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Old 03-10-2008, 06:30 AM   #76
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Heh, you might as well ask why otherwise intelligent women date assholes and then bitch about it to their nice guy friends.
we might! make your own thread, mini.
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Old 03-10-2008, 06:54 AM   #77
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Everyone has there reasons for things but I have a hard time with men that do this Rip - What I dislike even more is they say things like well its hard to find a confident BBW blah blah blah - WELL jeeze yah think - constantly being put down for our weight and then the men that "love" us do the even more damage by denying us and the fact that they are attracted to us.

So when you guys - and you know who you are trying talking to me and you are married to a thin woman but she dosent do it for ya - I just want to say Im sorry if Ive been rude - but I dont want to hear it.
What I always find fascinating is how guys say/post things about loving big wide calves or fat little hands or whatever, and wanting to pay us those compliments b/c they hope we know someone DOES like us but they're married to skinny women and just feel bad they can't show us how they feel (I remember a lot of posts on usenet from a guy married to a thinner woman who just LOVED fat, wide, white calves. And he wanted to be sure we knew how sexy they were and he wanted to pay us that compliment). Uh... hmmn. You know what I feel complimented by? When a guy says: hey, i like you and want to take you on a date.

Hey I like your shape and want you to know that even though i'm in no position to do anything about it b/c I'm married but hey, don't you feel good now? Not a compliment.
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Old 03-10-2008, 06:54 AM   #78
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Heh, you might as well ask why otherwise intelligent women date assholes and then bitch about it to their nice guy friends.
Yup, I've seen this happen far too often. It's amazing how often people torpedo their own relationships. Maybe it's a combination of peer pressure ("I love this fat woman, but what will my friends / relatives / etc. think?") and the fat woman sending out negative vibes ("He's a sweet guy, but I don't deserve him.")? I remember one former friend about 20 years ago who would have been such a nice catch for some lucky guy. Some men were interested in her, but *she* didn't think she deserved any of them simply because she was fat. Maybe she thought they would run away when they suddenly discovered she was fat. One fine day she introduced me to her fianc, and he was a complete horse's ass. When I tried to warn her about him, she gave me a combination of "Oh you're jealous" and "You just don't like him." No, honestly, he's a complete jackass. She refused to speak to me ever again, and they lived unhappily ever after. Last I heard they were teetering on bankruptcy because he can't hold a job and he ran up all kinds of debts. His only saving grace is he's not a wife beater.
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But ya know, it's not merely a matter of fat and thin. People make all sorts of decisions for the wrong reasons, swayed by what they *think* others will think, by advertising, by the media etc. At my 25th and 30th high school class reunion were a man and a woman from my class who really should have married each other, but didn't because their familes didn't think he or she was "good enough" for whatever silly reasons. So they each caved in, married someone else, and groused almost continually about their spouses, who didn't come to the reunions.
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Old 03-10-2008, 06:58 AM   #79
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I think it might at times have to do with keeping the chase element of the physical/sexual relationship alive over the months/years. For some, it might be the fact that it might feel good, and powerful, and savior-y to be able to say: so what if the world says you're ugly, *I* think you're beautiful! I'm not even saying that it's the control aspect (don't leave me! no one else thinks you're hot!) at work there, but perhaps the 'I'm important to you because I think this way' thing (sort of like the new convert. Ever notice how some people who proselytize feel very important? they've seen the light!). It's a way of being different and special and unique. In a world where we have precious few chances to feel that, it must be incredibly powerful. So yes. I think there's something hinky, for sure.
The only issue I have with alot of theories is that it seems to overestimate the intelligence behind being an FA. I just can't wrap my mind around somebody thinking, "Okay, what I'm going to do is THIS: ___________________. The next time I see somebody who meets this criteria I'm going to take them with me so I can have what I need in life." There seems to be too much work and premeditation involved and I don't know too many people who are so 'all that' that they can create the domain of their lives exactly as they wish. You can have an approach in life, an approach is good, but things don't often go according to plan otherwise. Most of us aren't spinning the world exactly as we designed when we were 8, we're dealing with the hand we've been dealt. Life is strange like that.

Okay, you're sitting in a crowded room and in walks some hot guy. Are you going to go over and flirt with him? Probably not but Fancy Nancy in the size 4 Pantsy is on her way over there. He's an FA but nobody else will talk to him and all the size 22 girls won't look him in the eye and respond politely giving no sign of blatant interest. The odds... I dunno, there's certainly validity to all arguments but I'm not sure it's as strong a common denominator as a lot of us envision.
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:08 AM   #80
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The only issue I have with alot of theories is that it seems to overestimate the intelligence behind being an FA. I just can't wrap my mind around somebody thinking, "Okay, what I'm going to do is THIS: ___________________. The next time I see somebody who meets this criteria I'm going to take them with me so I can have what I need in life." There seems to be too much work and premeditation involved and I don't know too many people who are so 'all that' that they can create the domain of their lives exactly as they wish. You can have an approach in life, an approach is good, but things don't often go according to plan otherwise. Most of us aren't spinning the world exactly as we designed when we were 8, we're dealing with the hand we've been dealt. Life is strange like that.

Okay, you're sitting in a crowded room and in walks some hot guy. Are you going to go over and flirt with him? Probably not but Fancy Nancy in the size 4 Pantsy is on her way over there. He's an FA but nobody else will talk to him and all the size 22 girls won't look him in the eye and respond politely giving no sign of blatant interest. The odds... I dunno, there's certainly validity to all arguments but I'm not sure it's as strong a common denominator as a lot of us envision.
Because i'd hope that if he's an FA that he'd:

1. Give the size 4 a polite brush off and not waste her time.

2. Have the sense to know that maybe a size 22 would be a little shy or nervous b/c she's been told her whole life she's not as hot as the size 4 and maybe be a little proactive in his approach? Aren't men supposed to be the pursuers?
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:23 AM   #81
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Because i'd hope that if he's an FA that he'd:

1. Give the size 4 a polite brush off and not waste her time.

2. Have the sense to know that maybe a size 22 would be a little shy or nervous b/c she's been told her whole life she's not as hot as the size 4 and maybe be a little proactive in his approach? Aren't men supposed to be the pursuers?
I am not certain every guy, even some of the hot ones, are going to walk into a room and assume that the only reason 'Rita' isn't showing interest is because she is shy, unenlightened or misinformed. People are going to deal with what is presented. If someone says hello you say hello back. If he's interesting you'll be interested. You're not going to flick anyone away and say, "Ewww, skinny person!!" and claw your way over to the fat girl who is avoiding eye contact. I think we give men in general too much credit. Not sure if I'm making sense.

EDITED TO ADD: I mean, I know men who ARE like that and nobody likes them. They won't even bother talking to anyone under a size 26 and hound fat women relentlessly thinking he is the white savior of the BBW world and she merely needs convincing. Seriously, hardly anybody is like that save for the few examples I know of.
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:23 AM   #82
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The only issue I have with alot of theories is that it seems to overestimate the intelligence behind being an FA. I just can't wrap my mind around somebody thinking, "Okay, what I'm going to do is THIS: ___________________. The next time I see somebody who meets this criteria I'm going to take them with me so I can have what I need in life." There seems to be too much work and premeditation involved and I don't know too many people who are so 'all that' that they can create the domain of their lives exactly as they wish. You can have an approach in life, an approach is good, but things don't often go according to plan otherwise. Most of us aren't spinning the world exactly as we designed when we were 8, we're dealing with the hand we've been dealt. Life is strange like that.

Okay, you're sitting in a crowded room and in walks some hot guy. Are you going to go over and flirt with him? Probably not but Fancy Nancy in the size 4 Pantsy is on her way over there. He's an FA but nobody else will talk to him and all the size 22 girls won't look him in the eye and respond politely giving no sign of blatant interest. The odds... I dunno, there's certainly validity to all arguments but I'm not sure it's as strong a common denominator as a lot of us envision.
i'm not saying these things are explicit. if we're discussing reasons behind things then that implies there ARE reasons. I believe there are. Whether we're aware of them at all times or whether we use them to sit and ponder and then make a decision, i don't think so. I'm not arguing we do. Many things are subconscious but I do believe something is going on. it's not happenstance in every way.
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:33 AM   #83
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I am not certain every guy, even some of the hot ones, are going to walk into a room and assume that the only reason 'Rita' isn't showing interest is because she is shy, unenlightened or misinformed. People are going to deal with what is presented. If someone says hello you say hello back. If he's interesting you'll be interested. You're not going to flick anyone away and say, "Ewww, skinny person!!" and claw your way over to the fat girl who is avoiding eye contact. I think we give men in general too much credit. Not sure if I'm making sense.
No, but I mean...as an FFA I'm pretty aware that some of the guys I think are hot might not think of themselves as hot or might be shy. The past 2 fat guys I've gone out with were both super sexy, but each of them said, in pretty much these exact words, "I've never thought of myself as hot."

I'm not saying he shouldn't give the skinny person a chance, but if he's an FA and there's a room full of size 22's, maybe he should at least try and not just take a dive on it and say "Well, there were plenty of fat girls around, and i like fat girls, but it might have taken some effort on my part which is why I'm now dating a size 4 and posting on Dims about how unhappy I am."
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:50 AM   #84
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No, but I mean...as an FFA I'm pretty aware that some of the guys I think are hot might not think of themselves as hot or might be shy. The past 2 fat guys I've gone out with were both super sexy, but each of them said, in pretty much these exact words, "I've never thought of myself as hot."

I'm not saying he shouldn't give the skinny person a chance, but if he's an FA and there's a room full of size 22's, maybe he should at least try and not just take a dive on it and say "Well, there were plenty of fat girls around, and i like fat girls, but it might have taken some effort on my part which is why I'm now dating a size 4 and posting on Dims about how unhappy I am."
I understand. I just imagine that it's a little different if you're a man. He approaches a woman he finds attractive and she doesn't respond to his subtle charm... I guess in my experience it's always the wrong guys who lean in closer and try to be more convincing. The others prefer to spend their time with people who actualy enjoy their company and much later in the night I'm slapping my forhead becuase it finally dawns on me the guy was hitting on me. I'm not shooting down anyone else's theories, just thinking out loud.
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Old 03-10-2008, 08:05 AM   #85
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I guess it comes down to each of them being confident in their attractiveness and aware of what they're looking for.

I guess you can't expect the guy to knock himself out if the size 22's he's craving are all looking downward and not being responsive to his subtle charms. It does seem like a lot of women on here have had retroactive "aha" moments where they say "Oh, yeah. That guy was flirting."

Then again, i'm sure for however many guys you've slapped your forehead over at the end of the evening, there have been an equal number where you've clearly said "I'm not interested" and he persisted.
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Old 03-10-2008, 08:31 AM   #86
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I'd post on this thread, but as a single FA that has no interest in anyone outside my compatibility, I'd break the trend.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:09 AM   #87
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I need to ask this.

Haven't we had threads saying fat women don't want a man who only likes fat women? So now, if a guy likes both fat and skinny chicks - that's not OK either??

I'm glad I'm married. The dating world is oo confusing for me.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:13 AM   #88
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I need to ask this.

Haven't we had threads saying fat women don't want a man who only likes fat women? So now, if a guy likes both fat and skinny chicks - that's not OK either??

I'm glad I'm married. The dating world is oo confusing for me.
I think what Lilly and others were referring to was not men who like both fat and thin women, but situations in which men who prefer fat women wind up with thin ones through their own action or inaction. It seems there is less frustration regarding men who like all sizes, and more towards men who express a preference for fat women but for some reason don't pursue them.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:15 AM   #89
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I need to ask this.

Haven't we had threads saying fat women don't want a man who only likes fat women? So now, if a guy likes both fat and skinny chicks - that's not OK either??

I'm glad I'm married. The dating world is oo confusing for me.
No, I don't think that's it, really -- this isn't about liking skinny and fat women...this is about a guy saying that he's with a skinny woman, but isn't truly attracted to her because he really digs fat chicks but is denying it. It would be different if he liked both, because then he wouldn't be posting about being partnered with a woman that he really isn't into.


To me, there's nothing wrong with a person being attracted to different body types; the trouble comes in when said person is solely attracted to fat women, yet enters into a relationship with a thin woman, knowing that she doesn't really "do it" for him.

ETA -- yeah, what Loves said.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:20 AM   #90
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I need to ask this.

Haven't we had threads saying fat women don't want a man who only likes fat women? So now, if a guy likes both fat and skinny chicks - that's not OK either??

I'm glad I'm married. The dating world is oo confusing for me.
I'm one of the weird ones who actually wants a guy who prefers fat women exclusivey. The problem is when guys like this run of and marry thin women then whine about how they don't want to have sex with her. It's like a woman married to an abusiive husband who complains all the time about how he beats her and cheats on her but she won't grab the cat and get out.

Now we're playing analyst and trying to figure them out. Wanna play?
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:33 AM   #91
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Now we're playing analyst and trying to figure them out. Wanna play?
No,, but thanks for asking. I have enough trouble figuring myself out! LOL
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:34 AM   #92
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I'm one of the weird ones who actually wants a guy who prefers fat women exclusivey. The problem is when guys like this run of and marry thin women then whine about how they don't want to have sex with her. It's like a woman married to an abusiive husband who complains all the time about how he beats her and cheats on her but she won't grab the cat and get out.

Now we're playing analyst and trying to figure them out. Wanna play?
Makes sense. What I don't understand are the guys (and probably women as well) who turn up their nose at perfectly good fat women (and men!) and want to make their own. The whole "how can I make her gain against her will" kind of thing. I mean, it's not as though fat chicks are in short supply, particularly around here. We have a veritable plethora of gorgeous, talented, wickedly smart (and just plain wicked) women who are single and available. So what gives? I don't get it.

I think in general it's a bad idea to marry/date someone whose size/interests/personality aren't what you want. Most of the time when people do this, they either have a "settling" mentality or else set out to change the person into who they want to be. That's just so patently unfair, and yet I see it and hear about it among my friends all the time.

I think you gotta take your sweetie, warts and all, whatever size they are, whatever crazy hair style they may have and love them just that way. You can't hope to change them. You're just asking to be unhappy -- and worse, make them unhappy as well.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:34 AM   #93
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I'm one of the weird ones who actually wants a guy who prefers fat women exclusivey. The problem is when guys like this run of and marry thin women then whine about how they don't want to have sex with her. It's like a woman married to an abusiive husband who complains all the time about how he beats her and cheats on her but she won't grab the cat and get out.

Now we're playing analyst and trying to figure them out. Wanna play?
I'll play.

I don't think this is exclusive to men partnering with thin women when they're attracted to fat women.

I honestly believe that men are often conditioned to believe there are certain qualities you look for in a life partner, and that sexual compatibility is not one of them. I think men who complain about not getting blow jobs after marriage or that their wives don't take care of themselves or are not interested in sex are just men who married the wrong women.

Men are conditioned to believe there are the "girls you date and girls you marry" and the two are different. You marry somebody who'd make a good mother, who is of "good character", similar values, same religion, garners family approval, etc. Many guys simply don't allow themselves to make "sexual attraction" an important thing to look for.

Edited to respond to this:

Quote:
The whole "how can I make her gain against her will" kind of thing. I mean, it's not as though fat chicks are in short supply, particularly around here. We have a veritable plethora of gorgeous, talented, wickedly smart (and just plain wicked) women who are single and available. So what gives? I don't get it.
For some people, it's the gaining itself that is hot. It's not the fact of wanting a fat woman, it's the process of watching her gain and or participating in it. It's a sexual fetish and honestly, if you don't have it there isn't any way to explain it. I have feet but I don't "get" foot fetishes.

Last edited by LoveBHMS; 03-10-2008 at 09:37 AM.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:53 AM   #94
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Originally Posted by Sandie_Zitkus View Post
I need to ask this.

Haven't we had threads saying fat women don't want a man who only likes fat women? So now, if a guy likes both fat and skinny chicks - that's not OK either??

I'm glad I'm married. The dating world is oo confusing for me.
Luckily for us, not every fat woman acts the same, not every FA acts the same, etc. etc.

But there are most certainly trends, and talking about them here, at a fat acceptance board, seems an appropriate place.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:53 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
I'll play.

I don't think this is exclusive to men partnering with thin women when they're attracted to fat women.

I honestly believe that men are often conditioned to believe there are certain qualities you look for in a life partner, and that sexual compatibility is not one of them. I think men who complain about not getting blow jobs after marriage or that their wives don't take care of themselves or are not interested in sex are just men who married the wrong women.

Men are conditioned to believe there are the "girls you date and girls you marry" and the two are different. You marry somebody who'd make a good mother, who is of "good character", similar values, same religion, garners family approval, etc. Many guys simply don't allow themselves to make "sexual attraction" an important thing to look for.
I agree. A few times I've heard men come here and say how they fantasize about a woman who is 'XXX' weight but will only actualy bring home someone who is 'Xx' at most. I've had to confront this kind of thinking a few times myself.


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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
Edited to respond to this:



For some people, it's the gaining itself that is hot. It's not the fact of wanting a fat woman, it's the process of watching her gain and or participating in it. It's a sexual fetish and honestly, if you don't have it there isn't any way to explain it. I have feet but I don't "get" foot fetishes.
There is a signifigant percentage of men who prefer thin women who will get fat than women who are already fat and gaining. I often wonder what these fellas will do once their woman gets fat? Will they lose interest? It's an odd kink that rarely comes to fruition.
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Old 03-10-2008, 09:57 AM   #96
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Originally Posted by Miss Vickie View Post
The whole "how can I make her gain against her will" kind of thing. I mean, it's not as though fat chicks are in short supply, particularly around here. .
You've hit the nail on the head, Vickie. It's about growing their own. And I don't mean pot. It's about growing.their.own. And everything that comes with that.

And the problem with that is that it seems elusive and probably very rarely really works out. It's like setting up something and then making an instrinsic part of that something that can't work out. Like...uh.... Me saying the only way I'll ever be happy is if I marry a unicorn. But, of course, unicorns don't exist. but now I'm ggoing to not accept that, and keep looking for the unicorn. and being sad. and telling you all about it.

N.B., tradionally, unicorns can be captured by a virgin (paging Dr. Freud!), but even there, if they exist, i'm shit outta luck.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:02 AM   #97
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There is a signifigant percentage of men who prefer thin women who will get fat than women who are already fat and gaining. I often wonder what these fellas will do once their woman gets fat? Will they lose interest? It's an odd kink that rarely comes to fruition.
I think there is an element of sexual sadism in it, and I mean sadism purely in a sexual way, not that these guys are bad people or want harm to come to their partners. It's partly the idea of a differential, if you will, between what the woman wants or has tried to achieve with her body (working out, eating rabbit food) and the man's very strong sexual desires. It's the contrast between "what she was" before and "what she changed into."

A lot of fetishism has those same elements. If you read smoking fetish fiction, a lot of it works along the same lines as weight gain fiction. i.e. A female protagonist who is fit/healthy/athletic who starts smoking and by the end can no longer run track or swim or do the things she once did, all for the strong desire to smoke.

Or just plain garden variety "Story of O" type of S and M typically has a theme of a woman undergoing a tranformation from being herself to being totally subjugated to a man.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:16 AM   #98
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Originally Posted by Jes View Post
You've hit the nail on the head, Vickie. It's about growing their own. And I don't mean pot. It's about growing.their.own. And everything that comes with that.

And the problem with that is that it seems elusive and probably very rarely really works out. It's like setting up something and then making an instrinsic part of that something that can't work out. Like...uh.... Me saying the only way I'll ever be happy is if I marry a unicorn. But, of course, unicorns don't exist. but now I'm ggoing to not accept that, and keep looking for the unicorn. and being sad. and telling you all about it.

N.B., tradionally, unicorns can be captured by a virgin (paging Dr. Freud!), but even there, if they exist, i'm shit outta luck.
It's a way of avoiding intimacy, constantly setting yourself up for such an ideal. There are so many Pygmalions on this board, but the women are not statues and you can't mold someone to your will.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:25 AM   #99
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Originally Posted by MissToodles View Post
It's a way of avoiding intimacy, constantly setting yourself up for such an ideal. There are so many Pygmalions on this board, but the women are not statues and you can't mold someone to your will.
I can't speak for all men or women, but I can say that this is not always the case any more than a person who is sexually aroused by S&M secretly hates the opposite sex or would engage in domestic violence.

In many cases, it's a sexual kink and nothing more. That's why it's called "erotic" weight gain.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:30 AM   #100
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I tried it because I did not want to be shallow...

I realized though, that I am not being shallow. I know what physical appearences and actions turn me, and I choose to seek those in a partner. I think this is the best thing because good relationships are physically and mentally fullfiling.

As for FA's that go after thin women and complain about it... when it happened to me, I was too young to realize how important the mental attraction of a relationship is.

I will not do it again because I don't want to love a person and mentally betray by thinking about how I'd like them to gain 5, 10, or 50 lbs... or how great it would be if she prefered ice cream to the gym.
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