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Old 04-27-2008, 01:15 PM   #176
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....I would think he was less of a man. bigger cars aren't that much more expensive. Mike got a late 90s Honda Accord when I fist moved out here....they are a lot bigger than most cars and are still econmical.

I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh. I would be in bits and would probably never trust another guy to accept my issues. But that's just me....I'm sure other bbws would be accepting....I get hurt easy.
But I don't think it's as black and white as FA 1 knows the needs of SSBBW 2, gets into a relationship with her then admits that he can't fulfill her needs. More often, FA 1 would think that he can fulfill SSBBW 2's needs, do his best to do that, but despite trying his best fail to do so. I don't think that FA 1 would therefore be dishonest for getting into a relationship with SSBBW 2... sometimes you just don't know if you can overcome obstacles until you try.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:23 PM   #177
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yeah, to echo Melissa, this thread to me hasn't been about what you guys all HAVE TO DO as much as what you should know about being with really big girls. There are things to think about, to consider, that you need to know.

Hell, my airport thing was pretty much "you need to stay out of my way" not you need to carry my ass to and fro - it's teamwork, and you need to realize that because we're often the more challenged in time/space/stamina, etc... then often your cues will have to come from us about what will work and what may not or may need to be revamped.

Does it sometimes suck? Yeah. Do we sometimes/always hate saying when we know it's just not going to work out? Yeah, we do. We want nothing more than to do everything you want to do... but sometimes if we don't use a different method of getting to it, or doing it, then we can't... and it's a reality of dating us.

And like Donni and Melissa mentioned, it's as individual as the girl and sometimes even the day of the week. Communication - that's the key. Be aware, be willing, be there .... that's all we're getting at.
I'm in total agreement with all of this... I'm not dissing the thread! It is helpful for FAs to know what issues SSBBW face... in fact, it's essential!

I guess for me I find it easier to know a lot of SSBBW issues because I'm a fairly big guy myself... so I've gone through some of those issues as well. Would I walk too fast for the SSBBW I'm walking with? No way, because it drives me insane when my skinny best mate marches down the street and leaves me behind! If my skinny mates say "yeah, I'll give you a lift... I'll have to squeeze the 3 of you in the back of my car though" my first thought is "Oh man... I'm never going to fit and be able to close the door!" If one of my skinny mates says "It's not that far... I think we should walk" my first thought is "not that far for you may be very far indeed for me!"

So, I guess all of these things may be more eye opening for skinny FAs than BHM FAs...
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:24 PM   #178
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Mmm... good thread!

Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.

So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?

Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?

The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.

It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.

As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.

you know i see how you feel, but the opposite question could be asked..you dont HAVE to have sturdy furniture, or a bigger car....BUT as far as the furniture goes, how do you feel about trying to haul an ssbbw off the floor when it breaks??? (lets not even talk injury here...) Not that it cant happen to sturdy furniture but....

i have a thick thick platform bed, best purchase ever...it has had 5 fatties on it at a time while going through closets for things to wear...it was DIRT cheap and has lasted me years and years...sometimes careful shopping is a better thing...
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:24 PM   #179
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Well that's what this thread is for Matt...to help prepare men for the realities of what things will have to be considered when dating a very large woman. I could be wrong, but it doesn't have to be as black and white as far as pass/fail either. There is always a way to work around something. It's a matter of both parties working on finding ways to manage.


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But I don't think it's as black and white as FA 1 knows the needs of SSBBW 2, gets into a relationship with her then admits that he can't fulfill her needs. More often, FA 1 would think that he can fulfill SSBBW 2's needs, do his best to do that, but despite trying his best fail to do so. I don't think that FA 1 would therefore be dishonest for getting into a relationship with SSBBW 2... sometimes you just don't know if you can overcome obstacles until you try.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:29 PM   #180
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Wow. Terrific thread.

As a FA I think The Reality of Dating [or being married to] a SSBBW is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.

I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience.

And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.

One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.

What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of The Reality of [being with] a SSBBW.

Just my two cents.

You know i just love you, and i love how much you care about your wife, you and i have spoken about it many times....

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Old 04-27-2008, 01:31 PM   #181
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Thats odd as when I was with Zsa and Gareth I was always the last one ready.. but then you cannot rush perfection can you?
I am also pleased to add my babes don't mind that I am always an hour late and the last one to the car lol.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:33 PM   #182
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you know i see how you feel, but the opposite question could be asked..you dont HAVE to have sturdy furniture, or a bigger car....BUT as far as the furniture goes, how do you feel about trying to haul an ssbbw off the floor when it breaks??? (lets not even talk injury here...) Not that it cant happen to sturdy furniture but....

i have a thick thick platform bed, best purchase ever...it has had 5 fatties on it at a time while going through closets for things to wear...it wa DIRT cheap and has lasted me years and years...sometimes careful shopping is a better thing...
Yep... totally. Again, I'm not saying that FAs shouldn't care about the need for sturdy furniture... I'm just saying that a FA isn't a bad person if he can't afford it and hasn't been lucky enough to find cheap sturdy furniture through careful shopping

I would hate it to come across as though I just don't care about SSBBW issues... lol
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:42 PM   #183
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i dont think that, i think you you took a more arguementative stance for the sake of having a discussion, which i dont happen to find such a bad thing...

i know regular sized people who break furniture too...but i have to add, i was at a bed and breakfast with Stacy and my best friend Barb and her husband..somehow i got stuck with the fricking sofa bed....well, it was old and rickety at best...but i had my weight spread out pretty equally and it wasnt groaning *too much* until Stacy decided she needed to sit on it too...my weight i prolly could have squeeked by with...add another 150 lbs to it, and suddenly, what did i hear but crack and my fat ass is sitting on a bent sofa bed then squeek, yeah, right to the floor....i made them leave so i could hoist my ass up (who wants to do the splits and heaves in front of friends who are NOT fat initiated??) and then i bent the sofa bed back (yeah, strong like bull, what can i say?) then, i slept on the closed small sofa bed til stacy took pity on me and gave me the bed around the corner from me...

it sucked, did my friend need to do some better checking yeah...but like i said, she is not initiated (although now a lot more) but forwarned is forarmed and should make your life a little easier....and i know this can be a pricey thing to do, but when my fat family comes to visit, i know the 4 of us would fit into a large car ok, or my suv...but go to add anyone else...well, they better bring vaseline, that is all i have to say....so...solution, car rental even for a short time, i rented a mini van, and all was good (even though they gave me a 7 passenger Dorango...still better than my rodeo).
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:08 PM   #184
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i dont think that, i think you you took a more arguementative stance for the sake of having a discussion, which i dont happen to find such a bad thing...

i know regular sized people who break furniture too...but i have to add, i was at a bed and breakfast with Stacy and my best friend Barb and her husband..somehow i got stuck with the fricking sofa bed....well, it was old and rickety at best...but i had my weight spread out pretty equally and it wasnt groaning *too much* until Stacy decided she needed to sit on it too...my weight i prolly could have squeeked by with...add another 150 lbs to it, and suddenly, what did i hear but crack and my fat ass is sitting on a bent sofa bed then squeek, yeah, right to the floor....i made them leave so i could hoist my ass up (who wants to do the splits and heaves in front of friends who are NOT fat initiated??) and then i bent the sofa bed back (yeah, strong like bull, what can i say?) then, i slept on the closed small sofa bed til stacy took pity on me and gave me the bed around the corner from me...

it sucked, did my friend need to do some better checking yeah...but like i said, she is not initiated (although now a lot more) but forwarned is forarmed and should make your life a little easier....and i know this can be a pricey thing to do, but when my fat family comes to visit, i know the 4 of us would fit into a large car ok, or my suv...but go to add anyone else...well, they better bring vaseline, that is all i have to say....so...solution, car rental even for a short time, i rented a mini van, and all was good (even though they gave me a 7 passenger Dorango...still better than my rodeo).
Sofa beds are the bane of any fat person's existence! As I say, I'm a pretty hefty size myself and have my own sofa bed horror story... lol. A couple of years ago I stayed for the first time at my friend's (then) new house on his sofa bed. Well, it was designed so that the wooden slats that the mattress was on flexed slightly... of course, my weight made them flex so much that loudly, in the middle of the night, half of them fell out of their holders onto the hard wooden floor making a tremendous noise. Anyway, to cut a long story short, my friend's girlfriend coming downstairs to find me crawling around in my underwear, holding pieces of wood and trying to figure out how to put them back together was rather embarrassing!

Mind you, I'm currently looking to buy a sofa bed for my new flat and they all seem pretty flimsy! Maybe there really is no such thing as a sturdy sofa bed...
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:11 PM   #185
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lmao is it wrong of me to laugh at these stories? i know i was horrified with my own "bed breaking story" but i have definitely gotten many laughs out of it as well when i retell it (and i laugh about it also, after the panic wore off) lol

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Anyway, to cut a long story short, my friend's girlfriend coming downstairs to find me crawling around in my underwear, holding pieces of wood and trying to figure out how to put them back together was rather embarrassing!
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:13 PM   #186
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You know i just love you, and i love how much you care about your wife, you and i have spoken about it many times....

can i say Birthday boy, you just rock!!!
Aw, back atcha my friend. You know the feeling's mutual. (Except for the birthday part, since yours is in September.)
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:16 PM   #187
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I knew that I got a B.A. for a reason.
LOL, it's either that or a B.S., isn't it?
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:16 PM   #188
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lmao is it wrong of me to laugh at these stories? i know i was horrified with my own "bed breaking story" but i have definitely gotten many laughs out of it as well when i retell it (and i laugh about it also, after the panic wore off) lol
Ah, you have to be able to laugh at yourself... with all the embarrassing things (I swear, I'm a disaster) that have happened to me over the years, I would be in some sort of therapy by now if I hadn't learnt to have a sense of humour about it all
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Old 04-27-2008, 02:19 PM   #189
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hahaha same here...i can remember back to when it all started happening. I was around 17 yrs old and dating my very first FA. We were outside at his cousins house sitting on one of those bench swings. I remember thinking it didn't look very sturdy...i shoulda went with that lol. Next thing i know my entire side of the swing was on the ground hahaha.

From that moment on it has been a series of similar events ....just bigger items now lol


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Ah, you have to be able to laugh at yourself... with all the embarrassing things (I swear, I'm a disaster) that have happened to me over the years, I would be in some sort of therapy by now if I hadn't learnt to have a sense of humour about it all
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Old 04-27-2008, 03:20 PM   #190
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You know sweetie, I can't ever remember You being late for a date

But, as You say, You were always perfection!

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Old 04-27-2008, 03:28 PM   #191
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Oh it just hit me that way. It wasn't anything you or anyone else in particular said. But you know - there has been a lot of FA sgoing on here at Dims over the last year and I guess I'm just oversensitive to it. Since I'm head over heels in love with one and my best guy friend is one. Ya know.

Oh well - I'm off to spend time with hubby.


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I don't think it's solely the responsibility of the FA to support all the needs of an SSBBW. I sure hope that this thread hasn't been coming across that way....

Bruce is still living at home with his folks. I was living in Atlanta on my own but decided to move back to Mobile with my family to try to help save money for us to find a place to live together. Sacrifices must be made..on both sides.

My whole point in this thread was that there are certain realities that men need to consider when dating a much larger woman. As bigbellyssbbw mentioned, these issues diminish depending on the size of the woman. But the realities of the needs of a much larger woman must be taken into account and i think there are some men who haven't considered some of these things.

I definitely agree that two people should work together. If i were to suggest otherwise i'd be a complete hypocrit. I mean, if an ssbbw is single then she has to figure out all these things on her own. But...if she is in a relationship the partner takes on their own share in helping fulfill these needs as well, and vice versa
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Old 04-27-2008, 05:54 PM   #192
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Ok I might be dumb but how can an apartment be to small? I am big but have never been to big for any house unless it was a doll house.
My only problem with a house is it I have to go upstairs to A use the bathroom or B eat.

And I agree on the together thing in fact John and I talked about what car to buy once he has moved here I am praying he agrees with the Maxima(He looked great in it).


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Old 04-27-2008, 07:16 PM   #193
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Matt,

I hope this doesn't induce TOO much forehead-smacking for you, but I've found your whole argument rather funny. Why? Because this was in Lissa's very first post:

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Originally Posted by Lissa
It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol).
Bolding mine. She said in the very first long paragraph of hers that if a guy couldn't AFFORD a big car it was a different matter.

I just had to point that out. lol
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Old 04-27-2008, 08:36 PM   #194
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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
lol... yes, sorry, I perhaps took it all a bit seriously. I just think that it's always best if a SSBBW and FA work together on these things... rather than it being a FA's job to solely make these things work.

Anyway, sorry if I caused any offense... group hug people!
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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
Yep... totally. Again, I'm not saying that FAs shouldn't care about the need for sturdy furniture... I'm just saying that a FA isn't a bad person if he can't afford it and hasn't been lucky enough to find cheap sturdy furniture through careful shopping

I would hate it to come across as though I just don't care about SSBBW issues... lol


Okay, I just gotta ask...do you think all SSBBW are wealthy? And if not, how do you think the poor ones live? We do okay by ourselves, and are not looking for a sugar daddy. But if YOU want us in YOUR life, shouldn't you make a little effort so we actually fit in your life? I do not require that FAs be wealthy. What I do require is kindness and patience. If he's thoughtful too, and thinks "I'm gonna get some cement blocks to put under this bed frame so ripley feels secure" then I'm gonna think he's the sweetest thing ever. And cement blocks aren't made of gold, ya know?

I had to buy a different vehicle because I got too fat for my car. It was used and not expensive. I have a small tub, and bought a curved shower rod so the curtain doesn't touch me. Less than $30. IT IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. It is about forethought. It's about kindness. It's about him thinking a little and being willing to accommodate my fat body if he likes it so much. It's about choosing sturdier furniture over the more stylish not-so-sturdy stuff. It's about caring if we're safe and comfortable.

I think you made an issue where none exist.






Oh, and P.S. ....The non-snoring SSBBW might have a CPAP. Either way, get used to it.
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Old 04-27-2008, 09:50 PM   #195
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One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.
In a situation like this, the feeder in me will suggest ordering in and eating naked; intimacy has a way of finding simple solutions to simple problems or obstacles. And for the record, whenever Melissa and I have done this, I was sure to set and clean the table every time.

There's a fine line between being a boyfriend and a cabana boy, and we make arrangements to make things easy for both of us. For example, I'll clear dishes and cups away, but she's cleaning them. We don't get much time together with the way things are right now, but in the time we DO have, we find ways to make her life easier without me feeling like a nurse's aid instead of a boyfriend.
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Old 04-28-2008, 12:42 AM   #196
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Matt,

I hope this doesn't induce TOO much forehead-smacking for you, but I've found your whole argument rather funny. Why? Because this was in Lissa's very first post:



Bolding mine. She said in the very first long paragraph of hers that if a guy couldn't AFFORD a big car it was a different matter.

I just had to point that out. lol
lol... thanks, free reading lessons are always useful for the intellectually underdeveloped such as myself

Although, it may shock you to know that in this case I had managed to read Melissa's original post in it's entirety. Can I just say now that my post WASN'T directed against Melissa, despite it appearing to have come across that way. Probably because I used the car example to get across my point, as the car example was an easy one. But my problem is not with any particular poster, I just don't like the general idea that men can be graded on how good an FA they are by the car they drive, house they live in, etc etc.

It just smacks of a materialistic outlook on life... 'you're only a real man if you drive a big car with lots of chrome and shiny bits...' whereas I just don't see it as the man's role to have the car, or the man's role to have the house, or the man's role to have the job to pay for it all anymore. My Grandad never learnt to drive, my Granny had the car and drove him to places when he needed to go... I don't think that made him any less of a man.

To be honest, if the SSBBW in question has a car that she drives and is comfortable in, I don't see how the car that the FA drives is an issue at all. Same with apartments... if my furniture is too flimsy, why can't we go to yours?

But, this is just me... I have a fairly modern view of the equal roles of men and women in relationships. I know a lot of people have more traditional views about what the man's responsibilities are and what the women's responsibilities are. That's fine, and if it works for you then great... I'm just saying that I personally would not want a woman to judge my eligibility on what my apartment was like, or what car I drove.

And again, this is not directed against anyone in particular! lol
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Old 04-28-2008, 12:47 AM   #197
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Originally Posted by ripley View Post
Okay, I just gotta ask...do you think all SSBBW are wealthy? And if not, how do you think the poor ones live? We do okay by ourselves, and are not looking for a sugar daddy. But if YOU want us in YOUR life, shouldn't you make a little effort so we actually fit in your life? I do not require that FAs be wealthy. What I do require is kindness and patience. If he's thoughtful too, and thinks "I'm gonna get some cement blocks to put under this bed frame so ripley feels secure" then I'm gonna think he's the sweetest thing ever. And cement blocks aren't made of gold, ya know?

I had to buy a different vehicle because I got too fat for my car. It was used and not expensive. I have a small tub, and bought a curved shower rod so the curtain doesn't touch me. Less than $30. IT IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. It is about forethought. It's about kindness. It's about him thinking a little and being willing to accommodate my fat body if he likes it so much. It's about choosing sturdier furniture over the more stylish not-so-sturdy stuff. It's about caring if we're safe and comfortable.

I think you made an issue where none exist.






Oh, and P.S. ....The non-snoring SSBBW might have a CPAP. Either way, get used to it.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be so late for work if I reply to this in it's entirety! lol

Just to say:

1) I didn't suggest that all SSBBW are inherently dependent on their man. I know that many are very independent.

2) I also didn't suggest that men just shouldn't care about the issues that come with being an SSBBW.

3) I'm sorry... I'm going to have to go or I'll lose my job and won't have any car at all! ;-)

Peace x
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:57 AM   #198
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Originally Posted by chocolate desire View Post
Ok I might be dumb but how can an apartment be to small? I am big but have never been to big for any house unless it was a doll house.
My only problem with a house is it I have to go upstairs to A use the bathroom or B eat.
Trust me. Here in the UK, things run very small. I keep trying to explain this to people...the US is much easier to be fat. Here in Europe it is not uncommon to have supersmall buildings. There are some shops here that I cannot go into because the door is too small. I never had a problem fitting into houses or shops until I left America....it is a whole different can of worms here sadly.
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Old 04-28-2008, 03:57 AM   #199
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Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW View Post
Trust me. Here in the UK, things run very small. I keep trying to explain this to people...the US is much easier to be fat. Here in Europe it is not uncommon to have supersmall buildings. There are some shops here that I cannot go into because the door is too small. I never had a problem fitting into houses or shops until I left America....it is a whole different can of worms here sadly.
Yes. I have two cousins who live in London and their places are both small.
I have also heard that people there are not so fond of fat people ,and some of them can be very mean in that regard.
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Old 04-28-2008, 04:25 AM   #200
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Now, I think I need to step in and say a few words about Mr Loggamatt as a few things seem to have gotten lost in translation in that curly-whirly way of the internet.

Ironically enough, he seems to be getting a bit of a beat-down, when he remains one of the ONLY FAs that I know of IRL that DOES actually take note of an SSBBWs need when out and about! I've been out with so-called FAs who drive around in sports cars, whilst Matt has quite a sensible big car (sorry, I don't know car names) big enough for an SSBBW to sit in without blocking the gear stick. He walks slowly enough for one to keep up with, and is automatically concious of bolted down/free standing tables and chairs in restaurants. Beleive me ladies, a LOT of FAs could learn a lot from him.

He's just pointing out - as I would like to as well - that it is a game of two halves. If the FAs flat is too small, or not practical enough for me, I will walk out straightaway and just say lets go to mine. I don't expect him to have re-inforced furniture already, after all, a lot of them wont unless they've lived with an SSBBW before and have the furniture leftover. And thats only if they were allowed to keep it! Yes, they should think about stuff whilst we're out on a date, but I wouldn't comprimise my life, furniture, choice of decor etc just for the prospect of a man, so why should they?

This is just for the dating time though, I think it all changes when you choose to live together. But by that time, he should be trained enough
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