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Old 02-14-2018, 07:18 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by Tracii View Post
Its fine to work out and be healthy as it is fine to dress nicely.
"Wealthy" isn't a bad thing either so why bash HM for being a good steward with the money he earns Loves BHMS?
He has never given me the impression of boasting about anything like that.
People that complain about what others have worked hard for all their lives really need to stop being like that.
I wasn't bashing him for working out or for being wealthy. My point was there's no reason at all to continually mention those things. His posts, to me, have an element of superiority and ironically, fatphobia. He seems to take an incredible amount of pleasure at seeing others being amazed/shocked/astonished that someone that looks like him is with a 400 pound woman. It's one thing to say you like contrast in sizes, quite another to continually highlight how incredible you look and how socially desirable you are compared with your spouse. I believe he's a true FA, but he makes it clear he's hyper aware of how fat women are perceived negatively. You can be an FA and just say "for whatever reason this is my sexual orientation" without the hyper awareness that not everyone will get it. My discomfort with his posts is that it seems a HUGE part of his pleasure is derived from having people wonder why he's with her.
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Old 02-14-2018, 07:52 PM   #102
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I'm not going to judge him for what he likes its not my place.
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:15 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
My discomfort with his posts is that it seems a HUGE part of his pleasure is derived from having people wonder why he's with her.
As stated in this thread, http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...63#post2229463 which is a reaction to this discussion. Your statement is inaccurate. It is unfortunate that you have come to that conclusion.
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Old 02-15-2018, 06:29 AM   #104
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As stated in this thread, http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...63#post2229463 which is a reaction to this discussion. Your statement is inaccurate. It is unfortunate that you have come to that conclusion.
I made the same point in that thread and Iíll repeat it here:I donít like that people react the way they sometimes do. I am sometimes amused by it but overall I donít like it because of the underlying lower value placed on someone over body type.

Iím not entirely sure where lovesBHMS is drawing her conclusion, but I also recognize we all can see the same thing and react to it completely differently because we are all different. It would be easy to go point by point and counter her complaints but I imagine it would also be unproductive.

Suffice to say the observations Iíve made and shared here stem from being baffled that as accepting as society claims to be these days it still struggles with size disparity in a relationship. People sometimes are not even subtle about it. Itís consistent enough that itís worth talking about. Not everyone will agree with that, but thatís okay. I donít set out to intentionally offend anyone but if it happens as a byproduct of me simply sharing whatís on my mind or some experiences Iíve had/observed so be it.
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Old 02-15-2018, 01:59 PM   #105
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As already written, my main point was I see too much FA bias in most of these "observations" of non-verbal perceived responses to a "SS/BBW+skinny dude" couple (to simplify matters).

As a communication scientist, I wish I had the opportunity to survey the other party in the described events - get their side of the story. Because I am positive, most of them would be utterly baffled as to what is interpreted into their actions.

Identifying as an FA and being assertive about your preferences is all good and well. But you will get a highly skewed version of reality if you interpret the world only through this lens.
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Old 02-15-2018, 02:59 PM   #106
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As already written, my main point was I see too much FA bias in most of these "observations" of non-verbal perceived responses to a "SS/BBW+skinny dude" couple (to simplify matters).

As a communication scientist, I wish I had the opportunity to survey the other party in the described events - get their side of the story. Because I am positive, most of them would be utterly baffled as to what is interpreted into their actions.

Identifying as an FA and being assertive about your preferences is all good and well. But you will get a highly skewed version of reality if you interpret the world only through this lens.
Agouderia, would you be willing to generalize what you believe their interpretations of the events are then? I realize it's probably just guessing. But if you are saying most of them, I am assuming you have a theory.
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Old 02-16-2018, 11:01 AM   #107
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She's saying that for the most part, random strangers are not noticing you or expressing any reaction to a skinny man with a fat woman.
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Old 02-16-2018, 12:52 PM   #108
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As already written, my main point was I see too much FA bias in most of these "observations" of non-verbal perceived responses to a "SS/BBW+skinny dude" couple (to simplify matters).

As a communication scientist, I wish I had the opportunity to survey the other party in the described events - get their side of the story. Because I am positive, most of them would be utterly baffled as to what is interpreted into their actions.

Identifying as an FA and being assertive about your preferences is all good and well. But you will get a highly skewed version of reality if you interpret the world only through this lens.
I can definitely understand concern, even skepticism, due to bias. Iíll just reiterate that I am acutely aware of it myself and actively guard against it. That doesnít mean Iím not wrong from time to time, but I have to be very certain Iím witnessing what I think Iím witnessing before Iíll post about it here.

Iíll not contend this further though. Yours is a legitimate concern and even as I give my assurance of my own self awareness for bias you can do nothing but take my word for it. Iíd love it if you would but donít blame you if you donít.

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She's saying that for the most part, random strangers are not noticing you or expressing any reaction to a skinny man with a fat woman.
But that has been acknowledged in the very first post of this thread:

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Most of the time people tend to go about their own business and don't seem to notice us. But sometimes people do and sometimes their reactions are visibly noticeable.
I stand by it. The vast majority of people go about their business and either donít notice us or if they do they show no sign of it. This thread isnít about those people. Itís about the ones who do notice and give a reaction of some kind. Good or bad.
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Old 02-17-2018, 11:00 AM   #109
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Agouderia, would you be willing to generalize what you believe their interpretations of the events are then? I realize it's probably just guessing. But if you are saying most of them, I am assuming you have a theory.
I'll use the last story as an example - because after all it was the one that let the discussion take the spin into the legitimacy of and motives behind this discussion.

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We were at a store yesterday and my wife drew some disapproving looks from a couple who looked to be in their early 30s. They were with some additional family members (their kids, and older couple, and maybe an adult sibling or something like that. Total a group of 9-10).

I wonít get into all the details, just that as their group progress through the store the looks of contempt were consistent. I see this from time to time and donít always comment on it here because itís fairly routine by now.

Iím mentioning this group from yesterday because of one thing: neither of these two were in great shape themselves. Both were about 5í9, he may have been and inch r so taller than her. She was chubby, perhaps a little over 200 pounds. He was easily 220 or so, with a noticeable gut. So basically you have two plumbers shooting looks of contempt and even motioning toward my wife and shaking their heads, and they themselves are overweight too!

To make things worse they were openly rude to me. I found a wallet on the ground. It was a kids wallet but I still checked for identification inside and there was a driverís license. The picture looked like it could have been the guy from this couple. I turned it into the customer service desk but bumped into them as I was returning to my family. I asked if he had dropped a wallet and explained why I asked. He just stared and she gave an overstated sigh and said, ďWe didnít drop a wallet.Ē And pressed on.

As if all this time in the store shooting dirty looks and being rude to someone who was trying to be courteous, they were all just outside the exit when we left. The adults were all lighting up. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air and was disgusting.

I just think itís interesting when people who are themselves overweight display such contempt for an overweight person. Their smoking habit pushes it over the top.

It was raining when we exited and I makes sure I said within earshot of this couple and their family, ďDo you want me to go pull up the car? Do you mind waiting here? Itís a bit low brow.Ē I motioned toward the couple as I said this.

Probably not the best way to handle it. A bit passive aggressive, and truthfully this group was undeserving of a response of any kind. Still Iím only human.
This is a total case of projection - and the couple in question would most likely tell you a very different story.

Why?

First of all, the situation to start out with is totally unclear.
There is a group of people where the exact number of group members isn't even clear. They move through the store as a group. Not even the exact framework of the situation cannot be ascertained to 100%.

Now a couple in this larger group is supposed to single out a different, unknown couple - be annoyed by them, make rude gestures and give dirty looks over a longer period of time. All the while being and moving around with their group. And being fat themselves.

Please try to imagine the situation and tell me whether that is realistic. As somebody who has done group moderating and programs for several decades by now - this happening is highly unlikely.
In larger groups, the element of co-orientation is the overruling one - only massive interferences from outside are even registered. Everybody is way to busy keeping track of all group members. And if they were somehow annoyed by the FA/BBW couple - they would have called on the other group member to let them join in on their annoyance.

What most likely happened is some sort of problem, conflict within the group - and the couple reacted annoyed to this interference, maybe it was some issue with the wallet - but with 95% certainty not with some uninvolved outsiders.

We often have the discussion about FA perceptions of the world. And many of these show that FAs have a different perception of the - especially - female reality. Some even openly reject there is such a thing like reality - or try to explain it away. But that actually does the cause no favors.
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Old 02-17-2018, 04:17 PM   #110
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I would laugh if it wasn't so fucking sad: this is one of the better threads here. Seriously.
I've grown bored as fuck with this place most of the time. Yeah, let's over analyze it to death. Cuz, you know, he's not writing shit to masturbate to or talking about ways to make his belly blow up.

Of all the shit to complain about, I find HM posts not so bad. He tries to have REAL conversations about issues that are important to SOME here. Not everyone comes here to finger fuck themselves.


Jeez.

ETA: I like fucking skinny guys myself. If you don't then so be it. No need to attempt to bash them. He's not here trying to e-fuck fat girls on the down low while he's got a skinny wife. Holy fuck
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Old 02-17-2018, 06:02 PM   #111
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The thread is called 'Reactions And Observations From A "Mismatched" Couple'.

'From', not 'Towards'.

This story recounts the reactions and observations from such a couple, so I see the story as legitimate.

Of course, 'reactions and observations' can be interpreted as 'opinions', which could be different when viewed from another perspective.

Nobody's wrong here.
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Old 02-18-2018, 04:37 PM   #112
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The thread is called 'Reactions And Observations From A "Mismatched" Couple'.

'From', not 'Towards'.

This story recounts the reactions and observations from such a couple, so I see the story as legitimate.

Of course, 'reactions and observations' can be interpreted as 'opinions', which could be different when viewed from another perspective.

Nobody's wrong here.
Andrew, I don't like it when you try to be nice and logical. Stop it
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Old 02-18-2018, 09:43 PM   #113
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...I don't like it when you try to be nice and logical. Stop it
*pouting * Oh, okaaay...

*scuffs toe of shoe dejectedly in the dirt*

Umm...about that *ahem* 'skinny guy' thing you mentioned...
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Old 02-19-2018, 06:56 AM   #114
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Yeah, let's over analyze it to death.
I would, but there's not enough to analyze.

I have no strong evidence of what Happily's motives are or are not. I have no strong evidence that his life is/is not like what he writes about, and I have no strong evidence that any of the people he talks about are really feeling the way he thinks they are. In short, there just isn't enough data.

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. It biases the judgment."
-Sherlock Holmes-

As for whether Happily himself has done this, it does seem like his stories indicate a person who expects bad things to happen of a specific type, and interprets social faux pas as indications of those bad things from time to time, but again, I have no proof of this.
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:27 PM   #115
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I would, but there's not enough to analyze.
I think the tone of her comment was lost on you.

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I have no strong evidence of what Happily's motives are or are not. I have no strong evidence that his life is/is not like what he writes about, and I have no strong evidence that any of the people he talks about are really feeling the way he thinks they are. In short, there just isn't enough data.

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. It biases the judgment."
-Sherlock Holmes-
Yes you do. It was in the first post of this thread:

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I'm curious to hear what your experiences are. What kinds of reactions do people have toward you when you're with your partner or if you're a plus size man or woman, you directly. It can be positive or negative, and hopefully there's a lot of the former! But there will probably be some of the latter and in those cases I'd be curious to know how you responded too.

I welcome your experiences and/or general thoughts.
The idea here is to just have discussion and share our experiences. Whether you choose to believe or not believe these experiences actually happen is of no consequence to me whatsoever.

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As for whether Happily himself has done this, it does seem like his stories indicate a person who expects bad things to happen of a specific type, and interprets social faux pas as indications of those bad things from time to time, but again, I have no proof of this.
As Iíve said a few times now, I only actually post the stuff I consider significant. If you think about all the daily interactions people have with each other just as they go about their daily lives, the stuff I have posted here is really just a small fraction of a fraction of daily/weekly and recurring life. Itís not that I expect this stuff to happen so much as when it does I choose to comment about about it.

As for ďinterpreting a social faux pasĒ or ďprojectingĒ (to use the term above) I will say again: I only post the most obvious stuff Iíve seen/witnessed. One would have to be socially inept or or even socially illiterate to miss the cues, verbal or nonverbal, that Iíve witnessed over the years.
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Old 02-19-2018, 06:53 PM   #116
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I think the tone of her comment was lost on you.
It's text. It has no tone.

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Yes you do. It was in the first post of this thread:
I meant specifically in terms of determining which side of this recent argument is right. I don't have significant evidence one way vs the other, and am therefore withholding judgment.

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The idea here is to just have discussion and share our experiences. Whether you choose to believe or not believe these experiences actually happen is of no consequence to me whatsoever.
Believe it or not, I honestly don't care whether these stories are true or not either, and I don't usually feel that way.

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As Iíve said a few times now, I only actually post the stuff I consider significant. If you think about all the daily interactions people have with each other just as they go about their daily lives, the stuff I have posted here is really just a small fraction of a fraction of daily/weekly and recurring life. Itís not that I expect this stuff to happen so much as when it does I choose to comment about about it.

As for ďinterpreting a social faux pasĒ or ďprojectingĒ (to use the term above) I will say again: I only post the most obvious stuff Iíve seen/witnessed. One would have to be socially inept or or even socially illiterate to miss the cues, verbal or nonverbal, that Iíve witnessed over the years.
Yup. That sounds like a pretty good description of the entire history of my life.
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