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Old 04-17-2007, 09:53 AM   #251
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I think these are excellent questions, especially in terms of government services.

It's also a slippery slope... if I didn't force myself to get fat, but chose to lead my life as a fat person and someday was disabled as an effect of something related, am I also denied? I'm sure some would say yes... it's your fault.

I'm not arguing, to be clear, I just think it's an interesting train of thought, and could lead in a lot of very weird/scary directions for the "naturally" fat among us.

I suppose bottom line though, is that disabled is disabled, no matter how it happened... I don't think someone suffering from meth mouth and on the skids has any trouble getting assistance if they're playing the game and jumping through the bureaucratic hoops.
Just have to say that in the state where I live, they have now started NOT granting disability benefits to anyone who is shown to have gotten that way from alcohol/drug abuse. If they find anything like that in your records, they will question it and take it into consideration during a hearing of whether or not you are actually entitled to any benefits.
They don't want to support drug addicts and alcoholics that have harmed themselves any more.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:46 AM   #252
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I would say that people can change their mind at anytime in a relationship about what they want and don't want. Like when someone might be ok in the beginning of a relationship with their partner smoking a bit and then later on wants them to stop all together. It's one persons prerogative. It doesn't mean that the partner needs to change or stop what they are doing though. That would be where the couple comes to a crossroads and has to decide where they go from there. You can't and shouldn't change someone for your own preferences or dislikes. Talking it out of course is a good idea, but if a girl wants to gain then thats her gig. If a man wants her to stop, then obviously there is an incompatibility there. I guess it all depends on how big a part of her life it is to gain.
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Old 04-17-2007, 11:19 AM   #253
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"Say a woman is a gainer and open about it going into a relationship. The guy, however, isn't interested by weight gain at all, but seems to resign to the "to each his own" in response to her questions on the topic. Then, once in the relationship he explains that she is greatly "limiting herself" and being "willingly unhealthy" because of her desire to be bigger. He requires of her to no longer pursue gaining, against her independent wishes.

Is this unfair of him, since it's her body and her right to do with it as she pleases? Is this not the same as a feeder requiring a non-gainer to gain? Or is this guy in the right for supposedly preserving her health and best interests?"


If John started drinking heavily, I would ask him to stop. I suspect if I gained weight on purpose he would ask me to stop. Clearly neither of us could make the other stop but if things got to a bad point we would withdraw from the relationship. If either of us chooses to self destruct and will not be turned away from that choice we can't expect the other to say nothing and go make a booze or burger run.
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Old 04-17-2007, 11:42 AM   #254
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Originally Posted by Jay West Coast View Post
Say a woman is a gainer and open about it going into a relationship. The guy, however, isn't interested by weight gain at all, but seems to resign to the "to each his own" in response to her questions on the topic. Then, once in the relationship he explains that she is greatly "limiting herself" and being "willingly unhealthy" because of her desire to be bigger. He requires of her to no longer pursue gaining, against her independent wishes.

Is this unfair of him, since it's her body and her right to do with it as she pleases? Is this not the same as a feeder requiring a non-gainer to gain? Or is this guy in the right for supposedly preserving her health and best interests?
Disclaimer #1: I've only been able to read the last 2 pages of this thread so forgive if my post is a bit misinformed.

Disclaimer #2: I don't expect anyone to be enthusiastic about the way I'm dealing with this issue here. But the same tensions seems to arise again and again around this topic. As some kind of ethicist, I want to try to tease them out.

Jay's reversal of the norms here (i.e. one leaves because of health, not ill-health; and *he* is not the feeder, etc.) is helpful. But, it doesn't get us around the underlying ethical dilemma. As long as fat, fatness, and getting fat are considered potentially dangerous (which, by all measures we agree at some point they are), these discussions will continual perpetually. Like a gerbil on a wheel, the wheel only stops if the gerbil gets off or dies. The issues and scenarios may change. But, in the end the positions are just going to oscillate around the same themes because the ethical norms drawn on will continue to differ. Personal rights vs. duty. They are paradoxical; they are always in tension. Let me try to make sense of what I'm saying.

Rights = "to each their own"; gat as fat as you want; it's my/your body; do what they want with it. The rights argument taken to its logical end basically says any one person can self-destruct, as long as they are of sound mind, as long as they don't infringe on the freedoms of others or cause harm to others. Our bodies are at our disposal. They are MY/YOUR private property. Some people, albeit with conflicts, ultimately fall into this camp.

Duty to care = obligation to provide care, both of oneself and/or another; refusal of care is considered abusive or neglect. Individuals, institutions, and governments as *public* entities are held to this responsiblity. The duty to care intervenes in the case of a feedee judged as abusing themselves (refusing care for their body and health) or a feeder committing abuse by submitting their feedee to situations that harm, i.e. immobility, health issues, etc. By the feeder giving up the duty to care, he is held accountable. He is giving up a universal responsibility.

In the question, "how fat is too fat" or "how much gaining is too much," ultimately the dilemma revolves around how we rights vs duty to care. This is true if we are an encourager encouraging a gainer or a gaining feeding ourselves.

Why point all this out? Because balancing these two ethical stand points is a never ending process. Most of our religious and legal systems rest on them. My right to get as fat as I want and my duty to care for my body (or another's body/health) are always in tension because both are universal claims. EVERYONE has rights to do what they want. OK. But, within what limits? These limits are usually set by our duty to care. And, at some point, there is ALWAYS a duty to care.

There are a couple of ways out of this dilemma. None of them may be vary exciting.

First would be to come up with criteria for "health." What is a healthy desire? What is a healthy encourager/gainer relationship? What is a healthy way to be fat and gain? What is the objective criteria? The criteria would have to be something more than "to each his/her own." Lilly is often great for pointing out that what is true for many may not be true individually. If this is true, how do encouragers and gainers navigate their particular situation?

Another way out is to chose anther standpoint. For instance, a "love" ethic would ask, what does love require of me as a gainer or encourager? What would love for myself be? What would love for my partner be?

A second ethical standpoint might be an "ecological" one which sees the health and wellbeing of a gainer or encourager intertwined with our health and wellbeing.

Their just suggestions. But, both honor the relationship and not just ourselves independently of the other, or our public duty.

(I'm under no illusions that I've helped this discussion out any, except for maybe diluting it with more concepts. )
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Old 04-17-2007, 11:52 AM   #255
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Perhaps I've been giving the gaining community too much credit for their fantasies. I'm biased, of course, because of knowing so many people with this kink, but I feel compelled to give it a fair shake. To me, there seems to be an equivalency question with my own sexuality: fat women.

See, as an FA, I've had close confidants explain to me that dating BBW's is "fine as a fantasy, but its a totally destructive for real life." I've had almost the same blanket arguments layed out to me as the gainers are having layed out to them: "you're choosing a life of unhealth," "you're demonstrating a mental separation from reality," "can you distinguish between true love for your partner outside of your love for their fat?" and "if you truly love that person, you'd never accept them being fat."

In some sense, if these arguments are right when applied to the gainers, their logically has to be a similar application to fat admiration and acceptance. If feeders and feedees aren't to actually act out their desires, then likewise I really ought to keep my dating fat women "just a fantasy" too.
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:03 PM   #256
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Wha??? The question you posed seemed to indicate that there is an unwilling partner involved. You presented someone who said, "Well, I guess it's okay with me whatever," but then later realized it was not. That would not be the same as a guy who digs a fat chick and wants to date. I would suppose that after he was dating her and he discovered he didn't really like fat chicks after all the paralell would be the same. He's not obligated to stay in a relationship in which he is not happy.

Or did I misunderstand again? *scratches head*

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Perhaps I've been giving the gaining community too much credit for their fantasies. I'm biased, of course, because of knowing so many people with this kink, but I feel compelled to give it a fair shake. To me, there seems to be an equivalency question with my own sexuality: fat women.

See, as an FA, I've had close confidants explain to me that dating BBW's is "fine as a fantasy, but its a totally destructive for real life." I've had almost the same blanket arguments layed out to me as the gainers are having layed out to them: "you're choosing a life of unhealth," "you're demonstrating a mental separation from reality," "can you distinguish between true love for your partner outside of your love for their fat?" and "if you truly love that person, you'd never accept them being fat."

In some sense, if these arguments are right when applied to the gainers, their logically has to be a similar application to fat admiration and acceptance. If feeders and feedees aren't to actually act out their desires, then likewise I really ought to keep my dating fat women "just a fantasy" too.
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:08 PM   #257
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""In some sense, if these arguments are right when applied to the gainers, their logically has to be a similar application to fat admiration and acceptance. If feeders and feedees aren't to actually act out their desires, then likewise I really ought to keep my dating fat women "just a fantasy" too.""

If you believe that the state of being fat is always a state of disease than you should keep fat women as a fantasy only. Otherwise you will either feel guilty for desiring what is unhealthy or feel you need to make your partner lose for her health's sake. Neither scenario would make for a very happy relationship IMO.
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:19 PM   #258
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Wha??? The question you posed seemed to indicate that there is an unwilling partner involved. You presented someone who said, "Well, I guess it's okay with me whatever," but then later realized it was not. That would not be the same as a guy who digs a fat chick and wants to date. I would suppose that after he was dating her and he discovered he didn't really like fat chicks after all the paralell would be the same. He's not obligated to stay in a relationship in which he is not happy.

Or did I misunderstand again? *scratches head*
LOL...sorry, I didn't mean for the two arguments to be complimentary or correlative, simply tangental in topic.

The post above is simply to ask a new question entirely: In terms of moving from fantasy to reality, if it's wrong for the above reasons for a gainer to actually gain, is it not wrong for an FA to actually date a fat woman?
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:03 PM   #259
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LOL...sorry, I didn't mean for the two arguments to be complimentary or correlative, simply tangental in topic.

The post above is simply to ask a new question entirely: In terms of moving from fantasy to reality, if it's wrong for the above reasons for a gainer to actually gain, is it not wrong for an FA to actually date a fat woman?
I've heard this line of thought before, and while I understand the process, I don't agree with it.

I am going to be fat regardless of any FA being present in my life. I'm a fat girl, always been fat, always going to be fat.... don't stay fat for the FA dating pool (that would be the dumbest idea known to man, losing weight could only improve my dating life just by sheer "odds" games).

So, while the feeder/feedee thing can be debated about supporting/encouraging a "healthier" life into an unhealthier one... for someone like me, the fat girls who grew this way naturally over time, genetics, with no deliberate gains/changes, etc... we've been this way all along. For us to not be appreciated/admired/dated by the men who have a "natural" preference for us would be sad and tragic on both sides.
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Old 04-17-2007, 03:06 PM   #260
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I wouldn't leave unannounced though, I would at least take the moment to say, "We need to talk." If the person isn't at least open to hear you out that's a sign that maybe it's time to walk. They may have rights but you have them too and if you don't want to put up with something you certainly don't have to. But you should at least speak up and let the person know how you feel.
OH exactly...I agree..that a discussion needs to happen..but if he's at this point..then the relationship will probably end..
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Old 04-17-2007, 04:07 PM   #261
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:21 PM   #262
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LOL...sorry, I didn't mean for the two arguments to be complimentary or correlative, simply tangental in topic.

The post above is simply to ask a new question entirely: In terms of moving from fantasy to reality, if it's wrong for the above reasons for a gainer to actually gain, is it not wrong for an FA to actually date a fat woman?
Ahhhh, so this is under the guise that by dating a fat woman you are somehow choosing a path of destruction that will eventually lead to your own peril. Say, you can't get promoted at work 'cause your wife is fat. You'll get harassed 'cause your wife is fat. For the sake of your future and standing in the community bla bla bla you should avoid fat people at all costs if you know what's good for you. In essence you desire something that will place limits upon your 'mobility' in the fast paced world of the movers and shakers therefore you should resist this desire and seek counseling immediately. You must be insane to want this.

By limiting another's freedom to choose their poison we in a sense limit our own freedom to do the same via the same argument.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:32 PM   #263
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If John started drinking heavily, I would ask him to stop. I suspect if I gained weight on purpose he would ask me to stop. Clearly neither of us could make the other stop but if things got to a bad point we would withdraw from the relationship. If either of us chooses to self destruct and will not be turned away from that choice we can't expect the other to say nothing and go make a booze or burger run.
But wouldn't your asking him to stop be motivated by the fact that his drinking could also be detrimental to you? If someone is beginning to drink heavily, his personality may be compromised. He could become moody, or violent, or just slurringly maudlin.

My point is that gaining, in theory, only has the potential to hurt the one doing the gaining. It's unlikely that they'll get food drunk and break things.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:38 PM   #264
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It can sorta. If you're always the one to be the designated driver. You have to carry them to the car, slip them out of their clothes, clean up after them, explain to angry employers why your mate is missing work, etc. It can become tedious having to keep up after a person who is acting recklessly.

For a gainer, once that person has limited mobility their mate or family members are the brawn for almost everything and if they didn't sign on for something like that it can get old pretty fast. If someone becomes sick through no fault of their own that's one thing but if you have to accommodate someone who willfully put themselves in a positon to be dependent it can make you pretty salty.


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But wouldn't your asking him to stop be motivated by the fact that his drinking could also be detrimental to you? If someone is beginning to drink heavily, his personality may be compromised. He could become moody, or violent, or just slurringly maudlin.

My point is that gaining, in theory, only has the potential to hurt the one doing the gaining. It's unlikely that they'll get food drunk and break things.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:42 PM   #265
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That's true. I didn't consider all the nursemaid activities you would need to perform in either case.
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:44 PM   #266
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That's true. I didn't consider all the nursemaid activities you would need to perform in either case.
I grew up in a family of alcoholics and wanton wastrels so my hackles are always raised on this kind of thing.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:53 PM   #267
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But wouldn't your asking him to stop be motivated by the fact that his drinking could also be detrimental to you? If someone is beginning to drink heavily, his personality may be compromised. He could become moody, or violent, or just slurringly maudlin.

My point is that gaining, in theory, only has the potential to hurt the one doing the gaining. It's unlikely that they'll get food drunk and break things.
But wouldn't someone immobile be dependent on you and thus affecting your lifestyle too? I see why you saw it as different but the analogies are the same if you compare them to long and short run effects. Any health problems that arise in the future from excess weight will also affect both partners in a relationship. That's why people get to step in and say something- it's not just one life affected.



***Alcoholism does long term damage but you can see it's effects from early on too- unlike the food.



***********oh sorry, just read back after first answering this post and see that you and Lilly covered it
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Old 04-17-2007, 08:35 PM   #268
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But wouldn't someone immobile be dependent on you and thus affecting your lifestyle too? I see why you saw it as different but the analogies are the same if you compare them to long and short run effects. Any health problems that arise in the future from excess weight will also affect both partners in a relationship. That's why people get to step in and say something- it's not just one life affected.



***Alcoholism does long term damage but you can see it's effects from early on too- unlike the food.



***********oh sorry, just read back after first answering this post and see that you and Lilly covered it
I like the mid-post game of catch-up. I do that all the time. You see that it's been covered but at that point, dammit, you typed all that stuff!
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:41 PM   #269
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I hope it's alright that i'm just responding to the original question...

I guess I have always felt that weight gain can be very harmful. Beyond anything physical, it can emotionally scar you, and I believe that is the most traumatizing aspect of it. I think about the prospect of weight gain constantly, and though it intrigues me and I find it highly erotic, I find too many cons to actually engage in gaining myself. Being that it is taboo to be immobile or very large, I can only imagine how one may feel ostricised and cut off from the world. That to me, is the most damaging part of being a feedee. I guess I just can't see finding happiness in lying in a bed all day. But to be diplomatic, I suppose that's a personal matter.
Perhaps my apprehension stems from my sensitivity which causes me to over-think everything. I guess what I'm trying to verbalize is the prospect of depleting ones image of themselves, both mind and body. I truly believe that beauty and worth comes in all sizes, but it's important that one believes that of themselves, and getting to the point where you truly are unable to function would, in my opinion, put a damper on your self worth.
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Old 04-18-2007, 12:10 AM   #270
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It's actually really cool to see women talking about their weight gain fantasies. I'm pretty sure I'm not the feeder type, but I still suffer from guilt trips because the idea of a woman being fed and gaining weight until she's immobile does turn me on, and I can't deny it. It's not that I think feeding is inherently bad, but as we've seen, some consider it pretty degrading. I guess that sometimes I feel bad that what's debilitating for someone else can be arousing for me.
Does anyone get what I'm trying to say here?
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Old 04-18-2007, 04:03 AM   #271
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It's actually really cool to see women talking about their weight gain fantasies. I'm pretty sure I'm not the feeder type, but I still suffer from guilt trips because the idea of a woman being fed and gaining weight until she's immobile does turn me on, and I can't deny it. It's not that I think feeding is inherently bad, but as we've seen, some consider it pretty degrading. I guess that sometimes I feel bad that what's debilitating for someone else can be arousing for me.
Does anyone get what I'm trying to say here?
Yeah, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been saying throughout this thread that people should learn not to be ashamed of their kinks, but sometimes I feel like I'm saying it so often because I'm the one who really needs to be convinced that it's OK.

You're not alone. I bet that just about everyone with WG fantasies has feelings like this. Speaking solely for myself, I know that I spent most of adolescence desperately wishing that I could just be normal.

I've come to enjoy and take pride in my FA-ism. Being an FA is such an integral part of who I am, and has been such a decisive influence on my personal growth, that I wouldn't change it even if I could. But if I could rub the magic lantern and get rid of being a gainer/encourager? I'm not sure that I wouldn't.

But it's not going to happen. This thing of ours is wired so deeply into my primitive nervous system that I doubt anything less than a lobotomy could make it go away .

All I can do is learn to deal with it in a healthy and responsible way, just like I've learned to deal with my other psychological quirks. Would I love to be in a relationship with a genuine gainer? Of course. But realistically? The woman who shares the fetish and fits my picky and esoteric romantic standards may not be out there.

The brain, as the saying goes, is the biggest sexual organ. If she's a charming SSBBW who's not totally repulsed by the fantasy, our overactive imaginations will take care of the rest -- all she really needs to do is whisper seductively over dessert once in a while. And in return I'll do whatever freaky shit turns her on, even if she wants to dress up like Napoleon, spray me with ketchup, and whack my ass with a yardstick. Sometimes love means making sacrifices.

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Old 04-18-2007, 06:05 AM   #272
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Yeah, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been saying throughout this thread that people should learn not to be ashamed of their kinks, but sometimes I feel like I'm saying it so often because I'm the one who really needs to be convinced that it's OK.

You're not alone. I bet that just about everyone with WG fantasies has feelings like this. Speaking solely for myself, I know that I spent most of adolescence desperately wishing that I could just be normal.

I've come to enjoy and take pride in my FA-ism. Being an FA is such an integral part of who I am, and has been such a decisive influence on my personal growth, that I wouldn't change it even if I could. But if I could rub the magic lantern and get rid of being a gainer/encourager? I'm not sure that I wouldn't.

But it's not going to happen. This thing of ours is wired so deeply into my primitive nervous system that I doubt anything less than a lobotomy could make it go away .

All I can do is learn to deal with it in a healthy and responsible way, just like I've learned to deal with my other psychological quirks. Would I love to be in a relationship with a genuine gainer? Of course. But realistically? The woman who shares the fetish and fits my picky and esoteric romantic standards may not be out there.

The brain, as the saying goes, is the biggest sexual organ. If she's a charming SSBBW who's not totally repulsed by the fantasy, our overactive imaginations will take care of the rest -- all she really needs to do is whisper seductively over dessert once in a while. And in return I'll do whatever freaky shit turns her on, even if she wants to dress up like Napoleon, spray me with ketchup, and whack my ass with a yardstick. Sometimes love means making sacrifices.
Damn. I still can't rep you.

I think the whole adolescent realization was totally lost on me because there really wasn't any yearning ache for something I couldn't have. I already had what I wanted, it wasn't an outgoing desire. To me it was normal, if that makes any sense. I appreciated my body, I appreciated the beauty of others as well - I just wasn't aware that anyone else liked my body as much as I did. Any embarrassment was just general embarrassment from the skinny loving public or temporarily wanting to be the cute cheerleader who gets to shop at cute stores and be at the top of the pyramid but I was far too narcissistic and too much of a bully for it to be as damaging to me as it could have been. I never had this wonder, "Hmm, why do I like my body?" As far as I was concerned loving my gaining body was natural and it worked to my advantage so I didn't complain or give it much thought.

I am turned on by gaining and such but it is merely a small part of the whole of what I am. I like other stuff too. I'd liken it to my love for cheeseburgers! I love them but I don't want to have cheeseburgers EVERY NIGHT with every meal. I like other foods too. My eyes light up at the thought of one, however if I'm with someone who *needs* to have cheeseburgers at every meal every day and they leave sizzling messages by email that list the ingredients, that's a bit over the top for me. Sometimes I perceive that for some encouragers it's a much bigger deal than it is for me which makes me a little nervous at times.
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:27 AM   #273
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It's actually really cool to see women talking about their weight gain fantasies. I'm pretty sure I'm not the feeder type, but I still suffer from guilt trips because the idea of a woman being fed and gaining weight until she's immobile does turn me on, and I can't deny it. It's not that I think feeding is inherently bad, but as we've seen, some consider it pretty degrading. I guess that sometimes I feel bad that what's debilitating for someone else can be arousing for me.
Does anyone get what I'm trying to say here?
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Originally Posted by SlackerFA View Post
Yeah, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been saying throughout this thread that people should learn not to be ashamed of their kinks, but sometimes I feel like I'm saying it so often because I'm the one who really needs to be convinced that it's OK.

You're not alone. I bet that just about everyone with WG fantasies has feelings like this. Speaking solely for myself, I know that I spent most of adolescence desperately wishing that I could just be normal.

I've come to enjoy and take pride in my FA-ism. Being an FA is such an integral part of who I am, and has been such a decisive influence on my personal growth, that I wouldn't change it even if I could. But if I could rub the magic lantern and get rid of being a gainer/encourager? I'm not sure that I wouldn't.

But it's not going to happen. This thing of ours is wired so deeply into my primitive nervous system that I doubt anything less than a lobotomy could make it go away .

All I can do is learn to deal with it in a healthy and responsible way, just like I've learned to deal with my other psychological quirks. Would I love to be in a relationship with a genuine gainer? Of course. But realistically? The woman who shares the fetish and fits my picky and esoteric romantic standards may not be out there.

The brain, as the saying goes, is the biggest sexual organ. If she's a charming SSBBW who's not totally repulsed by the fantasy, our overactive imaginations will take care of the rest -- all she really needs to do is whisper seductively over dessert once in a while. And in return I'll do whatever freaky shit turns her on, even if she wants to dress up like Napoleon, spray me with ketchup, and whack my ass with a yardstick. Sometimes love means making sacrifices.
Guys, this is really well said. I resonate particularly with Slacker's longer post, here. Bein' a FA who loves the taboo requires some emotional work and a little (sometimes alot) of emotional management. And Slacker's right, it's more than just about the fetish. Relationships don't live on fetish alone. There's alot to be said about someone who simply stands by you, loves your kinks, and dapples in them.

Lilly, I'm not gushing. I simply always find your attitude and forthcoming way about fat, food, and pleasure so refreshing. You're reasoned and seasoned.

I've said it before: I think being a man and a FA comes with its own traps. Sometimes some of us get targeted for our fat/food/gaining kinks because its read as predatory. I'm not say this isn't for good reason. But, it adds a layer of anxiousness and pressure to work through. I talk a little about that here.

Anyway, kudo's to all of you. Cheesecake, bear hugs, and beer steins raised in festive clamour. "Hear, Hear!"
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:52 AM   #274
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Damn. I still can't rep you.

I think the whole adolescent realization was totally lost on me because there really wasn't any yearning ache for something I couldn't have. I already had what I wanted, it wasn't an outgoing desire. To me it was normal, if that makes any sense. I appreciated my body, I appreciated the beauty of others as well - I just wasn't aware that anyone else liked my body as much as I did. Any embarrassment was just general embarrassment from the skinny loving public or temporarily wanting to be the cute cheerleader who gets to shop at cute stores and be at the top of the pyramid but I was far too narcissistic and too much of a bully for it to be as damaging to me as it could have been. I never had this wonder, "Hmm, why do I like my body?" As far as I was concerned loving my gaining body was natural and it worked to my advantage so I didn't complain or give it much thought.

I am turned on by gaining and such but it is merely a small part of the whole of what I am. I like other stuff too. I'd liken it to my love for cheeseburgers! I love them but I don't want to have cheeseburgers EVERY NIGHT with every meal. I like other foods too. My eyes light up at the thought of one, however if I'm with someone who *needs* to have cheeseburgers at every meal every day and they leave sizzling messages by email that list the ingredients, that's a bit over the top for me. Sometimes I perceive that for some encouragers it's a much bigger deal than it is for me which makes me a little nervous at times.
Thanks, Lilly. I still can't rep you either .

As I've said before, I think part of the problem with the online encourager community is that most of the guys repress their encouraging and their FA-ism in their everyday lives, so when they meet a female gainer who's not an obvious fake, all gates open at once and the fantasy comes flooding out in a scary torrent.

Although I wonder if there are guys who get off on the feeding and the gain without actually being sexually attracted to a fat partner. I can't even imagine that, myself, but I guess it's kinda like Heather's being turned on by the gaining but not by the eating, which I find equally incomprehensible . I have no idea what I'd say to a guy in that situation -- I'm an FA first and an encourager second, so I can think of plenty of fun things to do with an SSBBW that don't involve watching her eat .

And I don't get why guys persist in being creepy after someone tells them off. I mean, c'mon, guys, shouldn't it be obvious that if she doesn't like you she's not gonna hook up with you? Jeesh, my gender can be dense sometimes .
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:21 PM   #275
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The brain, as the saying goes, is the biggest sexual organ. If she's a charming SSBBW who's not totally repulsed by the fantasy, our overactive imaginations will take care of the rest -- all she really needs to do is whisper seductively over dessert once in a while. And in return I'll do whatever freaky shit turns her on, even if she wants to dress up like Napoleon, spray me with ketchup, and whack my ass with a yardstick. Sometimes love means making sacrifices.

PM me right now.

Just kidding, but great post. What I've found is that the guys who are feeders who approach me often have little interests in my fantasies and what turns me on...they're so very driven by their own fantasies if they feel like they get a foot in the door they run you over rushing in.


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Although I wonder if there are guys who get off on the feeding and the gain without actually being sexually attracted to a fat partner. I can't even imagine that, myself, but I guess it's kinda like Heather's being turned on by the gaining but not by the eating, which I find equally incomprehensible . I have no idea what I'd say to a guy in that situation -- I'm an FA first and an encourager second, so I can think of plenty of fun things to do with an SSBBW that don't involve watching her eat .
Okay, now I'm not kidding. PM me, mmkay?


This is an interesting point, and something that kind of bothers me. I'm a SSBBW already. If they were FAs it would seem like I've got enough fat to admire as is, wouldn't it? The fact is that a woman who is already say...400 lbs. has no interest to a gain admirer unless she'll gain to 500 or something...but if I was 250 and said I'd gain to 400 it would drive them wild. It doesn't seem to be the fact of how large she already is, but how large she'll expand to be as they watch.
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