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Old 04-09-2013, 12:58 AM   #1
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Question Issues dating FA's?

(I'm not sure if this is the correct forum? I apologize if not)

I am wondering what kind of relationship/emotional issues people have faced either being an FA or dating one?

I'm 29, almost 30, and have only dated "regular" guys all of my life up until about 8 months or so ago when I found this world of "FA's" which I honestly never knew existed!

But, in all honesty, I feel like I was valued more as a whole person when I was out just finding 'regular' guys to date. Which seems ironic, no?

Has anyone experienced this? It feels as though there almost seems to be a block between the emotional connection and the physical connection with an FA. Almost like in an objectified way... I don't know if this comes from men looking at bigger girls mostly in porn so that's the connection they make?

I know that an experience with a few is not necessarily representative of the entire group- but it has just been my experience so far, and it's (perhaps naively) not what I would have expected. ?? Am I alone here?
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Old 04-09-2013, 05:54 AM   #2
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You are not alone. I am also 29 turning 30 and I just found the world of FAs at the end of last year.

My first FA I was with for 4 months and while there was somewhat of a emotional connection, it wasn't me that he loved. When dating previously, my boyfriends would fall for me because of me, my personality, my kindness, my views, etc. My FA pretty much could have cared less about those things, he loved the fat. I'm pretty sure I could have been any fat girl and it wouldn't have mattered.

I am assuming not all FAs are like this and, like the rest of the men in the world, there are good and bad. Unfortunately, the good tend to be much more shy and the others reach out. Just hang in there, you are not alone.
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Old 04-09-2013, 12:31 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by CaAggieGirl View Post
You are not alone. I am also 29 turning 30 and I just found the world of FAs at the end of last year.

My first FA I was with for 4 months and while there was somewhat of a emotional connection, it wasn't me that he loved. When dating previously, my boyfriends would fall for me because of me, my personality, my kindness, my views, etc. My FA pretty much could have cared less about those things, he loved the fat. I'm pretty sure I could have been any fat girl and it wouldn't have mattered.

I am assuming not all FAs are like this and, like the rest of the men in the world, there are good and bad. Unfortunately, the good tend to be much more shy and the others reach out. Just hang in there, you are not alone.
yes, that's very similar to my experience. i don't know how interested i am in "hanging in there" though. i think it might be better to go back to just finding regular guys who appreciate me for the totality of me- not for the bodytype.... what a waste! *sigh* haha
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Old 04-09-2013, 12:57 PM   #4
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The complaints women have about "FAs" are the same exact complaints women have about non-FAs. Men being shallow has nothing to do with size and everything to do with men (and humans in general) being shallow. These are the problems you encounter when you're a woman that is found physically attractive, just gotta try to find the nice ones.
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Old 04-09-2013, 01:27 PM   #5
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The complaints women have about "FAs" are the same exact complaints women have about non-FAs. Men being shallow has nothing to do with size and everything to do with men (and humans in general) being shallow. These are the problems you encounter when you're a woman that is found physically attractive, just gotta try to find the nice ones.
no, i fully understand that these are universal problems.. but i've had three experiences with "FA" men since i found this little world- and that seems to be a commonality with each of them- where it wasn't really ever an issue for me before. so it just made me feel like this is probably prevalent in this community (?)

i'm not saying i'm "right"- i'm just a girl exploring here and trying to figure things out

and note* i'm in no way a "man-hater". most of my friendships are with dudes, it just usually happens better that way for me. i just haven't experienced this before.

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Old 04-09-2013, 03:21 PM   #6
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This idea pops up here quite a bit. I think what a lot of fat women experience with an FA is exactly like Lord Quas said, something that all attractive women experience while dating. The only difference is that skinny women experience objectification much more frequently than fat women because more guys are going to go after them solely because of their looks. Fat women get used to the idea of men liking everything *but* their looks so it can throw them for a loop when they find a guy who is *only* interested in the physical. This is just my little hypothesis as to why FAs are labeled as creepier than other guys. I don't think the creep to guy ratio is any higher in the FA population. I think as a fat woman I'm just used to an entirely different world of dating, where my personality comes first and my looks come second.

Now, that doesn't make it any less of a problem. If a guy is only interested in a physical relationship and you're looking for something more then kick him to the curb. But I've been with a great FA for almost three years now. They do exist, I swear. And dating him isn't any different than dating a "normal" guy, except I know when he calls me "beautiful" he means every inch. I also know he loves my personality just as much as my hips, it doesn't have to be one or the other.
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:54 PM   #7
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I don't think the creep to guy ratio is any higher in the FA population. I think as a fat woman I'm just used to an entirely different world of dating, where my personality comes first and my looks come second.
Took the words right out of my mouth. This is the biggest reason why I hate the term FA, I feel like it creates this unrealistic standard of what FAs are supposed to be when the reality is we're just regular guys who are often times going to do the same stupid insensitive creepy shit that guys who have "standard" tastes do. And in a lot of ways I feel like you sell yourself short by trying to separate men by FA and non-FAs. Just find a guy that likes all of you and take it from there
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:35 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noseovertail View Post
(I'm not sure if this is the correct forum? I apologize if not)

I am wondering what kind of relationship/emotional issues people have faced either being an FA or dating one?

I'm 29, almost 30, and have only dated "regular" guys all of my life up until about 8 months or so ago when I found this world of "FA's" which I honestly never knew existed!

But, in all honesty, I feel like I was valued more as a whole person when I was out just finding 'regular' guys to date. Which seems ironic, no?

Has anyone experienced this? It feels as though there almost seems to be a block between the emotional connection and the physical connection with an FA. Almost like in an objectified way... I don't know if this comes from men looking at bigger girls mostly in porn so that's the connection they make?

I know that an experience with a few is not necessarily representative of the entire group- but it has just been my experience so far, and it's (perhaps naively) not what I would have expected. ?? Am I alone here?
We aren't all like that (as both LordQuas and PenutButterfly have summed up very well). For me it was a lack of an emotional connection and other personality issues that resulted in me breaking up with my ex. She was a bbw who physically I was attracted to, but as time went on the lack of emotional connection and our personality differences were what ruined the relationship for me.

I guess the point of what I'm getting at is to keep looking because eventually you will come across a FA who will appreciate you for who you are as well as for your body
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Old 04-09-2013, 11:27 PM   #9
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I was going to post about this recently because I find myself having experienced the same as well. Also 29 going on 30 and just having discovered the FA community about nine months ago. I think first off it is important to note whether your FA is open about his preferences or closeted. If closeted you have to accept that it may just be a physical fling for you. It is his journey to decide whether or not he can move beyond that.

I agree with a lot of the comments here, especially on the fact that we are so used to only being loved for our personality that it is hard to accept the polar opposite. To me, it was interesting and kind of nice to have it be just the opposite. Only that once though. It is not something I really want for myself again. I was also fairly certain I was not interested in any sort of relationship at this point of my life but sort of just fell into one.

A friend on here recommended another site to have a look around. Honestly the site was full on and freaked me out a bit but something incredibly good came of it. I've found myself someone who is undoubtedly an FA but we connect on a very deep level. We only messaged on that site twice before going to email/skype/phone then more but the site has never even come up since. He was the only person there that didn't objectify me and he treats me amazingly and it is just a lot of fun to learn more about him and find out how crazily similar we are, while being polar opposites. More so, he even supports me in weight loss despite the fact that he is open about his preferences...which is nice, because to be around for a long time, I DO need to drop some weight...which I have been doing.

It takes time, but you will find an FA who is the best of both worlds. It is just a matter of finding that guy who likes you on both levels. I think a big assumption is that because he is an FA, he will automatically like me, which is not at all the case. Let's face it though, you have to be attracted to him as well! So I think there needs to be a balance, no matter what kind of person you find.

Good luck to you!!! <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by noseovertail View Post
(I'm not sure if this is the correct forum? I apologize if not)

I am wondering what kind of relationship/emotional issues people have faced either being an FA or dating one?

I'm 29, almost 30, and have only dated "regular" guys all of my life up until about 8 months or so ago when I found this world of "FA's" which I honestly never knew existed!

But, in all honesty, I feel like I was valued more as a whole person when I was out just finding 'regular' guys to date. Which seems ironic, no?

Has anyone experienced this? It feels as though there almost seems to be a block between the emotional connection and the physical connection with an FA. Almost like in an objectified way... I don't know if this comes from men looking at bigger girls mostly in porn so that's the connection they make?

I know that an experience with a few is not necessarily representative of the entire group- but it has just been my experience so far, and it's (perhaps naively) not what I would have expected. ?? Am I alone here?
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Old 04-12-2013, 05:09 AM   #10
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Relationships issues with FA's are similar to relationships with non-FA's in that if it's the right fit, you know it and if it's not you know it. With many of the bbw and ssbbw I have dated, they LOVED the fact that I ONLY desired and dated fat women. They understood I was an FA and loved being my ideal. The other side of the coin, however, is when some of them wanted to diet and try to lose weight, which I supported, they also knew that although I still felt the same toward them as a person, but my sexual interest in them immediatly diminished as a natural feeling that I had no control over. One gf was truly unhappy at 300lbs and had WLS and lost 150lbs and was still unhappy for other reasons after her dramatic weight loss. If someone is a true FA, that is their orientation--it's not a choice. You can't expect a fish to survive out of water by wishing it were so. It's the same as when a man whose size 6 girlfriend gains weight and becomes a size 14, he may not be as attracted. You may say its shallow, but if someone is just not feeling the desire, then it's more biological. But the advantage goes to the FA's because it's a lot easier for a woman to be a size 24 than a size 4 and the natural tendancy of women who are already heavy is to gain weight anyway, absent WLS or with diet and exercise. The reality is well put by Emerson when he said "for everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."
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Old 04-13-2013, 06:44 AM   #11
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I think an FA-(SS)BBW relationship is a win-win situation for both.
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Old 06-16-2013, 02:13 AM   #12
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i think it is a problem when any man is any type of one trick pony looking for a one trick pony kind of a woman. it gets boring and tedious.
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:31 AM   #13
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I think it would happen more when you put yourself on a place where men go because they are attreacted to a particular trait that that site offers,,
If you were a skinny red head with big boobs and small feet on a site for men who like skinny red heads with big boobs and small feet you would still find a lot of men who will date and pretend to even love you just because you have all the physical traits theyfind sexually attractive, when in reality they don't even like you
Its just the way it is I guess,
I'm not saying don't put yourself out there for fa's to find you just that men can be that cold and shallow regardless of fa ornot
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:38 AM   #14
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I think it would happen more when you put yourself on a place where men go because they are attreacted to a particular trait that that site offers,,
If you were a skinny red head with big boobs and small feet on a site for men who like skinny red heads with big boobs and small feet you would still find a lot of men who will date and pretend to even love you just because you have all the physical traits theyfind sexually attractive, when in reality they don't even like you
Its just the way it is I guess,
I'm not saying don't put yourself out there for fa's to find you just that men can be that cold and shallow regardless of fa ornot
I don't disagree with you but must add that women can be just as shallow as men. Over the years I've observed many women chose boyfriends and even husbands based on very superficial criteria. Many times they don't even seem to realize what they are doing (they make successful rationalizations) and are genuinely surprised when things don't work out.
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:40 AM   #15
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I think it would happen more when you put yourself on a place where men go because they are attreacted to a particular trait that that site offers,,
If you were a skinny red head with big boobs and small feet on a site for men who like skinny red heads with big boobs and small feet you would still find a lot of men who will date and pretend to even love you just because you have all the physical traits theyfind sexually attractive, when in reality they don't even like you
Its just the way it is I guess,
I'm not saying don't put yourself out there for fa's to find you just that men can be that cold and shallow regardless of fa ornot
definitely. you make a great point. when it comes to meeting people a sex fantasy site is not generally the place. you can accidentally stumble over someone but real life is where the action is. meeting the kinds of people who like doing what you like to do or are the kind of person you like being around is important. asking an objectifying place not to objectify doesn't really make too much sense. that's why i tell all of my gfs who are looking not to look at places such a this as a resource to meet somebody but just as a way to explore yourself. i think it is also good for women who are so convinced that being the center of male desire is what they want. it's good for them to have that experience to find out it is not all it's cracked up to be. people do need a place to learn that. if they happen to meet somebody good on them but as a goal it wouldn't be too effective for most.
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Old 06-16-2013, 04:21 PM   #16
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I can sum it up pretty simply, I think:

As someone else already said, you are now experiencing the same thing more "traditionally" attractive women experience - men flocking to you who are only interested in objectifying you. It's annoying, yes, but these types generally reveal themselves pretty quickly. But I really recommend holding out, because when you find an FA who will love you equally for your body and your mind, it is a thousand times better than someone who loves you for JUST your mind or JUST your body. Forgive my bluntness, but you haven't experienced sex until you experience it with someone who is attracted every inch of you. It is possible to have a relationship without intense sexual chemistry, or intense sexual chemistry without a relationship, but if you want both, holding out for it is SO worth it. I am engaged to my FA, and he was so worth the wait.
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Old 06-16-2013, 04:42 PM   #17
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I can sum it up pretty simply, I think:

As someone else already said, you are now experiencing the same thing more "traditionally" attractive women experience - men flocking to you who are only interested in objectifying you. It's annoying, yes, but these types generally reveal themselves pretty quickly. But I really recommend holding out, because when you find an FA who will love you equally for your body and your mind, it is a thousand times better than someone who loves you for JUST your mind or JUST your body. Forgive my bluntness, but you haven't experienced sex until you experience it with someone who is attracted every inch of you. It is possible to have a relationship without intense sexual chemistry, or intense sexual chemistry without a relationship, but if you want both, holding out for it is SO worth it. I am engaged to my FA, and he was so worth the wait.

Listen to this woman. Yes, yes, yes. yes and yes!
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Old 06-16-2013, 05:04 PM   #18
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I can sum it up pretty simply, I think:

As someone else already said, you are now experiencing the same thing more "traditionally" attractive women experience - men flocking to you who are only interested in objectifying you. It's annoying, yes, but these types generally reveal themselves pretty quickly. But I really recommend holding out, because when you find an FA who will love you equally for your body and your mind, it is a thousand times better than someone who loves you for JUST your mind or JUST your body. Forgive my bluntness, but you haven't experienced sex until you experience it with someone who is attracted every inch of you. It is possible to have a relationship without intense sexual chemistry, or intense sexual chemistry without a relationship, but if you want both, holding out for it is SO worth it. I am engaged to my FA, and he was so worth the wait.
Thanks for sharing your experience- much needed perspective.
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Old 06-16-2013, 06:02 PM   #19
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i think it's important to remember that sex sites are not the only places where there is sexual chemistry around. if you were an average sized woman with a big chest would you got to a big boobs site expecting to find the one. that would be questionable -- unless your boobs are just as important to you as they are to some guy. well sending a fat woman to a fat site is just as questionable. just sayin.

if this was the place then a whole lot larger percentage of the people who have been coming here for nearly the entire 13 years i've been coming here wouldn't still be single after all of this time. there are a lot of guys who are married closeted or just have no intention just like any other sex site. sex sites are not meant for deep connections. that's why such a huge number is always on the paysite board instead of in here trying to meet one of you. occasionally someone wants attention or a partner in their personal role playing drama or just somebody to talk to. that's really about it. most of the women i know from here who did meet someone met someone somewhere else altogether.

i would not lie and say there haven't been solid couples made here but it's really not that many. i would not put many of my eggs in this unrealistic basket. from my experience if you are not much of a fetishist yourself you are much more likely to find exactly what you really want outside of this. do you really think it takes a man who says he is seriously looking a whole 13 yrs to find somebody?

my suggestion is to look at the dates on the profiles and notice how long they've been here. some are like me. my join date is 2006 but i was chatting here since 2000. some people have multiple names etc... ask around and see what you can find out as well. but most of all don't rely on it. be sure to lead a real life.
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Old 06-16-2013, 07:50 PM   #20
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i think it is a problem when any man is any type of one trick pony looking for a one trick pony kind of a woman. it gets boring and tedious.
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I can sum it up pretty simply, I think:

As someone else already said, you are now experiencing the same thing more "traditionally" attractive women experience - men flocking to you who are only interested in objectifying you. It's annoying, yes, but these types generally reveal themselves pretty quickly. But I really recommend holding out, because when you find an FA who will love you equally for your body and your mind, it is a thousand times better than someone who loves you for JUST your mind or JUST your body. Forgive my bluntness, but you haven't experienced sex until you experience it with someone who is attracted every inch of you. It is possible to have a relationship without intense sexual chemistry, or intense sexual chemistry without a relationship, but if you want both, holding out for it is SO worth it. I am engaged to my FA, and he was so worth the wait.

To the OP: There is a lot of unnecessary conflict on this board about what constitutes an FA. Some like SuperO seem to define an FA as some kind of sick controlling pervert who is only interested in the amount of fat on a woman's body and has no interest in her mind or personality. (This is quite obvious from SuperO's thousands of posts on the subject of FAs.) Hence she is constantly warning women against FAs, and by her definition, I guess she is performing a valuable service.

On the other hand, many people, such as BigBeautifulMe in her great post above, define an FA as someone who simply prefers a fat partner instead of a thin one. Any individual FA may be good or bad, suave or awkward, intelligent or stupid, a saint or a jerk. The FA only differs from other men in one small characteristic, and that does not define the entirety of his life or personality, despite what some insist on believing. You have to evaluate him based on the total package, just as you would do with any other man.

The truth is simply this: As BigBeautifulMe and many other women have discovered, if you find a great guy who's also an FA, the relationship can be infinitely better than finding an equally great non-FA.

(Note: I didn't mean to exclude FFAs and BHMs in the post above. Simply change the genders as necessary.)
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Old 06-16-2013, 08:29 PM   #21
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To the OP: There is a lot of unnecessary conflict on this board about what constitutes an FA. Some like SuperO seem to define an FA as some kind of sick controlling pervert who is only interested in the amount of fat on a woman's body and has no interest in her mind or personality. (This is quite obvious from SuperO's thousands of posts on the subject of FAs.) Hence she is constantly warning women against FAs, and by her definition, I guess she is performing a valuable service.

On the other hand, many people, such as BigBeautifulMe in her great post above, define an FA as someone who simply prefers a fat partner instead of a thin one. Any individual FA may be good or bad, suave or awkward, intelligent or stupid, a saint or a jerk. The FA only differs from other men in one small characteristic, and that does not define the entirety of his life or personality, despite what some insist on believing. You have to evaluate him based on the total package, just as you would do with any other man.

The truth is simply this: As BigBeautifulMe and many other women have discovered, if you find a great guy who's also an FA, the relationship can be infinitely better than finding an equally great non-FA.

(Note: I didn't mean to exclude FFAs and BHMs in the post above. Simply change the genders as necessary.)
Musicman:

You bring up a very valid point and pretty much summarize most of the discussion at this point because what we have in these discussions go from one extreme to the other-but, folks are smart and at the end of the day ... we each have to take in these arguments and decide makes sense and what doesn't...
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:44 PM   #22
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To the OP: There is a lot of unnecessary conflict on this board about what constitutes an FA. Some like SuperO seem to define an FA as some kind of sick controlling pervert who is only interested in the amount of fat on a woman's body and has no interest in her mind or personality. (This is quite obvious from SuperO's thousands of posts on the subject of FAs.) Hence she is constantly warning women against FAs, and by her definition, I guess she is performing a valuable service.

On the other hand, many people, such as BigBeautifulMe in her great post above, define an FA as someone who simply prefers a fat partner instead of a thin one. Any individual FA may be good or bad, suave or awkward, intelligent or stupid, a saint or a jerk. The FA only differs from other men in one small characteristic, and that does not define the entirety of his life or personality, despite what some insist on believing. You have to evaluate him based on the total package, just as you would do with any other man.

The truth is simply this: As BigBeautifulMe and many other women have discovered, if you find a great guy who's also an FA, the relationship can be infinitely better than finding an equally great non-FA.

(Note: I didn't mean to exclude FFAs and BHMs in the post above. Simply change the genders as necessary.)
no here i was talking about women being dependent on finding men on a sex site. it has nothing to do with FAs since men who like fat women aren't always only to be found online on sex sites -- especially those who've been tinkering around there for years and are also either married or in committed relationships IRL.

besides you have no idea what i think of guys who like fat women . you don't know me IRL. all you know is i don't like the FA label on men or men who aren't nice to fat women. and, somehow that offends you.
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Old 06-17-2013, 03:28 AM   #23
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besides you have no idea what i think of guys who like fat women . you don't know me IRL. all you know is i don't like the FA label on men or men who aren't nice to fat women. and, somehow that offends you.
It doesn't offend me; we just disagree. To me, the "FA label" is self-applied and totally neutral, just like the word "fat". If a person prefers a fat partner, that person is an FA, whether we like it or not. We don't get to apply these labels only to the "good" people. As an FA, I might wish it weren't so, but I accept it as the only workable definition of the term. Not all FAs are angels. People have to weed out the bad ones, just as they do with any type of person.

And hey, I said you were performing a valuable service. Take the compliment.
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:24 AM   #24
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It doesn't offend me; we just disagree. To me, the "FA label" is self-applied and totally neutral, just like the word "fat". If a person prefers a fat partner, that person is an FA, whether we like it or not. We don't get to apply these labels only to the "good" people. As an FA, I might wish it weren't so, but I accept it as the only workable definition of the term. Not all FAs are angels. People have to weed out the bad ones, just as they do with any type of person.

And hey, I said you were performing a valuable service. Take the compliment.
i did not read that as a compliment when you said: " Hence she is constantly warning women against FAs, and by her definition, I guess she is performing a valuable service." and i do read english awfully well. nice try at back pedaling lol

and you did basically say that i said that you guys were all sick controlling perverts and that i hate you all for some undisclosed reason. it certainly sounded like you were offended.

how about just being a man who is attracted to a woman who is fat? unfortunately for you i think the label makes it's own assumptions and paints you into a rather negative corner as far as the rest of society is concerned. fat admirer has no person as it's object. instead it has a pile of lipids as it's object. i doubt it could be accurate to say that you could pour you a bucket of fat and you would be attracted to it--or at least i hope not. by it's very structural nature it makes both people involved look like less than they are. that is what you're taking part in and agreeing to whether you like it or not. it is what it says it is to most people.

i have nothing against you accepting the label if you like as long as you realize what comes with something that does not take into account the individual humanity of the issue. don't be surprised or hurt if people don't see you as a person since you have chosen a non person label to represent you. right away you are saying to them that you are totally different from other men because they don't go around labeling themselves as leg admirers or boob admirers or thin admirers to signal women. they simply walk up say hello and act as if they are attracted unless they are on a porn site. and as we know that brings a whole other mentality into the mix.

i think labels are rather a sad crutch that is hampering people. none of us are items in a grocery store or shoppers there either. what is so difficult and frightening about simply standing up as an individual man for an individual woman? the idea that a man should need some kind of artificial support to do so would point to the idea that maybe he has some things he needs to work out if being with a fat woman is that burdensome to him.

i'm sure for some people it might be very desirable to feel so odd about being attracted to fat women but honestly when over 60% of the population is fat and mainly in some kind of a relationship it really isn't that strange or difficult anymore unless it's made that way.
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:42 PM   #25
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how about just being a man who is attracted to a woman who is fat? unfortunately for you i think the label makes it's own assumptions and paints you into a rather negative corner as far as the rest of society is concerned. fat admirer has no person as it's object. instead it has a pile of lipids as it's object. i doubt it could be accurate to say that you could pour you a bucket of fat and you would be attracted to it--or at least i hope not. by it's very structural nature it makes both people involved look like less than they are. that is what you're taking part in and agreeing to whether you like it or not. it is what it says it is to most people.

i have nothing against you accepting the label if you like as long as you realize what comes with something that does not take into account the individual humanity of the issue. don't be surprised or hurt if people don't see you as a person since you have chosen a non person label to represent you. right away you are saying to them that you are totally different from other men because they don't go around labeling themselves as leg admirers or boob admirers or thin admirers to signal women. they simply walk up say hello and act as if they are attracted unless they are on a porn site. and as we know that brings a whole other mentality into the mix.

i think labels are rather a sad crutch that is hampering people. none of us are items in a grocery store or shoppers there either. what is so difficult and frightening about simply standing up as an individual man for an individual woman? the idea that a man should need some kind of artificial support to do so would point to the idea that maybe he has some things he needs to work out if being with a fat woman is that burdensome to him.

i'm sure for some people it might be very desirable to feel so odd about being attracted to fat women but honestly when over 60% of the population is fat and mainly in some kind of a relationship it really isn't that strange or difficult anymore unless it's made that way.
OK, let's talk about labels. I think we've finally reached the heart of our disagreement. I refuse to recognize your unilateral re-definition of the term "FA". You've twisted it into something negative, just like many people do with the word "fat". If you're so concerned about labels, why do you call yourself "fat"? Many people would say that word has some bad connotations. Aren't you afraid of being put into a "bad" category? No, you're not, because you probably see the word "fat" as a simple adjective with no moral judgment attached. You wouldn't want anyone to re-define it in a way that devalues you. I feel exactly the same way about the term "FA". It's not a perfect term, but it's useful in these discussions as a shorthand for "person who prefers a fat partner". That's all it is. It's not a "non-person label" or a "sad crutch", and it doesn't make anyone less human. And it's not a desperate cry for validation, despite what you think. It's simply a neutral description, like the word "fat", and arbitrarily re-defining it makes no sense whatsoever.
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