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Old 03-12-2008, 03:48 PM   #176
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Maybe....just maybe I'm some kind of "weirdo" here....but I have never "pressured" a man into marriage. I have been married twice and asked thrice.
All three asked me...I turned down the first one because of my very young age. I married the second one at age 19 . The third time at age 22.
Personally, at such a young age, it was *I* that felt "pressured" in some ways.
Pressured to "have reason" to have sex with boyfriends that I always told no, pressured to be "a good girl", pressured to be part of a couple, pressured to let the relationship "take it's natural course".
Constantly feeling "pushed" by mutual friends, by my Mother's expectations and by feelings of low self worth/worry. Also, society's expectations about women played into it, as well.
I was always being told, by different people, how "lucky" I was to have a guy like my first husband "love me so much". It wasn't love....it was his insecurities/jealousies that made him that way....not me.
Yes, if you want to call me "weak" or even stupid.....I'm cool with that...I was.

My main point is though, that not all women "push" for marriage. Some women can "fall" into it......just like some men.
I think I"ve just see it more in men.
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Old 03-12-2008, 03:56 PM   #177
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Originally Posted by edx View Post
For sure there were a few BBW to be seen, but usually lurking around the periphery in baggy clothes.
You've mentioned this a couple of times, so I thought I'd just quote it so we all know what a terrible death knell it is for a BBW to not wear tight clothes and stay in the middle of the action.
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Old 03-12-2008, 03:57 PM   #178
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I can buy that LOVES...mainly because I also think back to high school and the number of girls that loved looking at "Brides" magazine. Sometimes, I get the impression that some people are more in love with the idea of the dress, flowers, cake, ceremony, etc than they need to be.
Personally, I have always had the impression that some women's self esteem is tied up in the concept of engagement/marriage. My last bf told me how the woman he dated before me lived with him three years and constantly talked about marriage. He popped the question and they broke up for good a week later.
I have also seen couples that live together many years and then break up shortly after marriage. There seems to be a lot of "safety" to be found in marriage for women (I say this as a formerly married woman). There is also an incredible amount of societal pressure for women to get marrired....what about those statistics about "a woman has a greater chance of getting struck by lightning than getting married after age 30." Holy shit....no wonder some women might "feel pressured" to "pressure" their man if those are the types of statistics we are being passed.
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Old 03-12-2008, 05:05 PM   #179
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Originally Posted by Jes View Post
sometimes, and this may not be a popular thing to say b/c it sounds like i don't realize that being an open FA is sometimes unpopular when i know that's not the case, i find it extremely demoralizing that fat people should be so very glad and celebratory that someone is actually willing to be seen with us. i mean, if i step back and actually look at that thought, it's hard for me to swallow.
You know, I've been pondering this and here is my theory. I believe that desire is involuntary. A misogynist may have very potent desires for women even though he fears and dispises them. Just because a man is an FA does not mean he doesn't hate fat women just as virulently as the rest of the world. Just because a woman is fat does not mean she will love her body and doesn't loath her state as much as any runway model would. I think a lot of men would give up a limb if it would take away their preference for fat women. They come sniveling around here to get their jollies and then leave, thoroughly disgusted with themselves. They sign up for pay sites and then put one of the pictures in an email as a joke to all his friends and office buddies. He loathes the woman just as much as the fat phobes if not more but he's accursed to never be able to get on without them. Not sure how prevelent it is but I KNOW they exist. Running into someone like that is always disturbing but what a joy to find someone who gets it. It's the same for every woman though. Nobody likes a misogynist jerk pawing around but when you meet a nice guy it sure does put an extra bounce in your step. I don't think it's demoralizing at all to be happy that the world isn't full of jerks and losers. We'll never be able to kill them all you know.
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Old 03-12-2008, 05:19 PM   #180
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
You know, I've been pondering this and here is my theory. I believe that desire is involuntary. A misogynist may have very potent desires for women even though he fears and dispises them. Just because a man is an FA does not mean he doesn't hate fat women just as virulently as the rest of the world. Just because a woman is fat does not mean she will love her body and doesn't loath her state as much as any runway model would. I think a lot of men would give up a limb if it would take away their preference for fat women. They come sniveling around here to get their jollies and then leave, thoroughly disgusted with themselves. They sign up for pay sites and then put one of the pictures in an email as a joke to all his friends and office buddies. He loathes the woman just as much as the fat phobes if not more but he's accursed to never be able to get on without them. Not sure how prevelent it is but I KNOW they exist. Running into someone like that is always disturbing but what a joy to find someone who gets it. It's the same for every woman though. Nobody likes a misogynist jerk pawing around but when you meet a nice guy it sure does put an extra bounce in your step. I don't think it's demoralizing at all to be happy that the world isn't full of jerks and losers. We'll never be able to kill them all you know.



Quoted because it's awesome and makes some amazing points.

<3 you, Miss Lilly.
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Old 03-12-2008, 05:42 PM   #181
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I'm only 21, so my dating experience isn't as...thorough as might be needed for a valid assessment, but in my case, finding a woman who's "just right" for me is hard enough WITHOUT looking for the body type on them that I like. That's why my my first girlfriend was below-average/average weight for her height, and why my current girlfriend is right on the borderline between plus-sizes and normal sizes.

My sexual desires (read: penis) may want a super-sized body, but I am VERY happy with the deliciously chubby person I happened to find. She's cute, we get along great, we've been together for over 2 years, and most importantly she doesn't hate her body. It's all this FA could ask for.

Essentially, I've got something that's more important than a recurring sexual fantasy. Waaayyyy more important. So I'm not complaining one bit.
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:27 PM   #182
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Originally Posted by ripley View Post
Quoted because it's awesome and makes some amazing points.

<3 you, Miss Lilly.
I have seen this deconstruction of men and specifically FAs on the boards before. It is very saddening because as I learn more and more from Dims, the more I realize a lot of what the ladies say here is true. I cannot grasp what they go through when the computer is turned off and the real world awaits. I used to think being on the boards in some way would let the BBWs here know that they are beautiful, not with any preconceived notions or ulterior motives, but just a size neutral or even size positive forum. Somewhere that they can be judged by the content of their character and not the size of their body or only by the size of their body (a to Dr. King).

It seems even that is greeted skeptically by many BBWs and again, I repeat, I can only begin to understand why. It sure doesn't make it any easier to accept. I wish it wasn't that way. As a guy, I guess I like to see things fixed, simple and easy. A 2 x 4 here and a tightening of a bolt there and viola, equality and happiness for all who seek it.

I have come to dislike the term FA because it sets the standard by which certain women are initially judged albeit positively. The same way women are judged negatively outside the walls of Dims. Through 0" or 4" of fat tissue is the heart and soul of a woman. A woman who bleeds, feels, loves, nurtures, hurts, smiles, laughs and cries.

Deconstructing FAs I guess helps in creating a good defense against a mean outside world. Readying oneself for some of the mean things that seemingly supportive groups like FAs purport to do. But in the end, as Lilly so clearly stated, "when you meet a nice guy, it puts a bounce in your step and ....happy that the world isn't full of jerks and losers".

The world is full of jerks and losers. There are a few men who are neither. All I can offer is my hope that they are found and right soon. You all here, deserve that which you seek, and then some.
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Old 03-12-2008, 06:45 PM   #183
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Originally Posted by ripley View Post
You've mentioned this a couple of times, so I thought I'd just quote it so we all know what a terrible death knell it is for a BBW to not wear tight clothes and stay in the middle of the action.
You were just asking for a small, steaming plate of rep...why, yes you were. Let's not even start discussing what many..many..FA's are saying by their own choice in clothing/grooming. But then, I keep forgetting that as a woman, I am to forever be wondering if the ' male gaze ' is upon me. Now, forgive me while I go throw in a load of briefs..aka granny panties..
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:07 PM   #184
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I know your kind Mossy.

You probably get dressed every damned morning without giving a second thought to what FAs might like you to wear.

Don't you?

Bitch.
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:52 PM   #185
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I know your kind Mossy.

You probably get dressed every damned morning without giving a second thought to what FAs might like you to wear.

Don't you?

Bitch.
alright that was funny.
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I wish there was a board called: Let's Just All Be Fucking Honest With Each Other For Five Minutes.
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Old 03-12-2008, 08:03 PM   #186
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You were just asking for a small, steaming plate of rep...why, yes you were. Let's not even start discussing what many..many..FA's are saying by their own choice in clothing/grooming. But then, I keep forgetting that as a woman, I am to forever be wondering if the ' male gaze ' is upon me. Now, forgive me while I go throw in a load of briefs..aka granny panties..
Are you kidding? I never have a small plate of anything.


Yours in granny-panty love,

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Old 03-12-2008, 10:04 PM   #187
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I know your kind Mossy.

You probably get dressed every damned morning without giving a second thought to what FAs might like you to wear.

Don't you?

Bitch.

wow! what a stereotype! i don't understand why a woman gets attacked and called names just because she is expressing her true opinion. have you ever thought that sometimes women dress in a sexy manner because they like how they look when they do. its just possible that women love being sensuous with no expectations of anyone else. guess what, sometimes we just like looking that way because it looks nice to us too. its not always to attract someone. and if it is thats ok too. have you ever thought that when a woman dresses casually and comfortably she does so because she likes it. if she likes that is ok as well.

no wonder some of my beautiful BBWs friends hide their bodies because everytime they show it some people think it is soley to attract the opposite sex. somehow your body never seems to belong to you but to the public. some BBWs are not into always being viewed through the eyes of the other. it seems very self centered and ignorant of you to look at things that way. i hope that isn't how you really are. and its hard to really know just based on what you've written here since this isn't real life. not everything boils down to your opinion. sometimes BBWs get a sense of what their opinion and value is really worth and they can actually dress for their own personality. i have my opinion about what i like to see on BBWs too. but i think its way beyond me to ridicule someone for having their own way of doing things.

sit down and have a convo with women you love and respect and ask them their opinions. and when you do that imagine whether you'd like to have them called bitch when they are expressing that opinion. i'm not saying you are the first or only one to do this in the forums, and you certainly won't be the last. both the men and women do this here. but you know its really childish to be so angry and nasty toward someone just because they disagree with you. its fine to disagree but name calling is pretty messed up. language is a big thing. language has creative and destructive properties. i'm not sure if its your intention to give birth to a beast with your words. i'm not saying i'm perfect and always do the right thing but i thought you needed to be called on this and brought back to reality. i hope you'll do that for me too if i need it. just try and be a bit civil when you do.


-a BBW can love herself, be confident and true to herself without being a
man hater
-a BBW has a right to control her own body
-a BBW has a right to her opinions
-a BBW has a right to dress as she sees fit
-if BBW acceptance is truly important to you, truly accept a BBW

PS: i just had a look back on this thread and it seems you have some kind of issue your dealing with because you seem hostile. i hope whatever it is works itself out because anger is poison.

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Old 03-12-2008, 10:14 PM   #188
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Super, LovesBHMS was not attacking me. She was joking around, while, yes, making a point. I think it is a valid point. I do not want to see women, thin..fat..whatever..feeling like they have to dress a certain way or cannot dress the way they like. I do think there is an attitude out here from many, that if a fat woman wears baggy clothing, she must not value her body. Clothing does not always say more than....this is what I wanted to wear today. Sometimes, ' sexy ' is desperate...sometimes, baggy is confidence...mix and match these scenarios..

I thank you for not liking what are real attacks out here, but, this was not one of them..*S* If you had read my initial response to Ripley, this was pretty obvious.
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Old 03-12-2008, 10:14 PM   #189
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there was a hint of sarcasm in that there quoted post, m'dear.
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Old 03-12-2008, 10:20 PM   #190
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Super, LovesBHMS was not attacking me. She was joking around, while, yes, making a point. I think it is a valid point. I do not want to see women, thin..fat..whatever..feeling like they have to dress a certain way or cannot dress the way they like. I do think there is an attitude out here from many, that if a fat woman wears baggy clothing, she must not value her body. Clothing does not always say more than....this is what I wanted to wear today. Sometimes, ' sexy ' is desperate...sometimes, baggy is confidence...mix and match these scenarios..

I thank you for not liking what are real attacks out here, but, this was not one of them..*S* If you had read my initial response to Ripley, this was pretty obvious.
as roseanna roseanna danna said " never mind"
THANK GOODNESS!!! *sigh of relief and a blush of embarrasment lol

please accept my apologies LoveBHMS *spanks self*

lol, i thought LoveBHMS was some angry BHM dude oh well. good to meetya LoveBHMS

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Old 03-12-2008, 10:40 PM   #191
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as roseanna roseanna danna said " never mind"
THANK GOODNESS!!! *sigh of relief and a blush of embarrasment lol

please accept my apologies LoveBHMS *spanks self*

lol, i thought LoveBHMS was some angry BHM dude oh well. good to meetya LoveBHMS

Aw..you are just very energetic, you are... Let's just say this will be a warning to others..heh.
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Old 03-12-2008, 11:52 PM   #192
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thin women always hit on me in high school and the only attractive fat girl in high school was generally hated by my group of friends. So i ended up going on relatively few dates with her and ended up dating mainly skinny chicks.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:16 AM   #193
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Originally Posted by ripley View Post
You've mentioned this a couple of times, so I thought I'd just quote it so we all know what a terrible death knell it is for a BBW to not wear tight clothes and stay in the middle of the action.
Not a death knell. But to stay away from where people will notice you, and wear clothes that say 'don't look at my body', and then say 'hey, how come none of you guys noticed me' might garner less sympathy for the complaint than otherwise.

I don't much care if anyone in particular puts themselves out there to draw attention. But in the context of this discussion: why do some FAs end up in long term relationships with thin women, instead of finding a BBW, I think it is very relevent. If you don't want to be noticed, that is fine. If you do want to be noticed, that is fine. But a lot of people--not just BBW by any means, but that was the point here--are very mixedin what they want, and end up behaving one way while really wanting something else, and the results are rarely what they want. This is not a BBW/FA thing, this is a maturity thing
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:33 AM   #194
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Not a death knell. But to stay away from where people will notice you, and wear clothes that say 'don't look at my body', and then say 'hey, how come none of you guys noticed me' might garner less sympathy for the complaint than otherwise.

I don't much care if anyone in particular puts themselves out there to draw attention. But in the context of this discussion: why do some FAs end up in long term relationships with thin women, instead of finding a BBW, I think it is very relevent. If you don't want to be noticed, that is fine. If you do want to be noticed, that is fine. But a lot of people--not just BBW by any means, but that was the point here--are very mixedin what they want, and end up behaving one way while really wanting something else, and the results are rarely what they want. This is not a BBW/FA thing, this is a maturity thing
Well I don't know Ripley personally, but maybe she's shy or introverted and thus would feel uncomfortable "in the middle of the action".

Or maybe she's been hit on by an FA or 2 who made a little too much notice of her body and she prefers to be more discreet. Or maybe she prefers more comfortable clothing. Or maybe the type of man she likes is not the sort to go after a flashier woman.
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:11 AM   #195
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Not a death knell. But to stay away from where people will notice you, and wear clothes that say 'don't look at my body', and then say 'hey, how come none of you guys noticed me' might garner less sympathy for the complaint than otherwise.

I don't much care if anyone in particular puts themselves out there to draw attention. But in the context of this discussion: why do some FAs end up in long term relationships with thin women, instead of finding a BBW, I think it is very relevent. If you don't want to be noticed, that is fine. If you do want to be noticed, that is fine. But a lot of people--not just BBW by any means, but that was the point here--are very mixedin what they want, and end up behaving one way while really wanting something else, and the results are rarely what they want. This is not a BBW/FA thing, this is a maturity thing
I sort of understand what you are saying -- two of my friends are women who complain about being single and not attracting the type of man they want. They are two of the pickiest women, in terms of what they want from a man (as far as physicality and grooming are concerned)...and I've had to tell them that it's sort of hypocritical to have this thinking where your potential partner be "fresh to def" or dressed impeccably, yet when you walk out of the house, it looks as if you just rolled out of bed. I think they are starting to realize they can't have it both ways...and to some degree, it isn't right or wrong...it just is. People shouldn't expect something out of a potential mate that they aren't willing to do or step up to the plate for...

I don't really think it's always about looks, but to a certain degree if you are single and looking...you are in a way, selling yourself and part of that is what you look like...I mean, it's what a person sees first -- not your articulate prowess, big heart, and kind spirit. Personally, there's a sense of pride I get from dressing well...so much so that in a way it translates for me that I am actively engaging in self-care; the attention and time spent is not in vain even if no one compliments or notices, because I adore how I feel when I am coiffed and manicured.
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:21 AM   #196
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I don't know that I have much to add, but I was struck by the idea that fat women in baggy clothes aren't noticed? I don't know about the other fat women here, but I get noticed all the time, no matter what I wear (and I don'r usually wear overly baggy clothes). Because of my size, I don't have to do or wear anything different to get a lot of notice, even if that notice isn't getting me a lot of dates or wolf whistles or whatever other kind of approving/attracted attention I'm expected to get from men or women who prefer fat partners.

I'm not trying to jump on you, Ed. I know for myself, when I see a fat person I'm attracted to, I could care less about what they're wearing, because even in the baggiest of clothing, I can still see that they are fat, and still get an idea of the contours of their body. And while I may be wishing they were wearing tighter clothes, I'm still attracted to them, and maybe that attraction is even heightened because of the mystery of what the fat person's true dimensions are.
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Old 03-13-2008, 10:58 AM   #197
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How about helping people with self confidence, that is beyond what they wear. I am all for good grooming..and that goes for BOTH men and women, although, let's face it, men are NOT given the same grief about what they wear..they are simply allowed to....be..as long as they shower, wear clean clothing..etc.. This harping on clothing tells me it is more about what the FA wants, not who the woman...is.

I would ask all the FA's who harp on the clothing style issue to look in the mirror. Not saying that anybody has to wear certain styles of clothing simply because a person complaining is trying hard to look like they jumped from the pages of GQ...but....FA's...how much effort do YOU put into looking how you expect a woman to look. Or, do some of you think that because there are fewer of you than there are of..us...that you can coast a bit.

grrrr
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Old 03-13-2008, 11:09 AM   #198
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How about helping people with self confidence, that is beyond what they wear. I am all for good grooming..and that goes for BOTH men and women, although, let's face it, men are NOT given the same grief about what they wear..they are simply allowed to....be..as long as they shower, wear clean clothing..etc.. This harping on clothing tells me it is more about what the FA wants, not who the woman...is.

I would ask all the FA's who harp on the clothing style issue to look in the mirror. Not saying that anybody has to wear certain styles of clothing simply because a person complaining is trying hard to look like they jumped from the pages of GQ...but....FA's...how much effort do YOU put into looking how you expect a woman to look. Or, do some of you think that because there are fewer of you than there are of..us...that you can coast a bit.

grrrr
I agree with what you said, Mossy. It goes both ways, in my thinking...I do know that women are harped on alot more in terms of what they look like, but I don't think it means it's a free pass for a man to look (or act) any ol' kind of way. I also think that in helping people with self-confidence it sort of gets lost in translation...it means different things to different people, so for some FA's it might be feeling the need to chime in about what looks nice on a bbw body, what colors suit her complexion, etc. I'm not saying it's right...but I think that's happens in some cases.

And sometimes, I'll be honest -- I could be having a bad day for whatever reason and if I take some time to put on a cute outfit or fix my hair or makeup...I start to feel a bit better about myself. Of course, it isn't some magic fix, but sometimes I do believe that in changing the outside, it can help change the inside. Or how about the woman that already feels great about her self, but she just doesn't know how to put together an outfit that reflects her self-confidence? Some times people just need a bit of gentle take-me-by-the-hand-and-show-me...it's all in how you do it; you can be helpful without being judgemental.
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Old 03-13-2008, 12:13 PM   #199
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This is interesting because I read Ed's remarks differently. I honestly thought they seemed, not to criticize BBWs for not dressing properly, but even more to almost say "Well, if the FAs are not finding you, it's your fault."

It really rang as the idea that women are responsible for relationships and if it's not happening, you're doing something wrong. Like "You're not bringing in the FAs...well then YOU are doing something wrong."

And it seems that what Mossy is saying is that men should not try to read so much from outward appearance. Yes, we always hear that men are visually oriented. But beyond that, if you know that you are sexually aroused by fat women, and you know that there are fat women around, it seems that what the women on here are saying is to look beyond the superficial and put some effort into getting to know the women around you.
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Old 03-13-2008, 12:38 PM   #200
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You know, I've been pondering this and here is my theory. I believe that desire is involuntary. A misogynist may have very potent desires for women even though he fears and dispises them. Just because a man is an FA does not mean he doesn't hate fat women just as virulently as the rest of the world. Just because a woman is fat does not mean she will love her body and doesn't loath her state as much as any runway model would. I think a lot of men would give up a limb if it would take away their preference for fat women. They come sniveling around here to get their jollies and then leave, thoroughly disgusted with themselves. They sign up for pay sites and then put one of the pictures in an email as a joke to all his friends and office buddies. He loathes the woman just as much as the fat phobes if not more but he's accursed to never be able to get on without them. Not sure how prevelent it is but I KNOW they exist. Running into someone like that is always disturbing but what a joy to find someone who gets it. It's the same for every woman though.

my god that post is depressing! interesting points but still.. *goes to hide in dark corner...big dark corner haha*
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