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Old 07-04-2013, 04:23 PM   #176
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Soooo...im just gonna reply to the original post. I have found that it depends on the FA and his acceptance of his FAdom. 'Outed' FAs who are comfortable with their sexual preference are more likely to try and connect emotionally, instead of getting caught up on everything physical. The FAs who are still struggling with what society thinks, are more likely to objectify you for your size.
It also depends on what they are looking for. Im not a feedee nor am I interested in feeders, so if I start talking to a FA, that is usally one of the first questions I ask. If they are, I usually tell them upfront im not and im not interested. I tend to keep them in the friend zone and avoid all sexually charged discussions. This is simply because im not interested in that type of a relationship, but they are. You just kinda have to weed them out. You can tell who is thinking of one thing when it come to getting to know you, verses who is attracted by that thing but truly is interested in getting to know the rest of you too.

Also, one of (if not) the biggest forum on Dims is the pay site. Please understand that I am not knocking it, but it in its self objectifies big and beautiful. Again, there is nothing wrong with that, to each their own. But a lot of FAs are attracted to Dims for that and that alone. Not everyone, but a lot. One thing I do when weeding out FAs is check to see when they signed up and how many post they have. If they have been a member since 2006 but only have 11 post all on the pay site board...there is a good chance they will not get a responce back from me.
i agree with nearly everything you said to a point. from what i've learned over the years is that you can't really depend on anything about anyone from the forums at all. the only way you can know for sure is in person. i know a few people who make no posts and only go to the paysite board who've been my friends for nearly ten years now. they are some of the most regular Joes i know. they never want to post of the forums. and they don't spend hours surfing for fat sex or trying to control what fat women think. they look at the paysite and get off because they have a real life which myself and some of my friends here also know about. they can be really good guys.

then you'll see guys who post on all of the fat sites and white knight all over the place who are some of the most objectifying misogynists i know IRL. the only way you can really tell is to know them in person. events can come in as safe place to figure out who is who as long as you don't go overboard and give yourself time to make a decision about who someone is. just don't buy anyone's online personae. it's really telling if a guy who is always calling himself a nice guy is constantly being dumped by the intelligent women you personally know. they'll have too much class to say why but...
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:30 PM   #177
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Exactly, what would be the point in a forum if not to opine or debate?

I guess part of it for me is I've tried to forge meaningful relationships with thinner girls who I had a lot in common with, but honestly, down the line, I used to find the lack of physical attraction an immense problem within the relationship ...

Yes, people who you have a lot in common with are called friends. Friends are great -- everyone should have them. However, friends cannot satiate sexual desires. Sexual relationships require physical attraction and sexual chemistry (two separate but overlapping things). Physical attraction can be determined at glance. Sexual chemistry is going to require the proverbial roll in the hay. Thus, before any dating entanglements and attachments form is best to take prospective partners for a test drive.

If the first date sex isn't good its not going to get any better.
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:34 PM   #178
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"amidsttundra;1994669I made no such assumption. I recounted what I have been told by past partners, maybe they all dated jerks. At no point did I say everybody."

this is good to know and i'm sorry if i made your statement more absolutist than it was. it's good that you cleared that point up. and that is also why this forum is great because there are also a whole lot of women here who have had/do have relationships outside and inside of the label. it's good to know that you are not one of the people who feel it's impossible.


"What a condescending parting shot. At no point have I stated otherwise, you have decided that because physical attraction is important to me I must not be able to forge anything emotional. I've seen these absurd assumptions time and time again. If you're physically attracted to a person, you only want one thing. You seem to paint FA's as near-sighted and single-minded. Maybe you've had some bad experiences, that's too bad. It must be difficult to form any kind of relationship with the mentality you've displayed throughout this thread."

it's not a parting shot. it's direct honesty. i'm trying to do you the favor of telling you the truth. and yet again you've made it about you and what you want and who you are. i was just saying in the middle of all of that not to forget that it is also about what somebody else may need. and somehow it makes you angry when someone reminds you of that? i am a bad person. i'm sorry. there must be something lacking in life if i should dare. it must be because i don't have a man. right ? lol
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:36 PM   #179
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then you'll see guys who post on all of the fat sites and white knight all over the place who are some of the most objectifying misogynists i know IRL... it's really telling if a guy who is always calling himself a nice guy is constantly being dumped by the intelligent women you personally know. they'll have too much class to say why but...
*shortened for topical purposes*

Out of all the things you have said, THIS I believe and agree with 100%.
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:46 PM   #180
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...

it's really telling if a guy who is always calling himself a nice guy is constantly being dumped by the intelligent women you personally know. they'll have too much class to say why but...

I don't understand these guys. They're total idiots. Pretending to be nice won't get you any play. Indeed guys who actually are nice need to conceal that fact if they want to be considered romantically.
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:53 PM   #181
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I don't understand these guys. They're total idiots. Pretending to be nice won't get you any play. Indeed guys who actually are nice need to conceal that fact if they want to be considered romantically.
the key would be the pretending part while doing something different.
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Old 07-04-2013, 04:54 PM   #182
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I don't understand these guys. They're total idiots. Pretending to be nice won't get you any play. Indeed guys who actually are nice need to conceal that fact if they want to be considered romantically.
It's not so much the word "nice" that they are pretending per se... but more like, they know how to get into women's heads and seem like they are kind of guy every woman wants. The type that always understands them and their way of thinking. I would even go further and say beware of a single man who "preaches"/seems so involved in more about women's rights and issues than actual women do/are.

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Old 07-04-2013, 05:15 PM   #183
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It's not so much the word "nice" that they are pretending per se... but more like, they know how to get into women's heads and seem like they are kind of guy every woman wants. The type that always understands them and their way of thinking. I would even go further and say beware of a single man who "preaches"/seems so involved in more about women's rights and issues than actual women do/are.
yes definitely. he nicely knows better what is best for them no matter what they have to say about it too.
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Old 07-04-2013, 05:17 PM   #184
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Yes, people who you have a lot in common with are called friends. Friends are great -- everyone should have them. However, friends cannot satiate sexual desires. Sexual relationships require physical attraction and sexual chemistry (two separate but overlapping things). Physical attraction can be determined at glance. Sexual chemistry is going to require the proverbial roll in the hay. Thus, before any dating entanglements and attachments form is best to take prospective partners for a test drive.

If the first date sex isn't good its not going to get any better.
so your lover can't also be your friend? well i guess friends would not really "test drive" each other.
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Old 07-04-2013, 05:48 PM   #185
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...
If the first date sex isn't good its not going to get any better.
Maybe its just me, but usually the sex gets better after a few dates. Even by the 5th date sex there is big improvement.
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Old 07-04-2013, 06:48 PM   #186
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Maybe its just me, but usually the sex gets better after a few dates. Even by the 5th date sex there is big improvement.
Makes for a wonderful journey - it's about learning the likes/dislikes of your partner
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Old 07-04-2013, 08:16 PM   #187
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It's not so much the word "nice" that they are pretending per se... but more like, they know how to get into women's heads and seem like they are kind of guy every woman wants. The type that always understands them and their way of thinking. I would even go further and say beware of a single man who "preaches"/seems so involved in more about women's rights and issues than actual women do/are.

I just grunt and ask for more beer.
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Old 07-04-2013, 08:22 PM   #188
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Maybe its just me, but usually the sex gets better after a few dates. Even by the 5th date sex there is big improvement.
I think guys are wired a little differently. The novelty of something new adds to the first encounter. When subsequent encounters are as good as the first you know you've got a keeper -- unfortunately, in my experience, this is rather rare.
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Old 07-04-2013, 08:46 PM   #189
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Exactly, what would be the point in a forum if not to opine or debate?

I guess part of it for me is I've tried to forge meaningful relationships with thinner girls who I had a lot in common with, but honestly, down the line, I used to find the lack of physical attraction an immense problem within the relationship (and I am always honest from the outset about my preferences with people I date).

I've now given up dating smaller girls, I suppose I lack the fluid physical attraction listed above or I am more shallow than I imagine. For me, if a girl hasn't got an abundance of curves and softness I cannot engage as fully as I would like in a relationship regardless of emotional connectivity, it simply feels like friends hanging out. I find physical attraction and attachment almost symbiotic, without one I struggle to appreciate the other.

I understand other people have other tastes, maybe I am being too myopic, but if personality was the sole motivator in a relationship I'd spend more time on forums dedicated to my interests (which you may well do) as I could engage on a subject close to my heart as opposed to a forum for fat admiration. But that would be me and I accept other people have other reasons.

For me, I contribute here because BBW's/SSBBW's and Fat Acceptance are big parts of my life. I wouldn't change my preferences for the world and I've come to accept they are a large part of the person I am and they have to be in my partner. Now if only I could find a big girl into death metal, ice hockey, science fiction and video games I'd be rolling.
I do like BBW/SSBBW, and i actual perfer them. If i didn't like bigger people or BBW/SSBBW, i wouldn't be here. I have actual dated women i was attracted to physically that were BBW but it didn't work out because with time just found out were weren't compatible, that definitly goes both ways.

You can date a smaller girl you are more compatible with and you can date a bigger girl that you find you are physically more attracted to but there may not be any chemistry there. Honestly i perfer a big girl that shares similar interest and values like me.

We don't have to be completely similar, i just want a common type ground you know. I do have to obviously have some kind of physical attraction to someone, but sometimes if i am so awed by someone as a person i can over look some things because i just like the person as a person so much.

If i like them as a person, that sometimes is so powerful it speaks volumes. If i find a BBW however that i like as a person that would be the ultimate catch. Physical wise i would pick the BBW everytime, but i do also need chemistry too to go on as well.

It's crazy because you could meet a beautiful BBW but you may have zero in common with her, that would make things very hard to work in that sense. Then you can find someone that may not be as big, but there is a better connection and more things in common there. And with me i have conversed with alot of BBW coming to find out we don't have much in common. I get what your saying, but for me there has to be a emotional chemisty connection there too if there isn't it's hard to stay interested just on physicalness alone.
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Old 07-04-2013, 09:18 PM   #190
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Yes, people who you have a lot in common with are called friends. Friends are great -- everyone should have them. However, friends cannot satiate sexual desires. Sexual relationships require physical attraction and sexual chemistry (two separate but overlapping things). Physical attraction can be determined at glance. Sexual chemistry is going to require the proverbial roll in the hay. Thus, before any dating entanglements and attachments form is best to take prospective partners for a test drive.

If the first date sex isn't good its not going to get any better.

I think it is possible to be physically attracted to someone but also at the same time being attracted to someone as a person too, it is very possible to have and find both.
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:17 AM   #191
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Omg too much
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:47 AM   #192
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Omg too much
Not really... here's the condensed version...


someone with an issue
someone has issues
others chime in
end
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:52 AM   #193
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You can date a smaller girl you are more compatible with and you can date a bigger girl that you find you are physically more attracted to but there may not be any chemistry there. Honestly i perfer a big girl that shares similar interest and values like me.

We don't have to be completely similar, i just want a common type ground you know. I do have to obviously have some kind of physical attraction to someone, but sometimes if i am so awed by someone as a person i can over look some things because i just like the person as a person so much.

If i like them as a person, that sometimes is so powerful it speaks volumes. If i find a BBW however that i like as a person that would be the ultimate catch. Physical wise i would pick the BBW everytime, but i do also need chemistry too to go on as well.
This is more along my line of thinking.

By the way, I wasn't trying to call you out, just trying to clarify. As an above poster pointed out, there were a few replies pertaining to the same sentiment above yours.
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:54 AM   #194
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Not really... here's the condensed version...


someone with an issue
someone has issues
others chime in
end
Or:
Some people have had issues dating FA's.
Some haven't.
And some (including myself) would have been best off out of it!
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:30 PM   #195
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Originally Posted by amidsttundra View Post
Or:
Some people have had issues dating FA's.
Some haven't.
And some (including myself) would have been best off out of it!
can't complain there - also short and to the point!!!!...
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Old 07-06-2013, 11:17 PM   #196
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i saw this today and i think it is short and to the point unlike myself
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Old 07-08-2013, 03:24 AM   #197
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This is more along my line of thinking.

By the way, I wasn't trying to call you out, just trying to clarify. As an above poster pointed out, there were a few replies pertaining to the same sentiment above yours.
Hey man it's all good, i was just trying to explain myself and get things clear on my views and opinions lol. Hopefully we can both find BBW's that are our cup of tea lol
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Old 07-08-2013, 03:27 AM   #198
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i saw this today and i think it is short and to the point unlike myself
I can agree and in my experience you will find alot more people you are physically attracted to but you won't find as many people you are mentally, emotionally, and spirtually attracted to as a person. I can think of tons of women i am physically attracted to but only a few i have clicked with or have been attracted to on that deeper emotional level.
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Old 07-08-2013, 11:53 AM   #199
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I think guys are wired a little differently. The novelty of something new adds to the first encounter. When subsequent encounters are as good as the first you know you've got a keeper -- unfortunately, in my experience, this is rather rare.
i think the wiring thing is a little commercial psycho fakery that people have gotten away with for a while. men say that they also relax when they feel secure in their sexuality with their partner and can enjoy it more. that is NOT something that happens immediately often. they also may have a great initial experience but it doesn't mean they cant have even better ones when partner's know each other better physically and emotionally. i think novelty is highly over rated. i think the novelty of sexual experiences are something people have been convinced through porn marketing is an exciting thing. it might be in the imagination but it doesn't often work out that way in reality. people are always saying that their expectations most often fall short of the reality. besides if novelty sex was the end all and be all then why is it that most people say that they had their best sex in long termed committed relationships?
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