Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BHM/FFA



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-04-2006, 05:08 PM   #76
LoveBHMS
default title
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,087
LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!LoveBHMS keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default Psycho

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laina
I missed the part of his post where he accused me of calling him a psycho (unless you're referring to the Norman Bates crack, which I prefer to think of as a joke)...but if he did and does feel that I'm accusing him of anything, I'll apologize.
I thought it came across as him being sarcastic and saying "oh...I was just a Johnny Come Lately to the nice guy thing."

Of course your advice is on target. As was the advice of others who posted to him here and on other threads. He's gotten everything from suggestions to join a writers club to switching coffee shops. At least three women [you, me, Lemminck] offered observations from the other side [being women] about men talking about being nice guys. At least one man offered helpful commentary on his thought process and one other woman simply said "hey, we all get rejected, keep trying."

But none of it made a dent, because he is, in fact, stuck playing the victim. His problems are unique which is why nobody else can understand being poor, single or lonely. If you think you know how he feels it's only because you don't understand how TRULY bad it is for him. The only person that can help him is himself, and the only thing that is going to help is when he quits feeling sorry for himself and takes some positive action to help his situation.
LoveBHMS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 07:50 PM   #77
Laina
Passionately Apathetic
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 485
Laina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
I thought it came across as him being sarcastic and saying "oh...I was just a Johnny Come Lately to the nice guy thing."
Hmm. I didn't read it that way. Life is too short, anyway, to be insulted by misinterpretation. If he's seriously upset about my post, there's always PMs.

Quote:
Of course your advice is on target. As was the advice of others who posted to him here and on other threads. He's gotten everything from suggestions to join a writers club to switching coffee shops. At least three women [you, me, Lemminck] offered observations from the other side [being women] about men talking about being nice guys. At least one man offered helpful commentary on his thought process and one other woman simply said "hey, we all get rejected, keep trying."

But none of it made a dent, because he is, in fact, stuck playing the victim. His problems are unique which is why nobody else can understand being poor, single or lonely. If you think you know how he feels it's only because you don't understand how TRULY bad it is for him. The only person that can help him is himself, and the only thing that is going to help is when he quits feeling sorry for himself and takes some positive action to help his situation.
I see your point. Truth be told, I'm sympathetic to your frustration, because it's maddening to not be heard, or not be heard correctly. (Or adequately, or whatever the proper word would be in this situation.) On the other hand, I don't feel like complaining about him in a public forum is going to do anything except cause MORE feelings of victimization. Counter-productive, at the very least.

If anyone wants to PM me to vent, to ask for more advice, or to complain about something I'm saying, awesome. I'm not, however, going to continue to complain about ANYONE in this thread. I feel disrespectful talking ABOUT someone (as opposed to TO someone), even if I'm only trying to defend them. I'm not in this guy's head, so I don't KNOW what he was thinking when he responded to me...trying to guess at it feels like I'm putting words in his mouth.
__________________
Biting's excellent. It's like kissing - only there is a winner.
Laina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2006, 02:55 AM   #78
William
On Timeout
 
William's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,896
William makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Hi Laina

Good for you!

I have seen too many people driven off forums because of infighting.

If have a disagreement with someone online, most times I try my best to be very civil, it drives the other person crazy

Most often if I do not like what a person said and it is not a major issue, I simply do not get involved in the thread

I have also seen many forums die because of people leaving and the FFA/BHM forum has always had less traffic compared to the other forums here. We should be trying to attract people.

William


[QUOTE=Laina]Hmm. I didn't read it that way. Life is too short, anyway, to be insulted by misinterpretation. If he's seriously upset about my post, there's always PMs.

.....edit......
William is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2006, 05:32 AM   #79
Wanderer
Actor at Extra-Large
 
Wanderer's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Forney, TX
Posts: 610
Wanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot pics
Default

<wipes latest draft, starts over>

I'll start safe: What I said, in response to the description of Laina's encounter with a self-professed "Nice Guy", was:

"And here I was, blaming Norman Bates for the popular image of the crazed "nice guy". I see now that he's really a Johnny-Come-Lately. I hope I haven't come across as one of those life-destroying wretches myself. Not that I can get anything but a long-distance relationship on this board, unless one of you is moving to Texas next year. But still, I hope I haven't given you cause to suspect me of such foul motives."

The comparison, there, is *supposed* to be between the maybe-I-can-make-them-leave-their-boyfriend "Nice Guy" that Laina met, and the off-his-rocker Norman Bates of "Psycho" fame. I apologize for making such a convoluted reference. (The "he", btw, is referring to the fictional Norman.)

Of course, my next post was the one that landed on the boards like a burning bag of doggy-doo on a front stoop, setting off a three-way, heavily-sarcastic response from LoveBHMs, Kiki, and Lemmink. I backpedaled (as people generally do when they've stepped on a landmine) and promptly became "The Eternal Victim". (bows to LoveBHMs) Thank you, Miss Casting Director.

Now: Yes, there was some advice on this thread, and I've run as far as I can with it. There are no writers' groups in my area, sorry, and the only coffee shops are a couple of Starbucks down near the mall. (Annoyingly, I don't like Starbucks' coffee. I'd choke it down anyway, of course, but since the local Starbucks clientele is overwhelmingly "couples coffee", there's not much point to that particular form of self-abuse.)

But I went, and I do still ask women out. Still no results; the last potential date begged off because she was widowed. But when I find a wittty, intelligent woman, I ask her out. (And I reiterate, LoveBHMs: I don't think their marital status is my fault. You can disagree if you like.)

Heck, I even asked the lone Texas FFA on the Frappr map; if she ever answers, I'll let you know.

In short: Why, yes, LoveBHMs, life has dumped on me heavily this past month. Thank you for your concern over the overt depressive tone of my postings. I'm sure I'll be all right, though.

Yours with a touch of sarcasm,

The going-to-bed,

Wanderer
Wanderer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2006, 10:20 AM   #80
Laina
Passionately Apathetic
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 485
Laina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by William
Hi Laina

Good for you!

I have seen too many people driven off forums because of infighting.

If have a disagreement with someone online, most times I try my best to be very civil, it drives the other person crazy

Most often if I do not like what a person said and it is not a major issue, I simply do not get involved in the thread

I have also seen many forums die because of people leaving and the FFA/BHM forum has always had less traffic compared to the other forums here. We should be trying to attract people.

William
Oh, I'll argue to the death in a handful of situations--there's a thread in this forum, even, with my snarky remarks painted all over it. There is a difference, to my mind, though between snarking AT someone (who can and does defend themselves) and snarking about someone (who has fallen inactive in the conversation).

I'm totally willing to withdraw when a debate turns into a mudslinging match...unless the mud is amusing and/or well deserved. =P (I never said I was perfect!)
__________________
Biting's excellent. It's like kissing - only there is a winner.
Laina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2006, 10:22 AM   #81
Laina
Passionately Apathetic
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 485
Laina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticedLaina never has a post go unnoticed
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer
The comparison, there, is *supposed* to be between the maybe-I-can-make-them-leave-their-boyfriend "Nice Guy" that Laina met, and the off-his-rocker Norman Bates of "Psycho" fame. I apologize for making such a convoluted reference. (The "he", btw, is referring to the fictional Norman.)
That's what I thought. *wins at life...or the internet*

And again, good luck. And good on you for getting out there and trying, even when it's daunting.

(I swear, I'm done talking now.)
__________________
Biting's excellent. It's like kissing - only there is a winner.
Laina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2006, 12:19 AM   #82
Fat Gary NYC
 
Fat Gary NYC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 72
Fat Gary NYC has said some nice things
Default

I haven't posted to these boards in a while... I haven't even visited here in over two months, let alone posted.

I could identify a lot with what wanderer had been posting. I have a negative, cynical mindset about the whole dating situation as well. Fortunately, I'm not in the financial straits wanderer seems to be in (which is not to say I'm rich; I've got plenty of credit card debt, and although I've had my Civil Service job for over 9 years, I haven't received any promotions in all that time, so I'm still at the same salary grade I started out at in 1997). But on the other hand, whereas wanderer has had four relationships, I've only had two in my 44 years... one was with a mentally ill woman, and the other was with someone who, looking back on it now, acted selfishly, both in sexual and non-sexual matters.

I do subscribe to the belief that things happen when you're not expecting them to. Unfortunately, when it comes to getting a girlfriend, I'm always expecting/thinking/hoping, so that's another roadblock I face.

In addition to my flaws (real or perceived), I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of Autism. Basically, it means I don't know how to read social cues like "normal" people do, and it also hampers me from having normal conversations... I can be a great guy, but due to my Asperger's the other party has to want to climb over a lot of obstacles to discover it (whether it's a potential male/female pal, or a potential girlfriend), and I'm aware that I make it difficult to make them want to.

I don't know if I've contributed anything useful to this thread... but I had to put my two cents in.
__________________
Free Comic Book Day was May 5, 2007... did you get you free comics?
Fat Gary NYC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2006, 03:15 AM   #83
lemmink
THE PUMMEL IS COMING
 
lemmink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Canberra
Posts: 769
lemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going onlemmink knows EXACTLY what's going on
Default

Wanderer, your comment was condescending toward me and to my boyfriend. If other people took issue with that type of attitude, I think they're well within their rights to call you on it.
lemmink is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2006, 04:13 AM   #84
Wanderer
Actor at Extra-Large
 
Wanderer's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Forney, TX
Posts: 610
Wanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot pics
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lemmink
Wanderer, your comment was condescending toward me and to my boyfriend. If other people took issue with that type of attitude, I think they're well within their rights to call you on it.
(hands up) Agreed. No argument. That's what I was trying to communicate when I backpedaled: I goofed, erred, blundered, misstepped, and generally stuck my foot so far into my mouth I had to pull down my pants to tie my shoe.

For the tiny pittance it's worth, I really didn't mean to insult you, your boyfriend, or anyone else. I chose exactly the WRONG thing to say, plus the WORST way I could've said it. Depression or no depression, I committed a horrible act of conversation, and you were ALL right to call me on it. How am I to learn what not to do, after all, unless the people I mistakenly assault with my egregious errors slap me up side the head sometimes?

But now that I've said I'm sorry... heck, I'll sing it if you want... and acknowledging there's no available way for me to make it up to you; is there any chance of my apology being accepted? Or should I get out before I'm kicked out?

Yours truly,

The draining-his-apology-reserves,

Wanderer
Wanderer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2006, 04:20 AM   #85
Wanderer
Actor at Extra-Large
 
Wanderer's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Forney, TX
Posts: 610
Wanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot pics
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laina
That's what I thought. *wins at life...or the internet*

And again, good luck. And good on you for getting out there and trying, even when it's daunting.

(I swear, I'm done talking now.)
Thanks, Laina. It's nice to know there's someone I didn't aggravate to the point of anger around here. Your encouragement is a sweet balm to me, and I thank you for it.

Yours up way too late,

The sleepy,

Wanderer
Wanderer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2006, 01:45 AM   #86
Kiki
Eyeliner! STAT!
 
Kiki's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 153
Kiki can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesKiki can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer
(hands up) Agreed. No argument. That's what I was trying to communicate when I backpedaled: I goofed, erred, blundered, misstepped, and generally stuck my foot so far into my mouth I had to pull down my pants to tie my shoe.

For the tiny pittance it's worth, I really didn't mean to insult you, your boyfriend, or anyone else. I chose exactly the WRONG thing to say, plus the WORST way I could've said it. Depression or no depression, I committed a horrible act of conversation, and you were ALL right to call me on it. How am I to learn what not to do, after all, unless the people I mistakenly assault with my egregious errors slap me up side the head sometimes?

But now that I've said I'm sorry... heck, I'll sing it if you want... and acknowledging there's no available way for me to make it up to you; is there any chance of my apology being accepted? Or should I get out before I'm kicked out?

Yours truly,

The draining-his-apology-reserves,

Wanderer
Back pedalling is not the same as understanding how and why exactly you provoked the 'pummelling' (as you call it) that you received. As they teach children, it's easy to say sorry to get yourself out of trouble but it means nothing (no matter how many times you repeat the word or how eloquent you are in the way you phrase and rephrase it) until you understand why you should apologise and apologise specifically. Not that I want to set you off on another apology avalanche (I'm sure Lemmink's over the whole thing by now). And 3 sarcastic comments do not constitute a bashing. Nor does anyone wish you to leave. All anyone wants is for you to understand not just that the comments you made were insulting but also why and how.
"Depression or no depression," (just to reiterate that you're the victim) "I committed a horrible act of conversation, and you were ALL right to call me on it. How am I to learn what not to do, after all, unless the people I mistakenly assault with my egregious errors slap me up side the head sometimes?" (and that lets us all know how petty you think we are, and that we shouldn't have called you on it because you played the 'lonely and depressed' card and that should protect you from taking responsibility for anything you say! Do I detect a hint of sarcasm too? Naughty, naughty!)
Just sayin'. But I won't mention it again because life's too short. You're free to post anytime (as we all are) but don't expect to get away with stuff like this just because you think we should all feel sorry for you.
Kiki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2006, 02:19 AM   #87
Wanderer
Actor at Extra-Large
 
Wanderer's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Forney, TX
Posts: 610
Wanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot picsWanderer does more than just post hot pics
Default

Kiki, you may believe as you see fit. I understand quite well why I was chastised. Since you do not believe this, however, check my answers as I drag the whole mess back to the forefront of the forum:

1. I callously, and with disregard for others' feelings, insulted a woman's devotion to her boyfriend, the boyfriend's financial situation, and their relationship as a whole.

2. I then presumed to make a statement with regard to the boyfriend's feelings upon landing a job and having money, having no insight, expertise, or sense with regard to said feelings.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but the reason everyone got mad at me was because I made a stupid, callous, foolish, insulting, egregious, and upsetting comment, and then followed it up with rank tripe, yes?

And no, thank you, my depression does not excuse my actions, which is what I was saying in the first place! I will try and believe that you misunderstood; you're making it very difficult, though. After all (and no sarcasm intended), you have to be more socially aware than I am, at least...

Now, can we please drop the "Wanderer wants to be the Eternal Victim" business? I may be profoundly retarded when it comes to tact and sense, but I am being polite, and being called "the Eternal Victim" in every second post is wearing quite thin. I've no wish to be rude, whatever my failings otherwise; please stop calling me that.

Yours truly,

The polite-to-a-fault,

Wanderer
Wanderer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2006, 01:03 PM   #88
Kiki
Eyeliner! STAT!
 
Kiki's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 153
Kiki can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesKiki can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer
And no, thank you, my depression does not excuse my actions, which is what I was saying in the first place! I will try and believe that you misunderstood; you're making it very difficult, though. After all (and no sarcasm intended), you have to be more socially aware than I am, at least...

Now, can we please drop the "Wanderer wants to be the Eternal Victim" business? I may be profoundly retarded when it comes to tact and sense, but I am being polite, and being called "the Eternal Victim" in every second post is wearing quite thin. I've no wish to be rude, whatever my failings otherwise; please stop calling me that.

Yours truly,

The polite-to-a-fault,

Wanderer
I'll drop the "Wanderer wants to be the Eternal Victim" business if you will!
But seriously, all your posts in response seemed sarcastic, flippant and to not take the grievances seriously. But, whatever...
Kiki is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:27 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.