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Old 08-31-2010, 10:54 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by cinnamitch View Post
I honestly think it is an emotional disconnect to the fact there is a person who has feelings who is on the receiving end of these actions and notions. It is all about the "get it in a hurry" factor. Like i said we are becoming a society of instant gratification, no one wants to take the time to get to know someone. A whole generation has been raised on convenience and they have parlayed that into their social/sexual lives.
It's a lovely paradox isn't it? Almost everyone wants to be in love, but so few are willing to go through the necessary steps of getting to know a person to achieve such. Far too many want the magic of "love-at-first-sight" so they don't have to put in the work.
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Old 08-31-2010, 12:50 PM   #27
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I was chatting with an old old friend and he said, "I love you but know it would never work (it wouldn't and I'm not interested anyway) but I love talking with you. I like the squeeze better than the juice." I know exactly what he means. It seems very few people take the time to TALK and get to know each other.
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Old 08-31-2010, 06:13 PM   #28
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Yup, very true. I for one consider myself old-fashioned, since I was raised that way. Most of the friends that I have live by the notion that women must put out or they are not worth the time. I wonder if it has anything to do with religious beliefs or values?
In my case, my decision to date has little to do with religious values, since I'm an atheist. My decision to date has more to do with trying to find the right partner for me, which is based on personal values that I've defined for myself, rather than any religious morals or values.

I was raised by a very strict religious parent, a near rival to the mother in Stephen King's Carrie (not quite that bad, but almost). When I started engaging in casual sex in my 20s, it was my way of rebelling against the oppressive religious views I'd been taught. So I'd say that had more to do with religious values, rather than my choice to date without casual sex now. I wasn't completely aware of why I made those choices in my 20s, but looking back on my behavior at that age, I don't think I'm wrong in assuming I was acting out against the religious values I'd been taught.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:02 PM   #29
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As a young person, I guess I'm in love with the idea of real dating. It just doesn't seem to exist in my age group. They either do flings or jump straight into hardcore relationships without learning about each other first. It really annoys me and is why I'm not in a relationship. I want to find someone who wants to put in the time and effort as much as me. Or at least almost as much as me. But that just doesn't exist to my age group, it seems.

I love the idea of getting to know someone without the pressures of sex right away and without calling yourself "bf/gf" after the first meet. I guess the closest I come to having the type of dating life/relationship life I want is with my gay male friends. There's absolutely no sexual tension or pressure, and we can chill, chat, shop, talk about our lives, and never have a dull moment. I think it's the best "dating" I've done! lol. I know it's not really anything, but it's as good as, for me, until something real comes along.

I'm over the whole casual sex thing and all the wildness that people my age are just beginning or are in the middle of experiencing. I'm old for my age, I guess you could say

I wish old fashioned dating really did still exist.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:46 PM   #30
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I've never been interested in random flings. I like romance, long term relationships, really getting to know someone. I guess I'm an anomaly in my age group too.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:49 PM   #31
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[QUOTE=Paquito;1546245]I've never been interested in random flings. I like romance, long term relationships, really getting to know someone. I guess I'm an anomaly in my age group too.[/QUOTE

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Old 08-31-2010, 08:53 PM   #32
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For you? Never.
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:46 PM   #33
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For you? Never.
Aww I lubs ya ..
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Old 08-31-2010, 09:53 PM   #34
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I go through phases.. right now, I'm totally in the phase where I miss just the getting to know someone.. I just want to fall in love again, I guess. Sex is great but it's only one part of the bigger picture.
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:32 PM   #35
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Default Re: Does Anyone Remember Good Old-Fashioned Dating?

I am ancient enough to remember 'good old fashion dating'. Back when getting to really know a person was a treasure of its own. As the years pass by, the ability to simply enjoy talking becomes more and more priceless. Even if the relationship never becomes sexual, the warmth of a pleasant conversation with a friend you have known for decades becomes a treasure of its own.

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Back in the 70ís I was considered abnormal if I had not laid a girl friend at the second or third date and from what you have said in your blog, the same seems true today, nothing changes.
I had friends who thought I was gay because I didn't try to have sex with a girl as soon as possible. That foreign concept that girls could be good friends just like guys could, was something a lot of people had difficulty accepting.

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It may sound stupid and totally alien, particularly today; but then, as now, I will not even give a kiss a women, with out first asking permission. You can make your own judgement on that, as to whether its weird or not - But thats me (an individual) and I aint going to change.
Great to find out I am not the last dinosaur, there is at least another one of us. Extinction being just around the corner, is something that will be postponed for a few more years.

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It's a lovely paradox isn't it? Almost everyone wants to be in love, but so few are willing to go through the necessary steps of getting to know a person to achieve such. Far too many want the magic of "love-at-first-sight" so they don't have to put in the work.
Having a love that is all you want it to be takes a lot of long, hard, consistent work. I found long ago that talking or effective communicating eases potential difficulties in a relationship. It is not the differences that complicate relationships, it is the differences in expectations that make life difficult. Effective communications go a long way to eliminate differences in expectations from a relationship.
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Old 09-01-2010, 03:13 PM   #36
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I am ancient enough to remember 'good old fashion dating'. Back when getting to really know a person was a treasure of its own. As the years pass by, the ability to simply enjoy talking becomes more and more priceless. Even if the relationship never becomes sexual, the warmth of a pleasant conversation with a friend you have known for decades becomes a treasure of its own.


I had friends who thought I was gay because I didn't try to have sex with a girl as soon as possible. That foreign concept that girls could be good friends just like guys could, was something a lot of people had difficulty accepting.


Great to find out I am not the last dinosaur, there is at least another one of us. Extinction being just around the corner, is something that will be postponed for a few more years.


Having a love that is all you want it to be takes a lot of long, hard, consistent work. I found long ago that talking or effective communicating eases potential difficulties in a relationship. It is not the differences that complicate relationships, it is the differences in expectations that make life difficult. Effective communications go a long way to eliminate differences in expectations from a relationship.
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:09 AM   #37
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Imfree, thank you for your compliment. -Adrian
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Old 09-04-2010, 06:19 PM   #38
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Great thoughts, OWA, and I can very much relate. (In fact, ask what I did last night! On second thought...don't.)

It seems like a lot of people I meet don't even really know how to have a meaningful conversation about what they are passionate about, who they are, their own narratives, etc. People have the ability to talk about what kind of music they like, movies, other kinds of superficial information (and that's all fun to talk about) - but that's pretty much it. I'm sure a lot of people blame our text based/digital culture of soundbytes, but whatever the reason, it does seem like the ability to have long, sustained conversations in order to get to know someone and potentially create some kind of deeper personal connection has been lost.

And I admit, sometimes on the first date I will skip to the making out (tho, not sex) just because it's really clear to me that we aren't going to be able to connect conversationally, and at least that creates some semblance of a connection. Sometimes we just crave intimacy, and since we don't always have the ability to get there in other ways, we rush it through the physical intimacy.
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Old 09-05-2010, 02:52 PM   #39
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...snip...

Having a love that is all you want it to be takes a lot of long, hard, consistent work. I found long ago that talking or effective communicating eases potential difficulties in a relationship. It is not the differences that complicate relationships, it is the differences in expectations that make life difficult. Effective communications go a long way to eliminate differences in expectations from a relationship.
And that paragraph is it in a nutshell. It takes work to get there, it takes even more to keep it. Dating is the first step in putting in that work.


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Great thoughts, OWA, and I can very much relate. (In fact, ask what I did last night! On second thought...don't.)

It seems like a lot of people I meet don't even really know how to have a meaningful conversation about what they are passionate about, who they are, their own narratives, etc. People have the ability to talk about what kind of music they like, movies, other kinds of superficial information (and that's all fun to talk about) - but that's pretty much it. I'm sure a lot of people blame our text based/digital culture of soundbytes, but whatever the reason, it does seem like the ability to have long, sustained conversations in order to get to know someone and potentially create some kind of deeper personal connection has been lost.

...snip...
You've got to be able to capture the attention of the synapses behind my eyes, before you can get into the space between my thighs. So many seem to not be able (or simply be willing) to do that much.
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Old 09-07-2010, 05:36 AM   #40
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I've had women think it's weird that I'm not willing to boink them right away. I'm a picky guy about who I spend time with in the first place and much more picky about whom I exchange bodily fluids with and for some reason that makes me a freakazoid.

The last girl I was talking with pretty much straight out asked me what was wrong with me after I told her I hadn't knocked boots with anyone since 2005.

All I want is Betty Crocker with a PHD and a nose ring who's willing to make time to take time, is that too much to ask?
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Old 09-08-2010, 12:03 AM   #41
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See, that's the kind of dates I want to go on. Y'know, if I ever went on dates. lol
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Old 09-09-2010, 06:22 PM   #42
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As a young person, I guess I'm in love with the idea of real dating. It just doesn't seem to exist in my age group. They either do flings or jump straight into hardcore relationships without learning about each other first. It really annoys me and is why I'm not in a relationship. I want to find someone who wants to put in the time and effort as much as me. Or at least almost as much as me. But that just doesn't exist to my age group, it seems.

I love the idea of getting to know someone without the pressures of sex right away and without calling yourself "bf/gf" after the first meet. I guess the closest I come to having the type of dating life/relationship life I want is with my gay male friends. There's absolutely no sexual tension or pressure, and we can chill, chat, shop, talk about our lives, and never have a dull moment. I think it's the best "dating" I've done! lol. I know it's not really anything, but it's as good as, for me, until something real comes along.

I'm over the whole casual sex thing and all the wildness that people my age are just beginning or are in the middle of experiencing. I'm old for my age, I guess you could say

I wish old fashioned dating really did still exist.
i dont know if i even qualify as young anymore.... sigh... BUT i feeeeeeel young so thhhhhhhhbbbbbbt...... anyways.... i totally feel teh same way .... i completely have the same type of thing happen to me.... i would love to have someone who wants to get to know me!!!
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Old 09-10-2010, 05:49 PM   #43
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And that paragraph is it in a nutshell. It takes work to get there, it takes even more to keep it.
The work to keep the love never quits and takes a lot more effort than you could have imagined. Very similar to being a mother, one can tell you how difficult and tiring the work is but, there is no way to truly comprehend what is involved until you venture down road. It is all worth it.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:15 PM   #44
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All I want is Betty Crocker with a PHD and a nose ring who's willing to make time to take time, is that too much to ask?
I do more cooking than baking, am getting a masters and will have a nose ring again soon, so thats like sorta close....
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:24 PM   #45
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But a response to the OP, I miss the dates I went on in high school. Most guys IRL will either never do anything romantic, or will take me on one date to get in my pants.
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Old 09-16-2010, 04:30 AM   #46
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The last girl I dated we did it the old fashioned way. Of course then she dumped me out of the blue, so maybe old fashioned dating really isn't the way to go?

It's a gamble because you put in a lot more thought and effort into dating, you become more attached, and it's probably not going to work out anyways so why bother?
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Old 09-16-2010, 06:40 AM   #47
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The last girl I dated we did it the old fashioned way. Of course then she dumped me out of the blue, so maybe old fashioned dating really isn't the way to go?

It's a gamble because you put in a lot more thought and effort into dating, you become more attached, and it's probably not going to work out anyways so why bother?
Because the the possibility also exists that it might work out. You never know. I find it's best to keep all possibilities in perspective.

And how much effort does it take to invite a person to go see a movie, to grab dinner, to go bowling, to hang out at a friend's backyard barbeque? Dating doesn't mean you've planned everything to the utmost degree. Dating simply means getting together with the person in different social settings so you can get to know them and see how they act around different people, in different places, with just you. And they're doing the same with you.

Do they gel with most of your friends? Do you gel with theirs? Are they rude to waitstaff when you go to lunch or dinner? Can they roll with the punches when you get to the theater and the movie is sold out, or do they get overly upset because they can't see the movie when they wanted? I had this happen on a date once, years ago. The movie was sold out when we got to the theater, so I suggested we get tickets for the next show and get coffee and hang out at the bookstore while we waited. The guy practically threw a tantrum because the he couldn't see the movie at the time he wanted, which was a clear indication that he had some other issues going on and wasn't good date material for me.

Dating someone doesn't mean planning elaborate outings and get-togethers. If you want to make elaborate plans, by all means go for it and have fun. But that's not the point of dating. Dating is about checking the person out, seeing if they're a good fit for you, and moving on if they're not. Sure, there's some disappointment when it doesn't work out, but I tend to see it as a learning experience, teaching me what kinds of behaviors to avoid the next time I'm picking someone to date, and hopefully increasing my chances of finding the right person for me.
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Old 09-16-2010, 06:51 AM   #48
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Of course there's always the possibliity that it might work out. I should know considering I'm the only single one in my group of friends!

It actually is a lot of effort for me because I work nights and go to school full time, so dating for me is equal to losing sleep.

I really should have seen it coming though this last time and not put in as much effort as I did. She was canceling dates on me from day one, sometimes to hang out with other friends of hers. She appeared very sincere though so I let it slide. She met my friends once for about 5 minutes after cancelling several times when I tried to get her to go out with them, and also said that she just wasn't ready to bring a guy around her friends. Other than that though things were excellent. We got along super well, conversation just flowed naturally and we laughed about stuff all the time. I just wish I knew what was on her mind.

I'm a relationship noob with no one to really talk to about it so I apologize for venting here.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:18 AM   #49
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I'm not very old, in my 20s, but i guess i'm old fashoined. I'd prefer if more people would take up "old fashioned dating again". I don't like to rush into things, and i would never want to rush a lady into anything either, but have come across situations where i've actually ben asked "don't you like me?" or "is there something wrong?" if i've seen someone several times (in a dating sense) and not tried at least once to have sex with her, from my point of view i'm trying to be a gentleman and i'd feel disrespectful if i was to go about it ay other way. I enjoy sex and of course i want it, but i also enjoy geting to kno wsomeone, and going for a nice walk, having good conversations, and maybe sitting somewhere looking at a nice view. I like holdning hands too, its a sort of show of close-ness/intimacy and trust without being sexual intimacy.
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Old 09-16-2010, 03:32 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rabbitislove View Post
I do more cooking than baking, am getting a masters and will have a nose ring again soon, so thats like sorta close....
Close enough for me!
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