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Old 05-21-2013, 07:54 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Sasquatch! View Post
Long Distance Relationships never work. You need to be within groping distance at ALL TIMES.
Yes that would be nice!

Seriously, long distance relationships can work if you have the resources to travel very frequently. I travel across five state sized California counties to go to work every Monday and return home on Friday. If you include wear and tear on my car I easily spend 15K a year traveling. This is a huge budget item that needs to be eliminated sooner rather than later.
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:49 AM   #27
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Long Distance Relationships never work. You need to be within groping distance at ALL TIMES.
I'm sure no lady can stay on her feet around you with sweeping statements such as these.
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:02 AM   #28
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I had yard work
In case it hasn't already been firmly established: you were the crazy one there. I'll bet you don't even have a yard.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:34 AM   #29
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The yard work excuse (cause that's what it was) is poor. If you really fu king like someone, yard work can wait a little while. I would've been pissed too!!
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Old 05-22-2013, 06:34 AM   #30
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I fucking love how every single person commenting did the same double-take when we came to the yard work line.




He's sitting in Missouri, and she's supposed to be visiting and he's in there talking about yard work. I mean, listen, he's talking about yard work: not a date, not a date, not a date, he's talking about yard work. Not a date. Not, not, not a date where they finally meet-up after all this time talking online. Not the date, but he's talking about yard work, man. I mean, how silly is that?

And he's talking about yard work. I know she's supposed to be there 2 weeks later. I know she's supposed to stick to the plan. I know that. And I'm not...I'm not shoving it aside, you know, like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I do. I honestly do.

But he's talking about yard work man. What is he talking about? Yard work? He's talking about yard work, man. He's talking about yard work. He's talking about yard work. He ain't talking about the date. He's talking about yard work, man. When she comes from Wisconsin, and she wants to see you, you hook up don't you? You give it everything you've got, right? But we're talking about yard work right now. We're talking about yard work.

BearHug2013 look, I hear you, it's funny to me too. I mean it's strange, it's strange to me too, but you're talking about yard work man, you're not even talking about meeting - the actual meeting - when it matters. You're talking about yard work..
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Old 05-22-2013, 06:39 AM   #31
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Youre never going to win this one boys. The yard work line is
equivalent to "I have to wash my hair" It means GO AWAY, even if he really was doing yardwork.
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Old 05-22-2013, 06:44 AM   #32
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The yard work excuse (cause that's what it was) is poor. If you really fu king like someone, yard work can wait a little while. I would've been pissed too!!
At first I read this as "If you really want to kung fu someone" and thought you were using kung fu as a euphemism for fucking which would be awesome.

In fact, I submit that "kung fu" now be acceptable as a synonym for 'to fuck'.
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Old 05-22-2013, 06:58 AM   #33
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Your disregard of the point of my last post means I have bested you. Good day.
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:14 AM   #34
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Nice AI reference Cobra Verde! I just did that same rant IRL on a co-worker.

As far as yard work goes, I'm in the camp of who the hell turns down guaranteed pu-, er sex for yard work? Before anyone chimes in dating there was no sex mentioned, c'mon man, who is gonna fly 3 or 4 states away on short notice and spend 5 or 6 hundred bucks to do so if they aren't planning to throw one on you?
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Old 05-22-2013, 08:32 AM   #35
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Nice AI reference Cobra Verde! I just did that same rant IRL on a co-worker.

As far as yard work goes, I'm in the camp of who the hell turns down guaranteed pu-, er sex for yard work? Before anyone chimes in dating there was no sex mentioned, c'mon man, who is gonna fly 3 or 4 states away on short notice and spend 5 or 6 hundred bucks to do so if they aren't planning to throw one on you?
Someone who doesn't want to have to pay a $300 state fine for not cutting it.
Which she knew I had already gotten a warning in the mail.
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Old 05-22-2013, 09:51 AM   #36
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Someone who doesn't want to have to pay a $300 state fine for not cutting it.
Which she knew I had already gotten a warning in the mail.
No excuse. She probably wouldve been perfectly happy watching you mow your ridiculous ($300? Really?) lawn.
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Old 05-22-2013, 10:26 AM   #37
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In my experience with an LDR, what is required is that you put the relationship itself as the highest priority--over what you want, what the other person wants, even what makes good long-term financial sense (so long as that doesn't get bad enough to hurt the relationship). The constant question, if you want it to thrive, is 'will this help the relationsip?' and if the answer is yes, it trumps almost anything.

Think of like trying to grow tomatoes in Alaska. Your only chance is to grab those plants every hour of sun possible, make sure to always protect from the cold, get them as much heat as you can, and see if artificial light can help fill in enough that you get to harvest something, eventually. Anything much less, and there isn't a lot of point in going through the motions, because they won't ever ripen.
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Old 05-22-2013, 12:27 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
I'm sure no lady can stay on her feet around you with sweeping statements such as these.
I'm sure there's a couple of women out there who can attest to this.

And yes, what's the problem with having her come and help with the yardwork? She turns up early, she has to expect stuff like that

"It'll be great to see you! I've got some yardwork I'm being forced to do, but if you lend me a hand with it I'll treat you to slap up meal as soon as we're done"

sounds better than

"Can't come round. I have yard work."
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:53 PM   #39
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Relationships have a high failure rate no matter the distance. If the two parties involved are compatible and put the requisite work in, then the chances of success are better. I've known people who entered into a LDR with zero financial resources to travel and it sucked the life out of them. That's not what starry-eyed romantics prefer to hear, but it's the truth. If your beloved/soulmate/desired pickle-tickler is 3500 miles away and you're chilling in Mom's basement or a student, well...that blows for both parties :/
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Old 05-23-2013, 11:41 PM   #40
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Personally I HATE LDR's! Its a HUGE part of why I first messaged Chicken Legs. When I saw her post on Dims and saw she was in same city it was just a no-brainer. I got lucky and we just hit it off and really enjoyed being together. I have heard story's of FFA's perving on big dudes eating but seeing her perv on me our fist time out really blew me away.

I just don't see it being the long lasting very real relationship its become if we could only have talked on the phone, email, and text. I have some great friendships I've made here on Dim's and such but nothing beats being able to hold and kiss someone you have feelings for.

Besides last time I was really in love in a LDR I'll just say this, dumbest move of my life and OMG did it hurt! You couldn't pay me to try to endure that again...ever.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:25 AM   #41
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I could totally do a LDR. My ideal relationship would be huge independence and contact when convenient. Sporadic contact. No contact. Pretty much being single.

Actually, being single is my ideal relationship. Oops. Although Sassy and I have been going for years now.
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:41 PM   #42
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I have been seeing a therapist for depression lately and we have been talking about my past and stuff. One of the things that came up was my last relationship. It wasn't exactly long distance but it was mainly internet based for two years. She spent two sessions trying to convince me that long distance relationships were fake and the same as having a school girl crush on a member of a boy band because in her words " all you are seeing is a picture on a screen". She also tried to say that i was more comfortable with a long distance relationship because i didn't want to be physical with someone and that i have intimacy issues. Some of the things we have spoke about have really helped me but the whole long distance relationship business has made me lose a little bit of faith in her. No matter what you say in defence of it she just finds another way to make out that it is just childish and very immature and that they can never work
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Old 07-23-2013, 05:43 PM   #43
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Actually, being single is my ideal relationship. Oops. Although Sassy and I have been going for years now.
Ssssssh!!!!!
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Old 07-23-2013, 05:46 PM   #44
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I've known people to have successful LDRs and of course someone or two will be trotting out here to extol their virtues, but I guess it depends on how one defines success. And distance.

Ex-spouse considered a two hour drive a LDR. We were married for ten years, six of which were sheer hell. Some might say, wellllll ten years....success, but not so.

Then there was the guy in Alabama who I didn't know who I mentioned 'pool' to and he said he'd start digging one out the moment I started driving. Then he disappeared. lol

Then the guy in Toronto. Brilliant. Don't know if I ever knew a more creative man. He spoke as if he wanted to meet and then.....nothing.

Then the guy on another continent, which was, unfortunately VERY public here. After two years of trying to convince me it would work, I believed him and at that very moment, he convinced himself it couldn't.

Now I met a guy who lives three hours away...but...from my now former home in PA. I'm currently in TX. Initially he thought long distance is driving outside of his gated community and I asked then why he was even bothering with me, in which case he reconsidered and said he'd meet me halfway, which ironically is the same city I used to work in. He was visibly relieved we picked a city. But he had his own house to put in order, so I took off for TX at least for a while. This time I made it long distance because I needed to put me first. He wouldn't take goodbye for an answer and expects me to return. I can't make any promises right now.

Are they worth it? There are a lot of factors, like what is rooting you where you are and can you unroot yourself? If not, can they relocate, because the relationship is ultimately doomed if someone won't budge. I would have relocated to another country, another continent, but wasn't asked. And that too is a factor. What are they willing to contribute? Do they want you to show up on their doorstep with a pizza and bottle of soda (or booze)? Who's doing all or most of the work? Do they communicate with you in some other way to get to know you, keep in touch with you, do the daily report kinda of thing? Do you talk about inane things? Is it more than a pixilated fantasy or is it the beginning of something real?

I've read 20% of all relationships now begin online. I haven't yet read any stats on ratio of relationship demises vs meeting in person but someone mentioned that they heard that someone else told them it's the same. And Thomas Jefferson said, 'Everything on the internet is true' so you can take that to the bank.

As long as it's in US currency or at least the exchange rate works in your favor.

PS--Yardwork. Really?
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Old 07-24-2013, 03:33 AM   #45
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I have been seeing a therapist for depression lately and we have been talking about my past and stuff. One of the things that came up was my last relationship. It wasn't exactly long distance but it was mainly internet based for two years. She spent two sessions trying to convince me that long distance relationships were fake and the same as having a school girl crush on a member of a boy band because in her words " all you are seeing is a picture on a screen". She also tried to say that i was more comfortable with a long distance relationship because i didn't want to be physical with someone and that i have intimacy issues. Some of the things we have spoke about have really helped me but the whole long distance relationship business has made me lose a little bit of faith in her. No matter what you say in defence of it she just finds another way to make out that it is just childish and very immature and that they can never work
Ooooh, that therapist makes me so angry for reasons that are obvious to anybody who has ever read any of my posts on here! The difference between a crush on a pop star and a long distance relationship is that you can talk to your partner and get to know them and do things for them and send them things and, well, be in a mutual fulfilling relationship.

My best friend has been in two long distance relationships for most of her life. The first was for about three years, with her living in England and him living in Korea. Her current relationship has been going for almost that long, with her living between England and China and him living in America. It took two years before they were able to meet each other in the flesh and this summer they are living together in America and she intends to move their and get married after her university course is finished. So it certainly can work.
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Old 07-24-2013, 05:28 AM   #46
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Do they want you to show up on their doorstep with a pizza and bottle of soda (or booze)? Who's doing all or most of the work? Do they communicate with you in some other way to get to know you, keep in touch with you, do the daily report kinda of thing? Do you talk about inane things? Is it more than a pixilated fantasy or is it the beginning of something real?

I can 105% relate to all of what CP said....is there anything *MORE* then convo on line/emails/texts....men dissappearing is CLASSIC (and I am sure the same is totally true for women!!)....is there anything MORE then a phantasy of something more...is he/she TRULY available....or just on THEIR TERMS...


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My best friend has been in two long distance relationships for most of her life. The first was for about three years, with her living in England and him living in Korea. Her current relationship has been going for almost that long, with her living between England and China and him living in America. It took two years before they were able to meet each other in the flesh and this summer they are living together in America and she intends to move their and get married after her university course is finished. So it certainly can work.

how long have they been living together ...and how far away is the marriage...those factors will be the litmus test....*IMHO*
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Old 07-24-2013, 08:07 AM   #47
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how long have they been living together ...and how far away is the marriage...those factors will be the litmus test....*IMHO*
They have only just started living together, as I said she is coming back to England to finish her degree in September. And as for getting married, it really isn't a big deal for her, him, me or a lot of people I know. *shrugs*

I've personally never understood why people are so dismissive or long distance relationships, actually. You find exactly the same type of people online as you find online. If you are attracted to the type of person who is flaky enough to just disappear or if you are a terrible judge of character like that then you will be online and in real life. I have met several people platonically from online and they have all been exactly the awesome people I knew they were before I met up with them. Hanging out with them in real life is just the same as hanging out online. For some of us the internet is an easier place to find relationships as well; I hate the idea of being in a relationship for the most part and somebody hanging around me all the time and fawning on me in real life would scare the hell out of me at first. The distance gave me the space I needed at first to realise that I didn't need any space at all.
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:33 AM   #48
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They have only just started living together, as I said she is coming back to England to finish her degree in September. And as for getting married, it really isn't a big deal for her, him, me or a lot of people I know. *shrugs*

I've personally never understood why people are so dismissive or long distance relationships, actually. You find exactly the same type of people online as you find online. If you are attracted to the type of person who is flaky enough to just disappear or if you are a terrible judge of character like that then you will be online and in real life. I have met several people platonically from online and they have all been exactly the awesome people I knew they were before I met up with them. Hanging out with them in real life is just the same as hanging out online. For some of us the internet is an easier place to find relationships as well; I hate the idea of being in a relationship for the most part and somebody hanging around me all the time and fawning on me in real life would scare the hell out of me at first. The distance gave me the space I needed at first to realise that I didn't need any space at all.
You know, I've always liked that your posts are always fleshed out and you explain yourself. It's never a "you're wrong" and that's it. For some reason though, and I understand what you wrote above is your opinion and you're free to have it, I feel like you're being a little dismissive about actual face to face interaction or a little elitist about Internet relationships. As if they're superior to any face to face goings on.

I'm sure that's not your intention, but after the last few posts its just the vibe I get.

Also, what do you mean getting married isn't that big of a deal? I'm just confused by this and didn't quite understand.

Hope you don't think I'm attacking you, just questioning and promoting civil conversation.
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Old 07-24-2013, 10:14 AM   #49
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I suppose how you feel about LDR might depend, too, on your priorities? I mean, if your over riding objective is to find the person with whom you'll get married, white-wash a picket fence, have kids with, and grow old with....that is probably going to give you a very different perspective than if your objective is find a meaningful connection right now that helps you grow as a person, or if you are looking for adventure and novelty, or if.....

And of course, most of us probably have a bias toward assuming that most other people are, or should, be seeking the same things as we are. (I certainly have been and frequently continue to be guilty in this way).

And what we think of when we hear the term 'long distance relationship' clearly varies a lot too, running the gamut from people who have never met in person to people who had an in-person relationship before one of them had to move some distance so now they see each other every second weekend, and from half a day's drive to half way around the planet.

I think a good chunk of the disagreements and talking past each other in this thread come from this sort of thing--assuming different objectives to the relationship and thinking about different types of relationship. (although of course there is still plenty of room for debate, even those items aside)

ETA: forgot to finish what I'd been meaning to say. I've always said my wife and had an LDR for a couple of years. However we'd dated in person for seven months before that started, and saw each other pretty much every month for at least a couple of days during that time....I'm thinking that these days that wouldn't even really get viewed as what some people think of as an LDR?
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Old 07-24-2013, 10:16 AM   #50
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I suppose how you feel about LDR might depend, too, on your priorities? I mean, if your over riding objective is to find the person with whom you'll get married, white-wash a picket fence, have kids with, and grow old with....that is probably going to give you a very different perspective than if your objective is find a meaningful connection right now that helps you grow as a person, or if you are looking for adventure and novelty, or if.....

And of course, most of us probably have a bias toward assuming that most other people are, or should, be seeking the same things as we are. (I certainly have been and frequently continue to be guilty in this way).

And what we think of when we hear the term 'long distance relationship' clearly varies a lot too, running the gamut from people who have never met in person to people who had an in-person relationship before one of them had to move some distance so now they see each other every second weekend, and from half a day's drive to half way around the planet.

I think a good chunk of the disagreements and talking past each other in this thread come from this sort of thing--assuming different objectives to the relationship and thinking about different types of relationship. (although of course there is still plenty of room for debate, even those items aside)

ETA: forgot to finish what I'd been meaning to say. I've always said my wife and had an LDR for a couple of years. However we'd dated in person for seven months before that started, and saw each other pretty much every month for at least a couple of days during that time....I'm thinking that these days that wouldn't even really get viewed as what some people think of as an LDR?
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