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Old 04-26-2008, 06:09 AM   #1
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Default The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.

This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.

Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.

I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.

So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:15 AM   #2
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I think a lot of guys who are "into SSBBW" are in denial about what it takes to live the reality of being with a ssbbw.

Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible. Guys, even the really good guys, just don't get it sometimes. It take patience to teach FAs how out bodies actually work.

As for a music festival...are you crazy??!?! LOL. I would have had a long talk with him before hand about walking etc. Even at 375, when I was very fit, I wouldn't have tried to go to a music festival. I hope things worked out for you then and he didn't give up.

I know what you mean though....a long time ago I was chatting to a guy near me who wanted to go on a date with me. I was at my heaviest weight then and he had a monster truck. I turned him down and explained that if he ever wanted to date a ssbbw he should get a car that wouldn't make her feel like a freak. We didn't talk much after that, lol.
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:16 AM   #3
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For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...


But there is a grain of truth to your musings....
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:18 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by TCUBOB View Post
For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...


But there is a grain of truth to your musings....
There's more than a grain of truth! How are you going to date someone that doesn't fit into your life? And your car, you transport to everywhere...is part of your life. Just sayin......
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:25 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
As for a music festival...are you crazy??!?! LOL.
LOL he was very intent on going to it and i thought maybe i could handle it .. i managed, but damn i was hurtin' lol

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Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible.
very good point I suppose i was lucky and Bruce has come pre-trained lol He's been very good so far about thinking of these things. Though i do still worry. We're working on moving in together and i'm ready to give him a LIST when apartment hunting time comes hahaha..no stairs, full bathtub, large space between the commode and any cabinets, etc etc lol
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:35 AM   #6
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I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum

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For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...


But there is a grain of truth to your musings....
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:40 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum

Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats. I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!
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Old 04-26-2008, 06:47 AM   #8
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don't even get me started on broken things hahaha

but yeah i hear ya..flying puts me into a state of panic. We don't buy two seats but we should. I try to view all of the flights to see which one is less crowded and least likely to fill up before the day arrives. It was much easier from Atlanta because it's a non-stop flight to NY..but now that i'm back in Mobile there will always be a connecting flight *ugh* so that's even more to worry with.

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Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats. I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!
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Old 04-26-2008, 08:55 AM   #9
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Default SSBBW needs big, roomy car

You are so right about the car. My husband owned a Camaro when we first met, his dream car. I was not SS at the time, but still very large. He immediately made plans for a larger car. Every car we have had or even considered since then, is with my size and accessbility in mind.
Even with our second car, the one he drives to work, has to fit me. And he has a long commute so we are very concerned with gas mileage, but he makes sure I can fit. He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.
Our main car is a Chevy Caprice that is large and roomy. Still, he keeps talking about a Caprice wagon that he keeps seeing for sale. Like, hey babe, just think how roomy that would be.
And none of our cars are new. We can only afford used, but we get what we can.
The one car we did buy new in 1993 was a Ford Taurus that I really wanted. We told the sales guy we wanted to only look at ones that had a bench seat. Well, most didn't, and he kept showing them to us. Hubby is like, I SAID I want a bench seat. The guy is like, but why? and hubby turns and points to me and says, its for her, that's why. And the guy finally showed us the only one they had on the lot. We ended up buying it and I loved her for a long time. Eventually I did outgrow the car, but I LOVE my 1995 Caprice.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:18 AM   #10
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good old fashioned ingenuinity..you gotta love that ...that's awesome

I had a hard time giving up little sports cars but it got to where i just flat out couldn't drive them. A few years back i got an older buick lesabre and that thing has been fabulous. I'm a shorty and so i have to scoot up close to the wheel but now my belly is getting too big for that...someone said i can get blocks for the pedals..gonna have to come up with *something*

my boyfriend drives an Envoy and it's comfy but i'm so short that he has to give me a boost to get up into it, or he'll get in and reach over and grab my hand and help pull me up. It would be fine for a taller fat woman, i suppose he didn't expect to be putting a short fatty like me in it lol

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He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:28 AM   #11
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I've never been with a SSBBW but do find them very attractive. I'm married so unless my wife gains I probably never will. But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:37 AM   #12
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Hi there, I usually dont post much on here, but I am glad I found this thread as I was have been thinking of this lately. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and she is probably around 400lbs.
I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her. I did make the mistake of thinking I would pick her up in my little ford ranger on our first date. Ever since then, she does the driving now in her caprice. I didnt like the feeling I had, like I hadnt thought of her and her size.
She is also rapidly gaining weight, and I dont know what the future will hold, and what other obsticals are laying ahead, but I would love any info or advice. thanks!
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:38 AM   #13
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That's a perfectly reasonable response. I think by posting i meant to prompt fella's to think about these types of things, but instead it may have came across as a rant lol

Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.

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But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:42 AM   #14
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Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized .
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:50 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
That's a perfectly reasonable response. I think by posting i meant to prompt fella's to think about these types of things, but instead it may have came across as a rant lol

Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.
that is my worst fear, that my lack of knowlege or awareness will be taken as I dont really care for her. There are times when I dont realize something, and I can tell by her attitude that I should have thought it through more. I really dont like that feeling. I dont want to always have to ask her what she can or cant do. I think it would mean more to her if she knew I thought ahead, and she didnt have to say anything. I guess this is all a learning process, would be nice to have a class you could take though, lol.
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Old 04-26-2008, 09:51 AM   #16
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yes..the movie seats are another i forgot to mention..definitely something to think about beforehand

It's very nice that you're trying to be considerate and thinking about these things. I would definitely avoid anything that would require lots of walking, unless it's an event that you both would like to go to or something. My boyfriend's friends invited us to a renaissance fair and he mentioned it to me and was already planning to either buy or rent a scooter by the time the event arrives. Though, it also depends on the girl..some girls are embarrassed to use scooters. God knows i love the things lol

Being open and asking and trying to think beforehand means a lot You can't think of everything all the time (as bigbellyssbbw mentioned) but just knowing that your guy is making the effort goes a long way

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I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:09 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by JayInBuff View Post
I've never been with a SSBBW but do find them very attractive. I'm married so unless my wife gains I probably never will. But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.
We do understand that you can't know it all, but we're not even talking about intuition here, we are talking about a supposed ssbbw admirer taking an ssbbw into a crowded restaurant, then walking ahead, squeezing through tiny spaces between tables... or striding along a street at a brisk pace with no thought as to the clear fact that his companion is maybe 8 inches shorter but 250lb heavier, so cannot keep up. Those are things that should be obvious really to anyone, FA or not, yet unfortunately they aren't.

It's understandable that you might not have considered that she could have problems like climbing up into a high vehicle, since you wouldn't be expected to know the height/weight/physics issues involved . Also, you wouldn't be expected to know any particular woman's stamina for walking or any activity, as it can vary so much. I was taken on a date to a sushi restaurant, I asked the guy to check first and see if it was benches and tables bolted to the floors... he checked and yes, sure enough it was. I could see the lightbulb light up in his head when I asked him to check and he was quite horrified looking that he had not thought about it. But, I wouldn't have expected him to realise that I couldn't fit in there, since most people can, so it's not something obvious perhaps. However, I WOULD have expected him to notice if the restaurant was packed and that it would be difficult for me to squeeze through. See the difference?

So yes, we're not hard women, lol, but sometimes things which are pretty obvious are not taken into consideration.

Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.

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Old 04-26-2008, 10:12 AM   #18
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oh goodness hon that sounds like a bad experience whatever it was, i'm sorry you had to go through it

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Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized .
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:14 AM   #19
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well some things DO take time to learn..but if are genuinely trying i'm sure she will be happy to see you making the effort

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that is my worst fear, that my lack of knowlege or awareness will be taken as I dont really care for her. There are times when I dont realize something, and I can tell by her attitude that I should have thought it through more. I really dont like that feeling. I dont want to always have to ask her what she can or cant do. I think it would mean more to her if she knew I thought ahead, and she didnt have to say anything. I guess this is all a learning process, would be nice to have a class you could take though, lol.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:15 AM   #20
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Hi there, I usually dont post much on here, but I am glad I found this thread as I was have been thinking of this lately. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and she is probably around 400lbs.
I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her. I did make the mistake of thinking I would pick her up in my little ford ranger on our first date. Ever since then, she does the driving now in her caprice. I didnt like the feeling I had, like I hadnt thought of her and her size.
She is also rapidly gaining weight, and I dont know what the future will hold, and what other obsticals are laying ahead, but I would love any info or advice. thanks!
I might be able to help with this one. Dating a SSBBW just requires a lot of planning. Call ahead to the movie theatre to find out if they have stadium seating, wheel chair accessible screens, and armrests that go up. I know which theaters here have armrests that come up and I go to those. I'm not quite super sized anymore, but even at my weight it's still and issue. If you live in a city with art house movie theatres they will probably have tiny seats. At least here they do. I've skipped many a movie because of that.

Same thing with the restaurants, call ahead or go there ahead of time to see if they have ample seating - like no booths and enough room in the aisles to accommodate a scooter/wheelchair.

One time a few years ago my friend and I were hanging out and we were both getting hungry. He hates asian food which I love, so the nearest restaurant was out. He wanted a diner. I was leary cause a lot of diners in that neighborhood have only booths. So we started walking and we went past 5 diners and nearly 12 hungry blocks because I couldn't fit. We were both getting hungrier by the minute. He was getting frustrated and the tone in his voice changed to near anger about how far we would have to walk before a good diner came up, then I snapped at him about how after 5 years of friendship (now 8 years) he should know that I can't fit in a restaurant booth. I was on the verge of tears when I offered to just go home so he could have dinner. For all his faults, he's a good guy. He apologized and said No no, we'll go back to the asian place. It's been a while since I had wonton soup anyway.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:16 AM   #21
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hahahhaaha. I remember the first time i had to do that. I can't remember what size i was at the time, but i went to a Shakespeare festival out of town with my literature class in college. I sat way in the back and totally had to "hip ride" the side of the seat...omg so paaaainful lol


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Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:30 AM   #22
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my boyfriend drives an Envoy and it's comfy but i'm so short that he has to give me a boost to get up into it, or he'll get in and reach over and grab my hand and help pull me up. It would be fine for a taller fat woman, i suppose he didn't expect to be putting a short fatty like me in it lol
Correction, it's a Chevy Trail Blazer! And I had been planning to put a short fatty like (more specifically) you in the passenger seat long before we event met.

I wasn't always as aware of a SSBBW's needs as I am now. It took a lot of practice and a lot of patience. My ex gained a good amount during our four-year relationship and I didn't really recognize the needs toward the end. When we'd be out and finding a parking space, she'd say something like "it's raining and I don't want to mess my hair". Considering how glamorous she wanted to be all the time, I simply cringed at it and tried to find a closer space. Melissa is smart enough to tickle the FA's mind by saying "my fat ass is not burning calories by walking across that parking lot". But while my ex continued to gain and surpass 400 lbs, the comfort of a 400 lb woman was considered more and more (like when I had to choose between a Trail Blazer or a Camaro). By the time Melissa latched on to me, I was "professional FA", and contrary to what most people think of feeders, her comfort always was and is a top priority for me.

I can't speak for all men, but I like to treat my lady like a queen, and to have a lady that prefers to ACT like a queen makes it all the more enjoyable. She still gets a kiss when I have to pull her up from the couch (and I love watching her tilt her head and smile when she holds her hands out for it), and she still gets a loving pinch when she's riding the scooter in the supermarket or department store.

It's all part of wanting a fat girl who isn't afraid to be herself and live her life in comfort, and these tasks are a small price for me to pay to have what I've always wanted.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:30 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol..............snipped.......................... .
So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell
That's a great post. Melissa. Most guys don't even think
what SSBBP is like from the inside. At age 53, 440 lbs,
and on oxygen, I know very well what it feels like. My
most beloved GF of all time was an SSBBW and we had
some really sweet times together because we were
sensitive to each other's limitations.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:30 AM   #24
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I think that this thread can totally turn into something that can be very informative if it remains openminded and allows for the fact that sometimes things need to actually be put into action for some people to figure out how they work.

I personally don't think that just because a guy hasn't figured out all of the details of dating an SSBBW, that he isn't willing to learn.

Some things my husband had already thought about when dating a large woman and some things were learn as you go. We have been together for almost 18 years and he still "forgets" certain things. So, as an openminded friendly gesture to any person who may want some tips, here are just a few.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN SPENDING TIME WITH A BIG GIRL:

- Seating is VERY important. It should be armless and/or roomy. Sturdy and comfortable. If you are going to an event or place that you are not sure about, call ahead. She will appreciate it.

- Aisles - sometimes they are just too small. And these include the spaces between tables at a restaurant. Again, visit ahead or call. And going somewhere tried and true is usually best.

- Walking long distances, for some, it is just not going to happen (like me). Bring her to the door and then park the car or accomodate in some other fashion. Keep in mind, she will not want to be left at the door for long, so quick foot it back or make sure there is an available bench outside.

- Consider taking a scenic drive as an alternative. Some of the best times that I have had with my husband are when we choose a location, not too far away, and drive there. We look around, find a nice spot to get out or just stay in the car and possibly catch the sunset.

- Keep a folding, sturdy chair in your trunk for moments that require a seat and one is not available. Maybe at a park or somewhere else along the way.

- Communicate with your gal. Tell her that you are interested in making her feel comfortable and safe at all times. Ask her if there is anything specific that she would like. Maybe you cannot do it at that moment, but you can plan it for the future. Believe me, listening to what your girl wants and then providing it in the future works for ALL men.

- Food. This is a tricky subject. You want to be able to express to her that she should feel comfortable having whatever and how much she wants. Unless you have started this relationship with food as your main objective, I think this may be one of the most difficult situations. This is sort of an individual thing, but also a great way to get closer to someone. Anytime you are in a relationship and try to please someone and make them feel comfortable, it usually works to bring the two people closer. My suggestion would be that you don't bring TOO much attention to the situation but make a general statement that appetites are good, or the food here is great, let US enjoy it. And for me personally, hubby always got major points for bringing me treats since I LOVE food and have a sweet tooth.

- Home furniture - keep in mind that your lady may need assistance getting off that sofa that has sucked her in. Be ready to offer a helping hand.

- Temperature - I am usually hotter than others I am with. So, if she seems hot, she is. Turn on the a/c, the fan, whatever. She will not want to perspire in front of you, but onto the next thing -

- Sweat - women do it. Most large women do it. It is natural and it is going to happen. Also, she will probably be trying to impress you with her hair and clothes and be anxious. Keep the temp. cool.

- Time - I personally take longer to do the average things required. Be patient and accomodate for the add'l time required.

- Stairs - I LOVE Florida because there are not many stairs. However, in most places there are. If at all possible, limit the amount of stairs she will need to walk, or better yet, see if there is an elevator she (and you) can use instead. Or, be considerate if she needs to take them slow or is hesitant about being in a crowd while using them.

- Elevators, if you are going on an elevator together, she may choose to take the next one if it already seems a bit crowded, don't push her, physically or verbally to use THAT one. The next one will come along soon enough. While you are waiting may be a good time to give a great smile, squeeze her hand or catch a smooch.

- What I call, I will wait in the car. If you need to "run in" somewhere, like to pick up liquor, a movie, the takeout food, she may be more inclined to WAIT IN THE CAR. Some will, some won't, again, communicate. If she is not going to enjoy getting in and out of the car and/or enjoy going in the place, for me it's like, why bother. That is just one of the benefits of having a willing and knowledgeable FA by my side.

These suggestions are just that. And they are things that pertain to me and may not all pertain to the woman in your life. I do believe that any person who is starting a relationship or continuing in one will benefit from the two most important things - communication and consideration.

If I haven't bored you all and I think of anything else, I will post more later. To the ladies, I hope that nothing I have posted seems insulting or derogatory. To me, these are only facts of life and if someone has the right intentions then I am willing to share.

Hugs!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:37 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by UncannyBruceman View Post
Correction, it's a Chevy Trail Blazer!
D'oh i knew that lol..i always forget because you told me they are pretty much one and the same

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Originally Posted by UncannyBruceman View Post
Melissa is smart enough to tickle the FA's mind by saying "my fat ass is not burning calories by walking across that parking lot".

By the time Melissa latched on to me, I was "professional FA", and contrary to what most people think of feeders, her comfort always was and is a top priority for me.

I can't speak for all men, but I like to treat my lady like a queen, and to have a lady that prefers to ACT like a queen makes it all the more enjoyable. She still gets a kiss when I have to pull her up from the couch (and I love watching her tilt her head and smile when she holds her hands out for it), and she still gets a loving pinch when she's riding the scooter in the supermarket or department store.

It's all part of wanting a fat girl who isn't afraid to be herself and live her life in comfort, and these tasks are a small price for me to pay to have what I've always wanted.
is it any wonder why i love this man to pieces hehe
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