Great asexual myths article

[loopytheone]

I know I'm not the only asexual person here, so I thought I'd leave this awesome article I found debunking some of the myths of asexuality.

Here are the 11 biggest asexual myths busted.

[Xyantha Reborn]

Interesting!

I'm going to ask this because I am genuinely curious - and if it is a dumb question, out of line, or just incorrect feel free to tell me

I believe from some posts I've read recently you have a significant other who you are enjoying being with, and who enjoys your size? Would you say that him being attracted to your size is easier because you are asexual?

What I mean is women generally want to be considered sexual - and many BBW admired by FA seem offended that the opposite sex doesn't like the sexual pieces they expect them to like (belly, not boobs, etc).

Do you find that your size/ability to please his tastes (in general) is a little more straightforward than some others may experience, because there isn't that heightened degree of what is right/wrong sexually?

I honestly don't know if that made sense. I'm having a hard time articulating myself today in general.

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

Interesting!

I'm going to ask this because I am genuinely curious - and if it is a dumb question, out of line, or just incorrect feel free to tell me

I believe from some posts I've read recently you have a significant other who you are enjoying being with, and who enjoys your size? Would you say that him being attracted to your size is easier because you are asexual?

What I mean is women generally want to be considered sexual - and many BBW admired by FA seem offended that the opposite sex doesn't like the sexual pieces they expect them to like (belly, not boobs, etc).

Do you find that your size/ability to please his tastes (in general) is a little more straightforward than some others may experience, because there isn't that heightened degree of what is right/wrong sexually?

I honestly don't know if that made sense. I'm having a hard time articulating myself today in general.

Hey there, first off I just want to reassure you that it is totally okay to ask and not out of line or dumb or anything like that. =)

Myself and that partner split up a while back but yes, when we were together it was a really good relationship and he did enjoy my size. I've dated/had short relationships with people that liked bigger women as well, which were very sweet whilst they lasted.

I'd never really thought about the whole 'attraction to non-sexual pieces' thing before, to be honest, but now that you mention it that is an interesting thought! I've never understood why some bigger women (and men for that matter) get offended by other people being attracted to their size but I guess that is probably part of it. You are absolutely right that the whole thing is more straightforward for me! I have never really had a concept that certain parts of me are or should be more sexy or appealing or anything like that. I like what you said about not having a heightened degree of what is right/wrong sexually because I think that does explain quite well for me.

[luvmybhm]

since you mentioned questions are ok...

i read the attachment. so if i am correct in how i read that...you can have a partner and have sex, but you are not attracted to them?

i am trying to understand what being asexual means...

if you are not attracted to anyone, then what drives you to find partners?

i get the 'you can have sex without love/love without sex', but i am having a problem grasping the 'sex without attraction' thing.

could you explain. i find this very interesting as a concept.

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by luvmybhm

since you mentioned questions are ok...

i read the attachment. so if i am correct in how i read that...you can have a partner and have sex, but you are not attracted to them?

i am trying to understand what being asexual means...

if you are not attracted to anyone, then what drives you to find partners?

i get the 'you can have sex without love/love without sex', but i am having a problem grasping the 'sex without attraction' thing.

could you explain. i find this very interesting as a concept.

Questions are always cool. =)

Yes, from the sounds of it, you read it right. As for what drives asexual people to have partners, well... romantic attraction is a different thing to sexual attraction, you know? You can want to sleep with someone without wanting to be in a relationship with them, that is what one night stands are all about, after all. And it works the other way round too. So a lot of asexuals are romantically attracted to people without being sexually attracted to them. We can fall in love, want to kiss, want to hold hands on the beach etc without wanting to get naked and rub genitals, basically.

As for the 'sex without attraction' thing... well, there are, again, many reasons. It isn't just asexuals who do this either; the story of a man/woman sleeping with someone for their money is pretty common, right? Or that whole 'would you sleep with x for a million dollars?' game. Or sex workers, come to think of it, I doubt they are attracted to all of their clients. I can only really speak for me personally, but the first time I had sex with someone it was because I was curious. I wanted to know what it was that everybody was obsessed about. The second time I had sex with someone, it was because we were in a long term relationship and it was something that was meaningful and important to them. I wasn't sexually attracted to him, but I loved him, and having sex with him meant a great deal to him so I did so.

I don't think these kind of concepts are unique to asexuals, just that they are things you don't think about until someone points them out. Hope that answers your questions?

[luvmybhm]

it does help a bit, thanks. i just have to really think about it as a concept to try to understand. the closest i can come is older people love. alot of older people are still romantic, but have long forgone the sex part of their relationship. is this close to the correct thinking?

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by luvmybhm

it does help a bit, thanks. i just have to really think about it as a concept to try to understand. the closest i can come is older people love. alot of older people are still romantic, but have long forgone the sex part of their relationship. is this close to the correct thinking?

Hm, I never really thought about it like that, but I suppose so? Assuming both partners are just no longer interested in sex, then yes.

I guess it must be a difficult thing to understand if romantic and sexual attraction are strongly linked for you. For me there has always been a big, obvious difference because I have one and not the other.

[primordialparadise]

I'm glad that the article stressed the importance of openness in ace and non-ace pairings from the get-go because I have been in one for such a significant period of time that I now feel a bit trapped; people have choices, don't get me wrong, and I choose this person over sex, but it would have been ideal to know at its inception that this was the trip for which I signed on. I've been head-over-heels for this person for a decade and not having sex with them all that time apart from the first few months is an ongoing challenge for me that I'd not like to see anyone else struggle with.

Originally Posted by luvmybhm

it does help a bit, thanks. i just have to really think about it as a concept to try to understand. the closest i can come is older people love. alot of older people are still romantic, but have long forgone the sex part of their relationship. is this close to the correct thinking?

This is exactly how I perceive it in my personal life. I'm not ace but I'm with someone who is, and it feels just like we have skipped decades of time into something that's transcended physical passion. It's still incredibly difficult for me but you make sacrifices for the people you love; it's just how we're hard-wired.

[balletguy]

Thank you for posting this. I learned a bunch of stuff

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by Kristal

Being asexual myself it was nice to see an article debunking the myths behind asexuality

Oh wow, fellow asexual here! =O You're the first I've come across on these boards! Obviously we need to get a ton of cake and just roll about in it and eat it!

[balletguy]

mmm cake

Originally Posted by loopytheone

Oh wow, fellow asexual here! =O You're the first I've come across on these boards! Obviously we need to get a ton of cake and just roll about in it and eat it!

[dwesterny]

I am just posting this for your opinion. Please do not throw things at me (except for undergarments, those are fine).
http://time.com/4001475/filbanserin-...agra-approved/
Authorities have approved flibanserin to treat lack of sexual desire among women

The first drug to treat a lack of female sexual desire has been approved by federal authorities.

The drug flibanserin, which has been coined “female Viagra,” was approved Tuesday by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The drug is intended to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)—a persistent lack of libido—in premenopausal women. The agency had rejected the drug twice in the past

[lucca23v2]

Honestly, I don't find it difficult to understand. From my understanding, it is the same as when you just want your partner to hold you and cuddle you. You are not looking for sex, you are looking for the comfort part of the relationship. The emotional comfort.

Loopy if I am wrong please correct me.

[Xyantha Reborn]

I think the confusion arises from people who claim they are asexual and then find a person that they do hit it off with and get engaged sexually. Or when people claim to be gay then turn straight (not to be confused with bi)...

Those peeople can it seem like it is a choice for everyone and clearly you have not found the right person yet...as opposed to those who are truly asexual.

I personally kind of envy it, to be honest. My engine is always revving and if can be frustrating.

[lucca23v2]

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

I think the confusion arises from people who claim they are asexual and then find a person that they do hit it off with and get engaged sexually. Or when people claim to be gay then turn straight (not to be confused with bi)...

Those peeople can it seem like it is a choice for everyone and clearly you have not found the right person yet...as opposed to those who are truly asexual.

I personally kind of envy it, to be honest. My engine is always revving and if can be frustrating.

I am with you. I was actually looking at one of my messages while at work.. and a friend sent me a pic of his chest..some passed by and I almost dropped my phone trying to cover it like it was porn.. and he was dressed.. just in a tight tshirt that outlined his belly and pecs...lol 😊

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk

[Xyantha Reborn]

@ dwes aka al - have u seen louis cks opinion on that?

@ lucca - that sounds like quasi porn to me

But seriously - i dont know why people force their own sexuality on others. I mean even if you werent asexual...who cares? The only one i could see having a more vested interest would be your partner.

[lucca23v2]

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

But seriously - i dont know why people force their own sexuality on others. I mean even if you werent asexual...who cares? The only one i could see having a more vested interest would be your partner.

Human nature (for the majority, not all) people think that their way is right and think it is their right to tell others they are wrong or confused, etc.

Personally, as long as what people are doing is not harming me, i can care less what they do. I don't want them in my business giving me opinions, I don't get in theirs. Unless they ask for my opinion.

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by Kristal

Add ice cream to that cake and I am in

Well we clearly have a plan set up! =D

Originally Posted by dwesterny

I am just posting this for your opinion. Please do not throw things at me (except for undergarments, those are fine).
http://time.com/4001475/filbanserin-...agra-approved/
Authorities have approved flibanserin to treat lack of sexual desire among women

The first drug to treat a lack of female sexual desire has been approved by federal authorities.

The drug flibanserin, which has been coined “female Viagra,” was approved Tuesday by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The drug is intended to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)—a persistent lack of libido—in premenopausal women. The agency had rejected the drug twice in the past

I admit it is kinda hard for not to get frustrated when people post things like this in relation to asexuality, mainly because it is a big misunderstanding of what asexuality is. It is not a lack of sexual desire. It is a lack of sexual attraction. Many asexuals have libidos. Many of them masturbate. Several of them have or have had sexual partners. But they aren't sexually attracted to anybody. There is nothing 'wrong' with us to fix or treat. Think about it this way; is a straight man 'broken' for not finding other men attractive? Is a straight woman 'broken' for not finding women attractive? Of course not. And with asexuals, it is just that we don't find either gender attractive in that way.

Originally Posted by lucca23v2

Honestly, I don't find it difficult to understand. From my understanding, it is the same as when you just want your partner to hold you and cuddle you. You are not looking for sex, you are looking for the comfort part of the relationship. The emotional comfort.

Loopy if I am wrong please correct me.

Yes, that is pretty much exactly it! In the asexual community, we call it 'romantic attraction' as opposed to sexual attraction. For instance, when I'm in a relationship I want to feel loved by someone, to spend time with them and be held and to feel special. Which is something a lot of people want in a relationship, I think?

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

I think the confusion arises from people who claim they are asexual and then find a person that they do hit it off with and get engaged sexually. Or when people claim to be gay then turn straight (not to be confused with bi)...

Those peeople can it seem like it is a choice for everyone and clearly you have not found the right person yet...as opposed to those who are truly asexual.

I personally kind of envy it, to be honest. My engine is always revving and if can be frustrating.

I guess I can understand that causing confusion, but in a lot of ways I think it comes from a general misunderstanding about human sexuality. Specifically, that sexuality is fixed and never changing once you reach adulthood. And to be honest, that just isn't true for most people. Even if you only ever find one gender attractive, you find different things attractive when you are 30 compared to when you are 18, right?

I know I mentioned this earlier, but asexual people can have sexual partners and still be asexual. I have had. It was... fine. Something that I did because it brought happiness to my partner and meant a lot to him. Kind of like rubbing somebodies back at the end of a long day. It's not something I would generally offer to do or especially enjoy doing, but I don't mind doing it if it would really mean so much to my partner.

Sadly, lots of asexual people have libidos. They just aren't 'aimed' at anybody. Hence why a lot of asexuals do masturbate; the body says 'OMG, sexy times now!' but at the same time says 'no, not with anybody else involved, gross'. It can be frustrating!


Also, I just want to say thank you all for taking the time to comment on this. It makes me really happy to have people recognise my sexuality and have questions about it and I will always try and answer any questions. You're all awesome. =)

[Amaranthine]

Originally Posted by loopytheone

Sadly, lots of asexual people have libidos. They just aren't 'aimed' at anybody. Hence why a lot of asexuals do masturbate; the body says 'OMG, sexy times now!' but at the same time says 'no, not with anybody else involved, gross'. It can be frustrating!

Okay, this could be uncomfortably personal, so you don't have to answer specifically or really from your own perspective. It's just easier to word the question in a personal way.

Not being attracted to other people...what do you think about when you masturbate? Do you fantasize about things/ideas that don't really involved others...or is no thought involved?

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by Amaranthine

Okay, this could be uncomfortably personal, so you don't have to answer specifically or really from your own perspective. It's just easier to word the question in a personal way.

Not being attracted to other people...what do you think about when you masturbate? Do you fantasize about things/ideas that don't really involved others...or is no thought involved?

Usually there is no thought involved. Or if there are thoughts, they are kinda vague general musings, like thinking about what to have for breakfast tomorrow or if I need to clean the living room. Thrillingly exciting stuff, eh? =p

(The few times I've tried to think about other people it completely kills the mood for me)

[dwesterny]

Originally Posted by loopytheone

Usually there is no thought involved. Or if there are thoughts, they are kinda vague general musings, like thinking about what to have for breakfast tomorrow or if I need to clean the living room. Thrillingly exciting stuff, eh? =p

Nothing wrong with that, I've masturbated while thinking of you cleaning the living room and having breakfast too.

Sorry, it was low hanging fruit. I could not resist. Really, did not mean to offend, you know I think you're awesome loopster!

[Xyantha Reborn]

I've masturbated while being angry at myself. Men usually call it "rubbing one out" - where you almost do it against your own will. It's like no baby girl, you need this - just clear your mind and take it with grace...

So I get that!!!

[loopytheone]

Originally Posted by dwesterny

Nothing wrong with that, I've masturbated while thinking of you cleaning the living room and having breakfast too.

Sorry, it was low hanging fruit. I could not resist. Really, did not mean to offend, you know I think you're awesome loopster!

Bwahahaha! xD No offense taken in the slightest! That's twice today one of your posts has made me laugh out loud and it isn't even 10am here, good going!

Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn

I've masturbated while being angry at myself. Men usually call it "rubbing one out" - where you almost do it against your own will. It's like no baby girl, you need this - just clear your mind and take it with grace...

So I get that!!!

That is pretty much the thought process, yep!

[Kristal]

Why post about asexuality.