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Old 08-25-2009, 03:01 PM   #1
likeitmatters
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Default all by myself after my ex left

it has been two weeks and my ex has been gone and I am feeling the effects of him still. because he left me with no money no car(my car as a bad tranny) I cannot work and my rent is due and my electricity I have no clue on where the money is going to come from. I have applied for unemployment because my car was a necessary tool for my job and I dont have a car at the moment though I wish I had the balls to put on a website that I need money to fix my tranny which will cost 1500.00 but I am too honest to sponge off of others.

and I am thinking that I am a freak of nature because in the gay community they basically think very little of you and dont want to be your platonic friend without benefits. He made me feel like shit because in his eyes I have a small package and I said I am happy with what I was dealt with and I told him that at least I did not cheat on you with some strange man. I consider myself a man who has values and takes pride in himself and I could never ever date a man who is a man whore or a slut. I would be so embarassed if some guy came up to me and said my partner was good in bed.

Sorry if I am rambling but I see a dark dark hallway and no lights and my own light is going out and frankly it would be the best thing for me. Sometimes I wish I had died with my immortal beloved Carl years ago, he was the only man who loved me for me and did not care about my package and only about me.

thank you for listening guys...

love you all

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Old 08-25-2009, 03:13 PM   #2
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Default a song for my immortal beloved and others

who have lost someone they loved...it has been almost 5 years and the pain is still there hidden by me..just had to let it out..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGeROT6fNrs
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Old 08-25-2009, 06:09 PM   #3
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I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry for the pain you are dealing with right now. I will send good, warm thoughts your way in hopes things will be better soon.
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:07 PM   #4
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*hugs* I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. Things can only get better for you. Keep your head held high.
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Old 08-25-2009, 09:02 PM   #5
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There is a reason for you to be here. Dont wish you were dead, please. We all care about you, and your wisdom has benefitted many here in Dims. I know you'll probably never meet most of us, but as the voice of reason you've provided more help than you'll ever know.

I hope you get unemployment and everything works out. Just know that it sucks, but it will end. And know what your ex said isnt true. <3

Dont give up man.
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Old 08-26-2009, 08:52 PM   #6
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Nothing that can be said or written will really help at a time like this. But your hurt is palpable in your words.

I just hope that in the days ahead you can come to grips with the fact that negative opinions about you uttered by someone who would so betray a partner aren't worth the breath they were spoken with.

A seemingly pretty smart guy said that happiness comes from within and only you can chart where your happiness will go with you in life.

Let it take you to a place where jerks like your ex are nowhere to be found.
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Old 08-27-2009, 10:32 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by likeitmatters View Post
I see a dark dark hallway and no lights and my own light is going out and frankly it would be the best thing for me. Sometimes I wish I had died with my immortal beloved Carl years ago, he was the only man who loved me for me and did not care about my package and only about me.
When you're in a dark place, you need to brighten it up with a flashlight. The flashlight will hold you over until the sun comes up. I can assure you the sun will come up again and fill your world with sunshine.

Try not to let shallow people ruin you. Consider their leaving a blessing and not a dark chapter.

Our life is like a jar and sometimes it gets filled with bad things. Even though we might have the sweetest peaches inside that jar, if we allow someone to put their shit it it, the peaches are ruined. We must remove everything and wash the jar out and make it squeaky clean for the next items we choose to put inside of it. It is your jar and choose wisely the things you place inside. Fill it with only positive things and your jar will be the greatestest potpouri which brightens the days of others as well. Always be careful of who you let in, because the fragrant aroma of the the jar will attract no only nice people, but bad people, too.

In 2003 I lost my wife to a DVT. I feel your pain. It is hard to recover from a loss like that, but it gets better, my friend. The sun will come out again. Good things will come your way very soon, if not today.
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Old 08-27-2009, 11:00 AM   #8
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I forgot to tell you the most important thing...

The true measure of a man is not his "package", but his deeds.
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Old 08-27-2009, 12:40 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by rockabelly View Post
When you're in a dark place, you need to brighten it up with a flashlight. The flashlight will hold you over until the sun comes up. I can assure you the sun will come up again and fill your world with sunshine.

Try not to let shallow people ruin you. Consider their leaving a blessing and not a dark chapter.

Our life is like a jar and sometimes it gets filled with bad things. Even though we might have the sweetest peaches inside that jar, if we allow someone to put their shit it it, the peaches are ruined. We must remove everything and wash the jar out and make it squeaky clean for the next items we choose to put inside of it. It is your jar and choose wisely the things you place inside. Fill it with only positive things and your jar will be the greatestest potpouri which brightens the days of others as well. Always be careful of who you let in, because the fragrant aroma of the the jar will attract no only nice people, but bad people, too.

In 2003 I lost my wife to a DVT. I feel your pain. It is hard to recover from a loss like that, but it gets better, my friend. The sun will come out again. Good things will come your way very soon, if not today.
I am understanding everything you are saying and I appreciate it alot but I have been going through this for almost 5 years and I have my good days and bad days and I have more bad days. Everything I was up to that point was lost and everything I am now is meaningless without him. He was the wind beneath my wings and I cannot fly over the clouds like I did and find very little happiness in this world. when you had perfection in your life everything is second best.

Thank you for listening.


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Old 08-27-2009, 08:48 PM   #10
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I am so sorry your having a hard time right now. It will get better. hugs
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:31 AM   #11
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I'm very sorry for everything you've been through. Despite only being with my ex for 6 days, I'd been in love with him for 4 years prior to us getting together, and though its been over a month since he broke up with me, its just so hard. No words anybody can say will make things better, but just know that you're not alone. I hope things work out for you, just stay strong.
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Old 09-07-2009, 05:53 AM   #12
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Default well...a update

I met somebody over at another website for gay men and he took instance liking to me and surprisingly enough I happen to like him and he is around my age and not some damm twink or twinlet..stay away from those flightly twinks..just wondering do twinks exist in the straight community or are they called something else?

well he lives in colorado and he is a bhm with heart and soul and keeps me grounded and sane during this period of chaos and we are getting to know each other the way i want to know someone without sex. and hope to meet once my financial situations is under control..

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Old 09-07-2009, 01:57 PM   #13
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I'm so glad to hear it! Sounds like you two are getting on famously, and that's awesome.

I'd say the closest thing to twinks in the straight community are bimbo sorority girls and their equally ditzy but non-sorority equivalents (note, this is not counting awesome girls who happen to be in a sorority. Just the ones who fit the "sorority girl" movie stereotype. Think Clueless or Legally Blonde.) I don't think there's really a male version; I mean, there was the big "metrosexual" fuss a while back, but as far as I can tell they didn't fill the same sort of relationship role as twinks.
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Old 09-08-2009, 06:07 PM   #14
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Default well another update

[B]Well that ended quickly and because of me. I flatly refuse to be afterthought with any man. he is a wonderful man however, he did not tell me that his family and friends come first and I wonder if men read profiles. I flat refuse to a second rate citizen or a bed warmer or fuck buddy. I want to be thought of being special and not make plans and then have to cancell them because of some family member. Sorry I am at the age where I want to be number one and not be behind family friends relatives work buddies or gym buddies or whatever and yes it is selfish but once you have it you want it again.[/B


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Old 09-08-2009, 06:18 PM   #15
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[b]Well that ended quickly and because of me. I flatly refuse to be afterthought with any man. he is a wonderful man however, he did not tell me that his family and friends come first and I wonder if men read profiles. I flat refuse to a second rate citizen or a bed warmer or fuck buddy. I want to be thought of being special and not make plans and then have to cancell them because of some family member. Sorry I am at the age where I want to be number one and not be behind family friends relatives work buddies or gym buddies or whatever and yes it is selfish but once you have it you want it again.[/B


I don't think it's selfish at all for you to want a relationship in which you will be placed above all others. Hold out for that, in fact (it sounds like you already are); find someone who shares that goal. I'm sorry this most recent interest didn't work out for you, but you know what they say - there are lots o' fish in the sea!

Good luck to you.
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Old 09-10-2009, 06:11 AM   #16
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Default just a quick update

I told that man goodbye and told him that when he is sleeping in bed and alone maybe he can call his friends or family to sleep with him and snuggle with him or do that nasty.

I have a great saying I am using...dont put me in the nosebleed section of the ball park and put your friends and family in the executive boxes by home plate and expect me to feel welcomed and loved...because I wont be there.


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Old 09-10-2009, 10:17 AM   #17
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[b]Well that ended quickly and because of me. I flatly refuse to be afterthought with any man. he is a wonderful man however, he did not tell me that his family and friends come first and I wonder if men read profiles. I flat refuse to a second rate citizen or a bed warmer or fuck buddy. I want to be thought of being special and not make plans and then have to cancell them because of some family member. Sorry I am at the age where I want to be number one and not be behind family friends relatives work buddies or gym buddies or whatever and yes it is selfish but once you have it you want it again.[/B


But you're barely in this relationship and you expect to be put above his family? Are you serious? You haven't even built anything and you tore it down because he cares for the people in his life.

I think you make it a lot harder on yourself than you have to. People aren't perfect and pleasing everyone is a hard job. Maybe you should cut the guy some slack.
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Old 09-10-2009, 10:29 AM   #18
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Default let me clarify

[QUOTE=Surlysomething;1273610]But you're barely in this relationship and you expect to be put above his family? Are you serious? You haven't even built anything and you tore it down because he cares for the people in his life.

I think you make it a lot harder on yourself than you have to. People aren't perfect and pleasing everyone is a hard job. Maybe you should cut the guy some slack.[/QUOTE

I am well aware that we just met and I am frankly glad I found out now because I was in this type of relationship my dear and I broke up with him after a year of living with his mother in the same house. Our plans were always on hold or he had to take his mother somewhere with her friends and I was left out in the cold. Sorry I will not be in that type of freaking relationship again...

I will never be with someone like that and lets not forget the momma boys or mommas girls for that matter...I loved my parents very much but I did not take care of them and my parents had the foresight to put money away so one of them would be taken care of if something happened to the other. I find men living with mommy to be rather disgusting and revolting but I will say more power to them but they wont be with me....I am a first rate man and not a second class citizen...

thank you for listening...

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Old 09-10-2009, 10:53 AM   #19
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[quote=likeitmatters;1273615]
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But you're barely in this relationship and you expect to be put above his family? Are you serious? You haven't even built anything and you tore it down because he cares for the people in his life.

I think you make it a lot harder on yourself than you have to. People aren't perfect and pleasing everyone is a hard job. Maybe you should cut the guy some slack.[/QUOTE

I am well aware that we just met and I am frankly glad I found out now because I was in this type of relationship my dear and I broke up with him after a year of living with his mother in the same house. Our plans were always on hold or he had to take his mother somewhere with her friends and I was left out in the cold. Sorry I will not be in that type of freaking relationship again...

I will never be with someone like that and lets not forget the momma boys or mommas girls for that matter...I loved my parents very much but I did not take care of them and my parents had the foresight to put money away so one of them would be taken care of if something happened to the other. I find men living with mommy to be rather disgusting and revolting but I will say more power to them but they wont be with me....I am a first rate man and not a second class citizen...

thank you for listening...

You're letting your past relationship colour this in an unfortunate way. You never gave the guy a chance.

But that is your choice, of course.
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Old 09-10-2009, 11:34 AM   #20
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Default thank you for your response

and yes it is somewhat clouding my eyes but in a good way..I just would rather be alone than be after thought..when you had a wonderful partner who put you first you sort of get spoiled..

but thanks

hugs to you
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Old 09-19-2009, 05:55 AM   #21
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Default another man is interested

[B]and this time I asked how he would fee about putting me first and not his family or friends...he said my family and I dont speak and to me my partner comes first..hurray finally a man of quality and honesty. I do not understand how someone will think of their family first or friends over their partner?

I will let you know what happens and he lives only two hours away..and he is a big ole bear of a man and loves to eat lol[/B


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Old 09-19-2009, 06:27 AM   #22
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[B]and this time I asked how he would fee about putting me first and not his family or friends...he said my family and I dont speak and to me my partner comes first..hurray finally a man of quality and honesty. I do not understand how someone will think of their family first or friends over their partner?

I will let you know what happens and he lives only two hours away..and he is a big ole bear of a man and loves to eat lol[/B



hon...isn't that a huge RED FLAG TO YOU? He doesn't speak to his family? I am speaking for myself only, OBVIOUSLY, and although my family of origin is as dysfunctional in its' own way, as anyone elses - I LOVE THEM, they are my family, and when I meet someone that has not spoken to their family or siblings or has NO FRIENDS, there has to be a deep reason *IMHO* as to the whys..and makes me think hard about what is going on in his life as to how they handle relationships.....just a thought, take some time and love yourself....no matter what

it will happen when it happens....
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Old 09-19-2009, 06:39 AM   #23
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Default my family and his

[QUOTE=HDANGEL15;1279930]
hon...isn't that a huge RED FLAG TO YOU? He doesn't speak to his family? I am speaking for myself only, OBVIOUSLY, and although my family of origin is as dysfunctional in its' own way, as anyone elses - I LOVE THEM, they are my family, and when I meet someone that has not spoken to their family or siblings or has NO FRIENDS, there has to be a deep reason *IMHO* as to the whys..and makes me think hard about what is going on in his life as to how they handle relationships.....just a thought, take some time and love yourself....no matter what

it will happen when it happens....
[/QUOTE

first off his mother and father are dead like mine and I dont speak to my other siblings for personal reasons and he does not talk to them. what you are missing is that we have friends and I will always put my partner first and foremost...I am old enough to know what I want. I met many men who live with mommy and daddy and or they put their family first and they put their partner down the line of importance which is not acceptable.

I have question for the straight community. If you get married to your husband or wife who comes first in your relationship? your family or wife or husband? I really like to know.

thanks
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Old 09-19-2009, 10:59 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by likeitmatters View Post
I met somebody over at another website for gay men and he took instance liking to me and surprisingly enough I happen to like him and he is around my age and not some damm twink or twinlet..stay away from those flightly twinks..just wondering do twinks exist in the straight community or are they called something else?

well he lives in colorado and he is a bhm with heart and soul and keeps me grounded and sane during this period of chaos and we are getting to know each other the way i want to know someone without sex. and hope to meet once my financial situations is under control..

I'm just wondering, I've never really thought being gay or straight changes the way you are as a person, If you're a douchebag you're a douchebag, you can be a straight douchebag or a gay douchebag, or a black douchebag or a Mexican douchebag, Color and Gender preference don't really matter in the end, if you're a good person it comes through, if you're not it doesn't, but my question is, why do you say to stay away from twinks? I know what twinks are, I'm just wondering why you prefer to stay away from them. is it just drama with them or what?
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Old 09-19-2009, 01:12 PM   #25
likeitmatters
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[QUOTE=Hozay J Garseeya;1280025]I'm just wondering, I've never really thought being gay or straight changes the way you are as a person, If you're a douchebag you're a douchebag, you can be a straight douchebag or a gay douchebag, or a black douchebag or a Mexican douchebag, Color and Gender preference don't really matter in the end, if you're a good person it comes through, if you're not it doesn't, but my question is, why do you say to stay away from twinks? I know what twinks are, I'm just wondering why you prefer to stay away from them. is it just drama with them or what?[/QUOTE

my experience is that they tend to want and gimme and take and take and give nothing because they feel men my age can give them things they cannot afford at all..and I have nothing in common with twinks...they are generally reckless and a waste of time to me...but that is me..

thank you for the response.

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