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Old 06-23-2010, 04:02 AM   #1
escapist
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Default Young BHM's & The Preasure to be smaller

So I just saw this show on MTV tonight I didn't really catch the name of it (doesn't really matter) but the whole show was all about these retarded social pressures to be what your friends want you to be (specifically thinner).

Personally my friends never gave me no such pressure that I was aware of. I partly got upset watching this show because (warning escapist rant ahead) the guy in the show was totally made out by his friends to be undesirable because he was chunky (277 lbs). They tried to force him to ask girls out on dates (so he wouldn't be the 3rd wheel without a date). That of course blew up in his face because he was totally insecure about doing it and virtually zero connection with the girl who had been set up to be with him. Heck it was almost uncomfortable to watch, he was devastated to hear another girl say no yet again.

So the show of course was about this "chunky guy" doing what his friends and everybody told him and loose weight. He dropped 20 lbs in 6 weeks. Asked a girl out (in a much less threatening atmosphere that the previous girl), she of course said yes. The show went on to say how fine and dandy his life was not that he fit in with his friends and what girls want.

I guess this is partly why I go on my rants about building self confidence and dating skills if you don't have them. I used to fall for the crap of "I'm to fat for someone to want me" only to learn it was utter BS. You can be the hottest guy on Earth, you might get some play, but nobody is really going to want to be with you if you have no social skills and your no fun. Conversely if your chubby and even just moderately attractive but have a great positive warm and invitingly fun personality that has just a hint of naughty you'll probably never need to worry about dates.

I worry that other chubby guys(even girls) watch this show and go oh yep I'm to fat to be loved. There is no problem with gaining a little fitness or doing it cause you know its right, but to me its a whole other issue when you do it just to fit in, or be liked by your "friends".

Whats your guys(and girls) take on shows like this or even just people around you who do this?
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Old 06-23-2010, 04:27 AM   #2
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Isn't MTV aimed at 12 year olds?

There's a massive maze of contradicting information in society at the moment--often peddled by the same people/networks.
eg. You're the only person that matters but you need to put others first, Yours is the only opinion about yourself that you should listen to but you need to take advice from others....etc etc...

This is only one of its manifestations.

I am trying to lose weight. One of those reasons is to increase my business time. But that's not the main reason. I'm not happy with the size I am, fact.

SA is all well and good. The only problem is you end up polarizing people into two separate camps--those who feel crap and try to lose weight, those that accept their size and don't do a thing about it.

MTV is never going to be a positive influence. It's a load of bull. But I really think we should push people to be comfortable with themselves irrespective of size. THEN weight loss/weight maintenance will become a less emotionally charged and involving subject.
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Old 06-23-2010, 04:58 AM   #3
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This is kind of like the "should you just say fuck society" argument.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to fit in with a peer group; kids and adults do it all the time. Humans are social animals and naturally need a sense of connection with others.

Particularly with young people, a need to fit in is going to be very strong. Kids that are outcasts can wind up turning to such extreme measures as suicide simply because the pain is so intense.

So it's perfectly understandable if a teenager does something because a peer group demands it. Yes it's all well and good to be able to say 'fuck it, I am who I am' but not everybody has the internal strength, personality, and character to pull that off. It's especially lacking in 15 year olds.

By the same token that not all bodies are going to be able to be a size 0, it stands to reason that not all human minds/personalities/psyches are the same. Pointing out that all it takes for social success is a warm personality, positive attitude, sense of humor and "a hint of naughty" is not a whole lot different from saying that all it takes to be a size 0 is veggies and exercise. It will happen for some and others could starve forever and not attain the same body type. People are all different and that includes their mental selves. I have no doubt plenty of skinny men can flaunt their bodies around fatties and say "Well if you want to look like me you can" and it's no more true than somebody with an outsized personality or sense of humor or intelligence can flaunt those things and think everyone else is capable of having them.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:17 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sasquatch! View Post
Isn't MTV aimed at 12 year olds?

There's a massive maze of contradicting information in society at the moment--often peddled by the same people/networks.
eg. You're the only person that matters but you need to put others first, Yours is the only opinion about yourself that you should listen to but you need to take advice from others....etc etc...

This is only one of its manifestations.

I am trying to lose weight. One of those reasons is to increase my business time. But that's not the main reason. I'm not happy with the size I am, fact.

SA is all well and good. The only problem is you end up polarizing people into two separate camps--those who feel crap and try to lose weight, those that accept their size and don't do a thing about it.

MTV is never going to be a positive influence. It's a load of bull. But I really think we should push people to be comfortable with themselves irrespective of size. THEN weight loss/weight maintenance will become a less emotionally charged and involving subject.
OK First off:

Report Sales Demographics: http://cablevisionadsales.com/network_mtv.html

MTV Demographics
Male 46.6%
Female 53.4%

Income:
Median Household Income: $74,307

Education:
Have College Degree or More: 24.3%

Occupation:
White collar, professional, managers 29.5%

Age:
18-49 Years Old: 88.2%
25-54 Years Old: 62.7%

Home Ownership:
Own Their Own Home: 46.2%
--------------------
As for this:

Quote:
SA is all well and good. The only problem is you end up polarizing people into two separate camps--those who feel crap and try to lose weight, those that accept their size and don't do a thing about it.
I think you missed part of my post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapist View Post
There is no problem with gaining a little fitness or doing it cause you know its right, but to me its a whole other issue when you do it just to fit in, or be liked by your "friends".
I think SA is all well and good but I wouldn't go and try to pigeonhole people into just 2 categories. I Dig being a big huge guy, I'm sure that's clear. However I can careless how much I weigh as long as I can do the activities I enjoy, hiking, walking, sex, heck even shopping.

I should add I was at the Gym walking for an hour (2.5 miles) while I watched the show. Not because my friends think I need to be small I just know my body needs exercise to function like it should. So don't go thinking people who accept themselves sit around just being fat.

I think its great you have motivation to make your life the way you want it. I just hope your doing it cause its what you want. Not cause you think it will make people like you more or any BS like that.

Quote:
MTV is never going to be a positive influence. It's a load of bull. But I really think we should push people to be comfortable with themselves irrespective of size. THEN weight loss/weight maintenance will become a less emotionally charged and involving subject.
Yeah my question wasn't so much about MTV, I think your right though, finding acceptance with self then making a choice to change is probably the way to go.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:26 AM   #5
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LoveBHMS - There is a difference between "Approval Seeking" and fitting in socially with like minded people. People who get on you for not being "Their ideal" are really just saying, "we don't want you in our club"...so who needs friends like that anyways?

I guess that's part of what made me mad, I can't ever imagine my friends acting like that. The guy's who said those kind of things were simply not my friends, nor were they people I would even consider socially considering my friends.

The guy on the show pushing him was supposedly like his BEST FRIEND, and all he did was AMOG (Toss berating Alpha Male Teasing and jokes) at him. Stuff like, "Your Fat", "You embarrass me around girls cause your fat", and "Lazy ass".

PS. The "Fat Guy" was more like 17-18 driving around in an SUV.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:28 AM   #6
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Here is some more info on the MTV show "I'm under peer pressure"..

here is Aj..








"AJ, 18, is caught in a circle of jocks. As the overweight, artistic type surrounded by muscley-athletic minded guys, AJ finds himself on the receiving end of some hurtful remarks -- based entirely on his size. While the guys love to be around the ladies, AJ has found it a tough time making moves on the girls. He's the go-to friend, the lovable but not sexy guy. His friends are getting more and more frustrated by his third-wheel status.

AJ strives to forget the embarrassing experience of being dissed by a cute girl, but his friend uses it as a reason why AJ needs to get his physical appearance in order. Are AJ's looks really keeping him and his friends from being a hit with the women in their circle, or is the pressure on AJ just an excuse to bully him? AJ's sick of the teasing, but is that really enough to change his eating habits and get healthy? He decides to try and make a go of a diet and lose weight.

Meanwhile, AJ heads to the gym and with his buddy as his personal trainer, AJ is hit with free weights and harassment. They're not off to the best start, but at least AJ is making changes to his behavior

AJ has been working out hard on his physique and within six weeks he's dropped 22 pounds. Nate is proud of his friend's work and he apologizes, in a backhanded way, for all the comments he had made. Feeling fine after his weigh-in, AJ heads over to meet with his friend Valerie and asks her out; she accepts and he leaves feeling finer than fine.

AJ and Valerie are headed out on their date, and a nervous AJ is terrified at being pushed away by her. However, by the end of the evening they're having a fantastic time. While his friends pressured him to lose weight, AJ is so happy at the changes in himself that he wouldn't have done it any other way."
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Old 06-23-2010, 06:02 AM   #7
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Report Sales Demographics
Have to say I *am* surprised at that. Another rung down in my opinion of the general population.
--------------------

Quote:
So don't go thinking people who accept themselves sit around just being fat.
Yes, we all know you live life to the full a la Hugh Hefner/Triathlon runner, but you've also made it quite clear time and again that you are special.

Quote:
I think its great you have motivation to make your life the way you want it. I just hope your doing it cause its what you want. Not cause you think it will make people like you more or any BS like that.
Damn right I'm not doing it so other people will like me more. If people liked me more than they do now, I'd have to get restraining orders.
I don't have the opportunities or the ability to do certain things that I want--stuff that is purely selfish--and the only thing stopping me from being able to do these things is stamina and size. If those things weren't important to me on a personal level I probably wouldn't bother.

Quote:
Yeah my question wasn't so much about MTV, I think your right though, finding acceptance with self then making a choice to change is probably the way to go.
I think we need to focus more on self-acceptance and worth as a human being, irrespective of body size. Size acceptance (on a personal scale) involves a shift in terms of a larger body being ok, but it's still based on the physical.
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Old 06-23-2010, 06:47 AM   #8
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There's always pressure for me, but never from my friends. It's always from my family, and frankly, it's more about my health more than my appearance.

If I had friends teasing me cause I was fat, they don't sound like friends to me :/
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Old 06-23-2010, 07:18 AM   #9
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There's always pressure for me, but never from my friends. It's always from my family, and frankly, it's more about my health more than my appearance.

If I had friends teasing me cause I was fat, they don't sound like friends to me :/
Yeah, the stuff I get from friends and loved ones is far more centered around health and their rather legitimate fears. I know my FFA girlfriend is probably the most torn of all. I know she loves me big and "juicy", but I know she wants me around in her life more than she wants me fat and dead.

I don't know if I'll ever get back to running, but the least I can do is improve my stamina so I can walk a few hours. That way I can survive when we all run out of Gas and the government releases its biological weapons on us to turn us into an army of undead zombies doomed to roam the earth in search of brains to feed on.
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Old 06-23-2010, 07:34 AM   #10
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So don't go thinking people who accept themselves sit around just being fat.
This wasn't some kind of a brag it was an example and an explanation. I am hardly the only Big person on Dim's who exercises.

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Yes, we all know you live life to the full a la Hugh Hefner/Triathlon runner, but you've also made it quite clear time and again that you are special.
You stated that people do 1 or the other Accept Fat and be Fat, or they try to change themselves for others. You seemed to miss the 3rd category that I and many others fall under. We accept our size, we maintain regular fitness and believe in loving our body's. I'm not sure if you meant to come off like a 2 year old or that was some kind of actual complement. I personally think more of you than that so I'll just asume you were thinking I was making some kind of personal attack when I was only trying to illuminate the 3rd path: Fit & Fat.

There are guys far bigger than I, that do Far more than I do:
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Old 06-23-2010, 08:50 AM   #11
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This wasn't some kind of a brag it was an example and an explanation. I am hardly the only Big person on Dim's who exercises.
I don't doubt it. But I doubt all of us on Dims do 30 mins of exercise a day though. Not to mention that while Dims is a large community, it hardly encompasses the entirity of largedom.



Quote:
You stated that people do 1 or the other Accept Fat and be Fat, or they try to change themselves for others.
I said Size Acceptance would seem to lead to that. Screw the Size Acceptance movement. Let's put our weight behind the Self-Acceptance movement. Once you've accepted yourself on a mental level, I'm pretty sure you can figure out what size you feel comfortable at.
You keep saying yourself that confidence etc is the key to "scoring". We should help people get to the size they feel comfortable at, not make people feel comfortable with the size they are. For some people that may be larger, for some people that will be smaller.

Of course it's better to be fit. At what point did I deny that? Nor did I say that overweight people couldn't take part in physical activities. We should be encouraging people to be fitter no matter what size they want to be.
My point is, in the same way that you can't point at someone at say "You need to lose weight or I won't be friends with you", you can't say "You need to be happy with the size you are now".

PS: I wish I was as healthy as a sumo
PS2: Sorry if I came off like a 2 year old, this is the internet--there's always going to be tone confusion.
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Old 06-23-2010, 09:36 AM   #12
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PS2: Sorry if I came off like a 2 year old, this is the internet--there's always going to be tone confusion.
Thats why I always keep a handy-dandy tuning fork next to me 'pewter.
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Old 06-23-2010, 10:10 AM   #13
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I'v met a bit of peer pressure to get smaller but on the whole i havent had enough to be worried by it.

My (admittedly small) circle of friends and acquaintences have seldom brought the issue up with me and seem to accept that i am who i am. My family has prompted me to diet a couple of times when i was younger but never forced the issue.

The only real negative attention i'v recieved has been from strangers who are just ignorant prats

However, i have felt pressure from all kinds of sources around me before and have at times felt bad about being this size. Only comparatively recently have i begun to shake that off and accept who i am (with the help of this fine place ).
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Old 06-23-2010, 11:53 AM   #14
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(shrug) I never noticed peer pressure to be thin. Note that I'm not saying there wasn't any... just that I didn't notice it. Heck, when I was little (which should, when talking about a 200-pound ten-year-old, be in GladOS' "huge sarcasm quotes"), I loved being fat. I enjoyed being able to pop open the snaps on my pants by sitting down and taking a deep breath, even... and yet I was still active. (Though our backyard fence never recovered from my climbing it.)

Nowadays? I can't manage as much physical actiivity (due to tiem constraints rather than physical ones), but I still love being fat... though, personally, I don't think I'm "properly fat" yet.
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Old 06-23-2010, 03:42 PM   #15
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I was pressured by my family to the point of them taking me to weight watchers at 12 years old. Looking back, I was not a fat kid, my mother was just freaking nuts wanting me to have washboard abs or something.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:26 PM   #16
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There's always pressure for me, but never from my friends. It's always from my family, and frankly, it's more about my health more than my appearance.

If I had friends teasing me cause I was fat, they don't sound like friends to me :/
This is the simplest truth for me.
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Old 06-23-2010, 09:22 PM   #17
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I never felt any preasure from my friends because they needed me to be big for the football team. I didn't get many dates, and I think it was because of my size. Most of the preasure came from my parents, and it still does.
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Old 06-24-2010, 11:08 AM   #18
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In my area of the world..the job market is the pressure cooker to be smaller and have big boobs. Plus, I hear it all the time from my family and friends. However, in their defense, they are used to me being smaller and are tired of me complaining about my weight and being antisocial because of it. For a women, clothes are waaayyy cheaper the smaller you are and I really miss all those deals..lol.
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:52 PM   #19
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I never felt "pressure" growing up. I know I felt it more when I entered the supposedly adult and mature world than I ever felt it as a teenager.

I don't know that it's as simple as putting people in distinct little categories. Mostly because you get a lot of bleed through. And people's emotions can swing rapidly as they lose,gain or attempt to maintain. We say things like just a number on a scale but we all know it's a bit more than that.

I myself am currently on a path to loss. My health has been less than spectacular in the last eight months or so, and for a 34 year old guy I've not been living up to my potential. Bottom line I can't afford to be sick or any less mobile. As it is, if I fell on the floor and was unable to assist in picking myself up for some reason? It would take at least three adults to lift me safely. Living alone, I've got to rethink the way I've been doing things.

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Old 06-24-2010, 04:16 PM   #20
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I felt the pressure when I was a kid and I wasn't even really fat, but big and athletic/muscular. When I was going into Junior High I was @ 5'10" and 250lbs of muscle. I was more manly then most of my teachers and constantly being told I am too big and need to lose weight even though I wasn't fat. People see large and instantly think fat and unhealthy but didn't stop to think I was one of the best athletes in the county and ran track in my spare time when not terrorizing QB's. When I went into High School things changed because my Football Coaches actually encouraged me to gain weight and size. Being a star Football Player makes people see you in a different way but I did see how some of my fat friends were treated that didn't play Football.

I like to judge people on how they treat me. If you give me respect in the first 2 minutes we meet I will give you another 10 minutes and go on from there.
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:27 PM   #21
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Isn't MTV aimed at 12 year olds?
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Have to say I *am* surprised at that. Another rung down in my opinion of the general population.
I don't think you are far off your assumption. I found a couple of articles that described MTV as...

".... Consistent in its stronghold over those aged 13 to 24 – while touching the 12 to 17s most intimately – MTV is known worldwide as the leading youth broadcaster."

and

"MTV, its music-focused offshoot MTV2, and its online site target people 12-24 almost to the exclusion of other demographic groups. Still, MTV is a high-rated network in most other demos."

What 49 year old do you know watches "Cribs"? They don't. But their kids do and they buy for their children. Can you really count them as part of the demographic that MTV goes for?...hmmmm maybe. Probably not.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:05 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by vardon_grip View Post
I don't think you are far off your assumption. I found a couple of articles that described MTV as...

".... Consistent in its stronghold over those aged 13 to 24 – while touching the 12 to 17s most intimately – MTV is known worldwide as the leading youth broadcaster."

and

"MTV, its music-focused offshoot MTV2, and its online site target people 12-24 almost to the exclusion of other demographic groups. Still, MTV is a high-rated network in most other demos."

What 49 year old do you know watches "Cribs"? They don't. But their kids do and they buy for their children. Can you really count them as part of the demographic that MTV goes for?...hmmmm maybe. Probably not.


We can always count on you to disagree with anything Escapist says..woot.

Care to share you source of info?
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:12 PM   #23
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We can always count on you to disagree with anything Escapist says..woot.

Care to share you source of info?
Escapist cut and paste the demographics from a cable website, and while interesting and informative, it isn't completely indicative of who is ACTUALLY, PHYSICALLY watching MTV. The twelve year old isn't the one who pays for the cable, therefore would not be reflected in the statistics. For instance, if my cable provider logged what channel I was watching, they would find that the majority of my usage is watching Nick Jr. Am I really watching it? Sometimes, but the truth is, I'm tuned to that station for a one year old. She doesn't pay the bill, didn't subscribe to the service, and no one from the cable company even knows she exists. My point is, I'm white, female, and have a median income of blah, blah, blah. And I'm supposedly watching Wonder Pets, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Little Bill all day long. (Ok, only on my days off lol)

My source of information is from my own common sense.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:31 PM   #24
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http://www.ehow.com/video_4872069_wh...v-viewers.html

http://student.valpo.edu/kpage/comm/history.html

http://company.monster.com/mtv/

Sorry, I don't know how to make cool links and shit....these are just 3 articles I found. Also, let me clarify that this thread is now really off topic and that Escapist's original post made sense to me. I had just finished watching that episode of True Life before I logged on yesterday. And yes, it was terrible to watch. So, anyway, my point is...Escapist was right in being outraged(?) by that episode, but I wanted to say that Sasquatch and Vardon weren't too far off by stating that MTV is slated toward tweens. Which actually makes that show worse, because kids don't have the good sense to see that you shouldn't put your self worth into other people. *steps down from soap box*
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Old 06-24-2010, 09:11 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by JenFromOC View Post
Escapist cut and paste the demographics from a cable website, and while interesting and informative, it isn't completely indicative of who is ACTUALLY, PHYSICALLY watching MTV. The twelve year old isn't the one who pays for the cable, therefore would not be reflected in the statistics. For instance, if my cable provider logged what channel I was watching, they would find that the majority of my usage is watching Nick Jr. Am I really watching it? Sometimes, but the truth is, I'm tuned to that station for a one year old. She doesn't pay the bill, didn't subscribe to the service, and no one from the cable company even knows she exists. My point is, I'm white, female, and have a median income of blah, blah, blah. And I'm supposedly watching Wonder Pets, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Little Bill all day long. (Ok, only on my days off lol)

My source of information is from my own common sense.
I'm the same age as you and I have watched MTV as well as CNN since I was a child..so the maturity level that a particular media group targets doesn't change the fact that: A. That the mini-documentary is relevant (especially on this board); B. I'm not fond of people who are constantly disagreeable; C. If you are going to disagree with the results of a study.. at least site your sources; and last but not least..D. Silky Johnson has some major competition.





What got Escapist and I peeved was that this guy's so-called "friend" was constantly being a negative dick, talking shit to other people, and even after the guy jumped threw a few hoops...his friend was still a dick. I just hope AJ doesn't consider this guy a true friend after the show. The fact is everyone on this board has had to deal with someone close to us that tries to shit on everything we do. The question is how do you deal with it? Personally, I'll hold a grudge till the afterlife..but Escapist is very forgiving.
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