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Old 10-26-2014, 05:11 AM   #26
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I used to be very insecure once I began to gain weight.I found a great,great guy and can't tell you how much he loves me and my curves.I've posted many pictures of myself many times and would NEVER have done that with his backing and the support I have gotten here.It is a very positive website!
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Old 10-26-2014, 06:55 AM   #27
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I've been a serial yo-yo dieter for almost a decade now, but I haven't weighed less than 225 in at least 8 years. I'm currently dangerously close to The Big 300 at 296, and I'm trying very hard to accept the fact that one of the side effects of all of this up and down is that eventually your body has just had enough of the struggle and doesn't respond as well to the whole dieting thing anymore and you lose less weight with more effort and start gaining a ton as soon as you slack off even a bit. I'm really trying to accept the fact that it's time for me to stop struggling so hard, let my body stabilize where it will, and learn to love the person that I am regardless of how big I am because at the end of the day it's really not about that. It's about the person that you are rather than the person that everyone else sees. Some days are better than others. I'm just hoping for more good days and fewer self conscious moments.

For whatever reason many people view fat acceptance as the easy way out. It most certainly is not. It is far easier to continue to give in to the notion that because you are large you must fix the "problem" than it is to accept that maybe the problem is with how you view yourself and the only real solution is to embrace the way things are. Loving yourself is one of the most difficult things for anybody to learn to do. I applaud anybody who gets out of bed in the morning and makes that effort.
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Old 10-26-2014, 11:01 AM   #28
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For whatever reason many people view fat acceptance as the easy way out. It most certainly is not. It is far easier to continue to give in to the notion that because you are large you must fix the "problem" than it is to accept that maybe the problem is with how you view yourself and the only real solution is to embrace the way things are. Loving yourself is one of the most difficult things for anybody to learn to do. I applaud anybody who gets out of bed in the morning and makes that effort.
I think that's pretty insightful.
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Old 10-26-2014, 06:35 PM   #29
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I think you are pretty shadowedmorning (:
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Old 10-27-2014, 02:20 PM   #30
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But I know if they were to see me in person, see how fat I am, they would probably never speak to me again.
I dated a girl a few years ago that probably weighed at least 450, maybe more. We eventually broke up but it definitely wasn't because she was too fat. And I didn't date her just because I have some kind of fat fetish. Like pretty much every other guy on the planet I think a woman's curves are incredibly sexy. It's just that I like woman with a lot of curves. And there's also something about the way it feels that's incredibly feminine also.

So I'm honestly attracted to fat girls. Extremely fat girls, actually. Of course I don't think every girl is hot just because she's fat but I've never seen a girl that was "too big". I admit there aren't a lot of guys like me out there and you can't just snap your fingers and magically find one but we do exist.

You think you're unattractive because you're fat. But the only reason a person is "attractive" is because other people are attracted to them. You can't think that just because you're fat no one could ever be attracted to you. I think fat girls are sexy. So if I'm physically attracted to fat girls then there's got to be other guys out there that are too.

Don't give up. Keep telling yourself that somewhere out there is someone who will think you're hot. I know that's easier said than done but you'll never find that person if you can't accept they exist.
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Old 10-28-2014, 10:40 AM   #31
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How sad that a beautiful woman like you has to feel bad about herself.

I also find it odd that we are in a world where LGBT identities are in the foreground and there are entire institutional protocols being drawn up to deal with trans-gendered bathrooms, etc.; but the much simpler idea that quite a few men might honestly prefer heavier women still seems barely to register in public consciousness. What percentage of BBWs go through life utterly unaware that many men find them attractive just as they are? And for that matter, how many BBWs are aware of the existence of FAs, but see that preference as a bad thing, a distasteful "perversion" they want no part of?

It's all so silly. So much misery and loathing could be avoided by the simple recognition that different people legitimately have different preferences, period.
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Old 10-28-2014, 12:45 PM   #32
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*Blush* Thanks, Tiffany! You're lovely, yourself!

And yeah, I'm glad I'm getting a chance to see that this world exists, that I'm not alone. The next time one of my friends confides in me that she feels self-conscious because of her weight, I'll be able to tell her the truth: that there are lots of people out there that are a-okay with it!
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Old 10-29-2014, 11:24 AM   #33
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*Blush* Thanks, Tiffany! You're lovely, yourself!

And yeah, I'm glad I'm getting a chance to see that this world exists, that I'm not alone. The next time one of my friends confides in me that she feels self-conscious because of her weight, I'll be able to tell her the truth: that there are lots of people out there that are a-okay with it!
Hi ShadowedMorning welcome to the BBW/FA community. I hope you find the lasting self-acceptance you desire (and deserve).

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How sad that a beautiful woman like you has to feel bad about herself.

I also find it odd that we are in a world where LGBT identities are in the foreground and there are entire institutional protocols being drawn up to deal with trans-gendered bathrooms, etc.; but the much simpler idea that quite a few men might honestly prefer heavier women still seems barely to register in public consciousness. What percentage of BBWs go through life utterly unaware that many men find them attractive just as they are? And for that matter, how many BBWs are aware of the existence of FAs, but see that preference as a bad thing, a distasteful "perversion" they want no part of?

It's all so silly. So much misery and loathing could be avoided by the simple recognition that different people legitimately have different preferences, period.
This is an important aspect to keep in mind for many fat women. It's not that they don't know about FAs, but in general they dismiss us as self-centered (and generally perverted) jerks, only interested in keeping them fat (and very often making them fatter) for our own pleasure. Also, while a fat person may get to a point of accepting their body, they generally still will be utterly bewildered as to how someone finds it attractive (thus the default conclusion that we must be perverts).

And when health problems come into the picture, the FA's character is further shown. Unfortunately, it seems many (probably even most) self-identifying FAs fit this description, putting the partner's appearance too high on their priority list.

If they are lucky enough to find an FA who is not of the self-centered jerk variety, fat women who can actually believe in the sensuousness of their bodies (as opposed to just 'accepting' their unattractive body) have a better opportunity to have a mutually fulfilling relationship. So overall the odds are not in your favor, but doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
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Old 10-29-2014, 11:44 AM   #34
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That's interesting. Having never even considered this idea existed beyond maybe a passing thought, I had no idea that was an issue.

For me, and realizing now that I've probably run into a lot of FA's and just didn't realize it, I always assumed that if a guy was flirting with me or calling me attractive, it was some kind of joke or there was some angle. As in, are you going to tell me I'm beautiful and then when I accept your compliment, call me fat and stupid and laugh with your friends?

So for me, I'm always guarded against the things that men say to me about my appearance because my initial instinct is to assume they're lying.
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Old 10-29-2014, 03:37 PM   #35
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So for me, I'm always guarded against the things that men say to me about my appearance because my initial instinct is to assume they're lying.
That's probably a smart approach for any woman, of any size, who finds herself approached by a man she doesn't know. Let's face it, there are a lot more horses' asses than there are horses out there. The important thing is that you now realize there's a good chance he isn't lying, so that you can be open without making yourself vulnerable.
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:05 PM   #36
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Self acceptance and being able to see yourself in a positive, loving, honest way takes a lot of practice and patience with yourself.

I hope you find it, and enjoy the journey.
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Old 10-29-2014, 08:51 PM   #37
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I used to be very insecure once I began to gain weight.I found a great,great guy and can't tell you how much he loves me and my curves.I've posted many pictures of myself many times and would NEVER have done that with his backing and the support I have gotten here.It is a very positive website!
just be sure you build yourself up in such a way that you'd would feel this way about yourself even if he wasn't there
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Old 10-29-2014, 08:57 PM   #38
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That's probably a smart approach for any woman, of any size, who finds herself approached by a man she doesn't know. Let's face it, there are a lot more horses' asses than there are horses out there. The important thing is that you now realize there's a good chance he isn't lying, so that you can be open without making yourself vulnerable.
I totally agree. they probably aren't lying, but the important thing to understand is that just because a guy is attracted doesn't mean he is looking out for your best interest. in fact the more physically attracted he is the more likely he is to be driven to say or do anything just to be able to get his hands on you. it's a fact of life for all women no matter what your size happens to be.
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Old 10-30-2014, 11:17 AM   #39
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Good insight, guys; thank you! I'm soaking all of this up like a sponge. lol
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Old 10-31-2014, 10:34 AM   #40
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I totally agree. they probably aren't lying, but the important thing to understand is that just because a guy is attracted doesn't mean he is looking out for your best interest. in fact the more physically attracted he is the more likely he is to be driven to say or do anything just to be able to get his hands on you. it's a fact of life for all women no matter what your size happens to be.
Right, and we should emphasize (as you do) that this is in no way unique to FAs!

That's the thing with BBWs who resist FAs as "perverts" because we only "love their fat." ALL men who get sexually involved with women do so because they desire their bodies. You might as well have a slim woman say "guys only hit on me because they love my boobs/ass/hips" or whatever. To the extent that this is true, it's a universal problem having to do with men objectifying women.

If only more BBWs understood that FAs *exist,* and are no more "perverse" than men in general, everyone (BBWs and FAs) would be better off, that's for sure. There'd be so much less self-loathing, and above all, so much less of that desperate sense that "I am unattractive and nobody will ever want me" that does soooo much damage to so many overweight adolescents and young women. I wish someone would sit down with all of these women and tell them the big secret that, you know what? There are lots and lots of perfectly normal men that want what you got. Similarly, I wish someone could have sat down with the tortured FA adolescent I was and said, you know what? Millions of men feel as you do. It's OK.

Of course I'm not trying to blame BBWs for this state of affairs. Like I said, we live in a world where much more extreme sexual identities are publicly celebrated - the subjects of policy, extensive academic theorization, and public campaigns - even as the comparatively straightforward love of full-figured women continues to be marginalized. The culture celebrates every form of diversity EXCEPT diversity of body types. It's bizarre when you think about it.
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Old 11-02-2014, 08:44 PM   #41
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Right, and we should emphasize (as you do) that this is in no way unique to FAs!

That's the thing with BBWs who resist FAs as "perverts" because we only "love their fat." ALL men who get sexually involved with women do so because they desire their bodies. You might as well have a slim woman say "guys only hit on me because they love my boobs/ass/hips" or whatever. To the extent that this is true, it's a universal problem having to do with men objectifying women.

If only more BBWs understood that FAs *exist,* and are no more "perverse" than men in general, everyone (BBWs and FAs) would be better off, that's for sure. There'd be so much less self-loathing, and above all, so much less of that desperate sense that "I am unattractive and nobody will ever want me" that does soooo much damage to so many overweight adolescents and young women. I wish someone would sit down with all of these women and tell them the big secret that, you know what? There are lots and lots of perfectly normal men that want what you got. Similarly, I wish someone could have sat down with the tortured FA adolescent I was and said, you know what? Millions of men feel as you do. It's OK.

Of course I'm not trying to blame BBWs for this state of affairs. Like I said, we live in a world where much more extreme sexual identities are publicly celebrated - the subjects of policy, extensive academic theorization, and public campaigns - even as the comparatively straightforward love of full-figured women continues to be marginalized. The culture celebrates every form of diversity EXCEPT diversity of body types. It's bizarre when you think about it.
that is why the term FA really is of no use whatsoever to a fat women. a man who is attracted to you will just ask you out. if he is asking you out or making overtures he is attracted to you. he doesn't need to have a label to do that. he is just a man attracted to a woman. no more. no less.

it would be nice if guys who feel they need the term FA to feel like they are like other men could be confident enough in themselves and fat women not to need all of the group support and could drop it. the dependence on group think often makes fat women feel freakish. the way they are approached is as if an attraction to them is some kind of unacceptable perversion just because some stranger not even involved in the relationship doesn't approve. the term says they are something shameful that a man needs help with like an illness. it's as though she is something that he would not choose if at all possible.

the need for universal approval should be worked on. if guys with a need for the label came to terms with who they were attracted to i doubt they would be looked at as much in that way by fat women. they do need to understand within themselves that they are already men like any others. they are not more likely to have negative tendencies except where men with negative tendencies congregate and they are not more positive except where men with more positive tendencies congregate. the term doesn't say that though. stamping yourself with a label that differentiates you doesn't say you are the same as any other man. so I think people who complain about how women react to the label are fully responsible for the image they give fat women to work with complete with closets etc... fat women are just fat , exactly like most other women in relationships. there is a lot of self marginalization in situations that just don't warrant it.

when you want a label that basically says fat women are a social negative that is a burden to you then you have to deal with that fallout.
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Old 11-02-2014, 11:51 PM   #42
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the need for universal approval should be worked on. if guys with a need for the label came to terms with who they were attracted to i doubt they would be looked at as much in that way by fat women. they do need to understand within themselves that they are already men like any others. they are not more likely to have negative tendencies except where men with negative tendencies congregate and they are not more positive except where men with more positive tendencies congregate. the term doesn't say that though. stamping yourself with a label that differentiates you doesn't say you are the same as any other man.
I could agree with that in principle the same way I could insist that every entree on a restaurant's menu should be priced exactly the same because I uphold that every customer just as likely to order one as another and thus there should be no favoritism. In an idealistically egalitarian way, it's nice to say everyone should have "universal approval" and not label themselves but people are never going to accept everyone for every way they are, just like you won't like everything on a menu equally even if they are priced the same. They also will never stop searching for ways to define themselves somehow that will draw the approval/attention of those they want it from. People have a natural tendency to gravitate toward what they want and define themselves by those preferences.

People will always describe themselves as "butt men" / "boob men" or "wine kind of woman" / "beer kind of gal", etc. because it's a convenience of life that makes it clear what our preferences is. If someone asks if I'm an "FA" and it's someone who knows what an FA is without stigmatizing it, then I say "yes" and all is well because it summarizes something that can then be expanded on in detail. Or maybe they'll use the term "chubby chaser" like my good friend just used to playfully describe her husband the other day when we were talking. People can't just neuter themselves and others to "you are a human, cool I could love you as much as I could love anyone else, so long as you are homo sapiens what else do I need to know?" Being PC about it can only reasonably extend so far. We still need to "label" ourselves to the extend that we can identify commonalities and compatibilities amongst ourselves. If someone wants to know if I'm an "FA" I might ask them to define it first before I answer. If they define it as "a man who (1) only likes overweight women and (2) objectifies their overweightness" then I'll say no, because both elements of their definition don't define me. Whether I bother to correct them is a different topic...

Because debating about the use of the term "FA" as a negative in a war against misogynistic men is a different topic. The topic is highlighting the positives in a community that are bringing positive changes to a woman's life. That's something that warms my heart every time I pass by this thread to see how it's going. The fact is that a woman rising to grasp her self-worth with the help of others is a beautiful and profound journey that we have the privilege of joining. A person taking that step of growth away from pain and toward peace might seem small to some but it's like leaping from the earth to the moon to others. What's important is not us judging what side of an invisible class/sex war to mold it into a victory for... it's celebrating the victory within the mind, soul, and life of someone who searched for something better and found it and it's making a difference for good. If there's a label to define me as someone who will celebrate that, then I'll accept whatever that is.
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Old 11-03-2014, 09:41 AM   #43
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I could agree with that in principle the same way I could insist that every entree on a restaurant's menu should be priced exactly the same because I uphold that every customer just as likely to order one as another and thus there should be no favoritism. In an idealistically egalitarian way, it's nice to say everyone should have "universal approval" and not label themselves but people are never going to accept everyone for every way they are, just like you won't like everything on a menu equally even if they are priced the same. They also will never stop searching for ways to define themselves somehow that will draw the approval/attention of those they want it from. People have a natural tendency to gravitate toward what they want and define themselves by those preferences.

People will always describe themselves as "butt men" / "boob men" or "wine kind of woman" / "beer kind of gal", etc. because it's a convenience of life that makes it clear what our preferences is. If someone asks if I'm an "FA" and it's someone who knows what an FA is without stigmatizing it, then I say "yes" and all is well because it summarizes something that can then be expanded on in detail. Or maybe they'll use the term "chubby chaser" like my good friend just used to playfully describe her husband the other day when we were talking. People can't just neuter themselves and others to "you are a human, cool I could love you as much as I could love anyone else, so long as you are homo sapiens what else do I need to know?" Being PC about it can only reasonably extend so far. We still need to "label" ourselves to the extend that we can identify commonalities and compatibilities amongst ourselves. If someone wants to know if I'm an "FA" I might ask them to define it first before I answer. If they define it as "a man who (1) only likes overweight women and (2) objectifies their overweightness" then I'll say no, because both elements of their definition don't define me. Whether I bother to correct them is a different topic...

Because debating about the use of the term "FA" as a negative in a war against misogynistic men is a different topic. The topic is highlighting the positives in a community that are bringing positive changes to a woman's life. That's something that warms my heart every time I pass by this thread to see how it's going. The fact is that a woman rising to grasp her self-worth with the help of others is a beautiful and profound journey that we have the privilege of joining. A person taking that step of growth away from pain and toward peace might seem small to some but it's like leaping from the earth to the moon to others. What's important is not us judging what side of an invisible class/sex war to mold it into a victory for... it's celebrating the victory within the mind, soul, and life of someone who searched for something better and found it and it's making a difference for good. If there's a label to define me as someone who will celebrate that, then I'll accept whatever that is.
that label defines nothing about a man except the types of body parts he enjoys sexually. if a guy says he is a boob man it has no real meaning for a woman. lots of men like boobs. and people who've had the chance to grow a bit look around them and see a lot of fat women are attractive to men as well--since men are with them. it's not some rare situation.

whether the guys who are involved are really celebrating women depends on the man himself. is he saying that no one likes fat women except him? is he constantly reinforcing negative stereotypes about fat women? or is he championing them in all aspects of their lives? that is the only way to judge. simply having the term FA attached to a man has nothing to do with his character one way or another any more than it does when a man likes large breasts. he can be a good man or an awful man.

there are men who watch porn who only sexually attracted to blondes with big boobs. does that mean they are making a difference for the good? saying that is nonsensical. it's what he actually does in life as a man that counts. is he political. is he doing something bedsides looking at you or trying to have sex with you? is he trying to evolve within himself as a human being ? sorry but that is not what people come to porn sites for.

saying a person is an FA is fine as long as they don't try to pretend that there are attributes to the term that aren't there for any such term.

it's not saying a man has to be a misogynist if he choses to be an FA but what it is definitely saying is that it has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on how he is going to treat a woman, especially since there are a lot of very good men who have absolutely no clue at all what that is and could care less because they never went looking for help accompaniment or cheerleading to be with he woman they want to be with.

just because a man classifies himself as an FA doesn't mean he is going to be compatible or will have anything ion common with you at all with you at all. all it means is that he has a sexual fascination with fat and you have some on your body. don't try and make it more than it is.
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Old 11-03-2014, 07:20 PM   #44
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I still don't understand how saying "I'm an FA," "I'm a chubby chaser," or "I like big beautiful women" is any different than saying "I'm a girl who likes tall men" to some tall men... One of my old girlfriends called herself a "giant slayer" or "giraffe hunter" because tall, slim men were her favorite. I don't think it speaks well or ill about a person to use a generality like that. It's intended to catch the attention of the people they say they like. It's not a fetish if it's about women but a preference if it's about men. Relax.

And for the record, objectifying and fetishizing are two different things. One is to reduce something that is deep, complex, and beautiful to a mere sexual object. The other is to derive sexual gratification from something that is normally considering non-sexual (such as ceiling fans or making pancakes). A person's body being intrinsically sexual - since, you know, sex usually happens using your body - it is impossible to fetishize the human body. It's already sexual, regardless of its size or shape. Having a love and appreciation and desire for your partner's body isn't a fetish. And technically, every human body has fat in it, so every person in a sense is fat and therefore everyone enjoys fat people sexually... when you really think about it and ignore all the stigmas attached to both the desire and the object of the desire.
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Old 11-03-2014, 11:07 PM   #45
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I still don't understand how saying "I'm an FA," "I'm a chubby chaser," or "I like big beautiful women" is any different than saying "I'm a girl who likes tall men" to some tall men... One of my old girlfriends called herself a "giant slayer" or "giraffe hunter" because tall, slim men were her favorite. I don't think it speaks well or ill about a person to use a generality like that. It's intended to catch the attention of the people they say they like. It's not a fetish if it's about women but a preference if it's about men. Relax.

And for the record, objectifying and fetishizing are two different things. One is to reduce something that is deep, complex, and beautiful to a mere sexual object. The other is to derive sexual gratification from something that is normally considering non-sexual (such as ceiling fans or making pancakes). A person's body being intrinsically sexual - since, you know, sex usually happens using your body - it is impossible to fetishize the human body. It's already sexual, regardless of its size or shape. Having a love and appreciation and desire for your partner's body isn't a fetish. And technically, every human body has fat in it, so every person in a sense is fat and therefore everyone enjoys fat people sexually... when you really think about it and ignore all the stigmas attached to both the desire and the object of the desire.
actually you can fetishize aspects of the human body. look it up.

you can't love a person's body. you can love a person. you can find a body beautiful though.

objectification and fetishizing are not two different things. it's true you can objectify without fetishizing but you can't fetishize without objectifying so saying they are two different things makes no sense.

the difference is women who say they like tall men don't try to ascribe some kind of value judgment about themselves as a result as in "i'm this great person because I like tall men. I must be treated preferentially by tall men because I find them sexually attractive." also those women do not attach negativity to tall men. they don't say they need a support group because some people are not attracted to tall men and think they look goofy or they might stare because the height difference in some people's opinions makes them look like a couple of circus freaks when they are together. sounds kind of foolish when you put it that way doesn't it?

if everybody loves fat people then why create a stigmatizing label for oneself ? what does it do besides make people worrying so much about being normal seem more abnormal?
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Old 11-03-2014, 11:17 PM   #46
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So I can't love lasagna???
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Old 11-04-2014, 06:26 AM   #47
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FA's are something else, I'll tell you what. I've posted lots of inflammatory posts about them, as of late...but I'll spare you.

I'd use Dimensions as a platform to build your self-confidence. You're a beautiful person, regardless of size. You do not need affirmations from anyone other than yourself. Believe yourself when you say things about yourself - make sure they're positive. Being awesome takes time. Loving yourself takes a lifetime. Use this community to meet like-minded people that deal with your EXACT trials and tribulations pertaining to your size. You are not alone here, and that's what it's about

Hi, I'm Katie, by the way
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:10 AM   #48
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Hi, Katie!

And thank you!
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:24 AM   #49
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So I can't love lasagna???
As long as you're not just saying that to get it into bed with you.
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Old 11-04-2014, 03:49 PM   #50
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As long as you're not just saying that to get it into bed with you.
Right? Being attracted to something that you find attractive is about the worst thing you could do!

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