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Old 07-20-2013, 09:47 PM   #1
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I live with and love a girl that I've been dating for two years. She's moderately proportioned, with a nice body and fairly big boobs - the dream of most guys lives. As an FA, I would love to see her gain, and this is often the source of my fantasies. I'd love to see her gain, and encourage it, but the thought of either coming forward with my feelings or simply encouraging it makes me feel like a creep. We've discussed getting married, having kids and starting a life together - I am totally cool with this and would be honoured to live my life with this woman. Here's my question:

I'm an FA, and have been my whole life. Do I reveal this to my girlfriend, since we hold no secrets, or not? Is this the kind of sacrifice one makes for their partner, and should there be no secrets in a lifelong relationship?

I am very interested to hear what you all think, so please let me know. I'm assuming there are a few of you out there that have been through this, so please help me out if you can.
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Old 07-21-2013, 04:32 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by fingermonkies View Post
As an FA, I would love to see her gain, and this is often the source of my fantasies. I'd love to see her gain, and encourage it, but the thought of either coming forward with my feelings or simply encouraging it makes me feel like a creep. We've discussed getting married, having kids and starting a life together - I am totally cool with this and would be honoured to live my life with this woman. Here's my question:

I'm an FA, and have been my whole life. Do I reveal this to my girlfriend, since we hold no secrets, or not? Is this the kind of sacrifice one makes for their partner, and should there be no secrets in a lifelong relationship?

I am very interested to hear what you all think, so please let me know. I'm assuming there are a few of you out there that have been through this, so please help me out if you can.
Hello?!?! You're a goddamn FEEDER. I don't even know where to begin! Basically, WHAT THE HELL makes you think you can take a supposedly "normal, mainstream" woman with what sounds like a not-fat body and turn her into a fat feedee woman? Why have you let the relationship go this far without bringing ANY of this up? Sexual compatibility is a big freakin' deal!

So even if you decide to tell her, what if she says no? Will you be able to repress your urges without it causing issues? What if she says yes, and goes along with it only to please you even though she doesn't like it?

I'll just say what I always say: Feeders should be with feedees. You know, people who are already feedees before you're even in the picture.
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Old 07-21-2013, 07:51 AM   #3
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Hello?!?! You're a goddamn FEEDER. I don't even know where to begin! Basically, WHAT THE HELL makes you think you can take a supposedly "normal, mainstream" woman with what sounds like a not-fat body and turn her into a fat feedee woman? Why have you let the relationship go this far without bringing ANY of this up? Sexual compatibility is a big freakin' deal!

So even if you decide to tell her, what if she says no? Will you be able to repress your urges without it causing issues? What if she says yes, and goes along with it only to please you even though she doesn't like it?

I'll just say what I always say: Feeders should be with feedees. You know, people who are already feedees before you're even in the picture.
Well to use your words, what the hell makes you think you can make rapid judgments about people and what does and doesn't work in a relationship? Do you think that feeders or people who like weight gain can't get sexually excited or having fulfilling sex lives unless their partner is in a constant state of weight gain? It isn't a necessity for most feeders to have their partner gaining weight in order to find them attractive. And why should feeders always have to be paired with feedees? First off, what gives you the right to tell other people who they should or shouldn't be in a relationship with? Or that their relationship isn't healthy or wont work because they don't happen to have matching kinks? I mean, it is no different to being with a partner who really has a fetish for biting. You don't need to have the same fetish or include it at all in sex play in order to have a healthy sex and romantic life. And as for why you might get that far into a relationship without mentioning it, oh, I don't know, because you are too busy getting to know the person and falling in love with their personality and everything else about them? Most people don't make a list of sexual kinks and present it to their partners the moment things start to get serious. The guy clearly loves and cares about his partner, just because he is a feeder doesn't mean that he is going to abuse her or fatten her up without her consent. I hate the terrible wrap anybody who likes weight gain gets around these parts. It is prejudice, pure and simple, and it isn't okay.

Also, haven't we had enough biting the heads off of new people every time they post something and attacking them? No wonder there aren't many new members theses days...
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Old 07-21-2013, 09:02 AM   #4
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That was a pretty harsh reply, although I understand where you're coming from Orange Mage. I suppose I should have been more clear in stating that I'd like to see her gain, but it's not a deal breaker if she doesn't. I'd love her at any size, that's why I'm so afraid to lose her if I reveal my kink to her. You're right, I don't want her to simply go along with it to please me, and if she doesn't like it then I don't want this to always be in the back of her mind. Sexual compatibility is a big freakin' deal - we wouldn't have been together for this long if we weren't already compatible. But, what if she's into something like sucking toes? It might be the kind of thing she could live without and still have a healthy sex life. Or maybe I'm totally wrong - that's why I asked for some advice.
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Old 07-21-2013, 09:52 AM   #5
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I'm glad you took the time to clarify how you feel. But it is still a difficult question to answer. You sound content with the way she is, but the fulfillment of your kink would push the relationship to higher levels on your end. Am I right about that?

I am sure in the two years you've been dating that you know a lot about one another. Have you two had conversations about personal fantasies? I think it might be a healthy thing to consider especially if marriage is your intention. You can make it about both of you, and see if a common ground can be reached. How important is your preference in this case? Is it nagging you, or can you manage with what you have? I would definitely consider having a conversation if it's the former.

Best of luck.
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Old 07-21-2013, 10:43 AM   #6
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Lay all your cards on the table. You owe it to her and yourself. Just make it a point to let her know that it's not a deal breaker for you and that you don't expect her to gain for you. She may appreciate the honesty and it brings you closer. Of course, the opposite could happen too.

Best of luck.
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Old 07-21-2013, 02:00 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by fingermonkies View Post
I live with and love a girl that I've been dating for two years. She's moderately proportioned, with a nice body and fairly big boobs - the dream of most guys lives. As an FA, I would love to see her gain, and this is often the source of my fantasies. I'd love to see her gain, and encourage it, but the thought of either coming forward with my feelings or simply encouraging it makes me feel like a creep. We've discussed getting married, having kids and starting a life together - I am totally cool with this and would be honoured to live my life with this woman. Here's my question:

I'm an FA, and have been my whole life. Do I reveal this to my girlfriend, since we hold no secrets, or not? Is this the kind of sacrifice one makes for their partner, and should there be no secrets in a lifelong relationship?

I am very interested to hear what you all think, so please let me know. I'm assuming there are a few of you out there that have been through this, so please help me out if you can.

Should you tell her your fantasies? I think it depends greatly on her own attitude toward her body and her weight. If she has struggled at all with her weight in the past (like 99% of all women, sad to say), she probably won't take it well. In that case, I'd recommend that you keep your fantasies to yourself. You don't have to share every innermost thought with your partner.

It's possible that discussing this MIGHT enhance your intimacy, but you have to be prepared for a bad outcome. It's a gamble. Most people don't react well to being told their partner fantasizes about someone other than themselves. Assuming she's not going to gain weight for you, the only other positive outcome might be that your fantasies could be incorporated into sexual roleplaying or foreplay. That's possible, but it would depend on how much she already knows about FAs and feeders. Most people automatically assume non-mainstream preferences are sick and perverted, so you have to be prepared for that reaction.

I'm not saying you should have to hide who you are, but if you've already spent two years with her, and are eager to spend more, how important are those fantasies? Only you can answer that. Good luck with your decision...
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Old 07-21-2013, 07:23 PM   #8
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Thank you very much for replying everyone! Sound advice all around, and that is exactly what I was hoping for. I have some thinking to do, but this helps that process quite a bit. I was leaning in the direction of telling her, and sometimes one just needs to hear someone else say it to realize that they're right or wrong. It's a personal matter, and I'm glad to have a place like this to ask for support!
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:40 AM   #9
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You have an advantage over us, in that you know your gf, and will know all sorts of things about her personality, friends, family, etc. I’m going to make some broad generalizations here, so you’ll need to think about whether these really apply to you and your GF or not.

So, first of all, those FA and feeder type feelings you have probably won’t ever go away. For a while, years back, I ran a yahoo group for married/attached FA, and the story you heard the most was guys who had been married for twenty years, and were so happy when their 130 pounds wife gained ten pounds over the holidays and winter and were so sad when she lost it again as the weather warmed up, or stories like that. These were good guys, committed to their partner, who didn’t force their fat-lust on their partner….but after a couple of decades still couldn’t make it go away, convenient though that would have been. So you need to think carefully about how you feel about that sort of future—from what you’ve said, you are willing to cope with it, but be sure. Because as Orange Mage said, if you have to have the fat stuff, especially if you have to have weight gain, then you shouldn’t be with someone who isn’t into that stuff.

Second: people who are not already into weight gain generally won’t become into it. Some—but only some—can become comfortable with weighing somewhat more, but they aren’t ever apt to find it erotic if they don’t find fat to be erotic now. So even if she does gain some weight and you beat the odds and she’s comfortable with her size and feels she looks good, it still won’t turn her on like it will you. Now, in the case where it is or becomes difficult for her to keep her weight down (you could look to her family for clues about that, although not everyone follows family trends) she might appreciate that you are strange enough to prefer the heavier version of her….but that still doesn’t mean that she’ll want you grabbing her jiggly bits all the time.

Given the above, I don’t generally advise burdening a partner your particular erotic desires. Ultimately I feel that it is up to each of us to manage these ourselves, and not leave our partner feel like they are falling short because they can’t or won’t fulfill them. But on the other hand, I totally agree that leaving her entirely ignorant also isn’t fair. So I’d suggest communicating a few key components of what you like, without going into full gory detail or applying a label to yourself.

I’d suggest something like take some time and make a short mental list of the top three to five fat related turn-ons for you. For sake of example, say your list came out to be something like: seeing her grow, bigger boobs, watching her over-eat, and feeling more softness (not saying that your list would look anything like that….this is just to illustrate). These are things you want to let her know about, in a way that makes it clear that there are things you enjoy, but trying not to put it on her. You do have to decide if there are some things on the list that you can’t really do that with—say the ‘enjoying seeing her grow’ just seems like it would be too hard to communicate in a way that doesn’t pressure her, so you hold that back.

So perhaps sometime when you two are getting naked and your playing with her boobs you mention something about how much you love how big they are, and perhaps she admits that she’s obviously noticed this, then you comment something like “I can’t help it, it is how I’m wired! Anyway, the good news for you is that you know if you ever ended up gaining weight I wouldn’t mind, because it means even bigger boobs.” Another time when you two are having a good meal you can confess something like “I don’t know why, but part of me always felt that if a woman enjoys food, she’s going to enjoy sex too. Maybe its ‘enjoying sensual pleasures’ or something? Anyway, I’m glad you enjoy a good meal!” And sometime upon seeing an image of a fashion model just comment “Please never end up so thin that your bones jut out like that. I never saw the appeal of a woman being all skin and bones.”

None of those really tell her how much you’d get turned on by helping her gain weight, but they do let her know that you don’t want her to get thinner, that you wouldn’t complain if she got fatter, and you think her enjoying food is kind of erotic. After communicating that much I wouldn’t say a lot more, besides affirming and reinforcing on occasion (but not too often). That puts the ball in her court to either take advantage of the implied permission or to ask more questions. If she does neither….then she probably is really not interested. If you do get a more favourable reaction, then you have to play it by ear. The one thing I can say from my experience is not to push, and respect her (probable) need to feel in control of her body—some people get an erotic thrill from giving up control and gaining with abandon, but they are very rare and most already know that appeals to them.

Good luck walking this minefield!
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Old 07-22-2013, 08:30 PM   #10
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I don't think a relationship like that could work.
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Old 07-22-2013, 08:53 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by fingermonkies View Post
I live with and love a girl that I've been dating for two years. She's moderately proportioned, with a nice body and fairly big boobs - the dream of most guys lives. As an FA, I would love to see her gain, and this is often the source of my fantasies. I'd love to see her gain, and encourage it, but the thought of either coming forward with my feelings or simply encouraging it makes me feel like a creep. We've discussed getting married, having kids and starting a life together - I am totally cool with this and would be honoured to live my life with this woman. Here's my question:

I'm an FA, and have been my whole life. Do I reveal this to my girlfriend, since we hold no secrets, or not? Is this the kind of sacrifice one makes for their partner, and should there be no secrets in a lifelong relationship?

I am very interested to hear what you all think, so please let me know. I'm assuming there are a few of you out there that have been through this, so please help me out if you can.
First of all, I think you need to reread your sentence. You say you 'hold no secrets' but you also say you have been an FA your whole life. I would say that's a pretty big secret.

My questions to you are... by the way you described her body, I am guessing she is not fat? And if that is the case and you have been an FA all of your life, are you also attracted to other and/or all body types? If not, how did you come to be in a relationship with someone who is not fat? Is it because of the gaining "fantasy" that you chose someone smaller?

While Orange Mage's approach was maybe a bit aggressive, he makes a good point.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:46 PM   #12
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I find it bizarre that this didn't come up earlier. I've dated thinner (never thin) women before and I tended to mention my FA proclivities within the first few dates. It's a major thing for me and if they're hypersensitive about their weight I find it a massive turn off.

Furthermore I identify as a feeder, however I have never dated a feedee with the exception of my ex who weighed 420lbs when we got together, so weight gain was not a practicality that could be explored. In another relationship my partner knew about my fantasies and gained weight through the course of the relationship with little encouragement and knew how much I enjoyed it when she outgrew clothes or gained weight. She however was chubby when we started out together and had suppressed her appetite through her teens she also had thyroid problems which, coupled with the freedom to eat how she had wanted to meant she gained about 70lbs in 5 years.

For me, I'm happy for that kink to not be a major thing in a relationship, if it happens through happen-stance I'll usually make sure my partner knows how much I like her weight gain and accept it may be lost if she is unhappy with it and just enjoy it for the short-term.

However, I cannot surpress my need for fatness in a relationship. I've tried to, believe me, I've dated thinner girls and the physical side always died a death. It's the key to my sexuality and sexuality is a major part of any emotional relationship in which I engage. I cannot have the one without the other. It usually takes about 6 months, but then I find myself fantasizing about bigger women and longing to wake up next to a girl much larger than myself.

That is however me. If you can live without it then I don't see what the issue is. However if your partner does not fulfil you in a way that is intrinsic to you it'll exacerbate any cracks in the relationship further down the line. I'd personally be honest with her, she deserves to be in a relationship in which she is fulfilled as much as you and I personally think it is unfair to engage in a relationship with someone unsuited to you, be it emotionally or physically. What I cannot understand is why and how you can be with someone for two years and not have expressed these thoughts and feelings. Then again, I guess a lot of people bottle things up, whereas I'm generally too open.
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Old 07-23-2013, 01:49 PM   #13
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My personal take is that honesty works but be smart about it. Don't suddenly declare "hey honey I'm a feeder" but rather start working in suggestions. You will be able to gauge her reaction. That said, from experience, you can't suppress your feelings and to do so will not end well.
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:58 AM   #14
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My personal feeling about anybody, in any relationship, is to not make your attraction to the other person conditional upon any imagined future version of them: fatter, thinner, whatever. Life being what it is, most everybody's bodies change eventually in various ways, but don't assume she will become bigger/turn into the kind of woman you are attracted to. It's just not a good way to help yourself make whatever decision is right for you here. And gaining would not be (although it may feel like it) a magic solution to your dilemma. Chances are really good, people's bodies issues being what they are, that she'd be miserable.

Quote:
As an FA, I would love to see her gain
These are two different things. Regular old FAs tend to go for fat girls first thing. Loving to see her gain...that'd be FA + feeder.

That is--unless what you really are saying is kind of code for you working out that the FA is strong in you, stronger than is comfortable. I can't say (I'm not you). Either way, set aside the idea of gaining as a way to get what you want out of this situation. Don't think it's helpful.

I don't envy you your dilemma. But good luck! It's good you're reaching out.

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Old 07-24-2013, 07:26 PM   #15
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The world is full of preexisting fatties. No need to build your own.
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:41 PM   #16
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I remember one of my very early relationships with a girl who'd gained a significant amount of weight in a short time. I had dated fat girls before, but they didn't gain. This girl put on over 90 lbs in less than a year. I didn't realize it until it started to happen, but I enjoyed it. I dug watching her gain & struggle into old outfits that used to fit, and loved to watch her eat. She hated all of it, and I was conflicted right up until the point that she ended the relationship.

It took some time for me to reconcile & separate the sex from the relationship. I think for me, learning that my personal pervs were secondary to the many benefits I received from being in a loving relationship made my life much easier. Do I still have those fantasies? On occasion, but I've never tried to impose them on my current girlfriend, though after time, we were able to discuss our different fantasies (yes, THEY have them as well).

Good luck on your journey.
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Old 07-26-2013, 09:40 AM   #17
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The world is full of preexisting fatties. No need to build your own.
Best post of this thread.
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:17 PM   #18
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Well to use your words, what the hell makes you think you can make rapid judgments about people and what does and doesn't work in a relationship? Do you think that feeders or people who like weight gain can't get sexually excited or having fulfilling sex lives unless their partner is in a constant state of weight gain? It isn't a necessity for most feeders to have their partner gaining weight in order to find them attractive. And why should feeders always have to be paired with feedees? First off, what gives you the right to tell other people who they should or shouldn't be in a relationship with? Or that their relationship isn't healthy or wont work because they don't happen to have matching kinks? I mean, it is no different to being with a partner who really has a fetish for biting. You don't need to have the same fetish or include it at all in sex play in order to have a healthy sex and romantic life. And as for why you might get that far into a relationship without mentioning it, oh, I don't know, because you are too busy getting to know the person and falling in love with their personality and everything else about them? Most people don't make a list of sexual kinks and present it to their partners the moment things start to get serious. The guy clearly loves and cares about his partner, just because he is a feeder doesn't mean that he is going to abuse her or fatten her up without her consent. I hate the terrible wrap anybody who likes weight gain gets around these parts. It is prejudice, pure and simple, and it isn't okay.

Also, haven't we had enough biting the heads off of new people every time they post something and attacking them? No wonder there aren't many new members theses days...
I just wanted to reply to your post, not the rest of the thread. I see you've been here for eight months or so.

There are quite a lot of men around here (Dims) who cannot have a satisfactory sex life with their partner, because they are ONLY turned on by weight gain and fat. I know of SEVERAL ssbbws that are struggling in their relationships/marriages because they had to stop gaining or indeed start losing weight. Their partners/husbands love them, no doubt about that. But they cannot get properly turned on any more because the woman has had to stop gaining. Just letting you know that it IS a big issue with quite a lot of people in this scene, so I believe very differently to how you do. I know of three of these men who have been caught by their women chatting online with other fat women, to get their "fat/gaining" fix.
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Old 07-28-2013, 01:24 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by fat9276 View Post
First of all, I think you need to reread your sentence. You say you 'hold no secrets' but you also say you have been an FA your whole life. I would say that's a pretty big secret.

My questions to you are... by the way you described her body, I am guessing she is not fat? And if that is the case and you have been an FA all of your life, are you also attracted to other and/or all body types? If not, how did you come to be in a relationship with someone who is not fat? Is it because of the gaining "fantasy" that you chose someone smaller?

While Orange Mage's approach was maybe a bit aggressive, he makes a good point.
Totally agree with all of this. Dims and FF have hundreds of married men with blank profiles who have been members for years and years, and who look at the sites daily because they have a "fat woman shaped hole" in their lives.

To the OP, I'm guessing she doesn't know about Dimensions site either and your membership here?
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Old 07-29-2013, 08:53 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Ruby Ripples View Post
I just wanted to reply to your post, not the rest of the thread. I see you've been here for eight months or so.

There are quite a lot of men around here (Dims) who cannot have a satisfactory sex life with their partner, because they are ONLY turned on by weight gain and fat. I know of SEVERAL ssbbws that are struggling in their relationships/marriages because they had to stop gaining or indeed start losing weight. Their partners/husbands love them, no doubt about that. But they cannot get properly turned on any more because the woman has had to stop gaining. Just letting you know that it IS a big issue with quite a lot of people in this scene, so I believe very differently to how you do. I know of three of these men who have been caught by their women chatting online with other fat women, to get their "fat/gaining" fix.
Well I guess everybody has their own experiences and things that they see and such. You are right though, I shouldn't have implied that nobody ever have a problem with their partners not wanting to gain. I just meant that not everybody who is a feeder or who likes weight gain needs their partner to gain in order to be happy or become sexually aroused. To me, those guys sound like people who don't care very much about their partners or least not as much as they should but that is just my opinion.
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Old 07-29-2013, 09:33 AM   #21
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Loopy, the problem with a fetish is that you can't just make it go away when it isn't convenient. A true fetish is something that you have to have to get sexually excited, so if someone has a weightgain fetish, without weightgain..... doesn't matter how much they may love their partner, they aren't going to be getting excited. (at least, that is my understanding of fetishes). So it isn't a matter of how much they love their partner (although refusing to help their partner get off would be a different story, and willingness to try some sort of therapy could also be an issue....nothing is ever black and white entirely of course)
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Old 07-29-2013, 09:52 AM   #22
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Loopy, the problem with a fetish is that you can't just make it go away when it isn't convenient. A true fetish is something that you have to have to get sexually excited, so if someone has a weightgain fetish, without weightgain..... doesn't matter how much they may love their partner, they aren't going to be getting excited. (at least, that is my understanding of fetishes). So it isn't a matter of how much they love their partner (although refusing to help their partner get off would be a different story, and willingness to try some sort of therapy could also be an issue....nothing is ever black and white entirely of course)
Ah, yes, I know that, though I was under the impression that it wasn't a 'true' fetish that the OP had, for want of a better word. I just don't know a word for getting off on an idea without it being a necessity for sexual arousal so I guess that is where I am being confusing. Trust me, I know that you can't turn off a fetish, I have had to explain this to my own partner.
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Old 07-29-2013, 07:33 PM   #23
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Totally agree with all of this. Dims and FF have hundreds of married men with blank profiles who have been members for years and years, and who look at the sites daily because they have a "fat woman shaped hole" in their lives.

To the OP, I'm guessing she doesn't know about Dimensions site either and your membership here?

Guys like looking at images of naked women. Now there's news.

You do realize that even those of us with a sexy fat woman in our lives can enjoy looking -- sometimes with our significant other.

Last edited by bigmac; 07-29-2013 at 07:36 PM.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:16 PM   #24
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Well finish the story man, was down for your veritable buffet of love or did she get freaked out and report you to the police of normalality?
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Old 08-03-2013, 08:08 PM   #25
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Guys like looking at images of naked women. Now there's news.

You do realize that even those of us with a sexy fat woman in our lives can enjoy looking -- sometimes with our significant other.
Yes of course I do "realise" that, and nowhere in my post did I even hint otherwise. That's nothing to do with what I was saying. However, thanks for sharing.
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