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Old 08-07-2010, 10:50 PM   #1
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Default Um, hello!

*looks around nervously and tugs at collar*

I have something on my mind. This has been on my mind for a long time, and I've never given it full expression before. I've lurked some in this section and the supportive atmosphere I've seen has given me the courage to talk about it.

I'm a man who loves women. I've experimented a few times with men and realized that men don't do it for me. So, I call myself straight.

There are times I wonder if that might be wrong, though. No I don't like sex with men. Yes I like sex with women. My external sexual identity is pretty clear. It's my internal sexual identity that's a bit... cloudy.

I make friends with women easily. I have a few male friends, but only a few. My female friends vastly outnumber my male friends. I simply don't connect with most men. I have little in common with them. Women, on the other hand, I can talk to all day. For instance: At a party when the men and women self segregate, I'm almost always hanging out with the women.

I've had a couple of different friends tell me I'm a lesbian in a man's body. I used to laugh at that. These days I'm wondering if there is something to it. I don't exactly feel female, but neither do I feel exactly male. I'm comfortable with my body's gender, don't get me wrong. It's just inside I feel like I'm something else. It's like I've got both male and female mental traits. Sometimes I think I'm something completely different.

I know I'm not explaining this well, but it's very difficult to put into words, and I've never tried to put it into words before.
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Old 08-07-2010, 11:10 PM   #2
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I'm similar to you, Dromond. I've played in the minors but never liked it enough to go pro.

I also have more male friends and don't relate well with women. And I, in fact, DO say that I am a fabulous gay male trapped inside a straight woman's body. I'm not trans, but perhaps more... hmm... internally androgyne? That's possible. Because I do have very masculine traits, both in looks and personality, but I am most definitely a woman and don't feel any need to change that.

I just chalk it up to it being that we've got the best of both worlds and are on a hunt to find people who are comfortable with that and like us that way.

It's been a struggle for me and not many people "get it" but eventually some will.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all But, admittedly, I'm a little biased there, lol.
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Old 08-08-2010, 09:03 AM   #3
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Nothing wrong at all. If you are wondering about things related to your gender identity, just feel it out.

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Old 08-08-2010, 10:10 AM   #4
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Nothing is wrong with you. I know many people, including me that feel the same way. I have my best male friend who says he connects better with women; I connect better with males. We both identify as heterosexual. I feel exactly the same way you do, I feel like I have both male and female traits.
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Old 08-08-2010, 11:11 AM   #5
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I don't feel "wrong," as such. I am who I am, and I can't change it - nor do I want to. It's not causing me problems, either. My wife is not the jealous sort, so she doesn't have issues with me having so many women friends. She knows I love her and nobody else.

The issue is that it's something I don't understand about myself, and I hate not understanding. I suppose what I'm looking for is enlightenment.
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Old 08-08-2010, 11:25 AM   #6
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Hm... well... Did you grow up around more women than men?

I'm sure this had some impact on me as I was growing up. I was always one of the guys, even if I went girly, they didn't see me much like a girl. And I would find out through them what women can be like and what men are really like but too afraid to show to women. I grew up closer to men and having a better understanding of them than women because their sensitivity resonated with my own.

Perhaps it's out of years of hearing second stories from men and women that made me have a general distaste for women. It happens with men, too. They grow up around 4 sisters and a mother who's always home and a father who's always working. They learn to understand women and appreciate them for their emotional qualities. And as they become adults, they gravitate towards women because it's the people they understand most.

Most of my male friends who aren't gay grew up like that and are like that to this day. I'd chalk it up to the "nurture" part of life, because I believe sexual orientation is by nature. Inner "orientation," for lack of a better description, seems to be learnt through different experiences.

Of course, this isn't always true, but I don't personally know anyone for whom this isn't true.
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Old 08-08-2010, 08:58 PM   #7
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Yeah, I grew up with four brothers and I was the only girl. I was closer to my father than my mother.
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Old 08-08-2010, 09:48 PM   #8
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I have a sister, and had a stay at home helicopter mom and a domineering grandmother. My father was a good man, but absent most of the time. Absent because he was working a hellish job with hellish hours to keep us in house and home. My grandmother was not a good example of women (or humanity, for that matter), and my mom was too obsessed with her own issues to really pay much attention to how things really were. Mom wasn't abusive or neglectful, she just wasn't entirely in this reality. My sister was at times a nemesis and at other times a doting sister. She was mercurial, to say the least.
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Old 08-08-2010, 10:51 PM   #9
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I'd say it has more to do with how you grew up then. I was mostly a loner, so I don't feel all that comfortable around people in general. I'm a bit more comfortable around women, but my early experiences with men were pretty bad.
Also, I applaud you for experimenting with men because... um... for reasons...
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Old 08-08-2010, 10:57 PM   #10
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I didn't grow up with many examples of women, except for many abusive ones. I had my fair share of abusive males in my past, but many more who where kind and patient with me. My grandfather was one of them, and almost all my teachers in elementary and secondary school were males as well. I was tortured and teased as a child and the male teachers were the nicest to me about it and took time to make sure I was alright. The female teachers never did shit. So I just grew up closer to males and more trusting of them.

But when I made my first gay friend, something totally clicked in me. And Mrs Doubtfire was my favourite movie as a child and still is one of my faves, so that kinda lit something in me as well, lol.

I would never change my upbringing, though. Even as an adult, I can see this is how it was meant to be.
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Old 08-08-2010, 11:48 PM   #11
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I grew up with a perfectionist mother who was very intelligent and oh so perfect! It seemed nothing I did was really good enough, I could always do better, at least that is how I felt. And she would often critique my weight or my appearance, "you are getting bigger, you need to slow down on your eating, yada yada yada" or "wear a better dress!" yada yada yada. It got annoying. My father on the other hand was easy going and praised me alot, though he was a bit controlling which I chalk up to being protective of his only girl. Perhaps that is why I feel closer to males though I have wonderful female friends here on Dims and outside. `
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Old 08-09-2010, 12:29 AM   #12
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I don't know if this makes any sense, but I wonder if there is such thing as being Bi-gender. You know, feeling both male and female inside, equally??


It took a long time for me to realize that I'm bisexual. I connect better emotionally with men. Most of my close friends whom I tell my secrets to have been male. But, thought of having sex is more exciting with females, but I don't really care for oral sex with a female, and I have hard time connecting with them emotionally. But, with both male and female, I'm sexually arouse, until we start to actually have sex then I lose it. I go numb. I think it is because the people I have sex with I know they don't have feelings for me and/or I don't have feelings for them. So, it's just empty sex.
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Old 08-09-2010, 03:27 AM   #13
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The issue is that it's something I don't understand about myself, and I hate not understanding. I suppose what I'm looking for is enlightenment.
That's a difficult one, because sometimes these things aren't cut and dry.

I tried to define my sexuality for years, before realising that it's sort of pointless. For one thing, sexuality isn't static anyway. I think of myself as bisexual now, but if I was to fall in love with a woman, the bisexuality would become irrelevant because I would effectively be a lesbian. And vice versa.

I go through phases where I'm mostly attracted to woman and phases where I'm mostly attracted to men. However, the fact is nobody is ever going to put me on trial and ask me to categorically state which I like best. So why torture myself over it? It doesn't matter if I feel gay today, straight tomorrow, asexual the day after. My identity isn't wrapped up in my sexuality, so it doesn't really matter.

The point that I'm making here (rather badly) is that there are about a million different points on the spectrum between "gay" and "straight." Any point on that spectrum is a perfectly valid place to be, and it's also valid to move about all over that spectrum. Are you perhaps worrying needlessly? Does it matter if your position changes over time? I guess it depends on how much your identity is tied up with it.
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Old 08-09-2010, 08:03 AM   #14
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I guess it doesn't matter for any practical purpose. One of my failings is that I don't like unanswered questions. Unanswerable questions really bug me. Sometimes, though, by talking things out with other people you can get a new perspective.
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Old 08-09-2010, 09:30 AM   #15
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You are far from alone, I think.

Another thread that covered some of this territory was: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...00#post1355200 It includes my doodles trying to explain how I see sexuality and gender identity.
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Old 08-09-2010, 12:16 PM   #16
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I guess it doesn't matter for any practical purpose. One of my failings is that I don't like unanswered questions. Unanswerable questions really bug me. Sometimes, though, by talking things out with other people you can get a new perspective.
I couldn't have put that any better myself for myself. Perfectly said.
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Old 08-09-2010, 12:29 PM   #17
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Yeah, I'll bite.

I too have very very few male friends. I get along way better with women. I have gaydar in a sense because I tend to develop crushes on girls who turn out to be gay or bi. Don't get me wrong I like my man-parts a whole lot (they're fun as hell and it's a damn shame that women don't get to experience the joy of owning one!) but internally I feel like a nerdy, geeky, tomboy-ish girl. A little femme-of-center if you will. At times I really wish I looked like I felt, too. I don't feel attractive as a man.
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Old 08-09-2010, 02:56 PM   #18
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Yeah, I'll bite.

I too have very very few male friends. I get along way better with women. I have gaydar in a sense because I tend to develop crushes on girls who turn out to be gay or bi. Don't get me wrong I like my man-parts a whole lot (they're fun as hell and it's a damn shame that women don't get to experience the joy of owning one!) but internally I feel like a nerdy, geeky, tomboy-ish girl. A little femme-of-center if you will. At times I really wish I looked like I felt, too. I don't feel attractive as a man.
Ha! Same here, lol. Sometimes I think I never really grew out of the "penis envy" stage, but really, I just feel that sometimes I would look better as a dude and have an easier life than how I look and live as a woman. Though, in reality, I wouldn't change it.

And Calauria, I'm somewhat like that, too. I connect better with males, but both sexes excite me. And yet, I don't like oral sex with a woman, and I don't really enjoy sex with either once it starts to happen. It's like going through the motions and often makes me wonder what's going on. I don't know if it's trust issues or if it's just that sex isn't for me. I really don't know And it worries me and is perhaps the only reason I'm not active in the dating world... I'm afraid of sex Which is probably the dumbest thing ever.
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:58 PM   #19
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You know, I'd love to test drive a woman's body for a day. If I could wave a magic juju stick and transform into a woman for 24 hours, I'd do it in a heartbeat to see what it was like. I can't imagine remaining as a woman, as I'm quite comfortable in my male body.

It is good to know I'm not alone.
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:03 AM   #20
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You know, I'd love to test drive a woman's body for a day. If I could wave a magic juju stick and transform into a woman for 24 hours, I'd do it in a heartbeat to see what it was like. I can't imagine remaining as a woman, as I'm quite comfortable in my male body.

It is good to know I'm not alone.
Ha! I would totally do that, too. I would do as much as possible in a day to see what it's like, and nearing the end, become some kind of crazed sex fiend for the night, just to see what different forms of sex feel like for men. It's rather fascinating. Though different forms of sex for women are still uncommon ground for me and fascinate me just as much I'm weird like that, ya know. But I would really be curious to feel what the world feels like in a men's body, and how the world reacts differently from men to women. First hand experience would be AWESOME, but I would not want to make it permanent. It would just be fun to know.
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:07 AM   #21
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....yeah.

yes.

YES!

I'm not alone.


I love you people
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:37 AM   #22
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I knew from a very young age I was different.
All thru my male childhood I always got along better with girls rather than boys but played with both.
I had lots of girl friends growing up and I think in someway they helped me figure out what I was on the inside.We talked a lot and I told them I'm messed up and not sure just what I am I act and feel like a girl but have boy parts.
They seemed to connect with me and treated me like any other girl in our neighborhood we did EVERYTHING together.
The boys just figured I was either queer of just a sissy.I guess they were right in a way.
They still let me hang out with them as we got older because I knew all the cute girls that they wanted dates with.LOL
No big shocker to most of my guy friends I grew up with when they saw me after the SRS. It was like OK NP nice ass Tracii.LOL..UGH guys!
So I know just how you feel and no there is nothing wrong with you at all D.
I think everybody has a bit of both genders in them from birth.
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:54 AM   #23
frankman
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frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!frankman keeps pushing the rep limit!
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You know, I'd love to test drive a woman's body for a day. If I could wave a magic juju stick and transform into a woman for 24 hours, I'd do it in a heartbeat to see what it was like. I can't imagine remaining as a woman, as I'm quite comfortable in my male body.

It is good to know I'm not alone.
Trust me, there's not a man on the face of the planet who wouldn't want to be a woman for 24 hours. As long as it's certain that they get changed back, they'd all go for it.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:52 AM   #24
KittyKitten
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KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Originally Posted by Dromond View Post
You know, I'd love to test drive a woman's body for a day. If I could wave a magic juju stick and transform into a woman for 24 hours, I'd do it in a heartbeat to see what it was like. I can't imagine remaining as a woman, as I'm quite comfortable in my male body.

It is good to know I'm not alone.

Let's trade places for one day! I would love to be a man for a day, just a day. But you would have to get over being heckled when you walk into a convenience store!
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Last edited by KittyKitten; 08-10-2010 at 07:55 AM.
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Old 08-10-2010, 09:13 AM   #25
Dromond
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Trust me, there's not a man on the face of the planet who wouldn't want to be a woman for 24 hours. As long as it's certain that they get changed back, they'd all go for it.
And most wouldn't leave the bedroom!
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