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Old 03-16-2013, 07:01 AM   #1
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Default Things 'Nice Guys' Should never do

Hmm not sure if this is the right place or not but hoping it is.

We all have them tales of so called Nice guys, men who say "but I'm a nice guy"

and who behave in ways that are anything but nice.

So I thought it would be a great Idea to have a thread for all those examples I am sure we all have stored Up

Plus if you are a genuinely nice guy you don't need to shout it from the roof tops your actions should speak loudly enough to show us that you are a great guy.

My Top ones for Nice guys


Don't go out of your way to prove your interested just to vanish or pop up once in a blue moon to make sure we still have hope only to dissappear again.

Don't lie!


Don't say "I'm a nice guy" all the time it makes me wonder if your trying to convince me or yourself of that fact

Don't use empty words or make empty promises

so ladies have at it
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Old 03-19-2013, 10:40 PM   #2
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Don't start talking to me and then vanish after I explain that I'm not looking for a fuck buddy.

Don't treat me like I'm an experiment because I'm the first black girl you have ever spoken to (happens all the freaking time!!!!)
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Old 03-19-2013, 11:30 PM   #3
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Ummm...I happen to consider myself a nice guy and I'd never treat a lady with anything but the love and respect she deserves and I'd hope for the same in return once we knew each other better.


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Old 03-20-2013, 06:10 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Still a Skye fan View Post
Ummm...I happen to consider myself a nice guy and I'd never treat a lady with anything but the love and respect she deserves and I'd hope for the same in return once we knew each other better.


Dennis
then this thread is not for you Dennis the words 'But I'm a nice guy' get thrown around a lot especially online. Plus this is the BBW forum a place for us to discuss things such as this.
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Old 03-20-2013, 06:38 AM   #5
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Default I am a nice guy!

I agree, the internet can be an easy place to lie or to pick up a "buddy" but I agree when they say "But I am a nice guy" it does make one suspect. I was talking to this guy and he kept saying the right things but in the back of my mind..something was not right. I advise all of us to really use our instincts. He told me that he was separated but come to find out married..with kids. I broke it off and he had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault his wife found out...lol..dirt ball..
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:32 AM   #6
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Never insist you're single because "women don't like nice guys" and then allow me to find out that you're not single.

This has happened to me twice.

For that matter, the vast majority of men who complain that "women just don't like nice guys" either are total jerks, or may be nice but also have some qualities that are so objectionable they drive women away.
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Old 03-20-2013, 09:11 AM   #7
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I get suspicious any time a guy claims to be a 'nice guy'.

I have two friends that pull that card all the time. One of whom is dull, clingy and unwilling to make the effort to be with a girl, expecting to pick them up and put them down whenever he feels like it. The other is irritable, treats women as though they are only useful if they are willing to be his gf and complains constantly about things.

Both are nice enough people, I suppose. But they hide behind the title of 'nice guy' as an excuse for when things go wrong it their lives so they don't have to take responsibility for their own actions and work to improve themselves as everybody should. That annoys me, to be honest.

On the other hand my best friend and my bf are both genuine nice guys in every sense of the word. And they don't feel the need to state it or hide behind it. You don't need to tell people that you are pretty or intelligent or friendly because they will find out these things for themselves if they take the time to get to know you. The same thing applies with being a 'nice guy'. If you feel the need to define yourself as something instead of just being a nice person then the chances are you really aren't that nice at all.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:00 PM   #8
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hmmm when a guy goes on flirting with you for weeks claiming to be a nice guy, but is also married :/
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:39 PM   #9
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The only man who kept telling me he was a nice guy turned out to be the most abusive man in my life.

Vanishing. That's the hard one. Just be a real man and communicate that you've changed your mind or are no longer interested. Even if it's via email, it's still better than disappearing especially if we'd spent a lot of quality time communicating in the past, but it also applies to virtual strangers. I'd respect a man a lot more.....well, scratch that...I'd respect a man, if he just said, Sorry, but....
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:51 PM   #10
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There's something wrong with guy's (and women for that matter) who go around telling people how "nice" they are.

If a person truly is nice the people they interact with will figure it out.
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Old 03-22-2013, 01:09 AM   #11
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It's interesting that how we see ourselves is usually very distorted from reality. I often am curious how people really see me so that I can gain some insight into myself. My boyfriend is always saying "I'm not a nice guy" and he's the sweetest most caring man I have ever known. The world sees him quite different because he's large and always frowning. Some people are a little scared of him if they don't know him.

I think everyone's definition of what is "nice" varies.
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Old 03-22-2013, 03:15 PM   #12
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I have know a few so called " nice guys ". It amazes me because the one's who give themselves the title are usually the ones that are the total opposite. I was seeing a nice guy a little while ago until he started trying to get it on with one of my friends. What a nice think to do. Such a nice guy!

On the other hand i have a really good friend who is a nice guy and i don't think i have ever heard him refer to himself as being one. The funny thing is i end up telling him he is too nice. He is the sort of guy that will do anything for anyone. The problem is he always end up getting taken for a ride and getting hurt by the people he is nice too. I hate seeing it happen. It would be nice if he met someone who would treat him right. I would hate him to stop being a nice guy because other people have just taken him for granted
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Old 03-22-2013, 06:01 PM   #13
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Nice guys shouldn't tell you that your favorite songs/type of music is dumb or stupid or not worthy to be listened to.
Nice guys should let you control the radio every once in a while in the car.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:02 PM   #14
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Nice guys shouldn't act like they know everything, especially when they know nothing and turn out to be a fool.

Example: I grew up hunting and fishing. We had trapped some piglets and decided to let them grow up before we put them in the freezer. We had a large pen and kept/feed them for the next 8 months or so. The day we were butchering them, my ex asked me "Where are the horns at?" ... Now he was looking at a 150 lbs gilt (female pig who has not had piglets) and they do not have horns. Pigs/Hogs in general do not have "horns". A male (boar/bar) does have "tusks" though. And they tend to be razor sharp, which is why they are also called "cutters". ... When I told him otherwise, he got mad as hell! Why? He was the one who was wrong! And he wasn't even man enough to carry the hog to hangers to be butchered. Ugh.

Also, nice guys don't leave you for some chick they met on the internet. At least be a man and tell me the truth. Don't use the "My dad has cancer and has two weeks to live" crap. And don't get mad at me when I don't give you pity when he does die two years later, after finding out a month before his death he did indeed have cancer.

And don't let your family/friends talk crap about the person you are with. It makes them and you look like a bunch of asses.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:42 PM   #15
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OK, this one is my pet peeve, and I've actually coached younger male friends about this. Nice guys (and gals) don't talk trash about their exes. Sure, we all have relationships that end, and it comes up in discussion at a certain point. It's enough to say "Yes, I was in a relationship for x months, but it just didn't work out." You don't get any points for listing all the ways she screwed you over. Just makes you sound bitter (and maybe dumb) and like a person who doesn't let go.
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Old 11-10-2013, 04:28 PM   #16
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genuine nice guys should never be a pushover as if you don't have respect for yourself why would a woman have respect for you
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Old 11-10-2013, 08:20 PM   #17
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'Nice guy' is a complete and utter cop-out. It is a way to take no responsibility for the fact that someone may not want to date you. Maybe they don't want to date you because you don't have good personal hygeine, or you're clingy, or you're moody, or for whatever reason. But if you 'Whelp, women just don't like nice guys, here's proof' then you're not owning your part in it.


Also, people should be nice. You don't get extra brownie points for being a respectable human being, that is just common courtesy. Women aren't machines where you put in nice coins and sex comes out.
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Old 11-11-2013, 02:00 PM   #18
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I can't think of too many things more un-nice than a person who thinks that women are the type of units who should automatically want to be with them because they are a nice guy. A truly nice guy operates within the understanding that women are also human beings and that the laws of attraction are much more complex than that. Being a decent human being is not an entitlement for goods and services.

Nice guys are nice to everyone, not just blondes or women in high heels. You can tell a whole lot about a person by the way they treat everyone else.
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Old 11-11-2013, 02:43 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I can't think of too many things more un-nice than a person who thinks that women are the type of units who should automatically want to be with them because they are a nice guy. A truly nice guy operates within the understanding that women are also human beings and that the laws of attraction are much more complex than that. Being a decent human being is not an entitlement for goods and services.

Nice guys are nice to everyone, not just blondes or women in high heels. You can tell a whole lot about a person by the way they treat everyone else.
A very true statement
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Old 11-11-2013, 03:58 PM   #20
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Old 12-24-2013, 03:17 PM   #21
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When they say they are a nice guys. They shouldn't have to say it. Oftentimes, "nice" guys don't know how to have fun and ease up.
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Old 12-24-2013, 06:42 PM   #22
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Nice guys don't call themselves 'nice guys.' In my experience 'nice guys' are usually total creeps.
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Old 12-24-2013, 11:16 PM   #23
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" Nice" ? What is that anyway?... A Subjective word. Be yourself and don't try to be someone that you are not. Even the most insane twisted creepy sickos can act " Nice".
I can never totally somewhat understand anyone until I really know them for at LEAST a year. and yes some people are truly nice and good.
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Old 12-24-2013, 11:52 PM   #24
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The thing about people is that none of them are really very "nice" or "not nice".

Your experiences with a person are based upon a million different perceptions that each of you have about the other. Nobody is bad all the time. That's why abusive relationships can be hard to let go of at times (apart from actual fear of harm if you leave). If someone was just obviously entirely evil from the start I doubt anyone would date them.

The "nice guy" you see holding open a door can be totally insensitive to your emotional needs or selfish in bed while the "rude guy" you saw causing a scene at a restaurant over cold soup could be the most tender, caring person you ever date.

Obviously things like lying about having a wife and children are cruel (neglecting your family's existence and stringing someone along are not nice things to do) but there is no way to tell who the "not so nice guys" are unless you've had the individual act maliciously towards you. There's also the issue that someone who acts maliciously towards you for whatever reason might not treat other people that way. Of course it doesn't make their harmful behaviour your fault (or something you should tolerate) but it does tend to muddy the waters of "nice guy" vs "bad guy".

Essentially people are complex and we all do lousy things sometimes. If someone saves a child from drowning and then cheats on his wife the parents of the kid who almost drowned will think he's a hero and his wife will think he's a jerk.

Basically this was an incredibly convoluted way of stating that nice guys don't do bad things but nobody is always a nice guy.
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Old 12-25-2013, 04:49 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _sugar_ View Post
The thing about people is that none of them are really very "nice" or "not nice".

Your experiences with a person are based upon a million different perceptions that each of you have about the other. Nobody is bad all the time. That's why abusive relationships can be hard to let go of at times (apart from actual fear of harm if you leave). If someone was just obviously entirely evil from the start I doubt anyone would date them.

The "nice guy" you see holding open a door can be totally insensitive to your emotional needs or selfish in bed while the "rude guy" you saw causing a scene at a restaurant over cold soup could be the most tender, caring person you ever date.

Obviously things like lying about having a wife and children are cruel (neglecting your family's existence and stringing someone along are not nice things to do) but there is no way to tell who the "not so nice guys" are unless you've had the individual act maliciously towards you. There's also the issue that someone who acts maliciously towards you for whatever reason might not treat other people that way. Of course it doesn't make their harmful behaviour your fault (or something you should tolerate) but it does tend to muddy the waters of "nice guy" vs "bad guy".

Essentially people are complex and we all do lousy things sometimes. If someone saves a child from drowning and then cheats on his wife the parents of the kid who almost drowned will think he's a hero and his wife will think he's a jerk.

Basically this was an incredibly convoluted way of stating that nice guys don't do bad things but nobody is always a nice guy.

While I, also, am not a fan of the phrase "nice guy," I pretty much disagree with all of this. Some people just have better dispositions than others. All the way around. Some people work on it, and can manage their negative emotions, and have empathy. They put a tremendous amount of work into not hurting others, even when it would be pleasurable, or provide them with some sort of profit. Some people just don't. They haven't put the emotional work in, they are oblivious to the feelings and needs of others, and they don't understand the effects that they may have on other people. Nor do they think they should.

Anyone can have an off day. It happens. But a good person will do their best (for the sake of themselves, or others) to contain the damage from any of their negative behavior. The guy who got upset over his cold soup dials it down or apologizes, or leaves a better tip, or at the very least, decides to do better next time. I wouldn't be with anyone who is difficult to serve, I've been in service industries long enough to know that this is an absolute dealbreaker for me.

I'm not a big fan of "nice," since it seems to be used more to describe a set of social graces, than any actual human kindness. People can put on the nice, and not be kind. In superficial interactions, they'll do just fine. But in general, people who are kind don't have to put on nice. Who they are shines though, quietly. These are good, kind people. Some people are bad enough, enough of the time, to be called bad people. I don't waste my time on these people, and I don't wait until a person is unkind to me before I rule them out. If they gossip viciously, are consistently negative, have lied, or cheated someone, and I find out about it, I am removing myself from their presence.


Lastly, the word "nice" seems to always appear before the word "but..."
"He's nice, but..."
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