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Old 02-13-2017, 01:00 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by AmandaLynn View Post
Beautifully fat!
Fact girl!
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Old 02-13-2017, 01:04 PM   #52
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Fact girl!
You need to trademark that.
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Old 02-13-2017, 03:17 PM   #53
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I am just breaking down you post into smaller quotes because there is a lot to comment on.
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Originally Posted by Fat Molly View Post
and indeed a lot of times when people, around me, have done the 'oohhhhh i'm so fat,' deal. and I've been like 'um, I'm way heavier than you, so like haha shut up.' then i've gotten a lot of 'no babe you're not fat, you're beautiful, seriously though you're not fat.'
IMO most thin people complaining about being fat is, them fishing for complements. In my head I am always thinking “Honey, please!” in a sassy manner.
[quote=Fat Molly;2203775] see also: I comment 'I'm going to eat another ice cream because I'm fat,' or something else fairly value-neutral (even fairly prideful, actually), and everyone starts trying to reassure me that I'm beautiful. QUOTE]
I am assuming these are people who don’t know how you feel about being fat (I am just guessing you are cool with it due to your profile pic). That statement can come off as attention seeking and like you are depressed. Though in this community that has a completely different meaning.
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i think because fat has such awful and moral connotations within our culture, it's easier for people to overlook a small-fat person who they like. whereas that same person, on the street or in the car, they might see the fatty/be annoyed by the fatty and think 'what a gross ugly fatty.'
It’s tough to draw a line on this comment.
I think a lot of the discussion on this thread, has been about the personal values people apply to these categories. People outside of this community of course see the word fat as a bad thing. I think calling someone (mainstream) fat is far more offensive to people than calling them the F word.
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IN SUM: I believe small-fats can often be given the 'benefit of the doubt' or have their fatness erased/excused by others, provided small-fats have proven their moral fortitude or likeability or whatever. if you're friends with a small-fat chances are you don't necessarily think of them as actually fat.
I am sure that large-fat get told that too. It’s really hard to tell if that is really how mainstream sees the small-fat. The small-fat probably don’t the “it’s unhealthy” lecture that the large-fat maybe more likely to receive.
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whereas with a supersize fat person? like, you're just overwhelmed with the constant reminders of how fat they are. mobility issues being the big one, as well as size/fitting into places issues.
ultimately, as I am thinking about this... I see this being more of an able-bodied issue vs. a disabled-body issue. when your fatness moves you from generally-able-bodied to a disabled-body (or at least is visibly perceived in this way), then that's when normies really start to be disgusted. a lot of the 'ugh those fat slobs' gross-out humor in TV shows and the like, it's often centered around the super-sized fat body vs. the beginning to intermediate fat body.

the extremes are what really get the most attention, in many ways. and many people just don't see people who are small-fat to be actually fat, because small-fats aren't so fat as to be 'morally disgusting' in some way.

because a fat person who is disabled is OBVIOUSLY disabled 100% by their fat and not by, for example, orthopedic injuries or chronic ailments or anything other than their moral perversity. /sarcasm.
I almost feel this is a separate topic. People often rant about the dangers of obesity, often meanly. I think this has far more to do with getting a chance to get judgment and rude while pretending you care. How often do you hear about: you should wear ear plugs at concerts to prevent hearing lose, gamers/musicians/athletes would play or practice less to prevent repetitive injury issues, wear a helmet to prevent cracking your head open (kids are told that a lot).
But then there is a part of me that says at what point do SSBBWs become unattractive. When they start having quality of life issue due to their size, is my answer.

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Originally Posted by Fat Molly View Post
yes, our media does a reprehensible job with regards to fatness. i remember watching Mean Girls, where the character Regina George 'gets fat' and I remember watching and being like, 'how on earth is this woman considered fat?' and it heavily reinforced my eating disorder. but I think the average level-minded person generally doesn't believe that TV = representative of reality. in fact, most of my psychiatric-disabled clients would tend to agree with this.
I love Mean Girls! That seen was mocking thin women who complain about being fat. In the context of that movie it’s definitely a joke. Though I understand what you are saying.

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Originally Posted by Fat Molly View Post
ultimately it's the disability that's (perceived to be caused by) fat that modern society sees as 'disgusting fat' in my opinion. whereas generally I feel small-fats get a pass.
I think disability is a strong part of it. But I do know guys who only go after girls who I would describe as boney. I think there is a component of just being: I am not fat. Society says being fat is wrong, unattractive, and unhealthy. I am a good person. I can act like I am a good person by giving passive-aggressive health advice to strangers. I am correct. My attitude while being correct is irrelevant.
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:14 AM   #54
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Molly, your notes about fat people being seen as disabled got me thinking. I can sort of see three dynamics at work, and quite possibly all mixed together:

- Disabled in its literal sense -- that sufficiently fat people struggle with a bunch of activities that most people think of as normal

- More sort of 'not fitting in' in both a literal and figurative sense (can't fit in chairs, can't keep up with the group walking somewhere and may not be able to do the activity if they do make it there, shop at different stores, will never have the same look, etc). This same sort of factor may apply to many physically disabled people (if in a wheelchair, on crutches, have mobility or coordination problems, etc)

- A basic 'not of my tribe' feeling because they just seem so different (bigger, slower, don't do the same things I do, don't hang out at the same places I do, etc)

I could imagine any or all being a factor beyond the moral condemnation of fat is part of our society too. And all being things that would not hit small fats as much. As in, a small fat might still catch some of the moral condemnation, but when you don't look so different, when you literally fit in, when you do most things the way that most people do them, there is not these other factors that may influence people's feelings?

Would be interested in your thoughts around that.
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Old 02-17-2017, 01:21 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by Fat Molly View Post
e.g. I think many normal-size people will see small-fat people as 'oh if you lost some pounds you'd be very beautiful'
They call them plump, overweight, chunky, fat.

Here's a test, go to the club and annoy some skinny people and see what they call you. People are cruel.
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Old 02-17-2017, 05:55 PM   #56
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They call them plump, overweight, chunky, fat.

Here's a test, go to the club and annoy some skinny people and see what they call you. People are cruel.
I haven't been to a club in a long time, but I remember the snickers and comments when a fat person, or even just chubby, would go out on the dance floor. Cruel indeed.
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Old 02-17-2017, 10:04 PM   #57
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I haven't been to a club in a long time, but I remember the snickers and comments when a fat person, or even just chubby, would go out on the dance floor. Cruel indeed.
A lot depends on the club and the city. Some places are more accepting than others. I've found that clubs that feature punk or alternative music tend to be more accepting. Also some cities just seem friendlier. A few weeks ago I was at a club in Albuquerque with my new GF. We danced a lot and no one said anything bad -- indeed several people started friendly conversation with my GF.
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Old 02-18-2017, 09:52 AM   #58
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A lot depends on the club and the city. Some places are more accepting than others. I've found that clubs that feature punk or alternative music tend to be more accepting. Also some cities just seem friendlier. A few weeks ago I was at a club in Albuquerque with my new GF. We danced a lot and no one said anything bad -- indeed several people started friendly conversation with my GF.
I totally agree. I'm sure it does depend on the location and the culture. Like I said it's been a long time, so I'm sure it's changed a lot in the last 15 to 20 years also. Hopefully anyways
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Old 02-18-2017, 12:10 PM   #59
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I know I am late to this very interesting thread but I find it continually amazing that in a country where 70 to 75% of adults are overweight or obese (according to medical definitions anyway) we still hear or worry about negative comments about being fat. If someone is skinny we don't automatically comment on that person, so why if someone is overweight does it really matter to anyone?

Having said my piece, I personally like the descriptors plump or chubby vs. "small fat". And I especially like to describe a woman being "beautifully fat" if I find her overall to be appealing. I describe myself as "fat" all the time, usually in a light humorous way when I ask for a table vs. a booth in a restaurant or similar situations. Its my way of communicating to others that the word "fat" is a normal descriptor and not something that should be view negatively.
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Old 02-18-2017, 02:32 PM   #60
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If someone is skinny we don't automatically comment on that person, so why if someone is overweight does it really matter to anyone?
Probably because our feelings aren't necessarily governed by logic and evidence. At least I know it's that way for me. It's just that way in the reverse direction as it is for the culture.

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...the word "fat" is a normal descriptor and not something that should be view negatively.
Absolutely agree.
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Old 02-18-2017, 05:46 PM   #61
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Gaining weight is also a factor. If a very fat person gains weight, no one notices. I find that half the time when I have gained weight, people say, :Have you lost weight?" They really can't tell!

But when someone gains weight and crosses the line from "average" to "fat" everyone will come down on them like a ton of bricks. This can be very upsetting, especially when it's own family. You think that everyone will be harassing you to the max constantly for the rest of your life unless you lose weight. But in truth, people will adjust their perceptions over time and think of you as a fat person. The comments may not go away, but they will settle down to a low rumble as long as you don't feed into it by getting down on yourself.
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Old 02-19-2017, 01:26 AM   #62
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Oh I decided to add another hting.. Cellulite! Woman complain a lot about that, especially on their butt and legs. Personally, I don't care. Is it unsightly? Not really. Because my mind is too filled with butterflies. I think too many woman worry about it and htey should't. It's like me worrying about boogers or forehead wrinkles. Or maybe worrying about the hair on my chest/back or baldness. Learn to just accept you as you. Life of course throws us through so many twists and turns. Sometimes disfigurement really is bad. I get that. But I think woman examine their bodies a lot. Sometimes htey need to do something else, just to get some fresh air.
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Old 02-19-2017, 12:21 PM   #63
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^^^wow that was a mouthful!

Welcome aboard, and thank you for making a long post with multiple thoughts.

I'm curious why BMI seems so important to you? There are a lot of different height and weight combinations in a lot of different body types that can yield the same BMI. It's literally a useless metric.

Also, if I may take exception to one comment...

"Skinny IS pretty at least."

While I respect that this is your preference and won't ever fault someone for having the preferences he or she has, I think this can easily be taken as a volatile statement esp here in Dims. And of course, as a matter of preference this is not universally true. A beautiful woman can be found in a fat or skinny body.
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Old 02-19-2017, 05:59 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
, when you literally fit in, when you do most things the way that most people do them, there is not these other factors that may influence people's feelings?
that's exactly what i'm getting at. exactly.
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Old 02-22-2017, 10:32 PM   #65
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But when someone gains weight and crosses the line from "average" to "fat" everyone will come down on them like a ton of bricks. This can be very upsetting, especially when it's own family. You think that everyone will be harassing you to the max constantly for the rest of your life unless you lose weight. But in truth, people will adjust their perceptions over time and think of you as a fat person.
That is so true! I'm so glad I'm out of the weight range where family would suggest liposuction. I used to get so frustrated at them because I was not too fat and was quite comfortable with my body but they wanted the fat gone.

Now I'm in the weight range where they suggest weight loss surgery. LOL
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