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Old 02-26-2012, 12:19 AM   #76
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So we have SVS and AnnMarie as moderators in this forum, Evil Princess as moderator in the BBW forum, and Webmaster can probably move any thread he wishes.

Does that seem to sum up the, ah, "suspects"?
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Old 02-26-2012, 12:24 AM   #77
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What it comes down to in the end (regardless of who did it) is the difference between the site's official policies and it's unwritten ones.

ETA: it would be nice if the policy-as-implemented was actually written out so folks would at least know what the ground rules are.

-Rusty

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Old 02-26-2012, 08:28 AM   #78
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Because I like to be a contrarian, lets not forget that women can be abusers and that people can use weight loss as a form for that control and abuse. Figured the things I was aware of had some relevance, and thankfully I've never had to deal with the Snidely Fatlashes of the feeder/fat sexuality scene.
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:03 AM   #79
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Originally Posted by butch View Post
Because I like to be a contrarian, lets not forget that women can be abusers and that people can use weight loss as a form for that control and abuse. Figured the things I was aware of had some relevance, and thankfully I've never had to deal with the Snidely Fatlashes of the feeder/fat sexuality scene.
Let's not forget this thread began life in the BBW forum, where it should have stayed.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:38 AM   #80
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Because I like to be a contrarian, lets not forget that women can be abusers and that people can use weight loss as a form for that control and abuse. Figured the things I was aware of had some relevance, and thankfully I've never had to deal with the Snidely Fatlashes of the feeder/fat sexuality scene.
Thing is, the OP never mentioned gender in any of this, and most people have not mentioned gender. No one has ever said that women cannot be abusers, nor that men are abusers. I think that in your assumptions of gender, and because in the personal stories that have been told it happens that the abusers were men, you are trying to be even-handed. But at the same time you blanked-indicted women more than anyone blanket-indicted men.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:41 AM   #81
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Because I like to be a contrarian, lets not forget that women can be abusers and that people can use weight loss as a form for that control and abuse. Figured the things I was aware of had some relevance, and thankfully I've never had to deal with the Snidely Fatlashes of the feeder/fat sexuality scene.
I guess If my friends had been abused by a woman by the medium of 'weight loss' I would have probably chosen a different forum (I mean completely different site) to share my post. The fact is that my friends had suffered at the hands of men who didn't tell them they were feeders when they first met. I thought that I might be able to find women to share their experiences of this and in doing so perhaps let other women know about the warning signs. I wasn't trying to exclude anyone. I think some spaces and some conversations can only happen between women. I specifically asked for other women to reply to my thread because it was relevant to the situation my friends found themselves in. Male feeders abusing women. We can always start separate threads in the BHM forum and the LGBTQ forum to gain another perspective, though I have found that even when you directly ask for a specific group or post in a protected forum your post can just get moved anyway. So really there is no feeling of safety there at all.
The abuse by weight loss is another conversation which I would be interested to hear about too. Perhaps you could start a thread on that? It seems fairly common place though unfortunately so I'm not sure there would be a need to specifically ask that question on a site like dimensions.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:43 AM   #82
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Thing is, the OP never mentioned gender in any of this, and most people have not mentioned gender. No one has ever said that women cannot be abusers, nor that men are abusers. I think that in your assumptions of gender, and because in the personal stories that have been told it happens that the abusers were men, you are trying to be even-handed. But at the same time you blanked-indicted women more than anyone blanket-indicted men.
This is right Tina. I was actually posting for women to answer because (like I said) It related to what my friends were going through. My friends happened to be abused by men but it's certainly not about gender, just about abuse.
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:53 AM   #83
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Exactly. I mean, there are definitely bi- and lesbian feeders and feedees, and people are people, no matter gender, or so I never assumed it was strictly the sole territory of men.
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:33 PM   #84
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hmm, if it started out in the BBW forum, then it was about gender, to some degree. I wasn't blanket assumptioning any gender, I was just sharing the abuse I was most familiar with, which was women and weight loss. I didn't realize that my experiences as a woman with abuse and body size were not welcome to this discussion, so I'll remove myself from the discussion. However, as a woman, no matter if it was on the BBW board or not, I'd think my experiences would be as welcome as those of the women who are talking about men who are abusers and use weight loss as one means of control.
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:43 PM   #85
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This thread leads me to think that at Dims:

Relationships + Fat/Feeding + Abuse = Fat Sexuality.

Is this really the message any of us, on any side of this issue, wants to be sending?

There is a lot of power in how we categorize things here, and in the larger world, and I think it's important to remember that.

People in healthy feeder/gainer sexual relationships shouldn't want it conflated with abuse any more than the women in this thread (who've shared their stories or their reservations about the board move) should want abuse conflated with sexuality.

Can I get a witness?
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:56 PM   #86
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That makes perfect sense to me, Jes.

Butch, I'm sorry if you're choosing to take offense at anything I've said. From my part, as I see it, yes, the OP was a woman wanting to talk with other women. That's as far as I see gender being involved, in anything but personal stories. I don't recall myself or anyone else saying you're not welcome. I have personal experience with abuse from women, too, so I get you. But it felt to me that you were bringing in a blanket accusation, because before then, no one had made any statements in this thread about men in general being abusive, having the capacity to be abusive, etc.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:01 PM   #87
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Here's why it was moved, IMO (and I have no idea, I'm not a mod):

The OP does indeed label the abused as women and the closet abusing feeders as men, so that violates the BBW Forum rules, which does not allow 'bad mouthing men.' Just like a thread in the FA/FFA forum about 'gold digging fat women' would be closed down because it bad mouths women. If such threads exist on the FA/FFA forum, then by all means please let the mods know, so it can be closed.

So, while the placement of the thread in a sexuality forum may not be the ideal place, the fact that the thread was not closed down, but instead moved so that it no longer violated one of the rules of the board, some might find fair.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:07 PM   #88
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Ah, you might have a point, Butch. I'm not at all sure that the two forums are moderated with parity, but I don't know why I missed that men were mentioned in the OP, but I did. Thanks for clarifying.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:14 PM   #89
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I wish there was a board called: Let's Just All Be Fucking Honest With Each Other For Five Minutes.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:21 PM   #90
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I will say, though, that there was still no blanket accusation or condemnation of men in general. In thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever heard stories of women who have done what is being discussed here. It more falls under something like Munchausen's by Proxy, rather than furtive feeding for the purposes of weight gain without the person's consent.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:23 PM   #91
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I actually dont see how a thread talking about abuse equals bad mouthing men. The OP didn't say all men were abusers, just told a story of some who were. Now if she had made a post saying that all men were users/abusers, not capable of feeling, that would be bad mouthing men.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:29 PM   #92
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I will say, though, that there was still no blanket accusation or condemnation of men in general. In thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever heard stories of women who have done what is being discussed here. It more falls under something like Munchausen's by Proxy, rather than furtive feeding for the purposes of weight gain without the person's consent.
I think that while it's always smart to take a balanced approach to a topic, and to recognize that all genders can be capable of all types of things, trying to maintain balance at all times for the sake of balance can really just be another way to silence people. Can a group of women gang rape someone? Sure. What should happen, in that case? The victim should be allowed to speak and then be supported, but the fact that women committed that crime shouldn't silence all other female victims.
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:32 PM   #93
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I think that while it's always smart to take a balanced approach to a topic, and to recognize that all genders can be capable of all types of things, trying to maintain balance at all times for the sake of balance can really just be another way to silence people. Can a group of women gang rape someone? Sure. What should happen, in that case? The victim should be allowed to speak and then be supported, but the fact that women committed that crime shouldn't silence all other female victims.
It feels like we are being patted on the head and being told to just sit here and be pretty for the nice men.Gag
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:37 PM   #94
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I wish there was a board called: Let's Just All Be Fucking Honest With Each Other For Five Minutes.

Oh, do I wish I could rep you for this.
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:38 PM   #95
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Oh, do I wish I could rep you for this.
It might cancel out the infraction point I got for swearing!
*frownie face*
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:43 PM   #96
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It might cancel out the infraction point I got for swearing!
*frownie face*
I used swear all over these boards. You can't swear now?
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:48 PM   #97
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I used swear all over these boards. You can't swear now?
No, I think you can. My post wasn't touched so I don't think it's against the rules. You just have to suffer the consequences. So I think, since you're a curse-word devotee, you should probably curtail that if you want to be able to post here.

Everyone, let me apologize: I'm sorry I swore and ruined your fat sexuality abuse thread. I will be more sensitive from now on.

Last edited by Jes; 02-26-2012 at 04:55 PM. Reason: eta: changed wording to make my post even more awesome.
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:54 PM   #98
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It might cancel out the infraction point I got for swearing!
*frownie face*
You got an infraction point for swearing??? These are adult boards, where some pretty fucking adult things are discussed, and you were infracted for swearing???
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"It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
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Old 02-26-2012, 05:03 PM   #99
cinnamitch
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You got an infraction point for swearing??? These are adult boards, where some pretty fucking adult things are discussed, and you were infracted for swearing???
Fuck yeah, what the hell?
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Old 02-26-2012, 05:19 PM   #100
fatgirlflyin
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fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!fatgirlflyin keeps pushing the rep limit!
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You got an infraction point for swearing??? These are adult boards, where some pretty fucking adult things are discussed, and you were infracted for swearing???
Right? I mean we can have a whole thread dedicated to dirty panty sniffing but can't curse? Really?
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