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Old 11-29-2006, 02:22 PM   #1
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Cool BHM Dating Guide (Part 2 of 3)

I again would like to reiterate my disclaimers as I stated in the first part:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=15198

The intentions of these posts are to assist people and any generalizations and assumptions about BHMs, women in general and such are made with the hopes of not offending anyone, but helping those in need.

***

Now that the first concern of how a BHM needs to be to meet someone that can find a potentially healthy loving and/or sexual relationship have been addressed, the next matter that comes up is where oh where do you find women to meet?

There is no magic simple answer for this as the case for each person is generally different. A good church-going man wouldn't likely find an ideal woman down at the local fetish club, nor would a geeky guy necessarily hit it off with a Paris Hilton clone (shudder). Where you meet a woman needs to reflect the type of person you are, but there are no absolutes.

First of all, expect rejection. You will be rejected. All men get rejected. I know and have witnessed plenty of god's-gift-to-women studly master lotharios get shot down as quickly as any of us. Find a woman is often a numbers game. You have to ask if you are going to get lucky here.

Let's now consider who not to ask out. One of the biggest mistakes a BHM (or any shy guy) can make is going the route of asking out a female friend that isn't interested in anything beyond friendship. This is merely pressuring a friend and can make her wonder if your interest in being her friend in the past was only for romantic ulterior motives. If you have a woman in your life that you claim to be friends with but you are only keeping to try and start something with -- well you aren't really being their friend at all. You may become attracted to a friend, but it's generally not a good idea and is an excellent way to strain a good friendship.

Now I will bring to notice the fact that a platonic female friend is someone that can help you a great deal in meeting women. All too many women (same applies to men) are competive when it comes to guys. However if you are seen by other women with an attractive and/or affectionate female friend your "stock" can often go up with other women. Don't use them, but have fun with them publically when the opportunity arises. Go out dancing, or to the bar with women and see just how many other women will notice you as well as flirt with you.

I do not recommend being set up by female friends on blind dates, as this is often the kiss of death. You are not desperate, remember.

Now where do you supposed you should look to find women to date? Well, what are your interests? Do you like to read; how about a book store or even (gasp) a library. Do you like computers; how about a computer store or Apple store? Coffee shops, grocery stores, heck any public place that has things that you enjoy or interests you are potential places to look. Club events, church groups or even alternative fairs are good too. Do not ask out people who are currently on the job in something customer service related, such as waitresses, sales, cashiers and such. They are paid to be friendly to you, and asking them out can often come across as rude. If they really seem to be interested in you and not busy, and not just professionally friendly, keep the conversation friendly and lightly flirtateous. Suggest places outside of their work that you enjoy and see if an opportunity to meet elsewhere comes up. If not, move on camper.

Online opportunities are there too such as free sites like CraigsList and pay sites such as Yahoo. Put an ad out there, and include your photo, height and weight, but also include a good deal about your interests and likes. Smack yourself if you are want to include lines like "likes to laugh", "seeks a partner in crime" or any other cliché. Everyone out there likes music, movies and having a good time. Do include things like a love of a particularly rarer interest, a specific cuisine like, particular movies or books you revisit often. Remember, your goal here is to meet someone you want to get to know and potentially build something with, not marry on date number two, so keep in light, fun and approachable.

In responding to ads, be honest, confident and funny. Be honest that you are a bigger person and be unapologetic about it. If you have to explain why you are as big as you are and apologize over it, then she isn't right for you. Write up a decent reverse personal ad and send it, but make sure that each response is also tailored personally to each woman you reply to. Your responses need to be longer than one paragraph, but not be a small novel -- just something to give your basics and who you are. Include a photo of you, and you alone (no female friend in it or cut out). Don't take the photo yourself, but have someone take a photo of you somewhere fun, or you will look like you have no life. Also, expect that most responses will gather the 'Net equivalent of cricket sounds as the ratio of men to women on these sites is quite lopsided. Give it a shot -- what do you have to lose?

Now, many of you will end up having the best luck out at a club or bar. While you often don't find the best people to date long term there, you will find a great deal of women who are looking. Beware of women in groups as you will be going up against a commitee rather than a single woman. If you have to, don't go for the prettiest or hottest in a group. Most guys do this, and you stand better odds of attracting a woman from the group with this approach, even the hottest. Try women that are away from their friends or are out dancing. Many women will be there for attention and free drinks, so unless you have a network TV show where you say "You're fired!" a lot, don't get caught up in this game. Buying drinks implies bargaining. Don't do it until you've talked a bit with a woman first, and meter how many you are buying to match the amount of interest and conversation she is saying. She has her own money and doesn't need to use you to get loaded. Watch for wedding and engagement rings and don't bark up that tree. Look out for boyfriends (or girlfriends) too. Work on projecting an image of a funny, confident and comfortable guy. You're just there to have fun, not hook up. Women can smell agenda like last year's holiday roast.

Try to seek out women that are a realistic match for you. If she is drenched in expensive jewelry and carrying a Louis Vuitton bag, and you came in a old Toyota Camry, she might not be for you. Try and find a woman that looks sweet, inviting and might share your interests. Don't assume a BBW is going to go for you, and don't assume a thin woman wouldn't be interested. Remember all the times you've wished people would judge you not by your size but your character and consider this while looking. Be wise and not superficial.

You will need to be wary of predators too. If you are approached by a very attractive woman, glance behind her to see if a group of women are giggling and looking your way. I've had more than one woman try to use me for the comedy and sport of her friends. If you are approached, talk to her. If she is legitimate in being interested, she will stay with you. If she is pandering for drinks, it will also become readily apparent. If she is a rare FFA, you may be making her breakfast in the morning! Be skeptical and above all else don't be too eager. Remember her eyes aren't located below her neck and that you have options. At the very least other women will likely notice you talking to her and at the best maybe you find someone.

If she is clearly drunk or says she drunk, pass. You are a gentleman and not inclined to take advantage of an impaired woman. When she sees you in the full light of sobriety, she might morph into a petty vindictive bitch. Beer goggles in a woman are almost never your friend.

For matters of asking a woman out, there are certain rules to remember. Accept that you will be shot down a great percentage of the time. Maybe she does have a boyfriend or need to run home and care for her sick turtle. Regardless, you are still stylin' and having fun. The best line you can ever use is "Hello!" If you feel you need a line, keep it funny and not perverted -- something like dipping your finger in water, touching your shirt and somewhere on her shoulder or such that has clothing and say, "Now why don't we get out of these wet clothes," with a wink and smile. Keep it silly, non threatening and playful. Be a big strong teddy bear and not a scared fat dork. Use humor, but stay away from self-deprecating jokes. Go for quixotic and bold actions, but don't push it. You are just getting to know her and feel her out. Discuss interests, movies or TV shows ... avoid politics or religions. The focus is to get her number or email address.

If a woman isn't interested in talking to you or blows you off, just smile and walk away. If she's rude, simply smile, say "whatever" and again walk away. If after talking a while, she isn't willing to give you some contact info, say "well, you have a good night" and politely leave her to continue your looking. Be a gentleman, and don't come off as phazed. She might later slip you her number on a napkin.

If you get the number, keep talking. Clearly she is interested, but don't overstay your welcome if she wants to get back to her friends. Don't immediately leave, but stay a while and hang out some more, particularly if you have friends. I don't recommend trying to pick up on another woman and that can paint you in a bad light if she sees, but you never know.

You really have to just take a chance. Bold men win and shy guys stay home and watch reruns.

I will cover what comes next if you get her phone number, she interested in right then or she invites you to her place in the next and final part -- dating.

To be continued ...
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Old 11-30-2006, 09:39 AM   #2
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Out of curiosity, would anyone be interested in a dating guide for FFAs?
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Old 12-03-2006, 08:57 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zagnut
Out of curiosity, would anyone be interested in a dating guide for FFAs?
heh.

"youre up shits creek without a paddle"

fin.
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Old 12-03-2006, 10:41 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by EvaDestruction
heh.

"youre up shits creek without a paddle"

fin.
Um, I beg your pardon?
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Old 12-03-2006, 11:11 PM   #5
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the dating guide for ffas?

nevermind :/
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Old 12-04-2006, 06:56 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvaDestruction
the dating guide for ffas?

nevermind :/
I asked if anyone would be interested in me posting a guide for FFAs to help them be able to find and attract receptive BHMs, as a companion to my BHM guides. I don't understand if your "quote" was a yes to that idea or some joke that I was missing.
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Old 12-06-2006, 08:13 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zagnut
I asked if anyone would be interested in me posting a guide for FFAs to help them be able to find and attract receptive BHMs, as a companion to my BHM guides. I don't understand if your "quote" was a yes to that idea or some joke that I was missing.
I think she ment it as a yes and you're getting a definite yes, please! from me too!!
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Old 12-06-2006, 08:25 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by nala
I think she ment it as a yes and you're getting a definite yes, please! from me too!!
Well in that case I should have it up sometime tomorrow, with any luck.

My apologies to you, EvaDestruction!
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Old 12-06-2006, 10:03 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zagnut
Out of curiosity, would anyone be interested in a dating guide for FFAs?
Ooh, yes, please!

I love what you've written so far - a lot of what you write in part 3 about first date/first kiss/first sex behavior and being a gentleman is excellent advice for men of any size.
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