meeting a guy from a dating site for the first time!

[Never2fat4me]

You have done the most important thing already, which is to be up front about your size. It may be easy to say guys shouldn't care about these things, but they do, so no point trying to get them to fall in love with you in the expectation that they'll accept you for who you are when you meet. So kudos to you on that.

And if it's of any comfort, most guys are just as nervous as you are when we first meet. I actually think meeting online is a great way to break the ice and get to know each other first. But we too have faced our share of rejection for various reasons, many of which we just don't understand, and so we worry if we look just right, smell just right, are dressed just right, in addition to being concerned if we're smart enough, funny enough, cool enough.

So relax, accept that both of you are nervous, and be yourself. You never can go wrong - in the long term - doing that.

- Chris

[supersizebbw]

@OP: i'm in the same boat as you...i've been chatting with a guy online and about to meet him in person and i'm so anxious about it all....but i have to keep telling myself i'll never meet anyone by just sitting indoors every weekend *sigh*. all the best hun

[bonified]

I don't want to come in here all gloaty and geeing up, because the online thing has so far worked for me etc and i know it sounds like it, just I'm so fucking happy its not normal.
Wanted to say the freshie & i were talking about how we met and stuff on the weekend & I think when meeting someone on line its best to meet as soon as poss like within a week, or try and keeps comms limited until you can actually meet face to face. At least before all the prolonged daydreamy hectic fantasy pressurey shit kicks in hardcore and potentially sets either of you up for inital disapointment.

& yeah supersizebbw, get that shit out there, its fun dressing up and really you never know where the day may take you.

[LaylaBlue2012]

I met the guy I live with on POF

Glad to know POF was good for u as it was for me i'm currently extremely happy with my hubby that i met on POF!!

[bbwprincess]

how did you make your profile on pov like what did you write on it?

Originally Posted by LaylaBlue2012

Glad to know POF was good for u as it was for me i'm currently extremely happy with my hubby that i met on POF!!

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Originally Posted by bbwprincess

how did you make your profile on pov like what did you write on it?

You didn't ask me but since she hasn't answered I hope you don't mind if I share.
I met my current live-in bf on POF. I put as many pics as it allows- very important to people. I was also very clear that I am not thin and if that it what a man needs/prefers then to move on. I listed some interests/hobbies, told a little bit about myself/situation. Be sure to be very clear about who you are AND what you want/are looking for.
After enough time on there, I decided to "weed" out for quality over quantity and made a disclaimer on my profile (you can edit it whenever you want) about wanting a man that is responsible- because I found myself amazed at a man in his late thirties acting like it was an incredible step for him not to live with his Mom- or another man living in his Minister's basement with no job...seeking to date. I feel like people should have their own lives in order before they seek to interject themselves into someone else's life.


I have always approached the dating sites not only with hope of finding someone compatible- but also the enjoyment of meeting nice, new people in my life.

Good Luck to you if you decide to try it.

[Lovelyone]

Originally Posted by LordQuas

I was just curious because every time I've met a woman from online and she was bigger than I expected I found it to be a pleasant surprise and I would hope that I'm not the only one. That being said I never gave any indication that I felt this way

There isn't anything wrong with you being thrilled that the woman you are meeting or taking out for a date is bigger than you expected. However, there is a difference between YOU finding it to be a pleasant surprise and you TELLING her that she's bigger than you've expected.

In my experience--men who aren't FA's say things like, "You are bigger than I expected" with a hint of sarcasm and disdain in order to end a date/meeting. The way they say it is almost accusingly--as if I lied about what size I was and it comes as a complete shock to them that I am the size I am. We ladies have heard it quite a few times in a derogatory manner and unless you have thick skin and the confidence to back it up...sometimes it can be hurtful to an already insecure person.

[GlassDaemon]

"My momma always told me ya gatta learn ta love yerself before ya can expect someone else ta love ya!"

I don't know why I felt the need to type that that way, it's just the way my head made it sound and my mother sounds NOTHING like that, but she has always told me that. ^^;

We are brainwashed by the media to believe fat women are the bane of society, as fat ladies it is our job to prove to the silly media that we are GLORIOUS creatures to be adored! ^^ You can't expect someone else to think you're beautiful if you don't think you are.

I met my bf on PoF too, almost 3 years now.

On another note, a guy who is terrified and repulsed by the idea of dating a fat chick probably isn't going to talk to you if your profile suggests you're kinda thick. So go on your date, aware of the fact that he knew you weren't media's definitions of beautiful.

[WomanlyHips]

I also met my boyfriend of almost a year on POF, I had little faith in such sites but it obviously worked.

[Kenster102.5]

In the past three to four months I met two curvy ladies from OKCupid, both dates were over meals, we had conversation but nothing really panned out after it, one didn't reply and the other said I wasn't her type. Right now I am in the stage where I am just Skype messaging people, I have yet to meet this one chick from who I have been talking on a weekly basis But one point a chick insulted me and called me a skeleton. Yo but I am just going to keep trying, hey to the original poster, I hope things went well.

Yo and to those who are worried about their profiles, let me say this I got my mother the person who knows me best to comb through my profile and reorganize it and make it read off great, cause she is sort of a report writer. The point is if you talk about it with someone it really doesn't seem like an ordeal and it can become fun to flirt and talk, join up, and less of an ordeal to get rejected or reject someone.

If anyone wants a link to my OKCupid or POF profiles, pm me.

[ScreamingChicken]

My GF and I met on POF. To say it surpassed my expectations it putting it lightly. When I created my profile, the end result went something like this

• divorced father of two
• list of my interests and hobbies
• what personality traits I found attractive in a woman
• that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship but that I was open to the idea of one with the right person
• that I preferred plus sized women/BBWs

In other words, I didn't make it all about the fat because...it's not all about the fat. Don't get me wrong; I Iove the voluptous curves of my GF but it was her personality, warmth, sense of humor, and confidence that drew me in instantly. I had no option but to fall in love with her.

[Jim Miller]

The majority of dates I have ever had, including both of the lasting relationships I have had, came about through online connections--one of which was plain old Craigslist. (It helped that I lived in Seattle, where the ratio of interesting, compatible people who were also early online adopters has been much higher than it generally is in the U.S.) Many of my lasting friendships have also come through online connections. So don't worry about the "online" factor. Honestly, it seems more credible to me than meeting someone at some bar or dance club. Attitudes and social norms are changing, and the prevailing mindset that online connections are somehow inferior is fading fast. I owe not just my love life, but many of my friendships, as well as my income, to the Internet.

As for being insecure...a lot of people upthread have told you not to be insecure or to not worry about being insecure. Unfortunately one cannot simply wish away their insecurities. You've already done the most important part, which is to be aware of your insecurities and be up-front with yourself about them. All I can add to that is my advice that you always be honest with people, and always be proactive about pursuing the things you want--even at the risk of failure or rejection. Over time, your confidence will grow.

Best wishes!

[Blueeyedbbw]

I realize this is a pretty old post but I thought my experience would come into play here as well.

I am on both POF and Okcupid. I have met one guy in person and he absolutely showed no surprise when he saw me. In fact, he lit up like a Christmas tree. I did, however post a full body shot. Actually it's the same one I have on here. That's the first picture they see so they know what they are getting up front. Another guy I met off a different site had the same reaction. Sad neither of them actually worked out...

I am in the process of talking to another guy from POF and needless to say, he is skinny as hell. it's pretty much my weakness. He has seen my full body shot but for some reason, I'm really nervous to meet him. I feel like he isn't seeing me for me. But I know that's my insecurities fighting with me. I plan on pushing that inner voice out of my head and meeting this guy like I'm the most beautiful girl on this planet. Just like everyone else should.

Girls, if he doesn't like you..SOMEONE WILL..

Do not be discouraged if things don't work out. Many many guys out there are willing to love you for YOU!

Stay beautiful and confident (:

[MaryClaire]

Originally Posted by Blueeyedbbw

I realize this is a pretty old post but I thought my experience would come into play here as well.

I am on both POF and Okcupid. I have met one guy in person and he absolutely showed no surprise when he saw me. In fact, he lit up like a Christmas tree. I did, however post a full body shot. Actually it's the same one I have on here. That's the first picture they see so they know what they are getting up front. Another guy I met off a different site had the same reaction. Sad neither of them actually worked out...

I am in the process of talking to another guy from POF and needless to say, he is skinny as hell. it's pretty much my weakness. He has seen my full body shot but for some reason, I'm really nervous to meet him. I feel like he isn't seeing me for me. But I know that's my insecurities fighting with me. I plan on pushing that inner voice out of my head and meeting this guy like I'm the most beautiful girl on this planet. Just like everyone else should.

Girls, if he doesn't like you..SOMEONE WILL..

Do not be discouraged if things don't work out. Many many guys out there are willing to love you for YOU!

Stay beautiful and confident (:

Thank you for this post! You are right!!

[lovelocs]

I just had a really weird experience.
I went out with a gentleman who was MUCH older than me. We met online, and decided to meet IRL.
It was completely socially inappropriate, and really kind of fun (not because of the social transgression,
but because it was just fun to meet, talk, and hang out).
I just enjoyed the experience, and I am not quite sure where it will go from here.



not quite sure if I want.

[Oona]

Originally Posted by lovelocs

I just had a really weird experience.
I went out with a gentleman who was MUCH older than me. We met online, and decided to meet IRL.
It was completely socially inappropriate, and really kind of fun (not because of the social transgression,
but because it was just fun to meet, talk, and hang out).
I just enjoyed the experience, and I am not quite sure where it will go from here.



not quite sure if I want.

I've been in a couple situations similar to that. Do what makes you happy for whatever reason you want. Social inappropriateness be damned, if you had fun hanging out, do it again!

I meet a lot of people online, only a select few do I meet in person. But when I do, its a blast. Meeting new people is exciting!

[Macanudo]

Originally Posted by bbwgatorgirl

So, I'm on POF. I met a guy on there, and we've been talking for about a week and a half. We're friends on facebook, so he's seen all of my good pictures, and my not so good pictures.

Not necessarily with him, but with any guy I meet online, I always have this fear of meeting him and him thinking I'm too fat. I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this, right? Any words of wisdom for me? I'm fairly young (23), but every guy I've ever met (online and in person) tells me that they would be more attracted to me if I weren't so insecure, but I always have that insecurity that I'll be too big, and I definitely don't want to be a guys biggest girl ever.

Advice appreciated and welcomed with open arms!

I know is hard to tell, but to be more confident you have to accept your body, work on it. And confidence is very atractive.

[Gingembre]

Originally Posted by bbwgatorgirl

I can't seem to find ANY FA's in my area, so I'm 'stuck' (don't feel stuck, just couldn't think of an appropriate word) dating guys who are with me for my personality, and they seem to just overlook my size (about a 26).

Just because isn't active on the FA scene doesn't mean that he doesn't like fatties. My boyfriend is very attracted to me and he has dated big and small girls. He says he has about a 70/30 preference for fat girls, but I've never heard him use the term "bisizual" and if he's aware of the FA/BBW community, he's certainly not active within it. I'm not sure if I called him an FA that he'd know what I meant.

Also, if you have full-length pictures on your profile, and photos taken at a variety of angles then, before you meet, the guy knows how big you are! He wants to meet you anyway. I was always tempted to put my thinnest looking photos on online profiles, but I just had to remind myself that it's about the quality of ppl who message you, not the quantity, and that I could be confident that if I used nice photos, but those where I actually look like the size I am, anyone I met would know what they were getting.

[Aust99]

^^ Wise words babe!!!

[starr416]

Originally Posted by Gingembre

Just because isn't active on the FA scene doesn't mean that he doesn't like fatties. My boyfriend is very attracted to me and he has dated big and small girls. He says he has about a 70/30 preference for fat girls, but I've never heard him use the term "bisizual" and if he's aware of the FA/BBW community, he's certainly not active within it. I'm not sure if I called him an FA that he'd know what I meant.

Can't agree more! My current boyfriend, who I met online, doesn't even know what an FA is, but I say he is one. And I am certain he is not aware of the BBW community, but his preference is for fat girls.

[ssbbw4m4]

I have had mixed success with on line meetings. One thing is photographs. Professional models will have 100's of photo taken and chose the 1 or 2 that look the best. I try to be honest when posting my photos, not just the ones that put me in the best light. I also update photos regularly and don't use ones that are over a couple years old. I don't want someone to see me for real the first time and be shocked. I also don't want to meet someone for the first time and not have them look like their photos.

I also try to be as honest as possible in my profile. It's not a job resume where things can be embellished a bit to get your foot in the door for an interview. When I first started internet dating, I put things on my profile that I thought women would like but, now I am just honest about my likes and dislikes.

I remember meeting someone that lived near me on line and her profile was, well, let's just say exaggerated. Being on disability is not the same as working at home. Single is not the same as separated.

that's my .02 anyway