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Old 05-29-2013, 11:59 PM   #1
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Default skinny fa feeling pressured to gain

im a pretty skinny guy(37yrs old) at 125 @ 5'5... not by choice , being so skinny used to kill my self esteem , but as ive gotten older i've just accepted who i am... ive tried to gain weight but its extremely difficult ,,my heaviest was 132lbs a when i was 19 .. and that was thru lots and i mean A LOT of beer drinking and junk food.. thats when i was in the military,,,
i have always had a very weak appetite, get full very fast..
theres been times when i try to gain weight , gains are slow , but loss is rapid, i'll gain 5 pounds in two months of eating and eating , but then lose it in 2 or 3 days if i dont keep eating ,, because eating becomes a chore that i hate... im just not that into food.. i can gain weight thru junk food but it all goes to my belly ,, and to me a guy with a skinny arms and legs and a prego look just lloooks silly... id rather stay skinny (just my preference)

Ive always been attracted to thick women ,, but have always dated petite women because ive never had any luck with bbw ..i suppose its a combo of my height and weight

i ended up meeting a woman ,,, who is a bbw , and absolutly loves to eat, when i met her she weighed 190lbs @ 5'4... i did let her know from the begining that i always preffered thick girls as she was a little shy to meet because she thought i wouldnt be into a bigger girl,, after a few months she gained a little weight and started talking about going on a diet again because previous to us getting involved she used to weigh 230lbs but lost the weight

i then told her that for as long as we're together she doesnt need to worry about her weight , that i did notice her weight gain and loved it ,, and that she could eat as much as she wanted of what ever she wanted when ever she wanted..at first she thought i was just saying that to make her feel better but then little by little she realized that i was a "chubby chaser" as she likes to call me ..

and so she has , little by little she started eating what ever she wanted at whatever time she wanted..and i would encourage her , and made it clear what i wanted ... for her to gain weight ... and so she would tell me about how much she ate , and what a big peice of cake with a huge amount of ice cream she ate etc etc..... and i would tell her how much it turned me on,, then i told her about dimensions and another forum i visit at which point she realized what i was all about and really let loose on her eating ... although she warned "when i turn into a big cow remember, you asked for it " to which i reply "bring it baby".. she laughs

and she has gained quite a bit of weight, a very noticable amount of weight .. cant say how much because i havent weighed her, but noticable enough that she says she knows she has , i see it , and her friends have commented that it looks like shes gained all her weight back

i'm absolutly loving how beautiful she looks right now ,, and how she knows shes gained weight and is good with it all..

but its made me feel a bit small when im next to her,
suddenly i feel pressure (from myself) to gain some weight..because i feel so puny when im beside her ..

i also feel when whe walk hand in hand at the mall for example that people will think " what is she doing with that twig"..

im starting to feel like i'm in high school again when i used to be self conscious of my weight.. and i hate the feeling , the feeling of physical inadequecy

so ive stared to try to gain weight , trying to eat more .. drinking chocolate heavy cream milk shakes to put on a few lbs and will start lifting some weights.. been a while since a try to gain weight .. but maybe now that i'm older it will be a little easier?

we'll see ...
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Old 05-30-2013, 11:02 AM   #2
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Being a tall, slim guy (6'4" and about 165) I can totally relate. Maybe people would think I have an "edge" where your kind of problem is concerned because I've been quite a bit taller than my girlfriends and the size difference is masked a little more.

Nevertheless, there is still a feeling occasionally of physical inadequacy. I used to experience it more when I was a long, skinny teenager and my girlfriend at the time was 5'10" and over 320 lbs. What began to make the difference for me was working out like a beast all the time. At my biggest and strongest I was about 180 lbs - I'd put on over 50 lbs of muscle over the next 2-3 years. I didn't look big due to my height, but my shoulders and chest were much bigger and stronger, and my thin waist and hips only emphasized how strong I looked. People still saw me as tall and lean, but having a lot of strength and muscle... well the inadequacy was gone completely.

Your body simply doesn't have the fat content cellularly or metabolically, for you to gain fat mass. Take advantage of it and put those calories into building up your muscles with lots of high-intensity workouts. You might surprise yourself! I only weigh 165 but I can bench about 250 and I curl about 100 these days.

I could take the emotionally-holistic approach, but let's get real here. As guys, we're very visual and very tactile. Since you don't have the addition 11 inches of height to stretch body mass over like I do, even putting on 10-15 lbs of muscle will make a big difference in how you see yourself. The additional strength will give you confidence that you can handle a woman that size, and it will compliment her that you put effort into your body to look great and perform your best.
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:37 PM   #3
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I know I am not an FA and I hope this is OK to post and say on here...

Speaking from a fat woman's point of view, I like the contrast. I am learning to love it. I love my guy slender/athletic. Is it possible your girl does too? Have you asked her about it?

I totally understand the thoughts/fears of wondering how people view me next to mine but I had to work through that and say, I love my body and his and I love how they feel and look together.

Changing your body is of course your decision but maybe looking at it differently will make you appreciate what you have and not put that pressure on yourself.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:58 PM   #4
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Everyone has different preferences. Contrasts in height, weight, and composition are things people sometimes have interests in. If you are concerned, then ask her how she feels. It is your choice what you want to do, but it sounds like she is content with the way things are going, who you are, and what you look like.
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:26 PM   #5
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So I'll throw in the emotionally-holistic approach I made reference to at the end of my post, since others seem to be trending that way and I don't want to leave my thought half-spoken.

It's perfectly fine if you can adjust your attitude toward your own body and if your girlfriend's perspective/opinion on how you look and how she feels about your body will make a difference. That's wonderful, and I'm all for it if that happens. If you're 37 though and re-experiencing the kind of issues you had in high school... I offered what I felt was the more empowering and reliable solution first.

I will quote many members of this board over many years, and restate that your satisfaction with your body should not be dependent on the approval of your partner. You should be happy with yourself, and happy by yourself if it came to that. Whether it happens by setting a realistic goal and personally achieving it, or by transforming your perspective to quell your insecurities (which, by the way, are a MAJOR thing to put out on a public forum, so kudos to you, my friend), that is really the goal: your personal satisfaction with who you are and how you are. You.
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:30 AM   #6
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Don't worry! My wife weighs approximately 2 times what I weigh. And, every time we tell somebody that we met on a dating site for fat people they wonder about what did a slim guy looking for on such a site: But you (Blockie) are not fat?
Honestly, such questions are a turn on for me. It's freeing. *lol*
Some people will never realize that fat can be attractive.
So, don't worry, thin and fat is the perfect fit.
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Old 06-02-2013, 10:04 PM   #7
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Thanks to all who took the time to respond.

I have been making an effort to eat more and have gained 2lbs in the past two weeks, have just started to work out hopefully put on some muscle as well.

@ extinctor,, I wouldn't say my state of mind is exactly as in h.s.,, just thatim suddenly morself concious of how skinny I am,, its always bothereed me , but as I've gotten older I've accepted I am who I am and no amount of wishing I were built differently is going to change that, and that while I'm not built like the guy the women chase I've had my fair share of relatjionships so hey ,, I can't be that bad

I've spoken to her about how I wish I were a bit bigger , but never mentioned that it has to do with her getting bigger, because I don't want her to think that its my way of saying she's too big,, she's just gotten to the point where she believes me when I say I like the weight gain,,, anyway , her response was that I should try lifting weights

I suppose a lot of it has to do with male ego, I've been led to believe that women want a big strong man in one way or another and our size differrence has (in my mind) put a spotlight and how small I am

I am confident that she will love me if I stay as I am,,
But as I am standing next to a woman who's a little over 200lbs (almost twice me) doesn't help my confidence as a man.
Make sense??

I will continue with the weight gain plan and wieght liifting hopefully I can continue togain weight and confidence
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Old 06-02-2013, 11:07 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by ranterc View Post
@ extinctor,, I wouldn't say my state of mind is exactly as in h.s.,, just thatim suddenly morself concious of how skinny I am,, its always bothereed me , but as I've gotten older I've accepted I am who I am and no amount of wishing I were built differently is going to change that, and that while I'm not built like the guy the women chase I've had my fair share of relatjionships so hey ,, I can't be that bad

I've spoken to her about how I wish I were a bit bigger , but never mentioned that it has to do with her getting bigger, because I don't want her to think that its my way of saying she's too big,, she's just gotten to the point where she believes me when I say I like the weight gain,,, anyway , her response was that I should try lifting weights
It makes perfect sense, bro. And I perfectly understand how there's that balance of "I'm in a great relationship, so long as she is happy with me who cares what anyone else thinks?" and then feeling self-conscious in the less-confident moments. It's a struggle.

My recommendation is to go to her for partnership as you pursue this. Clarify for her that you want to put the best you forward in your relationship, and I would put it that you want to look a way she "can be extra-proud to show off" the way you're so proud and happy with the way she looks. You won't be saying it's because of her weight gain that you're feeling bad about yourself, but you will be opening up to include her, and maybe she'll become a source of encouragement to you. By that I mean you may work out for a month or so, put on 5 lbs of muscle, and she might be like "Wow what a big strong man I have!" knowing full well that you want her honest support. I think that alone coming from your woman might do wonders for your male ego. Also it won't feel like you need to internalize so much. Not that I know how the exact dynamic is between you two, but that's my advice how to make the path you're taking easier and more fun.
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Old 10-03-2013, 06:43 PM   #9
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I'm slim and tall and my ex-wife was plumper and then after marriage gained some pounds (from 180lbs to 230) and never I had some need to gain for myself. No problem at all.
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:43 PM   #10
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No problem for me either. 6 foot and 160.
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Old 10-16-2013, 05:15 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by ranterc View Post
...i also feel when whe walk hand in hand at the mall for example that people will think " what is she doing with that twig"...
I realize this is much, much, much easier said than done, but: I wouldn't worry about people thinking that. By and large, most people won't care. Really. The overwhelming majority of people have better things to do than worry about what you personally look like. There are always going to be some folks who are jerks, but most people don't walk around judging and criticizing every person they walk past.

Anyway, what you're dealing with is what a lot of fat people deal with, but in the opposite direction: instead of feeling like you're "too fat," you feel "too skinny". Honestly, it's not that much different of an experience; you're going through a lot of the same feelings.

You can try to change your body to be different than how it has been for the past four decades, or you can try and learn to accept it for what it is: wholly and unabashedly you. The choice is entirely yours, and I'm sure you'll find the wonderful community here will support you regardless of what you choose. A lot of the folks here have been there. Just don't discredit the possibility that you might learn to love your current figure and build.
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Old 10-16-2013, 10:34 AM   #12
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Personally, I love slender men. I am not physically attracted to big guys, and therefore choose men much smaller than myself. At 5'6 and 470 pounds, I have never dated anyone over 160 pounds. Everyone has their own preferences...no need to worry (or care) what others think.

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Old 10-17-2013, 08:22 PM   #13
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I prefer big guys but my current bf is very thin and I don't care, I love him for who he is. A big part of it is that he unashamedly prefers fat women and really does not care what people think.
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