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Old 04-19-2008, 07:23 AM   #1
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Default The Female Feeder vs Male Feeder

I have been thinking about this a long time. Female vs. Male Feeder.

By nature females feed. It is the way we take care of our families, it is the way we show our love and nurture. It is hospitible and a must for courtesy. Many cultures are known for the females being Feeders. But in a diffrent tone than the Male Feeder counter parts we see today.

Being from a Spanish Heritage I am well aware of the Feeders in my community. They are the Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts, Big Sisters, Elder women of the family who's one goal is to put a giant plate of Rice, Beans and some type of Plantain and Meat in front of you. You must eat it all because if you dont it is bad manners and you will suddenly be seen as sick, unhealthy, or not feeling good.

Then on the other hand Weight issues in the Spanish community are very strong you cannot be to big and be seen as acceptable. I personally dont understand it because they keep shoving food in my face. LOL

We all know that people say, "You can tell when someone is in a relationship and comfortable, because they start to gain weight." We see it all the time. You end up indulging and feeding each other. Plus laying around.

I find myself looking at pictures of my Husband (God Rest his Soul) and admirering the fact that he was 6'4 and 245 when we met. And at his death he was 6'4 and 310 he gain 65 lbs with in 3 years in his life with me. And he was quite active, he definately would be what i call a feedee in some way. My mother helped alot making all types of food he loved to eat. GOOD WHOLESOME FOOD. But he spent his sweet time savoring every bite and would eat twice as much and sometimes three times as much as me.

He loved food and my fond thoughts of him are when he begged me to make him special dishes or some baked macarooni and cheese. I would defiantely say in a ways he was a feedee also. Always buying me some type of food or treat and saying, save it for later. He never watched me eat but I think he found joy in providing things for me that he knew I liked to eat.

I think about how he would eat and he had enjoyment on his face. While I never had it in my head for him to gain weight. When i see his pictures I smile knowing he gained that weight from being well feed and enjoying it. I knew he loved food.

Which leads me to the thought of Female vs Male Feeders. I believe most women are feeders by nature but in a diffrent way than some Male Feeders. I know many a feeder who is sexually aroused when eating or watching someone eat. But i know others who are not exactly "Getting OFF" in the act of eating.

So I bring this topic open so that Male and Female Feeders, Feedee's and others can give me some feed back on what you think.

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Old 04-19-2008, 12:37 PM   #2
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I have actually been thinking alot about the whole "feeding" aspect of life myself. I am not a feeder as in, I want someone to gain weight. Actually I am the fat one and the big eater in my relationship. My husband is not so much a feeder, but more of a, if you want it, you can have it kind of guy. And if I put on some weight from eating alot, bonus for him.

For me though, I LOVE to watch people eat. Not to gain weight as I mentioned, but to show joy in eating. I love to serve food and have people enjoy it. I love to watch shows on tv where people are eating and enjoying the food, especially if they are describing the food. For example, I love to watch Guy Fieri on foodtv go around to all the different places and eat the food. I will not watch a show on foodtv, unless the people are going to eat the food, I mean geez, why make it if you aren't going to eat it?

My husband is an average size guy and does not eat that much. I am always happy when I make a dinner and invite my nephew over or someone comes to visit from out of state, then they put on their feed bag.

It is funny, because I just had a convo. with hubby last night and realized that my dear departed mother used to watch me eat all the time as I was growing up. It was certainly an innocent thing, I really think it was a nurturing thing.

That is why in some ways, I do believe that the FAs and FFAs have some asect of their biology that drives them to keep their partner well fed. That they were given a gene to desire a larger form so that their brain will always tell them to keep that person fed. I have said this before, who is to say that this is not a biological way to maintain survival of the fittest? There has to be a reason that some people enjoy it when others eat, whether it be for nurturing or for pleasure.

Sorry if this seems rambling, I don't mean it to be. It is just something that I do think about alot because food is a big part of my own life.

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Old 04-19-2008, 12:53 PM   #3
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I have no feeder tendencies whatsoever, but I do think women are socialized to express affection through nurturing/food. Whenever I really like someone, be it platonic or romantic, I find myself wanting to get them little treats that I know they'll enjoy and think about cooking dishes I know will appeal to them. I sounds so hokey, but it's something very deep-seated.
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Old 04-20-2008, 07:28 AM   #4
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That is why in some ways, I do believe that the FAs and FFAs have some asect of their biology that drives them to keep their partner well fed. That they were given a gene to desire a larger form so that their brain will always tell them to keep that person fed. I have said this before, who is to say that this is not a biological way to maintain survival of the fittest? There has to be a reason that some people enjoy it when others eat, whether it be for nurturing or for pleasure.
That is quite interesting, My Fiance he likes larger women and so does his father. Even though his father was not a big part of his life. He saw him from time to time but not often enough to be a big influence. Once my Fiance got older he realized his father dated only big women. This was after his attraction for large ladies was established. My Fiances mother and relatives were all very slim like he was. You would think he would want someone like him. But no he has almost always picked a woman with some size and I am the biggest woman he has been with. He shows the behavior of the average fatty lover. Rubbing bellies and hold all the fatty pieces. So it is something he loves.

It is quite possible it could be biological. It could be a tendency from a certain heritage or from many heritages who believed in feeding or in the overindulgence in food. Never know.
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Old 04-20-2008, 07:34 AM   #5
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I have no feeder tendencies whatsoever, but I do think women are socialized to express affection through nurturing/food. Whenever I really like someone, be it platonic or romantic, I find myself wanting to get them little treats that I know they'll enjoy and think about cooking dishes I know will appeal to them. I sounds so hokey, but it's something very deep-seated.

I agree also. I associate food with having a good time. When I am happy I eat more. When i am sad or upset I barely eat and have no desire for even the most tastey things. I lost 80lbs when my husband died and my mother was convinced i was getting sick. I am sure I was.

I also find myself doing the same things. When i see treats or yummy things I think about who i know who would love it. My friends also do the same. Last night a friend got some tasty gormet popcorn from her husbands job and she bought it over knowing i would eat it and other treats also. I made brownies and brought out the ice cream. I bought the mix with the intension of making it for my friends when they come over.

I love to throw a party in which i have cooked the food and everyone stuffs themselves. There is something about giving food and seeing satisfaction that makes me happy.
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Old 04-20-2008, 09:37 AM   #6
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I dunno. I'm a little uncomfortable with this topic. I feel like you're implying that men aren't nurturing or caring, and that they aren't good cooks.

I like it when people enjoy the food I make, even if they aren't hot fat girls. I like to think I'm a nurturing and supportive person. I don't see any male feeder female feeder dichotomy.
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Old 04-20-2008, 12:00 PM   #7
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I defintaly dont imply that. I know many men who are wonderful cooks. I mean more along the line that when women do it. It is not considered being a feeder because it runs more in line with what people believe that women should do.

If a woman were to say to things like.

I love to watch a person eat.

I love to feed others.

It is more in line with what people think a woman is. Because naturally in many cultures women are the cooks of the family and feed everyone. If i told my mother she was a feeder she would say YES. With out even asking what a feeder is.

I wonder many times if my giant plates as a child were because my mother grew up with not enough food many times. Sent to live in a boarding school in which she did work in the kitchen and saw how the Nuns ate and how the children ate. All the good food and meat, eggs, etc was for the Nuns and the children were only given those things once a year. Eating sandwhiches and warm cereals daily. While the nuns ate with abandon daily including meant on fridays.

So when i brought about the topic it i was more in thinking how do women feel about being called feeders. Because I truly believe there are many women feeders of diffrent levels.

Also for men to speak about being feeders and the diffrent aspects of it for them.
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Old 04-20-2008, 07:46 PM   #8
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I dunno. I'm a little uncomfortable with this topic. I feel like you're implying that men aren't nurturing or caring, and that they aren't good cooks.

I like it when people enjoy the food I make, even if they aren't hot fat girls. I like to think I'm a nurturing and supportive person. I don't see any male feeder female feeder dichotomy.
For me, I am saying the opposite. I think that some men who like to feed are very nurturing. I believe that there are many different forms and levels of "feeders". I think that there is a hesitation to discuss this sometimes because of a possible negative connotation by using the term.
Excluding the men or women who want to feed someone beyond their capacity or into a bad situation is what we can call, for this conversation, "fooders".
For me, a fooder is someone who likes to see people enjoy food and may or may not also enjoy some of the benefits of that additional consumption. I think that this is a much more common occurence and it can be a wonderful thing to hang around a fooder. A fooder is generally someone who will not deny another person food that they want, will not make negative remarks to them for wanting the food and will go to extra lengths to provide the desired food, either by making it or just bringing it home.
Now, as a life long big girl who loves to eat, it was a blessing to meet my husband who is a diehard FA and a fooder. I knew it would be a benefit to me when, within our first two months of dating, he went to the pound to get me a kitten but they were closed. So, instead he went to the bakery and got me a cake so that I would not be upset. Now, at the time, I thought, SCORE! This guy brings baked goods when I might be sad, and he is thinking, well, she likes sweets and I certainly don't mind her eating them.
So it was then that we began our fooder/foodie relationship. I love food. I love to eat food, watch food, talk about food, plan food. I mean if someone I know goes anywhere that is the first question I ask, what did you have? I mean, someone could meet the president, the pope and Oprah, and my first question would be, what did they serve?
So, I for one am a big fan of the fooder and all of the love and nurturing that they provide to any foodie that they know.
I think that using the term fooder can take away some of the connotation that people may have when it comes to an FA/FFA providing food for their partner. My husband would never force me to do anything and the fact that he provides the things that I want are not a bad thing either. To some, that may not be the way that they see it though. I think that for us, it is a perfact match of what we each want. I also think that if more people were able to actually realize that is not such a bad thing for an FA to want to provide treats for his fat girl, more matches could be made.
One of the reasons my hubby has a garden is to provide me with good food that is nurturing to both of us, since he knows I have a rabid sweet tooth.
I really hope that I am making a clear point and not insulting anyone.
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Old 04-21-2008, 09:56 AM   #9
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I really hope that I am making a clear point and not insulting anyone.
No i really like your point. Not all Feeder Feedee relationships are extreme. That is also a point of mine. I think me and my friends are both feeders and feedee's we lure each other with treats. And our best times are when each of us wants something diffrent to eat. We each get diffrent things and temp each other with them tasting and sharing. We also watch each other enjoy food and many times which sounds funny to some My slim boyfriend and I are constantly eating and looking for more things to eat. It is quite funny because he never gains a pound and i have stayed around the same weight I havent gained either. But yet I am so much bigger than he is.

I think there are many forms of foodee relationships I would hope more women and men comment on their feelings and experiences.
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Old 04-21-2008, 12:20 PM   #10
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I think any discussion of this sort is really hard, because there is so much variation within each gender, and there are so many types of ‘feeder.’ From those who simply take pleasure in others taking pleasure in food, to the horror-story kind for whom it is some sort of sadistic control game, and numerous points and variations in-between. I think there are lots of guys who enjoy seeing a woman enjoy her food, otherwise there would be less complaints about “I took her to this great restaurant and all she had was a salad!” Are there more guys who take pleasure in that way, or more women? I have no idea, but I suspect it is one of those spectrums where both genders range from disliking seeing someone eat to being rapturous about it, and if the curves are off-set at all, I don’t think it is a significant factor.

Having said that, what you were saying here is similar to my long held theory explaining part of why we see less FFA online than male FA: that a lot can pass under the radar. They marry a nice guy who is maybe on the heavy side, but nothing all that remarkable. They learn well what he loves to eat and make sure he is always well fed, tell him he's as handsome as ever, don't encourage him to take up jogging when he gains a bit more, and let nature take its course. The most anybody might say is "Your wife must be a good cook!"

I think that may work, or at least maybe used to work, because guys were less body conscious, and judged their appearance mostly by what their lover liked, while women seem more apt to care about what a broader population thinks. However I think guys are getting more body conscious, overall, so I suspect that will be getting harder.
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Old 04-21-2008, 03:32 PM   #11
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I think that may work, or at least maybe used to work, because guys were less body conscious, and judged their appearance mostly by what their lover liked, while women seem more apt to care about what a broader population thinks. However I think guys are getting more body conscious, overall, so I suspect that will be getting harder.
I can agree there, men are more body conscious now, If they are slim they think they are too slim. IF they are fat they think they are too Fat. If they are normal size they want to be cut.

Now they are begining to make commercials geared to the male mind and making them conscious. Though i still think many men hide there thoughts about themselves alot and are more likely to put it to the side once they find a woman who loves them as is.

I have a view that it is always easier to accept a fat man over a fat woman. So fat men accept themselves a bit easier. That is just my view though I am not a fat man.
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:35 AM   #12
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Default FEEDING HUM.....rejection ?

This is a good thread. My simple observations tend to agree with Raqui. Most caring females tend to enjoy cooking and seeing those around them eat and be happy. I think even women who cant cook might feel the same way as watching their loved ones eat might be satisfing. My wife loves to watch me eat and enjoys my eating as much as one can I supose. She is not a feeder, nor is she a cook, but just like to see me enjoy my food.

I can certainly relate to Raqui on another level. I am like a woman in a way I suppose as I love to cook and see the people I care about eat. I cook lots of food and am always very happy if every one eats and is full. If my loved ones eat and like my cooking I take it as a sign of love, and a good thing. If I cooked for people and they on the other hand did not eat or picked I would feel rejected and would have a hard time with their picking and lack of appitite.

For years I never cooked as my ex gf did all the cooking, she was big but not a feeder, nor a feedee. She loved to cook and put herself into her cooking. I would say she enjoyed the outcome, as If I did not eat or those around picked it would make her feel kinda down.

Consider this, for me, cooking is an act of love. When we cook with love and really put our hearts into each meal it is like a projection of ourselfves. When those we cook for accept it, it is like they are accepting our love and nurturing act. The same is true when they reject it.

Another thought, when I was in Tiawan, many years ago as a robust 18 year old teenager, visiting my fathers suppliers, we would eat out as guests. One time we went to the resturant, owned by his secrataries parents. The custom was to treat us like family as he was supporting thier daughter. The scene was a closed resturant with just us there, the mother kept bringing lots of food to the table, I kept eating as our custom is to finish off our plates. She was amazed at how much I could eat. Finally my father told me that I had to leave some on my plate as their custom was to make every one full as they could not eat any more, thus leaving something on the plate signaling that they fed us to our fill.

The mother was then content and smiled as she (I assume) did her best to satisfy her guests.

I think the basics in life are love, family, food, and sex. When all the meaningful acts of life are boiled down, everything seems to center around these things. SOme might add God, but certainly the creation focuses on the more carnal things.
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Old 04-22-2008, 06:49 AM   #13
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I have to agree about cooking. It is funny how when I good i ask the same thing over and over. Was it good? and even though my boyfriend says yes I will ask that question again when he tastes the food is a little bit through the food and toward the end. Then at the very end. LOL

Then i ask how each indiviual part of the meal was. For example

the meat, the side dish, the veggie, the drink

I want to know if they were all seasoned right, over done, not done. Even thought i am eating the food myself I want to know what the other person thinks in detail.
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Old 04-22-2008, 07:48 AM   #14
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Default Eh...sexual fetish.

See I never thought of any of this stuff. It's got nothing to do with being nurturing or liking to cook, at least not for me. I mean, i want people I care about to be happy, but that's got nothing whatsoever to do with a sexual kink.

When I engage in this sort of thing, it's very clearly delineated fetish play, at least for me and anyone I've done it with. I'm not thinking about whether they enjoy food, per se, but more if they're enjoying what is pretty much a sexual encounter.
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Old 04-22-2008, 08:45 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
See I never thought of any of this stuff. It's got nothing to do with being nurturing or liking to cook, at least not for me. I mean, i want people I care about to be happy, but that's got nothing whatsoever to do with a sexual kink.

When I engage in this sort of thing, it's very clearly delineated fetish play, at least for me and anyone I've done it with. I'm not thinking about whether they enjoy food, per se, but more if they're enjoying what is pretty much a sexual encounter.
It's not that far apart if you think about it. Some express love/affection through food, and some express eros/sexuality.
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Old 04-22-2008, 08:54 AM   #16
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It's not that far apart if you think about it. Some express love/affection through food, and some express eros/sexuality.
I'm pretty sure it's different. I don't see myself as having anything in common with a Jewish grandmother who wants to make sure you had enough chicken soup and coffee cake.

It's really hard to explain a sexual kink, i'm not even sure I could explain it. But it's really not about 'food' per se. I mean if you ask anyone who is sexually aroused by gaining, they're typically not going to tell you that they just really love a good meal the way a person would who just loves fine dining. Gainers are sexually aroused by eating and/or being over stuffed and/or getting bigger.

It's like there is really little similarity between having a shoe fetish and really liking a pair of black pumps. You can have some black pumps that make you look taller and feel very sexy and powerful and make your legs look nice, but it's not the same thing as being able to orgasm from it.
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:04 AM   #17
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You don't need to explain a sexual kink to me. I'm not saying you're a Jewish grandmother, and I'm not one either. There is much nuance that you're missing or pretending to.

My point was that in some way people such as you or I use food to express a desire or need. It's not ultimately about 'food' for me either. For me, food is often the major vehicle of my affection, and I don't exactly know why. I don't actually care or worry that anyone I know is malnourished. I don't care how much they weigh or don't. It's something more profound than that. I'm saying there's a space between really liking shoes and having a shoe fetish.

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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
I'm pretty sure it's different. I don't see myself as having anything in common with a Jewish grandmother who wants to make sure you had enough chicken soup and coffee cake.

It's really hard to explain a sexual kink, i'm not even sure I could explain it. But it's really not about 'food' per se. I mean if you ask anyone who is sexually aroused by gaining, they're typically not going to tell you that they just really love a good meal the way a person would who just loves fine dining. Gainers are sexually aroused by eating and/or being over stuffed and/or getting bigger.

It's like there is really little similarity between having a shoe fetish and really liking a pair of black pumps. You can have some black pumps that make you look taller and feel very sexy and powerful and make your legs look nice, but it's not the same thing as being able to orgasm from it.
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:29 AM   #18
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Gainers are sexually aroused by eating and/or being over stuffed and/or getting bigger.

It's like there is really little similarity between having a shoe fetish and really liking a pair of black pumps. You can have some black pumps that make you look taller and feel very sexy and powerful and make your legs look nice, but it's not the same thing as being able to orgasm from it.
I can understand what you mean in your aspect. Does it matter what type of food the person eats I often wonder. I have hear that many like especially messy foods. While some dont and just want to feel very very full or see there partner very very full.
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:48 AM   #19
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I can understand what you mean in your aspect. Does it matter what type of food the person eats I often wonder. I have hear that many like especially messy foods. While some dont and just want to feel very very full or see there partner very very full.
The food is typically not that important, although the 'very messy food' thing tends to just be indicative of the fact that the person is eating a lot and being very focused on doing so. There is also a hedonistic bent to watching your partner just be so consumed with stuffing himself that he doesn't really care about being neat or presentable. (Goes without saying this works better in private.)
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Old 04-22-2008, 01:15 PM   #20
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Ok I am getting the meaning more now. It is quite a diffrent view and I can see why it is a relationship between feeder and feedee that really has to be a special union.

While I love when my Boyfriend buys me some tasty doughnuts and he laughs at me when the powder is left on my face and he wipes it off. It is a diffrent situation than a feeder and feedee union.

It seems if the focus is more on the food and the consumption and not exactly the person. Not that the person isnt important or unloved. It is not the main focus.

You tell me if I am correct in this one aspect.
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Old 04-22-2008, 01:32 PM   #21
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Ok I am getting the meaning more now. It is quite a diffrent view and I can see why it is a relationship between feeder and feedee that really has to be a special union.

While I love when my Boyfriend buys me some tasty doughnuts and he laughs at me when the powder is left on my face and he wipes it off. It is a diffrent situation than a feeder and feedee union.

It seems if the focus is more on the food and the consumption and not exactly the person. Not that the person isnt important or unloved. It is not the main focus.

You tell me if I am correct in this one aspect.
No it really depends on the situation. If you read Largenlovely's post about it on the erotic weight gain boad, she practices in within the context of a relationship. Others just have fetish partners, not different from how somebody might have a partner for traditional sex but not be married to or dating that person.

If there is or is not a relationship component, there is still a strong sense of intimacy and trust. You said on the Tyra show that you engage in squashing/lapsitting for pay. Even with a paying customer I'm sure you still need to communicate quite a lot beforehand to determine precisely what the man wants. He may or may not want you to talk during sessions, he may want you to dress a certain way, he may want more or less domination, he may want to do additional role play, he may be particular about if he's on a bed or floor. If you don't get it right, the experience won't fulfill him

I can't say feederism is so much about food and consumption as it is about a sexual fetish/kink that people enjoy practicing. It happens to involve something pretty pedantic (food) that most people encounter every day with zero sexual interest. Like in my shoe fetish example, it's merely that for some people shoes are a sexual thing whereas for some they are not.
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Old 04-22-2008, 01:38 PM   #22
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See I never thought of any of this stuff. It's got nothing to do with being nurturing or liking to cook, at least not for me. I mean, i want people I care about to be happy, but that's got nothing whatsoever to do with a sexual kink.
I totally agree with this. I LOVE cooking for people. It brings me joy to see them happy. But I'm not in the least a feeder. I actually can't watch people eat. Food shows where the cook tastes the dish? I have to turn away. It's just so...moist! And the seminal food/sex scene in 9 1/2 weeks really bothers me.*

My point is that I think that they can be totally unrelated.

*I really hope this doesn't come across as me being anti-feeding. I am not at all, just explaining.
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Old 04-22-2008, 01:48 PM   #23
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Hey Wax, Dont worry about it. I brought about the topic because food means so many things to diffrent people and while I know and have even had a few feeder friends. I am dont believe I am a feeder or a feedee. At least not in the sexual sense.

I can say I love to ploy my friends and family with food it is not a sexual form of feederism. And I would like to understand it more because I do know so many feeders.

I think talking about your own life and lifestyle isnt trying to be anti anything. Just contributing.

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Old 04-22-2008, 01:50 PM   #24
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No it really depends on the situation.
I can see that it is a special relationship that each person must understand fully.

I know when I am getting to know a cilent it is important that they understand my limits and I understand them. They have to have alot of trust in me that I am a professional and am someone who they can trust. Especially when working with other women.
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Old 04-24-2008, 06:12 AM   #25
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There is also a hedonistic bent to watching your partner just be so consumed with stuffing himself that he doesn't really care about being neat or presentable. (Goes without saying this works better in private.)
eeeeeeeeeeeexactly.
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