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Old 12-29-2005, 08:25 PM   #1
Alvinolagnia
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Default Does he really not like it or does it just make him nervous?

So... I love my boyfriend!

I love everything about him! My favorite part on him? His BELLY!

Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly attracted to him, I rub and hold his tummy a lot. For instance, if we're watching a movie I might lean on him and put one arm over his stomach and "hold on". Other times I get goofy with him and lift up his shirt so I can kiss his stomach and nuzzle into him.

He usually seems to enjoy the silliness, but sometimes he reacts in a way that makes me think he is embarrassed about what I'm doing. He is somewhat self-conscious about his weight.

What do you guys think? Should I just keep up with things, or lay off the tummy-touching a little bit?

(However, I think we have overcome one of his old obstacles. Now he'll sometimes freely "offer" his stomach to me. Like if we're cuddling, he'll lift his shirt up because he knows I want to hold him - it depends upon his mood. Other times he doesn't want me anywhere near his stomach.)
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Old 12-29-2005, 08:28 PM   #2
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It could be both, or it could be he's uncomfortable or shy about it, too. I went out with an incredible BHM today and friendily elbowed him, patted his leg, and told him he looked as handsome as ever. He's used to me being honest, but he's still not reacting like he believes me.

Most of us, gender and size aside, are nervous about our appearance. It's the way American society is wired. Only when more of us accept that we are who we are, and we are attracted to what we like, will we have fewer people ashamed to have someone attracted to them.
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Old 12-29-2005, 08:34 PM   #3
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Nicely written, MissaF
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Old 12-29-2005, 08:46 PM   #4
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Being a fat guy can be as strenuous on a self-image as being the fat girl. Guys don't say it, or we mask it with over-confidence or other noise, but it is tough to grow up a fay boy. I remember my very first day of kindergarten when the boy down the street called me fat. I had no idea what it was, or that I was it, but it stuck. For years and years I was ashamed of myself and my body. Last picked on the playground. Never asked to a dance. It builds up.

I have dated girlfriends for many years and never taken my shirt off in front of them. I have worn baggy clothes which I though covered up my gut. I have lived in a hidden deep, dark shame of my belly. So, when girls did act like it was cute, or no big deal, or told me I was sexy, I laughed it off or changed the subject. Sometimes, I am sure I just seemed uncomfortable.

I didn't ever consider that I could be a big guy and still be sexy. Many girlfriends had told me I was, but I never believed it myself. It is still tough sometimes... but more or less, I am comfortable in my own skin these days and aware that I am sexy no matter how big or small my gut is that month.

There is likely nothing that you can do to fix his self-image about his tummy. The changes have to come from within. I have had girls get mad at me for not feeling sexy when they obviously were into me... but what they didn't realize is that all true changes have to be self-realized.

But, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell him you love his belly, that it makes you feel comfortable and that you find his build sexy. Although it doesn't change the inner fear and self-consciousness over the tummy, it sure helps!

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Old 12-29-2005, 09:09 PM   #5
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I don't think it's ever a good idea to try and read someone's mind in a relationship. You might be wrong and then you both end up missing out on something really great.

I'd ask him. When the time is right, just lovingly tell him you love his body but sense he doesn't always enjoy being admired. Tell him you're not sure how he feels about it and you don't want to make him uncomfortable. I would do this while snuggling up close to him, to make him feel loved and not attacked or accused in any way. (Hopefully you already have open lines of communication where you can talk about something like this. If you don't, there is no time like the present for good communication.) If he tells you it bothers him at times, tell him you understand but then gently assure him that with you, he never should feel ashamed, or embarrassed, or whatever it is he tells you he feels. Then, if I were in your situation, I'd be completely honest about how much I love his body (again), and say something like, "You're just my type. I adore this sweet belly of yours." Or something like that that suits your feelings about him. He may have trouble accepting it, but if you're patient and understanding, and most of all, sincerely loving, he may just start believing you.

I'm a firm believer in not sweeping things under the rug or pretending they don't exist. It might be uncomfortable for the two of you to talk about at first, but really, if you're going to be intimate with a guy's body, and he yours, knowing what each other is thinking and feeling is pretty damn important to the health and depth of your relationship. I can't imagine loving someone who didn't respond well to my touch. I would need to get to the bottom of it and do everything I could do to fix it.

In my opinion, talking to him about this will only serve to bring you closer together, emotionally and physically.
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Old 12-30-2005, 08:59 AM   #6
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Could the differences in his reaction be situational? It may be worth paying attention to the circumstances when he's seeming uncomfortable.
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Old 12-30-2005, 09:19 AM   #7
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Definitely don't just lay off the tummy touching. If he is self conscious about his belly in his mind it will only be confirmation that it is something to be ashamed of. I think Jeannie's right, you need to talk about it. I would wait until its one of those times that he's acting uncomfortable and just ask him, what's wrong cutie? You may have to prompt him a bit, but really listen to him and don't just dismiss his feelings. It may seem like helping to tell him he's crazy or that he shouldn't feel that way, but it most likely won't do him any good. Just remind him that everyone is self conscious about something and that you adore his body, are completely attracted to him and that you want him to be comfortable around you.

After that all you can do is keep reassuring him. Everyone has those days where they just aren't feeling it. If its one of those times try taking the focus off his stomach for a couple of minutes. Stroke his hair, touch his face and give him a kiss. Or even just hold his hand and snuggle up next to him. Small gestures of intimacy will remind him how you feel and chances are he'll let you go right back to your favorite spot
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Old 12-31-2005, 08:18 AM   #8
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Nowadays I love a good belly rub but in the past it made me uncomfortable. We're told that being fat and having a belly is unattractive and not a good thing. So when someone we like begins to bring that belly into the light, well, it can get a little wierd. Even if it feels good and turns us on. Most fatboys, me included, get over it but that first rub feels very confusing.
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Old 12-31-2005, 09:52 AM   #9
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It might be as simple as him merely 'not being in the mood' at times. Often if I am trying to sleep or watch something on the television, I get annoyed with my boyfriend for mauling me about. On the other hand, my boyfriend never tires of being mauled about, and chiefly complains that I am more interested in his stomach than I am in the parts he wants to be poked and mauled. Some people are less tactile than others. If you're not sure, it never hurts just to ask plainly why he doesn't like it at particular times. Things can get worked up into a mess if people are indirect or too analytical over a relationship. My bloke often sits and says, "Oh, I'm thirsty." And I tell him there's a tap (faucet for Americans) in the kitchen, and it turns out what he actually meant was he wanted me to make him a cup of tea.
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Old 12-31-2005, 10:52 AM   #10
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I think it could be that he's not in the mood, but also being a larger guy I do get self concious about my belly some times...and(you ladies can laugh but I've been told I have a very cute one) my butt. Some times I like having it rubbed and touched and other times I just want to hide it from the entire solar system.
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Old 01-01-2006, 12:00 AM   #11
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Smile Thanks for the responses!

Thank you all for your responses! I really appreciate the support.

I love this forum!
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Old 01-01-2006, 09:30 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeannie
I don't think it's ever a good idea to try and read someone's mind in a relationship. You might be wrong and then you both end up missing out on something really great.

I'm a firm believer in not sweeping things under the rug or pretending they don't exist. It might be uncomfortable for the two of you to talk about at first, but really, if you're going to be intimate with a guy's body, and he yours, knowing what each other is thinking and feeling is pretty damn important to the health and depth of your relationship. I can't imagine loving someone who didn't respond well to my touch. I would need to get to the bottom of it and do everything I could do to fix it.
Jeannie, I love to see that someone else is for speaking your mind instead of trying to read between the lines as well (however, that can be pretty practical sometimes).

For some years ago I was in a relationship with a cute big guy, who was quite self conscious about his size every now and then, especially around the time we began to date. It didnít happen very often, but seeing how he wanted to be attractive in my eyes but couldnít believe he was, it was killing me. I found him good looking and sexy, but sometimes it took a lot of energy to keep reassuring him of that (I like to show my affection both physically and verbally and be creative as well, so something like ďIíve always liked big guys, so donít worry, you look cute.Ē wasnít the only thing I came up with, far from that). However, I think he kept on thinking about the things I had told him and, in time, he began to enjoy being a BHM. It was awesome in many ways.

Anyhow, back to the original topic... What Iím trying to say here is that even though you might feel sometimes that you are hitting your head against the wall, donít give up. Itís worth it, for both of you.

And if some of you wonder what happened to me and my guy, well, life threw us on the other sides of the world. No interesting details to share.
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Old 01-01-2006, 01:27 PM   #13
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As a BHM I have never dated a women that loved to rub my belly. I know personally I would love that. I suggest keep saying nice things, and show him that you mean it. Actions speak louder than words.
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Old 01-01-2006, 05:13 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GunnDancer
I think it could be that he's not in the mood, but also being a larger guy I do get self concious about my belly some times...and(you ladies can laugh but I've been told I have a very cute one) my butt. Some times I like having it rubbed and touched and other times I just want to hide it from the entire solar system.
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Old 01-01-2006, 05:39 PM   #15
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Old 01-01-2006, 06:07 PM   #16
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I have a wonderful friend who is fairly recently a BHM. He talks about the days he was 155 lbs. and sighs. He is absolutely gorgeous just as he is and is one of the nicest guys I've ever known. I respect and admire him.

When we're talking in a crowded room, I've been known to rub his belly. He just grins at me. What other people think I have NO IDEA (no one has had the nerve to comment). But we both enjoy it.

Oh, I grab men's butts, too. ROFL
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