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Old 11-25-2008, 12:19 AM   #1
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Have you cheated or been the "other" woman/man?
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Old 11-25-2008, 12:28 AM   #2
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Yes, I cheated on a girlfriend for about 2 weeks. I was 16 at the time, and ended up breaking up with her to start a relationship with the other girl.

Funny thing is, we were both seeing other people on the side anyways, so there was no drama when we broke up, and we managed to stay friends.

But I haven't cheated on anybody in the last 21 years, go me.

edit - been the 'other' man a couple of times though.
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Old 11-25-2008, 01:40 AM   #3
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I've never cheated, or helped anyone else cheat but I've been cheated on.
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:02 AM   #4
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Ive been cheated on by my soon to be ex husband, Ive never been the other woman as its just not in my nature to be devious. If I dont want to be with someone I just tell them, its easier in the long run.
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:54 AM   #5
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I have been cheated on by a partner but i have never cheated on a partner, I just dont believe in it.
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Old 11-25-2008, 05:04 AM   #6
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yups, ex husband cheated on me, long term and incredibly painful.

And my 2nd boyfriend decided after a while in our relationship that he ought to tell me he believed in open relationships and in a couple weeks was shipping some slapper in from the US for 3 weeks and expected to pick us up again after that... I guess, maybe not cheating, but I sure enjoyed telling him where to go after those 3 weeks when he called me to pick me up again.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:19 AM   #7
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No, never cheated and I never would. I have been cheated on though. It's horrible to have someone you love to come home and tell you they found the girl of their dreams and they aren't referring to you.
I do have several guy friends, however I also have a husband that's wise enough to know that's all they are.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:37 AM   #8
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Well....
I wouldn't say I've cheated per say.
BUT I did leave my husband for George.
Its not cut and dry though.
My ex was horrible to me, he actually cheated on me and once hit me because (and I quote) I was "big enough to take it". He hated my weight, my kookiness, my piercings, tattoos etc. We just didn't suit each other.
I married him when I was young and naive, and excited to get away from my horrible past.
Then I met George and it was like being shot through the heart...I knew I had to be with him. We were perfect for each other, still are.
So I ended it with my husband and moved out into my own place. Once I had done that George and I became an item.
Best thing I ever, ever did.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:40 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by bexylicious View Post
So I ended it with my husband and moved out into my own place. Once I had done that George and I became an item.
Best thing I ever, ever did.

Yeah...that's not cheating. That's just doing what you need to do to be happy and safe.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:43 AM   #10
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Ending it BEFORE you get involved with someone else is not cheating...it's being mature about it. I'm glad you did, Bexy. George is wonderful!

I have never been cheated on, have never cheated, and would never cheat. Honestly - there's never any excuse for it. We're all adults - we should act like adults. If you don't want to be with someone else anymore - say so.
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:45 AM   #11
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Yeah...that's not cheating. That's just doing what you need to do to be happy and safe.
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Ending it BEFORE you get involved with someone else is not cheating...it's being mature about it. I'm glad you did, Bexy. George is wonderful!
I'm so glad you both said that because as soon as I posted it I thought "EEEEK! Do I look like a bitch?" LOL!
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:06 AM   #12
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I'm so glad you both said that because as soon as I posted it I thought "EEEEK! Do I look like a bitch?" LOL!
Yes you do look like a bitch lol! :P
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:49 AM   #13
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Yes you do look like a bitch lol! :P
what was I just saying about you being perfect....
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:13 AM   #14
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I could never bring myself to cheat. The guilt would be absolutely crippling to me. Moreover, I'm in love now so I'd be hard pressed to find someone important enough to make me hurt my gf in that way. I don't see anyone being that important. My gf and I have talked about it several times and we've pretty much established that leaving a healthy relationship for someone else is a shitty reason to break up. Therefore our goal is to keep our relationship loving and happy. I think I might be more absolutist about it than she is (she's also been cheated on). I could never bring myself to engage in a 3some with another girl (which she's open to, but not with another guy) because it would be too close to cheating for me.

I have been cheated on though and it does not feel good. I don't think anyone should ever do it.
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:49 AM   #15
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i have never been cheated on, nor have i ever cheated. It's not something i would ever do, could never do to someone i love/loved. If a relationship has deteriorated to the point where you are looking to other people for what you need, acknowledge that and either fix things or move on. There is never an excuse for being unfaithful (in my mind.)

For this reason, i could never be the other woman. i have too much respect for relationships in general.
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:52 AM   #16
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o yeah, i could also never be the other man. My granddad gave me a good bit of advice. He said "I'f she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you". Works on men too.
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:57 AM   #17
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I cheated in my ex once. Honestly, it was fun and I dont regret it. Im still very good friends with the other guy. i guess that makes me sound horrible, but its the truth.

and Ive sorta been the other woman. we never did anything sexual, or even kiss, but we hung out a lot and it was all behind his gf's back.
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Old 11-25-2008, 12:28 PM   #18
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I cheated several times in highschool, but in my adult life there has only been one real incident - I left a crappy boyfriend for my (now) fiance

The situation closely resembles what Bexy posted above. Crap exchanged for awesome.
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:33 PM   #19
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No but for some reason it's on my list of things to do before I die to cheat on someone and be cheated on. lol
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Old 11-25-2008, 05:46 PM   #20
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timely thread, since it was only a couple of months ago that i found out a guy i was dating (casually and non-exclusively, but consistently for a good period of time) was actually married.
yeah.
i was fucking livid, i felt disgusting and TERRIBLE for his wife (that was the worst of it - i didn't know how to deal with how terrible i felt for what i'd 'done to her', even though i of course was just as lied to and kept in the dark about it as she was, and didn't actually DO anything to her - i'd never even met her, obviously), i felt used and cheap, it was just bad news bears all around.
it's all taken care of and mostly forgotten about now, but for a while there it really bummed me out.
cheating is just gross.
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Old 11-25-2008, 06:06 PM   #21
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o yeah, i could also never be the other man. My granddad gave me a good bit of advice. He said "I'f she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you". Works on men too.
Yes. If you want to know the end, look at the beginning. Whatever you bring to the start of a relationship is what you will have to clean up in the end. You cannot start a relationship in dishonesty and deceit and hope to experience an honest end. If you run into a relationship to get away from another, you will run into another to get away from this one.

I find cheating to be pathetic and cowardly. Instead of dragging people into your madness just be alone until you've gotten your mind right.
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Old 11-25-2008, 06:55 PM   #22
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timely thread, since it was only a couple of months ago that i found out a guy i was dating (casually and non-exclusively, but consistently for a good period of time) was actually married.
yeah.
i was fucking livid, i felt disgusting and TERRIBLE for his wife (that was the worst of it - i didn't know how to deal with how terrible i felt for what i'd 'done to her', even though i of course was just as lied to and kept in the dark about it as she was, and didn't actually DO anything to her - i'd never even met her, obviously), i felt used and cheap, it was just bad news bears all around.
it's all taken care of and mostly forgotten about now, but for a while there it really bummed me out.
cheating is just gross.
I know exactly what you mean...i had that exact thing happen to me this year. Dated this guy for a while...then only after it ended did I find out he was married with 3 kids. I felt, and sometimes still feel, incredibly guilty about being the "other woman." It was the worst feeling I've ever had, I hate him for putting me in the position to be "the other woman" without me even realizing it. That deception hurt almost as much as the guilt towards his wife.

live and learn
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Old 11-25-2008, 07:46 PM   #23
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Yes. If you want to know the end, look at the beginning. Whatever you bring to the start of a relationship is what you will have to clean up in the end. You cannot start a relationship in dishonesty and deceit and hope to experience an honest end. If you run into a relationship to get away from another, you will run into another to get away from this one.

I find cheating to be pathetic and cowardly. Instead of dragging people into your madness just be alone until you've gotten your mind right.
This made me feel a bit sad, as its one of the things I always worry people will think about my situation. I really just want to make it clear that this isn't what happened with me.
I totally get what you're saying of course, and it does happen.
I just get very paranoid that people think I used George to get out of an unhappy marriage. Not the case. We went about everything the right way, I had my own place and everything before we became any sort of item. I just literally fell in love with him in a way I never even knew possible before. It wasn't running into a relationship to get away from another, it was running to be with my soulmate.
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Old 11-25-2008, 08:04 PM   #24
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This made me feel a bit sad, as its one of the things I always worry people will think about my situation. I really just want to make it clear that this isn't what happened with me.
I totally get what you're saying of course, and it does happen.
I just get very paranoid that people think I used George to get out of an unhappy marriage. Not the case. We went about everything the right way, I had my own place and everything before we became any sort of item. I just literally fell in love with him in a way I never even knew possible before. It wasn't running into a relationship to get away from another, it was running to be with my soulmate.
I hope you know I wasn't speaking specifically about your relationship with George.

I was speaking about my experiences with this sort of thing with friends...situations that my friends and loved ones have been through. Some of them were the cause of this kind of pain and I didn't bite my tongue telling them they were trifling and some were on the receiving end of this bull. Either way, it's messy and not a good look. And where I was going with the part you highlighted is this -- some people believe the "grass is greener" when they cheat or mess around on their partners, and it almost never is. I've seen this time and time again.

You upgrade...not the other way around, else get your face played when this person you are cheating with shows his/her true colors. It's kinda like the 80/20 rule...you try to make up that extra 20% by searching out another person who has whatever you think your partner doesn't. In the end, you end up assed out cause you left a good thing...and now, you've only got 20% instead of the 80 you had in the first place. Have you seen Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? It's worth a watch... Great movie that explains this a bit more...

So, no judgement from me about your situation, Bex. My friends, however, are (un)lucky enough to hear an earful from me.
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Old 11-25-2008, 08:32 PM   #25
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I hope you know I wasn't speaking specifically about your relationship with George.

I was speaking about my experiences with this sort of thing with friends...situations that my friends and loved ones have been through. Some of them were the cause of this kind of pain and I didn't bite my tongue telling them they were trifling and some were on the receiving end of this bull. Either way, it's messy and not a good look. And where I was going with the part you highlighted is this -- some people believe the "grass is greener" when they cheat or mess around on their partners, and it almost never is. I've seen this time and time again.

You upgrade...not the other way around, else get your face played when this person you are cheating with shows his/her true colors. It's kinda like the 80/20 rule...you try to make up that extra 20% by searching out another person who has whatever you think your partner doesn't. In the end, you end up assed out cause you left a good thing...and now, you've only got 20% instead of the 80 you had in the first place. Have you seen Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? It's worth a watch... Great movie that explains this a bit more...

So, no judgement from me about your situation, Bex. My friends, however, are (un)lucky enough to hear an earful from me.

Thank you I didn't take it as directed at me don't worry, it's just something I worry about all of the time as I worry too much what people think of me.
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