never know.

i have to say i really could do with more bbw friends because at least we'd be on the same level, knowing stuff like what bars,restaurants, theatres have comfortable seating...being able to go shopping and actually knowing each others real sizes and not feeling like sh*t if stuff doesn't fit...taking lifts instead of freakin stairs! lol!....oh and the list goes on and on....
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Old 07-03-2010, 12:45 AM   #46
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Hey, girl! Come visit Texas and we'll go clubbing/shopping!!!!!
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Old 07-03-2010, 03:12 PM   #47
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I've always wanted BBW friends, however, all of my friends are on the very thin side.
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Old 07-03-2010, 04:38 PM   #48
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I've got friends of all sizes and races, as long as their personality and other qualities match some of mine, I don't care what they look like or who they are.
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Old 07-04-2010, 11:06 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by itsfine View Post
I've always wanted BBW friends, however, all of my friends are on the very thin side.
Same for me here. Having some "private" BBW friends was once a bit of a fantasy of mine that I always wanted to do. But I don't mind it really, as long as they're all great friends I have no problem with it.
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Old 07-04-2010, 11:11 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by KendraLee View Post
My immediate circle of friends are thin or at least thinner than myself. Although I love them there just things I'm unable to share with them and areas of my life their friendships cant fulfill. Shopping, as mentioned is one. I've never gone clothes shopping with a girlfriend. Joking about food or going out to eat and feeling comfortable eating whatever I want or how much I want is another. And I've recently discovered I greatly prefer how I look in pictures with other fat women than I do in pictures with all skinny women. I felt I looked awkward and out of place and it definately didnt make me feel pretty.

Oh and when I was younger and used to go out more it was always annoying when guys would come up to me and want to know who my thin friend was then treat you like you didnt exist.
Oh yes girl.

I always feel crazy awkward and rather like a giant in pics with my skinny friends. Especially the short ones lol
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