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Old 05-20-2013, 08:53 AM   #1
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Default Thoughts on LDRs

First off this isn't because of some DIMs crush okay? Good.

So to everyone out there what are your thoughts, feelings, and opinions on Long Distance Relationships? And for those who've been in an LDR before maybe share your experiences and feelings about them.
Personally I do believe they can work between two reasonable people.
And I do have a story: last winter I met a nice young woman online who seemed nice. We typed, shared, and laughed and finally decided she would fly down(Wisconsin to Missouri). Well two weeks before the date we agreed on she said she was gonna come down the next day, to which I told her no since I had yard work, work, and school registration to do that weekend...well she chose now to show her crazy side! Accusing me of dogging her and seeing someone else, so after she made it clear "reason" wasn't her strong suit I blocked her crazy ass number...Game Over
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:23 AM   #2
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Default Yard work....

^You know what's funny? Not haha-funny, but maybe funny-strange...Yard- work... Something about that particular word, turn of phrase. It just sounds like a bunch of bs. I mean, not to insult you, but I can, sort of, see why she didn't believe you. You tell someone you're coming to see them from hours away...and they bring-up "yard-work?!" It's like...huh?! It just, naturally, makes one skeptical. I dunno why.

And the thing is, today, guess what I'm about to do? A serious mother-lode of yardwork. And, no matter how much I get done today....I will still have more to do. That's the thing with the yardwork: It never seems to end! Summertime, the nice weather, everybody's having parties. To each invite I find myself, kind of, wondering: If it ends up being nice-out...that will mean I'll be setting myself back a serious day of yard-work. And, of course, I can't exactly tell people "Oh, well I have a lot of yard-work... Because, honestly, no one is going to accept that.

I mean, it's almost as if you're talking about..an imaginary friend. Or a Canadian girlfriend (or a just girl who goes to another school). People just don't understand.

But I do. I totally know where you're coming-from.
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:46 AM   #3
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I have a fair few friends who have had long distance relationships and honestly, they seem to have the same sort of success rates as normal relationships. If you are compatible people you are compatible people, it doesn't matter how far apart you are. A friend of mine dated a guy over the internet for a year, lived with him in a different country for a year or so and then when they broke up she ended up dating a different guy across the internet. They have been together three years now and it was only this winter that they met in the flesh for the first time. He went over to China to see her and this summer she is going to be living at his house. So it definitely can work! Also, I'm british and my bf is canadian and despite the distance this is undoubtedly my best relationship ever!

Can I ask how long you knew this woman for before meeting up? I've met up with tons of people off the internet and not a single one of them has behaved any differently from the way they do online.
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Old 05-20-2013, 10:58 AM   #4
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I have a fair few friends who have had long distance relationships and honestly, they seem to have the same sort of success rates as normal relationships. If you are compatible people you are compatible people, it doesn't matter how far apart you are. A friend of mine dated a guy over the internet for a year, lived with him in a different country for a year or so and then when they broke up she ended up dating a different guy across the internet. They have been together three years now and it was only this winter that they met in the flesh for the first time. He went over to China to see her and this summer she is going to be living at his house. So it definitely can work! Also, I'm british and my bf is canadian and despite the distance this is undoubtedly my best relationship ever!

Can I ask how long you knew this woman for before meeting up? I've met up with tons of people off the internet and not a single one of them has behaved any differently from the way they do online.
We never did. We chatted for two months before she went loopy...err,no pun intended
The thing is she gave me like a day notice that she was coming TWO WEEKS EARLY. Of course I've talked to plenty of crazy local women too, so I guess crazy can be everywhere
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Old 05-20-2013, 11:33 AM   #5
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^You know what's funny? Not haha-funny, but maybe funny-strange...Yard- work... Something about that particular word, turn of phrase. It just sounds like a bunch of bs. I mean, not to insult you, but I can, sort of, see why she didn't believe you. You tell someone you're coming to see them from hours away...and they bring-up "yard-work?!" It's like...huh?! It just, naturally, makes one skeptical. I dunno why.

And the thing is, today, guess what I'm about to do? A serious mother-lode of yardwork. And, no matter how much I get done today....I will still have more to do. That's the thing with the yardwork: It never seems to end! Summertime, the nice weather, everybody's having parties. To each invite I find myself, kind of, wondering: If it ends up being nice-out...that will mean I'll be setting myself back a serious day of yard-work. And, of course, I can't exactly tell people "Oh, well I have a lot of yard-work... Because, honestly, no one is going to accept that.

I mean, it's almost as if you're talking about..an imaginary friend. Or a Canadian girlfriend (or a just girl who goes to another school). People just don't understand.

But I do. I totally know where you're coming-from.
I want to have a long-distance relationship with this post.


This seems more like a "bitches be crazy!" thread than a serious long-distance relationships thread but I'll indulge the ostensible topic: yes, they work provided there's a definite point when the distance ends permanently. The longer you're apart the less likely it'll work out.

Notes:
-The chance of success decreases by at least 25% for every hour difference there is in time zone.
-If you're on separate continents fucking forget it - think of how hard it is following the Olympics when it's another continent and multiply that frustration times a thousand.
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Old 05-20-2013, 12:33 PM   #6
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Notes:
-The chance of success decreases by at least 25% for every hour difference there is in time zone.
-If you're on separate continents fucking forget it - think of how hard it is following the Olympics when it's another continent and multiply that frustration times a thousand.
Wow, according to this me and my partner are doomed. Then again, so are my mate and her bf who she is spending the whole summer with, apparently.
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Old 05-20-2013, 12:45 PM   #7
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Having done the different continent thing, I think the logistics of visiting can cause plenty of unnecessary stress. Who visits who? How often would it even be feasible? It's unavoidable that it'll be an expensive endeavor, which is never fun to deal with.

And while this may be a problem with all relationships, I feel it can be particularly salient for LDRs. Which is the fact that people naturally change over time and there's no way to predict how significant the change will be. Skype provides an awesome resource for keeping in touch personally, but when a relationship gets more serious, certain elements become more important. Like how someone lives day-to-day and little details that someone would pick up on when trying to live seriously together as a couple.

Still, I certainly wouldn't discourage trying if you find someone you really care about. It can be worth it just for the experience. Just acknowledge the limitations and possible problems that could come up, and try to work with it best as possible :3
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Old 05-20-2013, 01:18 PM   #8
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:30 PM   #9
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they're terrible ideas and they never work; source: your story.
Error: invalid source
It was my one and only LDR experience(so far). She was pretty volatile for a woman who described herself as submissive. I won't base an opinion off of just one experience though. After all loopy's doing good at it........maybe thats it!!!! Maybe I need to find a nice hockey loving Canadian chick
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:50 PM   #10
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Well two weeks before the date we agreed on she said she was gonna come down the next day, to which I told her no since I had yard work, work, and school registration to do that weekend...well she chose now to show her crazy side!
Actually, this has nothing to do with LDR - this is more about the inability to transfer a budding internet friendship into one IRL.
Coming on short notice is poor style .... but the excuse 'yard work' is also one no one wants to hear or will take all too seriously. especially in the important situation of meeting someone for the first time.
So it looks like the two of you just don't have matching prerequisites for a functioning relationship. It could've happened just as well if you only lived 20 miles apart.

More generally on LDR - much of what has been said is correct.

The bigger the distance, the shorter the time span is within which it'll work - unless time and funds available are ample.
Intercontinental is doable for about maximum 2 years, if both parties agree on it and work to finding a solution of overcoming it.

Mid-range LDR, like weekend commutes, can work almost indefinitely though. In my circle of friends there are two married couples who do that - one for by now 18, the other for 10 years (!).
Sometimes I even wonder whether these relationships would also work if they lived together full time - it's more like not having the daily grind is what keeps them together!
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Old 05-20-2013, 03:07 PM   #11
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Firstly i want to say i don't think all long distance relationships are doomed. I mean some have to work or else no one would even bother trying. I can see where some of the comments are coming from because there is only so long you can go without actually wanting the physical contact from someone and sadly there isn't a messaging service in the world that will fix that.

When i first spoke to a friend of mine about having a long distance relationship she pretty much ridiculed me for it. Her exact words were 'It's no different from having a crush on a celebrity because all they are is an image on a screen' . There were a lot of other catty comments but that's one of the ones that stuck out. That and the repeated comments that he was probably seeing other people online

I have just been through the whole long distance relationship thing. I say it was long distance it was a few hundred miles and we never met up because it was just something that had never come up. Then about two months ago we met up for the first time and things seemed great. After meeting a second time, everything changed and he totally lost interest in everything. He said that his feelings for me in the flesh were different to how he had felt online. We had been online together for two years i might add.
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Old 05-20-2013, 03:31 PM   #12
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Firstly i want to say i don't think all long distance relationships are doomed. I mean some have to work or else no one would even bother trying. I can see where some of the comments are coming from because there is only so long you can go without actually wanting the physical contact from someone and sadly there isn't a messaging service in the world that will fix that.

When i first spoke to a friend of mine about having a long distance relationship she pretty much ridiculed me for it. Her exact words were 'It's no different from having a crush on a celebrity because all they are is an image on a screen' . There were a lot of other catty comments but that's one of the ones that stuck out. That and the repeated comments that he was probably seeing other people online

I have just been through the whole long distance relationship thing. I say it was long distance it was a few hundred miles and we never met up because it was just something that had never come up. Then about two months ago we met up for the first time and things seemed great. After meeting a second time, everything changed and he totally lost interest in everything. He said that his feelings for me in the flesh were different to how he had felt online. We had been online together for two years i might add.
Yeah I think I've seen you post this particular experience in another thread. It could've been the thrill of the unknown, the mystery.

And to the others commenters: this was never intended to be a personal focus but a discussion on a broad dating topic. And as far as the "excuses" I gave: these were things I had planned ahead of time to do so they'd be out of the way for the original meeting time of two weeks later. I believe in a LDR, such things should on be rescheduled with advanced notice not at the last minute. That's the last I'll say on that experience because again this was intended as a broad discussion not a personal focus.
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Old 05-20-2013, 03:50 PM   #13
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Yeah I think I've seen you post this particular experience in another thread. It could've been the thrill of the unknown, the mystery.

And to the others commenters: this was never intended to be a personal focus but a discussion on a broad dating topic. And as far as the "excuses" I gave: these were things I had planned ahead of time to do so they'd be out of the way for the original meeting time of two weeks later. I believe in a LDR, such things should on be rescheduled with advanced notice not at the last minute. That's the last I'll say on that experience because again this was intended as a broad discussion not a personal focus.
Yes i did post the experience on another thread i thought it fitted here pretty well too. I can see both sides of the situation you were in because i know i hate to change plans like that. It was probably a little bit selfish of her to expect you to drop everything to accommodate her changing dates but maybe she was so excited about seeing you in the flesh that she thought making it sooner would have been an even bigger thrill for you. I'm guessing she was hoping your reaction would have been one of absolute joy that she had rescheduled to be with you sooner. Sorry i know you said that was your last word but i couldn't help reply
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:12 PM   #14
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Yes i did post the experience on another thread i thought it fitted here pretty well too. I can see both sides of the situation you were in because i know i hate to change plans like that. It was probably a little bit selfish of her to expect you to drop everything to accommodate her changing dates but maybe she was so excited about seeing you in the flesh that she thought making it sooner would have been an even bigger thrill for you. I'm guessing she was hoping your reaction would have been one of absolute joy that she had rescheduled to be with you sooner. Sorry i know you said that was your last word but i couldn't help reply
I completely agree. Which is why I tried to simply have her come down on our originally planned date, but then she pulled the "now or never" move not a big fan of that one..ok THAT'S the last I'm saying on my experience
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:38 PM   #15
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Wow, according to this me and my partner are doomed. Then again, so are my mate and her bf who she is spending the whole summer with, apparently.
Looks like.
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:31 PM   #16
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Looks like.
MY two cents here. I work (for another few days at least) at a job with an inflexible schedule. I then have to work other things around that job. I don't get personal time, and I get time off only when the employer chooses. Sometimes, I have a window of opportunity to do yard work or other tasks that is not flexible.

I don't know the specifics of the first poster's situation, and I am not in an LDR, but some people just don't have as much flexibility as others.
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:10 AM   #17
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Actually, this has nothing to do with LDR - this is more about the inability to transfer a budding internet friendship into one IRL.
I was thinking this as well. If you have only known somebody online for a couple of months before meeting them face to face then they aren't in a LDR with you, they are your friend, most likely. I have a fair few friends I've met online and then got to know in real life and without exception all of them have been awesome and exactly the way that I expected them to be. But then again I took the time and effort to really get to know them as people before I met up with them. I don't meet up with strangers or people I don't trust.

Now if only I could find a way to get to Canada...
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Old 05-21-2013, 02:40 AM   #18
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I was thinking this as well. If you have only known somebody online for a couple of months before meeting them face to face then they aren't in a LDR with you, they are your friend, most likely. I have a fair few friends I've met online and then got to know in real life and without exception all of them have been awesome and exactly the way that I expected them to be. But then again I took the time and effort to really get to know them as people before I met up with them. I don't meet up with strangers or people I don't trust.

Now if only I could find a way to get to Canada...
I just had a thought about your desire to find a way to Canada. Have you tried contacting the parcel and courier companies. Some of them often look for people who will travel all over the world to deliver a parcel. I think all you need is a passport. Could be worth a try and might get you there or your partner could try the same and that might get him to you.
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Old 05-21-2013, 05:14 AM   #19
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...I have a fair few friends I've met online and then got to know in real life and without exception all of them have been awesome and exactly the way that I expected them to be. But then again I took the time and effort to really get to know them as people before I met up with them. I don't meet up with strangers or people I don't trust...
There's something to be said for this, even when physically together, but especially long distance. While doing this doesn't make anything fail-proof, it does go a long way. Every (kind of) relationship has its serious challenges and, for some, a certain challenge is going to end up being a deal breaker, while for others it won't.

I don't sneer at a particular kind of relationship just because it's a particular kind of relationship. General statements like "I [don't] think LDRs can work" are difficult ones to make, because a relationship is such a complex thing and so unique from one to another, just like the human beings that create them.

So, while it's good to be well informed and take into account all the stories and opinions you can, ultimately, no one knows your own isolated situation better than you do and therefore no one is more equipped or better positioned to make that decision than you are. And unfortunately even the business of fortunetelling isn't iron clad. Ain't nothing to do with life but live it, I guess.
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Old 05-21-2013, 05:58 AM   #20
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I just had a thought about your desire to find a way to Canada. Have you tried contacting the parcel and courier companies. Some of them often look for people who will travel all over the world to deliver a parcel. I think all you need is a passport. Could be worth a try and might get you there or your partner could try the same and that might get him to you.
That is something that I have never thought of before I have to say! If I was ready at the moment to cope with a responsibility like that or to travel so far I might consider that! Do they pay for you to travel with the parcel then? I'd have to wonder how large/cumbersome the parcel must be to require somebody couriering it the whole time...
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Old 05-21-2013, 06:41 AM   #21
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I think that starting a relationship up long distance (and really getting to know each other well enough to know that it has a good chance of working) is the really hard part.

Maintaining an existing relationship long distance is absolutely a bit of extra challenge, but lots of things can add challenge to a relationship. If anything I almost feel like you need some challenge early on to find out how solid the relationship really is, and if both people are willing to put in the commitment and effort to make it work.

(then again, this is totally based on my personal experience--met my wife and uni and we dated for seven months, then a bit over two years of long distance (got together a weekend a month, with a couple of longer visits each year at holidays), before we were able to be together again. So I know how it worked out for us, but dynamics are different for each couple.
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Old 05-21-2013, 09:38 AM   #22
J34
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Default Yard Work?

I'm sorry but that yard work line just killed me. I'm a big Simpsons fans (classic 90s episodes) So here is one about the episode "Eight Misbehavin'", where Apu and his wife have eight kids. I fashioned my favorite quote from there into the "yard work" line you have

Apu: Yes, and what would I tell her? Yard Work? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) YARD WORK?! What the hell were you thinking? Yard work. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
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Old 05-21-2013, 09:51 AM   #23
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Gotta watch out for the crazies online. I too have experience with LDR's. I met a guy who had lived in Toronto for four years before returning to his home country...of Japan. Yes, I actually flew there to go see him, the thing was he only came to my hotel room on the weekend and couldn't come during the week. He had to work and I respected that since there were other things I wanted to do in Japan for the two weeks I was there so it was all good. But that is the other side of the planet so I know a thing or two about LDR's.
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Old 05-21-2013, 03:31 PM   #24
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Lightbulb Oh, hallelujah, our problems are solved - we have yard work

Quote:
Originally Posted by J34 View Post
I'm sorry but that yard work line just killed me. I'm a big Simpsons fans (classic 90s episodes) So here is one about the episode "Eight Misbehavin'", where Apu and his wife have eight kids. I fashioned my favorite quote from there into the "yard work" line you have

Apu: Yes, and what would I tell her? Yard Work? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) YARD WORK?! What the hell were you thinking? Yard work. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
I often try to trick people into saying "banana bread" just so I can quote this.
The original quote, of course.

Because it wouldn't really make sense for me to respond to a reference to banana bread with a rant about yard work....
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:23 PM   #25
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Long Distance Relationships never work. You need to be within groping distance at ALL TIMES.
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