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Old 07-12-2008, 06:20 PM   #151
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Thanks, love. Of course, I can't take the credit-its all Erving Goffman.

Because I'm a glutton for tmi, I'm going to share a story. Lucky for you all, right?

The guy I lost my virginity to was someone I was not physically attracted to, but I was drunk, and he was persistent, and so we got together. Afterwards, my main thought after being glad that I was deflowered was that I was relieved that my 'first time' was with a conventionally attractive average sized man. It made me feel somehow less 'OMG ur fat and ugly' even as I was well aware it was not going to lead to anything else.

Does that make me a bad person? Maybe, I don't know. Apart from being tall, muscular, and tan, he was a very nice guy, and we ended up being friends, which was a bonus. It also helped me get through my difficult college years when the 2 fat guys I had major crushes on wouldn't give me the time of day, so I'm sure I was doing all kinds of stigma management in my early 20's in order to maintain some sense of personal belief in my own desirability.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:23 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by Santaclear View Post
I strongly disagree. I would say woman as a group are pretty much exactly as superficial as men as a group.
WTF? are you talking about? Now shush it and post pix of your bum plz, kthx
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:25 PM   #153
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Originally Posted by Santaclear View Post
I strongly disagree. I would say woman as a group are pretty much exactly as superficial as men as a group.
Exactly exactly. Thank you.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:29 PM   #154
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Originally Posted by Waxwing View Post
Exactly exactly. Thank you.

You could have backed me up on the bum picture thing, you know......
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:30 PM   #155
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You could have backed me up on the bum picture thing, you know......
I prefer to do that in a far more sleazy way over PM.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:33 PM   #156
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You have to share


But I tend to save the PM stuff for mainly cawk pics
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:35 PM   #157
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*is ready to oblige*

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Old 07-12-2008, 06:37 PM   #158
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Originally Posted by Waxwing View Post
Jack, obviously personality is essential, but we're creatures with eyes, and we see before we know. Someone can have the best personality in the world, but if you're not attracted to them, romance isn't gonna blossom. I'm not going to date someone I don't find attractive. Period. And I think that the majority of people in the world are the same.

So I think that the people who are struggling with finding someone shouldn't worry that they're really all irritating shitbags or something.
I think people are missing the words "generally" and "less." But if that seems to come off as me saying that women have no preferences or standards, that wasn't my intent and I apologize if I wasn't clearer.

So,to clarify:

I personally do believe women to be again generally less superficial than men but that doesn't mean I feel they have no preferences.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:44 PM   #159
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I think people are missing the words "generally" and "less." But if that seems to come off as me saying that women have no preferences or standards, that wasn't my intent and I apologize if I wasn't clearer.

So,to clarify:

I personally do believe women to be again generally less superficial than men but that doesn't mean I feel they have no preferences.
I know you didn't mean it to be a commentary on all women. But why would it be true even generally?

If it's generally the case I would have to assume that it's because women are often taught to settle for less than what they really want.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:49 PM   #160
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Originally Posted by butch View Post
Thanks, love. Of course, I can't take the credit-its all Erving Goffman.

Because I'm a glutton for tmi, I'm going to share a story. Lucky for you all, right?

The guy I lost my virginity to was someone I was not physically attracted to, but I was drunk, and he was persistent, and so we got together. Afterwards, my main thought after being glad that I was deflowered was that I was relieved that my 'first time' was with a conventionally attractive average sized man. It made me feel somehow less 'OMG ur fat and ugly' even as I was well aware it was not going to lead to anything else.

Does that make me a bad person? Maybe, I don't know. Apart from being tall, muscular, and tan, he was a very nice guy, and we ended up being friends, which was a bonus. It also helped me get through my difficult college years when the 2 fat guys I had major crushes on wouldn't give me the time of day, so I'm sure I was doing all kinds of stigma management in my early 20's in order to maintain some sense of personal belief in my own desirability.

I'd be willing to bet that a fair number of fat folks have done this to some degree at least once in their lives. I wonder if avoiding the desired sex altogether would count as stigma management.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:54 PM   #161
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If it's generally the case I would have to assume that it's because women are often taught to settle for less than what they really want.
Sure, social conditioning could be possibly one of the factors.
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Last edited by Jack Skellington; 07-12-2008 at 07:02 PM. Reason: Had an extra "a" in there.
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Old 07-12-2008, 06:59 PM   #162
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I know you didn't mean it to be a commentary on all women. But why would it be true even generally?

If it's generally the case I would have to assume that it's because women are often taught to settle for less than what they really want.
Or because women are taught to express their sexuality in very restrictive ways or repress it all together.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:00 PM   #163
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I have been getting subliminal messages that I should settle for a small penis
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:01 PM   #164
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Or because women are taught to express their sexuality in very restrictive ways or repress it all together.
YES. And I can rep you again until 24 hours from now.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:03 PM   #165
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I'll also say, though I may have misinterpreted what was being bandied about earlier, that men, and by extension, me, are shallow knuckle-dragging morons who only care about looks. I'm not going to stand (sit? post? whatever) here and say that I don't take looks into consideration when I express interest in a woman....mainly because 1) no one would believe me and 2) it's not true. But to say, as a blanket statement, that women are less superficial than men indicates to me that you hang out with some pretty aware women, don't get out much, or are just repeating a stereotype that has been beat into ALL our heads by popular culture and society.

But I WILL say that it's not the most important thing for me, and I resent that, as a guy, people always effing assume that my penis will act as a diving rod for a hot girl to lead me around by. My most IMPORTANT feature in a woman is her intellect. She can be tall, short, thin, fat, drop-dead or homely (to a point, at least) but if she's dumb as a post, then I'm not interested. I want to be able to have lengthy intelligent conversation with my partner; I want someone who checks the newspaper daily; I want someone who knows....well, for the lack of a better definition, STUFF.

And I'm the first to admit that I'm nearly paralyzed around women (at least at first), because what I DO know about them could fit in a thimble. But I know how to be courteous, chivalrous, polite and how to make a woman feel special (I hope). I remember birthdays, I buy flowers, I go to the bar and get her another drink when hers is low, I drive, open doors and let her decide what moves get made. So call me Ishmael, call me late for dinner but please, don't call me superficial.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:03 PM   #166
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Does that mean you two like 'em big, too?



Don't suppress it.......
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:07 PM   #167
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I'll also say, though I may have misinterpreted what was being bandied about earlier, that men, and by extension, me, are shallow knuckle-dragging morons who only care about looks. I'm not going to stand (sit? post? whatever) here and say that I don't take looks into consideration when I express interest in a woman....mainly because 1) no one would believe me and 2) it's not true. But to say, as a blanket statement, that women are less superficial than men indicates to me that you hang out with some pretty aware women, don't get out much, or are just repeating a stereotype that has been beat into ALL our heads by popular culture and society.

But I WILL say that it's not the most important thing for me, and I resent that, as a guy, people always effing assume that my penis will act as a diving rod for a hot girl to lead me around by. My most IMPORTANT feature in a woman is her intellect. She can be tall, short, thin, fat, drop-dead or homely (to a point, at least) but if she's dumb as a post, then I'm not interested. I want to be able to have lengthy intelligent conversation with my partner; I want someone who checks the newspaper daily; I want someone who knows....well, for the lack of a better definition, STUFF.

And I'm the first to admit that I'm nearly paralyzed around women (at least at first), because what I DO know about them could fit in a thimble. But I know how to be courteous, chivalrous, polite and how to make a woman feel special (I hope). I remember birthdays, I buy flowers, I go to the bar and get her another drink when hers is low, I drive, open doors and let her decide what moves get made. So call me Ishmael, call me late for dinner but please, don't call me superficial.
Mr. Bob, you're one of the least superficial people I know. I have a great amount of respect for that. However, my beer is low, and I'm going to have to blame you.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:07 PM   #168
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YES. And I can rep you again until 24 hours from now.
I'll remind you in case you forget.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:09 PM   #169
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But to say, as a blanket statement, that women are less superficial than men indicates to me that you hang out with some pretty aware women, don't get out much, or are just repeating a stereotype that has been beat into ALL our heads by popular culture and society.
I've had the pleasure of meeting many wicked cool women in my life. I've also spent my life actually listening to them and not blaming them for any of my problems or insecurities.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:11 PM   #170
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Well, let me make sure that you get another and ensure that you won't run out soon, then....

Also? Now on Bob's resume: "...and Robin <last name> says that I am one of the least superficial people she knows."

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Mr. Bob, you're one of the least superficial people I know. I have a great amount of respect for that. However, my beer is low, and I'm going to have to blame you.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:13 PM   #171
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I've had the pleasure of meeting many wicked cool women in my life. I've also spent my life actually listening to them and not blaming them for any of my problems or insecurities.
But but but....being "superficial" [and by this I mean considering looks important not ONLY considering looks important], isn't a bad thing.

It's just what Olwen was saying- if you meet a woman who dates regardless of what she may want physically, she might be repressed or think she doesn't deserve her heart's (and groin's) desire.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:13 PM   #172
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Well, let me make sure that you get another and ensure that you won't run out soon, then....

Also? Now on Bob's resume: "...and Robin <last name> says that I am one of the least superficial people she knows."
Truly, you are a man who understands women.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:15 PM   #173
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Though now it's confession time.....

I am not attracted to Janet Reno, beer wench, in the prior posting.

Does this raise my SQ (superficiality quotient)? Will I have to change my resume?!?!

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Old 07-12-2008, 07:22 PM   #174
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I'm going to assume that you, not knowing a whole heck of a lot about me, did not just indicate that I blame my problems or insecurities on women. Also, I would point out that said statement appears to be a pretty sweeping blanket generalization of men, and one that indicates that we are on a level with pond scum.

However, if my interpretation of your statement is wrong, I sincerely apologize.

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I've had the pleasure of meeting many wicked cool women in my life. I've also spent my life actually listening to them and not blaming them for any of my problems or insecurities.
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Old 07-12-2008, 07:29 PM   #175
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I'm going to assume that you, not knowing a whole heck of a lot about me, did not just indicate that I blame my problems or insecurities on women. Also, I would point out that said statement appears to be a pretty sweeping blanket generalization of men, and one that indicates that we are on a level with pond scum.

However, if my interpretation of your statement is wrong, I sincerely apologize.
I don't think Jack was directing that at you. I think he means that some men who are insecure about their looks or their virility or their social status or whatever will do this. I've seen this behavior often. If they can't get what they want or if they get rejected it's cause the woman in question is a bitch or a bloodsucker or whatever. Then they go and display real anger towards other women they meet - that is the ones they feel threatened by anyway.
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