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Old 04-26-2008, 10:39 AM   #26
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aawww that's just so sweet

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Originally Posted by imfree View Post
My
most beloved GF of all time was an SSBBW and we had
some really sweet times together because we were
sensitive to each other's limitations.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:40 AM   #27
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The hardest physical situation on earth for me is a cocktail party. Standing around (because of back probs, etc.) is really really hard, harder than walking, even. Cocktail parties, museums, some rock shows. Not every one's like this--at all--but just throwing it out there as a possible minefield. This fact, and the lack of ways to accomodate the problem (i.e., no easy ways to sit down), interfere with my socializing more than almost anything! Since I don't usually get invited to run marathons.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:42 AM   #28
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This thread hits a bit home at the moment after an altercation with a long-time FA friend of mine last night. He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable. I'll suffer this in exchange for his commitment to driving slower (makes sense in my head). Last night after I asked him to slow down he did some of those fake out quick turns on the freeway going 70 miles an hour and I was upset. He didn't get it - it's all goes back to feeling like someone who ought to care about you, and certainly enjoys the fat, not understanding that you simply don't fit into their life and it's more than an inconvenience, it can feel more like a slap in the face.

It's a dance sometimes. I'd never demand this person get extenders because we're not together officially. However...if we were...you bet. I'd be willing to split costs or buy them myself, but I think if he was uncomfortable or unwilling that I use them, it's a dealbreaker.

I've never dated anyone, honestly, that's actually been aware of space needs like seating or as Ruby said, wouldn't hesitate to walk through a crowded restaurant w/ tiny spaces between seats. I'm okay with being my own needs-checker, but it would be the difference between a real Keeper and just someone I date. Someone that cared about those things and helped me navigate the world would be partner material. You know what I mean?
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:44 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum
SSBBWs like you are worth all that

I know what you mean. Sometimes its just lack of experience that makes a FA appear rude or insensitive. when I was first dating BBWs, I didn't think they were any different than other women. It just never occurred to me that special consideration had to be taken due their size. Of course, they taught me right!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:46 AM   #30
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you are getting repped for the best post EVER lol...that was fabulous and you brought up a number of things that are issues for me as well that i just forget about until the need arises. I also keep a folding chair in the trunk of my car and it has come in very handy on occasions

fabulous ..just fabulous

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Originally Posted by DumbAssBunny View Post
I think that this thread can totally turn into something that can be very informative if it remains openminded and allows for the fact that sometimes things need to actually be put into action for some people to figure out how they work.


- Walking long distances, for some, it is just not going to happen (like me). Bring her to the door and then park the car or accomodate in some other fashion. Keep in mind, she will not want to be left at the door for long, so quick foot it back or make sure there is an available bench outside.

- Keep a folding, sturdy chair in your trunk for moments that require a seat and one is not available. Maybe at a park or somewhere else along the way.

- Temperature - I am usually hotter than others I am with. So, if she seems hot, she is. Turn on the a/c, the fan, whatever. She will not want to perspire in front of you, but onto the next thing -

- Time - I personally take longer to do the average things required. Be patient and accomodate for the add'l time required.

- Stairs - I LOVE Florida because there are not many stairs. However, in most places there are. If at all possible, limit the amount of stairs she will need to walk, or better yet, see if there is an elevator she (and you) can use instead. Or, be considerate if she needs to take them slow or is hesitant about being in a crowd while using them.

- Elevators, if you are going on an elevator together, she may choose to take the next one if it already seems a bit crowded, don't push her, physically or verbally to use THAT one. The next one will come along soon enough. While you are waiting may be a good time to give a great smile, squeeze her hand or catch a smooch.

- What I call, I will wait in the car. If you need to "run in" somewhere, like to pick up liquor, a movie, the takeout food, she may be more inclined to WAIT IN THE CAR. Some will, some won't, again, communicate. If she is not going to enjoy getting in and out of the car and/or enjoy going in the place, for me it's like, why bother. That is just one of the benefits of having a willing and knowledgeable FA by my side.

Hugs!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:47 AM   #31
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oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol

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Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
The hardest physical situation on earth for me is a cocktail party. Standing around (because of back probs, etc.) is really really hard, harder than walking, even.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:49 AM   #32
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Also: public transportation--anything, taxis, trolleys, trains, busses... Fat girls are constantly having to suss those out, figure out where they can fit. I've had dudes look at me funny as I lean all the way into a cab to pull all of me in or whatever... So, working with chix in public situations, especially like these.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:49 AM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol
I end up doing t his a lot...you s hould see me at the grocery store. It is very....bent over.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:50 AM   #34
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oh i totally feel ya on this one...you might just have to take it upon yourself to go ahead and get your own seatbelt extender that you can keep in your purse or something. I think they sell them on www.amplestuff.com They definitely come in handy even if you're just going off with friends or whatever.

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He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:51 AM   #35
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I was just thinking that we should make a list of things that are good to consider, so the non ss person will be more aware, and here, you've done it, great post bunny thanks!

I don't think either that just because a person doesnt realise the limitations of a ss person, means they aren't willing to learn and I don't think anyone here said that. I voiced my frustration at guys who seem to be oblivious to the pretty obvious stuff, or who KEEP being oblivious even after it's been pointed out. Guys like the one Melissa mentioned who got annoyed at her for getting tired at the music festival, DO exist, lol. One got ratty at me one day for not being able to keep up with him as he walked along the street.. he was over 6 feet tall, to my 5' 3". However I think we know that people will be at the worst well-intentioned but unaware, and at the best enthusiastic to know what they do to make the time together pleasant, with no embarrassment to the ss person involved.

I love the points you made in your post, particularly the "I'll just wait in the car" one. It's so relevant, oh and leave the keys in the car so we can listen to music while you're running the errand, .

One thing I can think of is, that I turn down possible days out because I know my back will be too sore. I DO love day trips to interesting places though, I just need it to be a place where I can sit down frequently! I had a great day at Rosslyn Chapel (holy grail), because obviously its a church and there were pews I could keep sitting down on. So..... people, if your SS partner or date turns down several suggestions of trips you make, its probably not that they don't want to go, but it's that they need to be able to rest along the way. Places with plenty of seats/benches are a godsend.

The one mall I used to go to, I don't anymore because they "renovated" it, which involved removing almost all of the benches which used to be lined along the centre of the walkways, grrr.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:51 AM   #36
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Can I just add to watch out for weak furniture? Mike's parents have some weak futons that they adore...but I do not dare sit on them as I can tell just by looking at them that I would snap them like toothpicks. Big women need strong, and sometimes reinforced, furniture...which can be more expensive and less trendy.

So much to know about being with a ssbbw....but hang in there...it is doable
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:51 AM   #37
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hahaha i'm glad they got you learned right

Quote:
Originally Posted by Judge_Dre View Post
SSBBWs like you are worth all that

I know what you mean. Sometimes its just lack of experience that makes a FA appear rude or insensitive. when I was first dating BBWs, I didn't think they were any different than other women. It just never occurred to me that special consideration had to be taken due their size. Of course, they taught me right!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:52 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
Also: public transportation--anything, taxis, trolleys, trains, busses... Fat girls are constantly having to suss those out, figure out where they can fit. I've had dudes look at me funny as I lean all the way into a cab to pull all of me in or whatever... So, working with chix in public situations, especially like these.
Yes! Try to be considerate and snag a seat. My boyfriend does this for me all the time, especially after a long day. People are ruthless (although I'm ruthless when I'm by myself!) when it comes to crowded trains/buses and where they can park their ass.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:55 AM   #39
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noooooooooo doubt...i was staying with Bruce's family and wound up sitting down on one of the beds and broke it *ugh* lol My exact words when i told him were "please forego the erection and help me figure out a way to tell your mom i broke the bed" LOL


Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
Can I just add to watch out for weak furniture? Mike's parents have some weak futons that they adore...but I do not dare sit on them as I can tell just by looking at them that I would snap them like toothpicks. Big women need strong, and sometimes reinforced, furniture...which can be more expensive and less trendy.

So much to know about being with a ssbbw....but hang in there...it is doable
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:56 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
oh lord yes..i totally understand that..my lower back will kill me..right around my shelf if i stand too long. It relieves it to lean over on something but then i look like i'm trying to moon the folks behind me lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
I end up doing t his a lot...you s hould see me at the grocery store. It is very....bent over.

So Im not the only person to "pretend" to be browsing in the chest freezers in the supermarket, while Im actually using it to bend forward to ease my back, whilst getting a nice cooling blast of icy air, as the back pain makes me perspire? lol. I swear I must have come out of there with frosty eyebrows before!!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:57 AM   #41
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hahaha no it's just you...i'm the one riding by on the scooter waving LOL

and if no scooter is available my fat ass isn't going in their store

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So Im not the only person to "pretend" to be browsing in the chest freezers in the supermarket, while Im actually using it to bend forward to ease my back, whilst getting a nice cooling blast of icy air, as the back pain makes me perspire? lol. I swear I must have come out of there with frosty eyebrows before!!
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:59 AM   #42
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noooooooooo doubt...i was staying with Bruce's family and wound up sitting down on one of the beds and broke it *ugh* lol My exact words when i told him were "please forego the erection and help me figure out a way to tell your mom i broke the bed" LOL
LMAO that's hilarious!! *picturing Bruce all horny and bulgy and Melissa mortified*
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:00 AM   #43
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Yes! Try to be considerate and snag a seat. My boyfriend does this for me all the time, especially after a long day. People are ruthless (although I'm ruthless when I'm by myself!) when it comes to crowded trains/buses and where they can park their ass.
Exactly. People are ruthless and you gotta be tricky/ruthless, one step ahead. It is helpful to be with a guy who understands *why* yer doing this!! (i.e., not to knock old ladies over)

Unrelated: I know that in really long-term relationships this stuff must become more matter of fact - just physical co-existence in general - but I'd like to add also that although there is generally a miminum thoughtful effort required to take a big woman out, the return is significant. I mean...thoughtfulness and gallanterie generally don't go unrewarded. I'm saying...women (obviously) really notice this stuff! Not that that's the reason for doing it, but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody. I still remember the name of the first dude who asked me to dance at a college dance, because of really nice manners-ful way he did it, and I didn't know his name before that.
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:01 AM   #44
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hahaha no it's just you...i'm the one riding by on the scooter waving LOL

and if no scooter is available my fat ass isn't going in their store
Ahhh yes I keep forgetting you have those in the US. I've only seen two .. at ONE supermarket a few miles from here. And they are SO old, and tiny and shabby, they're obviously meant for skinny little elderly people with arthritis, not big bouncy babes
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:01 AM   #45
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hahahhaa it was horrible...at first he didn't believe me, til he saw the mangled bed..and thankfully his mother laughed it off, but yes i was totally mortified lol

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LMAO that's hilarious!! *picturing Bruce all horny and bulgy and Melissa mortified*
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Last edited by largenlovely; 04-26-2008 at 11:03 AM.
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:02 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
Exactly. People are ruthless and you gotta be tricky/ruthless, one step ahead. It is helpful to be with a guy who understands *why* yer doing this!! (i.e., not to knock old ladies over)

Unrelated: I know that in really long-term relationships this stuff must become more matter of fact - just physical co-existence in general - but I'd like to add also that although there is generally a miminum thoughtful effort required to take a big woman out, the return is significant. I mean...thoughtfulness and gallanterie generally don't go unrewarded. I'm saying...women (obviously) really notice this stuff! Not that that's the reason for doing it, but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody. I still remember the name of the first dude who asked me to dance at a college dance, because of really nice manners-ful way he did it, and I didn't know his name before that.
HEAR HEAR!
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:04 AM   #47
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i agree wholeheartedly...when Bruce thinks about these things beforehand it makes me love him all the more

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but I wonder if men--partners--sometimes know how great it can feel to have someone look out for you (in a non-sticky/avuncular way) or how it can effect your feelings towards somebody.
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:06 AM   #48
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lol yeah i usually stick to the store's i know have them...but sometimes i have to go look and see. I know i've gotten on a couple that just wouldn't go because i am too big for them

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Ahhh yes I keep forgetting you have those in the US. I've only seen two .. at ONE supermarket a few miles from here. And they are SO old, and tiny and shabby, they're obviously meant for skinny little elderly people with arthritis, not big bouncy babes
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:17 AM   #49
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This thread hits a bit home at the moment after an altercation with a long-time FA friend of mine last night. He drives a Jeep Cherokee that doesn't have long enough seat belts for me to buckle up. So, I just drive with him unbuckled and it makes me very uncomfortable. I'll suffer this in exchange for his commitment to driving slower (makes sense in my head). Last night after I asked him to slow down he did some of those fake out quick turns on the freeway going 70 miles an hour and I was upset. He didn't get it - it's all goes back to feeling like someone who ought to care about you
IMHO this has nothing to do with anyone's size, but is his complete lack of consideration for the human being whose life he was holding in his hands when he made the decision to drive badly.
I am sorry if this wording seems harsh, but this is a complete bone of contention with me. And let me tell you, I was with my husband when he would do this in the beginning. We had made a commitment to each other. I don't think it has anything to do with commitment or size as much as the need for speed that some people have while driving. Trust me, this is the ONE thing that almost broke us up. It took alot of talking, crying, screaming and threatening to make him realize that it was funny and exciting to him and absolutely terrifying to me. I told him repeatedly, I WILL NOT die in an auto accident and that if I did and he was the cause, he better hope he dies with me cause I will haunt him the rest of his days.
Thankfully this changed soon enough and is no longer a desire for him.
If this guy likes you and repects you, he will slow down whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not. It is up to you how many chances you give him and how you approach it with him. I would definitely tell him that you do not want it to happen again and if he wants to drive that way he should do it when you are not in the car.
Most times, the little speed monsters realize it is much more fun to go a little slower and catch the sight of their beautiful companion bouncing along next to them, then the itty bitty rush from their risky driving.


Who knows, maybe he will buy you flowers or something as an apology. (just saying in case, he is a member, and needs a hint) hint hint
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:21 AM   #50
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i agree wholeheartedly...when Bruce thinks about these things beforehand it makes me love him all the more

Mike is the same way.....and it relives most of the worry that comes from being a ssbbw and actually allows me to be myself even more Yay for super FAs
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