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Old 06-05-2008, 12:24 AM   #1
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Default I want to please him...

My boyfriend is into erotic weight gain. I'm a big girl, but not huge. I like the size I am, but I feel like I need to gain more weight for him, even though he hasn't pressured me to. He has suggested it a few times, but I'm reluctant. I want to make him happy because I love him. We plan on getting married, and I want to be all that I can for him, but I'm having a hard time because I'm content. I love my body. And I know that he isn't unsatisfied, he could just be more satisfied. What should I do?
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:33 AM   #2
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you don't auto-gain 100 lbs...try putting on ten and see if it sucks. if it does, don't marry him.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:39 AM   #3
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I did. I've put on like 30 pounds since he told me. I don't mind that, but I like where I am. He compliments me on my size all the time, especially my boobs... that's where a lot of it goes. And my stomach. It's just that lately I'm not sure if he's completely satisfied. The last few times we "got intimate" he hasn't paid much attention to it, and that isn't like him at all. I'm just concerned.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:43 AM   #4
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You've just got to talk to him; if you're happy with yourself, then you have no reason to change just because he might be turned on by it.

If you're not sure that he's satisfied, ASK; open communications.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:49 AM   #5
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I did, but I don't want him to feel the need to lie to me to make me feel better. He hasn't really given me an answer. He just changes the subject when we talk about it. I'm the only person that he's told, so I think he feels self-conscious about it. He isn't a tall or large guy, so I think he feels like we are kind of an odd couple... I think we look perfect together, and we get along so well... this is my only stumbling block in out relationship, because he doesn't like to have these discussions.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:52 AM   #6
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That's not a good sign; he's clearly embarassed by it, and if you're going to get married, there should be very little truly embarassing things that you can talk about together.

He needs to open up, especially over something as important as what turns him on - I'm sure you've filled him in on your interests, and he may have given you the rundown, but it needs to be an open subject if the two of you are going to proceed further.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:59 AM   #7
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I don't want to hurt him though. He's sensitive about it because growing up, he got teased really bad for his preferences, to the point where he refused to tell anyone until he met me, and even then it took 6 months of dating to get it out of him, and we weren't even sexually active yet. His parents look at anything like that as awful and "un-christian-like". I'm the only one who supports him in it, I just don't know how far he wants it to go. I'm happy the way I am, but I don't have a problem gaining for him...
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:36 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by pumpkingirl55 View Post
I did, but I don't want him to feel the need to lie to me to make me feel better. He hasn't really given me an answer. He just changes the subject when we talk about it. I'm the only person that he's told, so I think he feels self-conscious about it. He isn't a tall or large guy, so I think he feels like we are kind of an odd couple... I think we look perfect together, and we get along so well... this is my only stumbling block in out relationship, because he doesn't like to have these discussions.
My I ask how old he is? It could be not so much attraction issues more than it could be he's simply scared shitless about getting married or taking a relationship further. I would know from experience lol
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Old 06-05-2008, 04:45 AM   #9
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I might slow down those wedding plans. Sounds like he wanted to fatten you up but may be ready to move on to his next feedee.
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Old 06-05-2008, 06:08 AM   #10
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you don't auto-gain 100 lbs...try putting on ten and see if it sucks. if it does, don't marry him.
Damn this rep system!!! exile just -
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Old 06-05-2008, 07:11 AM   #11
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First of all, welcome to Dimensions--or at least posting at Dimensions Have you been lurking for a while, or did you just find us?

Second, I think this is one of those areas where there really is not a one size fits all answer. There are a ton of variables that differ in each relationship, so nobody else can tell you what is right for you. It is great to gather opinions and advice, but don't take any of it (including what I'm saying) as more than a starting point for thinking things through.

Third, one thing you did not say clearly is whether the issue is that his preference is for women bigger than you, or if he gets turned on by weight gain itself. These are very different issues.
- In the former, you could gain X pounds, get to the size he prefers, and so long as you were still happy and healthy at that size, then life would be grand.
- If the latter, then no matter what size you are at, he'll be desiring to see you get bigger. It doesn't even really matter if you get bigger than he actually prefers you at, he'll still have the desire to see you gain, because the turn on is weight gain.

That second case may sound like a nightmare! "He wants me to keep getting fatter and fatter forever? I can't do that!" Of course the key is that desiring it and demanding it are two very different things.

Years ago on the old boards I wrote down my personal answer to this issue, and I archived it to my web page here: http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Fonta...everafter.html

I encourage you to go read it, not to push my web page but because I'm not going to type all of that up again But if you don't want to, the gist of what I concluded is that if one likes gain, one will always be craving more gain, no matter the actual size. Since nobody can keep gaining forever, that means that sooner or later the gain-desirer will have to live without it. Hence, might as well stop gaining at as low a weight as feasible. In other words, if you are happy with your current size, stay there.

As for how he may feel about it, if it is gain that turns him on? I'd say send him here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzz1VEN1SEk and keep singing the chorus back to him

On a more serious note, have him come read this thread. I've been in a position rather like his, and it can be really hard to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Seeing a discussion somewhere like here, and how other people have worked through things, can really help....at least it did for me, and a goodly number of other posters.

Best of luck sorting through all this stuff, relationship issues are never easy.

Regards;

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Old 06-05-2008, 12:18 PM   #12
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My I ask how old he is? It could be not so much attraction issues more than it could be he's simply scared shitless about getting married or taking a relationship further. I would know from experience lol

He's the one who asked me. I was planning on waiting a few more years, but he feels we are ready for this. The first time he proposed I said no because at the time I felt too young. I told him I didn't think we were ready. And its just a plan. We don't have a set date (or even year) in mind, so I don't think that is the problem. We'vebeen dating for about a year and a half, and he doesn't have any commitment issues. Neither of us has ever cheated, and we are open and honest about everything, it's just that this is a hard topic for him because I'm the only one who knows about it.
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Old 06-05-2008, 12:50 PM   #13
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You say he feels you two are ready for marriage. You are feeling anxious over whether this or that will be enough. He runs hot and cold. Seems, just from what you have said here, that you are not placing what you want on as high a platform as what you say he wants. If you are content as you are, that does count for more than a little something...please remember this. You want to please him with something that he cannot even discuss, and that you might really regret. Nobody gets happy in that kind of situation.
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Old 06-05-2008, 01:10 PM   #14
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It sounds like perhaps the weight issue is just a symptom of much more.

The fact that you keep saying that you don't know if it's enough for him has me worried. Why do you want to be in a relationship where you're constantly wondering if he's all about you, let alone marry a person that isn't? Your relationship should not be contingent upon you having to alter yourself to suit what he wants. If you were both on the same page regarding weight gain fantasy, that'd be fine, but it seems that there's more to this story. Weight gain is a fantasy that can be indulged in many ways, with or without actual change to your body. If I were getting married, I would want to feel that my fiance thought I was the most gorgeous thing right now, this very minute.

If you're thinking of marrying this guy, get strong and start asking some very important questions. A non-answer is not an answer, and this is the rest of your life we're talking about!

p.s. He should want to please you just as much (if not more) than you want to please him.

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Old 06-05-2008, 02:03 PM   #15
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Gosh, I'm all mixed up now. I don't know how to word what I want to ask, and now everyone thinks he's an asshole who wants me to just please him..... It's not like that. Oh well, I'll figure it out somehow lol. If we're not meant to be, then I guess there is someone better for me somewhere else. But if we can figure this out, then I think we'll be ok. I think everyone is right... I need to communicate more. That isn't one of my strongpoints, so I'll have to work on it, and he will to if he wants this to work out. Thanks everyone for trying to help me. Much appreciated!

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Old 06-05-2008, 03:22 PM   #16
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Gosh, I'm all mixed up now. I don't know how to word what I want to ask, and now everyone thinks he's an asshole who wants me to just please him..... It's not like that.
Sadly, it wouldn't be the first time somebody's been in that situation with a partner, though, and come to Dims asking for guidance; if it's not that way, great, but you still have some things you need to work through.
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if we can figure this out, then I think we'll be ok. I think everyone is right... I need to communicate more. That isn't one of my strongpoints, so I'll have to work on it, and he will to if he wants this to work out.
Absolutely - BOTH of you need to communicate and be open, so you both know what the other wants.

Best of luck to you both
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Old 06-05-2008, 07:08 PM   #17
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First off Why not direct him here to the boards Dims helped me accept my preference and i was alot like your guy when i first started coming to terms with it.

As far as the communication goes If your going to get married be open about everything I just ended a 7 year marriage and one of the biggest problems was communication we just kept sweeping things under the rug. I did however open up to her about my interest in erotic weight gain but she really didn't understand it but she tried to.

and at this point i have found the girl of my dreams who understands all my weird little quirks and loves everyone of them. she also shares quite a few of them with me and because of past experiences we are very careful to make sure it all comes out nothing is hidden we are totally open and honest the only down side, we are on opposite sides of the country trying to figure out how to be together!

I guess my actual point is let him see dimensions and talk about everything it makes everything so much easier and oh so worth it !!!!!

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Old 06-05-2008, 07:26 PM   #18
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First of all, welcome to Dimensions--or at least posting at Dimensions Have you been lurking for a while, or did you just find us?

Second, I think this is one of those areas where there really is not a one size fits all answer. There are a ton of variables that differ in each relationship, so nobody else can tell you what is right for you. It is great to gather opinions and advice, but don't take any of it (including what I'm saying) as more than a starting point for thinking things through.

Third, one thing you did not say clearly is whether the issue is that his preference is for women bigger than you, or if he gets turned on by weight gain itself. These are very different issues.
- In the former, you could gain X pounds, get to the size he prefers, and so long as you were still happy and healthy at that size, then life would be grand.
- If the latter, then no matter what size you are at, he'll be desiring to see you get bigger. It doesn't even really matter if you get bigger than he actually prefers you at, he'll still have the desire to see you gain, because the turn on is weight gain.

That second case may sound like a nightmare! "He wants me to keep getting fatter and fatter forever? I can't do that!" Of course the key is that desiring it and demanding it are two very different things.

Years ago on the old boards I wrote down my personal answer to this issue, and I archived it to my web page here: http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Fonta...everafter.html

I encourage you to go read it, not to push my web page but because I'm not going to type all of that up again But if you don't want to, the gist of what I concluded is that if one likes gain, one will always be craving more gain, no matter the actual size. Since nobody can keep gaining forever, that means that sooner or later the gain-desirer will have to live without it. Hence, might as well stop gaining at as low a weight as feasible. In other words, if you are happy with your current size, stay there.

As for how he may feel about it, if it is gain that turns him on? I'd say send him here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzz1VEN1SEk and keep singing the chorus back to him

On a more serious note, have him come read this thread. I've been in a position rather like his, and it can be really hard to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Seeing a discussion somewhere like here, and how other people have worked through things, can really help....at least it did for me, and a goodly number of other posters.

Best of luck sorting through all this stuff, relationship issues are never easy.

Regards;

-Ed
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Old 06-05-2008, 07:59 PM   #19
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Pumkin, everyone who posted has given you good advice so I won't repeat any of it. I just want to add that you tried to please him. So don't beat yourself up if you hit a limit. He has to respect your limits as much as you want to respect his. Be willing to accept your limits too. If either of you tries to push those limits too far before either of you is ready things will go badly very quickly. Do you really want to marry him if you are unsure about the nature of those limits? If you do it will come up again and again with more and more frustration and anger and your ability to cope well will be significantly impaired. So take your time and be patient with each other.
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Old 06-06-2008, 07:58 AM   #20
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Gosh, I'm all mixed up now. I don't know how to word what I want to ask, and now everyone thinks he's an asshole who wants me to just please him..... It's not like that. Oh well, I'll figure it out somehow lol. If we're not meant to be, then I guess there is someone better for me somewhere else. But if we can figure this out, then I think we'll be ok. I think everyone is right... I need to communicate more. That isn't one of my strongpoints, so I'll have to work on it, and he will to if he wants this to work out. Thanks everyone for trying to help me. Much appreciated!

Ali
A quick point on communication....everyone has their own style. Now, he may prefer to avoid talking about this altogether, but at the least maybe you can figure out where & when would be better for him? For example, with my wife and I we often have the best conversations when we are walking or driving somewhere. I'm terrible at having serious face to face conversations, it is just too intense. So having something else going on to space things out makes it way better. Other people are more comfortable writing things down. Others maybe will relax and talk better after a glass of wine. These days maybe some do it best with side discussions while playing MMORPG for all I know.

It might seem unfair to you to say: figure out how he'll communicate best. But since you are the one who more wants to talk about it, that is probably where you'll have the best chance.

About him not wanting to talk about it....

First of all, there was a kind of cool thread on the Health board a while ago, called the Verbal Judo thread. Not that all of it applies to this, but TonyNYC summarized some great information in this post:
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...6&postcount=11

Including this part:

Quote:
"In order to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of." (George Miller; 1980.)

Our tendency when we hear someone say something that strikes us as unacceptable is to assume that it is false and try to imagine what's wrong with the person who said it. (As in: "That's ridiculous! He's only saying that because he's stupid/biased/ignorant/trying to trick me/..." and so on.) This guarantees communication breakdown; instead, use Miller's Law.
I think this applies to all communication, including avoiding a topic. In this case, in what circumstances would avoiding the topic be the sensible and sane thing to do? Well I think you already touched on it, when you said that when he was younger he got flak for this issue and doesn’t expect to be accepted about it now. But my guess is that it goes a bit deeper than that, given that he has told you about it and is still uncomfortable about it. Some of it might just be guilt (you already mentioned that one), but I would guess that the bigger part is expectation that telling you will hurt the relationship. That is, that he feels if he tells you everything that he is feeling, desiring, and fantasizing, it would freak you out, tick you off, gross you out, drive you off, or some combination of those things.

Now, what might help here is making sure you both make really strong divisions between fantasy and reality, and between hopes and needs. There are big differences between “I fantasize about you getting fatter, but its just a fantasy and I don’t expect you to really do it, I just feel guilty for even fantasizing about it.” And “Yah, I hope you’ll keep getting fatter for a while. But I feel bad about that because I don’t think you want to, but I can’t help hoping.” And “Actually, since you’ve stopped gaining I’ve been feeling less turned on. I hate it, but without the thought of you getting bigger it is a lot harder for me to get in the mood.” So before you get into the depths of the discussion I’d make sure to mark out the vocabulary really clearly, and agree that you’ll both try to be very careful with how you word things.

But that still leaves a couple of questions.

The first question, of course, is if he is apt to be right? If he says “I fantasize about you spending all day eating until you are so fat you can’t get off the couch,” then how would you take it? (I’m not saying that is what he is fantasizing about, just taking an extreme example). If hearing that would permanently creep you out, then you probably should not push him on it.

The second question is what do you want, sexually? What are you fantasies and turn-ons? It sounds like pleasing him may be one of yours? Maybe you are really in touch with this already, maybe you are not. With regard to fat related fantasies, have you read any of the stories on the story boards? Maybe reading through some of them would help you get a better handle on what grosses you out and what you accept, and even if some of them kind of turn you on. Away from fat related things, you could read the ‘other fetishes’ thread, and also go pick up some books of women’s erotic stories. Fair is fair, if you want to know what makes him tick way back in the primal parts of his brain, you should at least be aware of what applies to you, and maybe even be ready to share. This might make him feel better. For that matter, if you found a story that you liked, either here or in a book, maybe you could read it to him, or ask him to read it to you. (this can be another way to communicate, through discussion of what someone else has written. Again it gives a bit of emotional space).

I hope all of this was of some use to you.
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:51 AM   #21
KaliCurves
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I agree there is so much good advice on this thread you need to just follow it. If your happy with your body the way it is why let some one make you feel that you NEED to gain for them? Thats like letting some one make you feel you need to lose weight for them. You need to live your life for you. You only get one shot.

I myself just ended a marriage of 17 yrs because I finally came to terms that Im not getting any younger and why stay where I feel Im not good enough, not appericated, and not loved for me.

Beleive me there is someone out there who will love you for you. As Haunted said open up be honest, dont tell him what you think he wants to hear. Tell him how your feeling, ask questions, ask him why he has started to ignore your belly and boobs now. You will never know the answer till you ask the question.
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Old 06-06-2008, 11:16 AM   #22
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My boyfriend is into erotic weight gain. I'm a big girl, but not huge. I like the size I am, but I feel like I need to gain more weight for him, even though he hasn't pressured me to. He has suggested it a few times, but I'm reluctant. I want to make him happy because I love him. We plan on getting married, and I want to be all that I can for him, but I'm having a hard time because I'm content. I love my body. And I know that he isn't unsatisfied, he could just be more satisfied. What should I do?
Slip some Cialis into his morning orange juice 'cause you KNOW he's slippin' Wate-On into yours. Better living thru chemistry.
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