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Old 08-12-2012, 08:16 AM   #1
wholeofthemoon
 
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Default Hiding your feeder fetish

Hi, I've lurked these forums on and off in the past, but this is my first time posting. So, as the title of this post says, I'm a feeder and I do not share this with my girlfriend. To clarify, I purely consider this to be a fetish--one that I've always had--but have no desire to be in a feeder/feedee relationship at all. My girlfriend is a BBW who knows that I have a bit of a preference for larger women, but does not know about my kink. I don't want to share this with her, but at the same time, I feel really awful that in order for me to really get turned on I have to fantasize about some type of weight gain scenario in my head. I guess my question is: how do I reconcile this? Is it Ok for me to simply keep my fetish to myself? I really don't want her to be grossed out by me, or for her to think that I simply like her because she's fat and I have a weird feeder fetish thing.
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Old 08-12-2012, 10:34 AM   #2
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Telling your new girlfriend that you're a feeder probably shouldn't be the first words out of your mouth when you meet her, but it's not something you should keep to yourself for long. For one thing, you'll find it difficult and tiring to keep secret. For another, your partner deserves the respect inherent in your being honest with her about things that are important to you--especially when they have the potential to directly concern her. Let the chips fall where they will.
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Old 08-12-2012, 01:40 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wholeofthemoon View Post
Hi, I've lurked these forums on and off in the past, but this is my first time posting. So, as the title of this post says, I'm a feeder and I do not share this with my girlfriend. To clarify, I purely consider this to be a fetish--one that I've always had--but have no desire to be in a feeder/feedee relationship at all. My girlfriend is a BBW who knows that I have a bit of a preference for larger women, but does not know about my kink. I don't want to share this with her, but at the same time, I feel really awful that in order for me to really get turned on I have to fantasize about some type of weight gain scenario in my head. I guess my question is: how do I reconcile this? Is it Ok for me to simply keep my fetish to myself? I really don't want her to be grossed out by me, or for her to think that I simply like her because she's fat and I have a weird feeder fetish thing.
You can feel her out by mentioning that you saw the subject on a television show, and be kind of neutral while discussing it and she what she says.
I don't believe we need to share our secret fantasies with our lovers in order to be in an honest and intimate relationship...
especially if you need to use that fantasy to "get really turned on" as you say.
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Old 08-12-2012, 03:24 PM   #4
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I think the key phrase here is that you said that you have no desire to be in a feeder/feedee relationship.

Because you have no desire to be in a feeder/feedee relationship I fail to see how not telling her will be a problem.

You don't want to get into a feeder/feedee relationship and as long as you don't start being a creepy secret feeder there's no issue.

It's your kink and fantasy which goes around in your mind, you don't need to say a damn thing about it if you have no intention of acting it out in real life.
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:11 PM   #5
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Thanks for the responses. That's kind of what I was hoping to hear. I think when women know that you are into weight gain erotica they truly think that you want them to gain weight and can't understand that it's just a kink and that it's about arousal not romance. I just wish that I could be a regular FA and not such a kinky boy, but I'm pretty sure my weight gain fetish is here to stay.
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:55 AM   #6
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Being a feeder will probably never go away. Whether you can ever train yourself to get aroused without without feeder fantasy is more open question.
- If you are going to keep it a secret, and you view this relationship as having a long term potential, just be sure that you are willing to be ready to keep it to yourself for the long haul.
- That you are fantasizing when you have sex is not necessarily obvious to your gf, but that you are not totally in the moment may be. Can you, long term, be a generous enough lover to keep things good even when you are not giving her 100% of your attention?
- I thoroughly agree that you don’t even want to hint that you need to fantasize during sex. It doesn’t even matter that much about the ‘what,’ the simple fact that she on her own isn’t enough to satisfy you could be pretty devastating I’d think.

On the other hand, holding back the ‘what turns you on’ could be kind of limiting, I think. Now, I don’t know what flavour of feeder you are (there is quite a bit of variety, from those who passively enjoy watching gain to those who want to actively feed to those who enjoy the difficulties and even humiliation that gain can bring, and a lot of other types around and in-between), so there could be things that are best not to share, at least not if and until you have a really solid and extremely open relationship. But overall, letting her know that certain things are a turn-on for you BUT that you don’t want to push these things at her, might be helpful?

If, for example, you get turned on from physically feeding her, make up chocolate dipped strawberries and feed some to her, and admit afterwards that you get a charge out of that sort of thing…but that if she ever feels pressured she should absolutely tell you to back off. She doesn’t have to know that it is your fetish, but knowing that you enjoy that sort of thing is probably fair. Put your mind to it, and you could probably find ways to illustrate some of the other things that turn you on, which could reasonably happen occasionally. But by coming up with an occasion to make it happen, and tell her that this is a turn on for you, would be less scary than describing it in the abstract, I think. Along the lines of “When I cut loose at Thanksgiving and end up stuffed, my boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of me. A bit weird, but maybe that is a second reason to look forward to Thanksgiving?” By attaching what you like to ‘normal’ events you can maybe get a chance to occasionally sip a bit of feeding pleasure openly. But by tying this to normal events, you avoid that more open ended, where-could-it-end fetish lifestyle, so you hopefully don’t stress your relationship nor take it places you’d rather it doesn’t go.

I hope this helps a bit.
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Old 08-13-2012, 09:11 AM   #7
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I'm really with Dan Savage on the kink thing. Lay your cards out and be honest about what your kinks are. To do otherwise is being dishonest to your girlfriend and yourself.
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Old 08-22-2012, 04:36 PM   #8
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I don't know if i will be clear with you because i need more practice in my english, but i will try because i can feel your pain. First of all i think you have to be honest with you and your feelings. But i know you have to say that in a way you don't look intresting only in a fetish relation. I think you can explain you was atracted by her because you are a FA and then you know her and discover how extraordinary person she is, and you have to confes a fantasy of you to her because you trust her, and let i clear she don't need be in to it. If she earns you she will at least try understand your fantasy and accept just like the way you are. I hope healp you with that.
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Old 10-16-2012, 11:46 AM   #9
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I am in the closet about my feeding fetish as well. I've been on a weight loss kick myself (60 pounds gone since December, go me!) and it's made feeding kind of weird for me. I'm losing weight but I want my woman to gain weight... Kind of a strange thing, I think.

That being said feeding isn't a make or break thing for me. It would be cool to have someone to feed, but if I am with someone and they're not into it, it's not going to kill me. Still, I wouldn't even begin to know how to bring it up in casual conversation with someone.
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Old 05-03-2016, 04:16 PM   #10
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Default thanks dude

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Being a feeder will probably never go away. Whether you can ever train yourself to get aroused without without feeder fantasy is more open question.
- If you are going to keep it a secret, and you view this relationship as having a long term potential, just be sure that you are willing to be ready to keep it to yourself for the long haul.
- That you are fantasizing when you have sex is not necessarily obvious to your gf, but that you are not totally in the moment may be. Can you, long term, be a generous enough lover to keep things good even when you are not giving her 100% of your attention?
- I thoroughly agree that you don’t even want to hint that you need to fantasize during sex. It doesn’t even matter that much about the ‘what,’ the simple fact that she on her own isn’t enough to satisfy you could be pretty devastating I’d think.

On the other hand, holding back the ‘what turns you on’ could be kind of limiting, I think. Now, I don’t know what flavour of feeder you are (there is quite a bit of variety, from those who passively enjoy watching gain to those who want to actively feed to those who enjoy the difficulties and even humiliation that gain can bring, and a lot of other types around and in-between), so there could be things that are best not to share, at least not if and until you have a really solid and extremely open relationship. But overall, letting her know that certain things are a turn-on for you BUT that you don’t want to push these things at her, might be helpful?

If, for example, you get turned on from physically feeding her, make up chocolate dipped strawberries and feed some to her, and admit afterwards that you get a charge out of that sort of thing…but that if she ever feels pressured she should absolutely tell you to back off. She doesn’t have to know that it is your fetish, but knowing that you enjoy that sort of thing is probably fair. Put your mind to it, and you could probably find ways to illustrate some of the other things that turn you on, which could reasonably happen occasionally. But by coming up with an occasion to make it happen, and tell her that this is a turn on for you, would be less scary than describing it in the abstract, I think. Along the lines of “When I cut loose at Thanksgiving and end up stuffed, my boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of me. A bit weird, but maybe that is a second reason to look forward to Thanksgiving?” By attaching what you like to ‘normal’ events you can maybe get a chance to occasionally sip a bit of feeding pleasure openly. But by tying this to normal events, you avoid that more open ended, where-could-it-end fetish lifestyle, so you hopefully don’t stress your relationship nor take it places you’d rather it doesn’t go.

I hope this helps a bit.
dude thanks for posting this comment, I had a similar dilemma only im single, I was interested in a thin girl but was afraid having a talk about my fetish (which is a girl gaining weight/or having her eat so much her belly is round) so If I were to date this girl I would've kept it to myself. If not the thin girl then any girl in general
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